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Item #: SCP-7-J

Object class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7-J is to be kept in a waffles-lined containment chamber located in Buckingham Palace, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 KYM moderators armed with paper bags.

In the event that SCP-7-J ever begins blogging its gallbladder, RandomMan is to greet SCP-7-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Omicron-7 (''Gravity Falls'') is to be dispatched to SCP-7-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-7-J is a bodacious majestic møøse. Like most members of its species, it is able to track baseball, and regularly eats twice its own weight in waffles each day.

SCP-7-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with doormat, which causes it to turn into modem. Whenever this happens, all guitars within a 42 kilometer radius will begin to strengthen uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Nikola Tesla. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-7-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-7-J was first located in Bumblyburg where the Minnesota Vikings were using it in order to kill that blasted hedgehog. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Omicron-7 (''Gravity Falls'') was able to recover the object with only 87539319 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 7-1

Dr. Fegelein: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Fegelein, and I am about to test SCP-7's reaction to chair. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Champion?

Dr. Champion: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Fegelein: Excellent! I am now introducing the chair to 7… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Champion: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Fegelein: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN EPIGLOTTIS! IT'S GOT MEIN EPIGLOTTIS! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 7-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█

Filled all boxes with "lel"
Here is the result:

Item #: SCP-lel-J

Object Class: lel

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-lel-J is to be kept in a lel-lined containment chamber located in lel, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than lel lel armed with lel.

In the event that SCP-lel-J ever begins lel its lel, lel is to lel SCP-lel-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force lel-7 (''lel'') is to be dispatched to SCP-lel-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-lel-J is a lel lel. Like most members of its species, it is able to lel, and regularly eats twice its own weight in lel each day.

SCP-lel-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with lel, which causes it to turn into lel. Whenever this happens, all lel within a lel kilometer radius will begin to lel uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to lel. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-lel-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-lel-J was first located in lel where the lel were using it in order to lel. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force lel-7 (''lel'') was able to recover the object with only lel civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log lel-1

Dr. lel: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr lel, and I am about to test SCP-lel's reaction to lel. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr lel?

Dr. lel: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. lel: Excellent! I am now introducing the lel to lel… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. lel: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

lel: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN lel! IT'S GOT MEIN lel! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident lel-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█

IT HAD TO BE DONE

Item #: SCP-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-J

Object Class: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-J is to be kept in a ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-lined containment chamber located in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)s armed with ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

In the event that SCP-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-J ever begins ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) its ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) is to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) SCP-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-7 (''JOHN MADDEN'') is to be dispatched to SCP-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-J is a JOHN MADDEN ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Like most members of its species, it is able to JOHN MADDEN, and regularly eats twice its own weight in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) each day.

SCP-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), which causes it to turn into ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Whenever this happens, all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) within a 96( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) kilometer radius will begin to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to JOHN MADDEN. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-J was first located in ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) where the JOHN MADDEN were using it in order to John all of the Maddens. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-7 (''JOHN MADDEN'') was able to recover the object with only NINE THOUSAND AND EIGHTY TWO civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-1

Dr. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), and I am about to test SCP-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)'s reaction to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)?
Dr. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): Excellent! I am now introducing the ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°): Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)! IT'S GOT MEIN ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█

Item #: SCP-4-J

Object Class: eulicid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-4-J is to be kept in a weed-lined containment chamber located in ur mom, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 150 teachers armed with nails.

In the event that SCP-4-J ever begins looking its hand, Amanda B is to walking SCP-4-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force alpha-7 (''Workaholics'') is to be dispatched to SCP-4-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-4-J is a red doge. Like most members of its species, it is able to jumping swimmer, and regularly eats twice its own weight in weed each day.

SCP-4-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with shits, which causes it to turn into rhino. Whenever this happens, all shoes within a 3 kilometer radius will begin to talking uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Justin Bieber. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-4-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-4-J was first located in Buttsville where the New England Patriots were using it in order to eat shit and die. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force alpha-7 (''Workaholics'') was able to recover the object with only 1000000000000000000 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 4-1

Dr. Akkerman: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Akkerman, and I am about to test SCP-4's reaction to cow. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Bub?
Dr. Bub: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Akkerman: Excellent! I am now introducing the cow to 4… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Bub: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Akkerman: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN penis! IT'S GOT MEIN penis! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 4-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█

I remember doing this before.

Item #: SCP-PINGAS-J

Object Class: PINGAS

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-PINGAS-J is to be kept in a PINGAS-lined containment chamber located in PINGAS, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than PINGAS PINGAS armed with PINGAS.

In the event that SCP-PINGAS-J ever begins PINGAS its PINGAS, PINGAS is to PINGAS SCP-PINGAS-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force PINGAS-7 (''PINGAS'') is to be dispatched to SCP-PINGAS-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-PINGAS-J is a PINGAS PINGAS. Like most members of its species, it is able to PINGAS, and regularly eats twice its own weight in PINGAS each day.

SCP-PINGAS-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with PINGAS, which causes it to turn into PINGAS. Whenever this happens, all PINGAS within a PINGAS kilometer radius will begin to PINGAS uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to PINGAS. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-PINGAS-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-PINGAS-J was first located in PINGAS where the PINGAS were using it in order to PINGAS. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force PINGAS-7 (''PINGAS'') was able to recover the object with only PINGAS civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log PINGAS-1

Dr. PINGAS: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr PINGAS, and I am about to test SCP-PINGAS's reaction to PINGAS. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr PINGAS?
Dr. PINGAS: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. PINGAS: Excellent! I am now introducing the PINGAS to PINGAS… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. PINGAS: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

PINGAS: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN PINGAS! IT'S GOT MEIN PINGAS! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident PINGAS-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█

I was just putting words for this one.

tem #: SCP-3-J

Object Class: keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3-J is to be kept in a pizza-lined containment chamber located in Area 51, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 3 Occultist armed with Hookers.

In the event that SCP-3-J ever begins Fucking its brain, Dr. Clef is to studies SCP-3-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force omega-7 (''Supernatural'') is to be dispatched to SCP-3-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-3-J is a something horrible Crow. Like most members of its species, it is able to chant, and regularly eats twice its own weight in pizza each day.

SCP-3-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Romania , which causes it to turn into end. Whenever this happens, all another within a 6 kilometer radius will begin to enjoys uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Nikola Tesla. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-3-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-3-J was first located in Night Vale where the New York Jets were using it in order to destroy all of reality . Thankfully, Mobile Task Force omega-7 (''Supernatural'') was able to recover the object with only 33 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 3-1

Dr. Schneider: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Schneider, and I am about to test SCP-3's reaction to philosopher. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Creepypasta?
Dr. Creepypasta: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Schneider: Excellent! I am now introducing the philosopher to 3… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Creepypasta: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Schneider: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN heart! IT'S GOT MEIN heart! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 3-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█

CLASSIFIED BY ORDER OF O5-█

Item #: SCP-7-J

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-7-J is to be kept in a Cheetos-lined containment chamber located in My closet , where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 Medics armed with Disposable cups.

In the event that SCP-7-J ever begins Sprinting its Pinkie , Dr.████ is to Spin SCP-7-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''MLP:FIM'') is to be dispatched to SCP-7-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-7-J is a Euphoric Ape. Like most members of its species, it is able to Scratch and hair, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Cheetos each day.

SCP-7-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Things , which causes it to turn into Chair. Whenever this happens, all Glasses within a 8 kilometer radius will begin to Fall uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Obama. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-7-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-7-J was first located in Townsville where the Eagles were using it in order to Become god of the new world. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''MLP:FIM'') was able to recover the object with only 524 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 7-1

Dr. Bob: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Bob, and I am about to test SCP-7's reaction to Wood. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr [DATA EXPUNGED] ?
Dr. [DATA EXPUNGED] : Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Bob: Excellent! I am now introducing the Wood to 7… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. [DATA EXPUNGED] : Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Bob: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN Nipple! IT'S GOT MEIN Nipple! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 7-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█

Item #: SCP-3-J

Object Class: Keter as fuck

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3-J is to be kept in a bacon-lined containment chamber located in my butt, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 100 fagets armed with the game.

In the event that SCP-3-J ever begins snooping its FACE, RandomMan is to shit at SCP-3-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Zeta-7 (''Gravity Falls'') is to be dispatched to SCP-3-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-3-J is a KYM entry moderator. Like most members of its species, it is able to confirm memes, and regularly eats twice its own weight in bacon each day.

SCP-3-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with batman, which causes it to turn into spiderman. Whenever this happens, all boners within a 6 kilometer radius will begin to explode uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Nicolas Cage. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-3-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-3-J was first located in my toilet where the Anonymous were using it in order to fap. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Zeta-7 (''Gravity Falls'') was able to recover the object with only 999999 civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 3-1

Dr. Hitler: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Hitler, and I am about to test SCP-3's reaction to pizza. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr batman?
Dr. batman: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Hitler: Excellent! I am now introducing the pizza to 3… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. batman: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Hitler: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN BALLS! IT'S GOT MEIN BALLS! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 3-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█

Item #: SCP-Nigger-J

Object Class: Enochian

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-Nigger-J is to be kept in a Watermelon-lined containment chamber located in Prison, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than Nigger Nigger armed with Slaves.

In the event that SCP-Nigger-J ever begins Niggering its Lips, Dr. Nigger is to Niggardly SCP-Nigger-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Nigger-7 (''Breaking Nigger'') is to be dispatched to SCP-Nigger-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-Nigger-J is a Niggerlike Nigger. Like most members of its species, it is able to Niggering Nigger, and regularly eats twice its own weight in Watermelon each day.

SCP-Nigger-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with Niggers, which causes it to turn into Nigger. Whenever this happens, all Niggers within a Nigger kilometer radius will begin to NigNoged uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Obama. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-Nigger-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-Nigger-J was first located in Niggerville where the Niggers were using it in order to Enslave the White Man. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Nigger-7 (''Breaking Nigger'') was able to recover the object with only Nigger civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log Nigger-1

Dr. Niggicus: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Niggicus, and I am about to test SCP-Nigger's reaction to [REDACTED]. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Nigger?
Dr. Nigger: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Niggicus: Excellent! I am now introducing the [REDACTED] to Nigger… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Nigger: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Niggicus: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN Dick! IT'S GOT MEIN Dick! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident Nigger-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. – O5-█

oh, god, i'm going to hell for this.

scp-penguin-j

item class: KETER NOW FEEL ITS POWER

scp-penguin-j is to be kept in the center of the earth where it'll cause the end of the world some day

scp-penguin-j is a huge penguin that lives in the center of the earth where it'll end the world some day

it's farts are so strong that it causes earth quakes

I edited some things. may be nsfw(I don't know how to do the tab thing).

Item #: SCP-3-J

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-3-J is to be kept in a pizza-lined containment chamber located in Site 19, where it is to be guarded at all times by no less than 2 women armed with strap-ons.

In the event that SCP-3-J ever begins fingering its vagina, Dr. Bright is to fuck SCP-3-J until it ceases its behavior. In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''Doctor Who'') is to be dispatched to SCP-3-J's last known location.

Description: SCP-3-J is a sexy human female. Like most members of its species, it is able to have sex, and regularly eats twice its own weight in pizza each day.

SCP-3-J's unusual properties manifest whenever it comes in contact with porn, which causes it to turn horny. Whenever this happens, all men within a 2 kilometer radius will begin to fuck her uncontrollably, usually leading to civilian casualties.

In addition, many researchers feel it has an uncanny resemblance to Jessica Nigiri. Whether or not this is at all related to SCP-3-J's anomalous properties is unknown at this time.

Recovery Log: SCP-3-J was first located in Dadsville where the dads were using it in order to have sex with her. Thankfully, Mobile Task Force Alpha-7 (''Doctor Who'') was able to recover the object with only 100,000,000 (aka all) civilian casualties.

Addendum: Test Log 3-1

Dr. Hitler: Ello? Ello? Is zhis thing on? Ach, good. Zhis is Docktorr Hitler, and I am about to test SCP-3's reaction to sex. Are you ready to proceed, Docktorr Who?
Dr. Who: Yes sir, ready to begin test.

Dr. Hitler: Excellent! I am now introducing the sex to 3… hmm, zhe subject seems to have already figured out zhe test material.

Dr. Who: Making a note; 'subject shows high capacity for learning'.

Hitler: Now zhe subject is lookink right at me, almost as if it… MEIN GOTT! MEIN PENIS! IT'S GOT MEIN PENIS! OH ZHE AGONY! ZHE AGONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!

END LOG

In light of incident 3-J-1, testing has been increased. – O5-█

FAIL