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Swords

Why won't swords go obsolete? They are cutting edge technology.

Why won't swords go obsolete? They are cutting edge technology.

Bros

The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week Well it's not a law it's a mandate

The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week Well it's not a law it's a mandate

men friends mayor

Ladyfingers

Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is? Mentos.

Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is? Mentos.

Check In

I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Window or aisle?" I laughed in her face and replied, "Window or you'll what?"

I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Window or aisle?" I laughed in her face and replied, "Window or you'll what?"

Cows

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?" I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?" I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

Equality

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

Everest

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied, "No..." "It's to look at."

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied, "No..." "It's to look at."

mountain climbing son

Boss

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days I said it must be my weekend immune system

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days I said it must be my weekend immune system

work weekend sick

Adderall

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta Now it's a Ford Focus

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta Now it's a Ford Focus

ford fiesta cars

Knot

[NSFW] When I was little, I discovered I had the uncanny talent of being able to eat two separate pieces of rope, and then later when I pooped them out, they would be tied together. nsfw I s--- you knot.

[NSFW] When I was little, I discovered I had the uncanny talent of being able to eat two separate pieces of rope, and then later when I pooped them out, they would be tied together. nsfw I s--- you knot.

Carpenter

Did you hear about the blind carpenter? He picked up the hammer and saw. (my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)

Did you hear about the blind carpenter? He picked up the hammer and saw. (my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)

Flowers

My wife's mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers I honestly didn't even know she sold flowers

My wife's mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers I honestly didn't even know she sold flowers

wife florist gift

The horror...of dad

I walked into the kitchen yesterday and I said to my dad hey I'm hungry and my Nickslodeo dad said hi hungry l'm dead DADS JOKE SURVIVORS Nickelc Well, we were having dinner, and Dad had spilled his peas on the table. He looks right at me and said, oh no, I have just peed on the table. FATHERS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY TELL HUNDREDS OF TERRIBLE DAD JOKES. THE CONSEQUENCES CAN BE DEVASTATING. Dad asks me, have you heard about the new movie constipation ? I was all like, what? No. And he said, it never came out. Who even calls a movie constipation? ISAAC NOW HATES THE FILM INDUSTRY My Dad and I, we were going past the aquarium, and he said to me... How many tickles does it take to make and octopus laugh? And he said ten tickles, like what? Ahhh, tentacles. ABBEY IS NOW SCARED OF AQUARIUMS Hey Dad! Can you make me a sandwich? Guy: And what did Dad say Abracadabra, you are a sandwich. HOLLY HAS AN IDENTITY CRISIS DAD JOKES THEY'RE NOTHING TO LAUGH ABOUT I guess I am a sandwich. VIA 9GAG. COM

I walked into the kitchen yesterday and I said to my dad hey I'm hungry and my Nickslodeo dad said hi hungry l'm dead DADS JOKE SURVIVORS Nickelc Well, we were having dinner, and Dad had spilled his peas on the table. He looks right at me and said, oh no, I have just peed on the table. FATHERS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY TELL HUNDREDS OF TERRIBLE DAD JOKES. THE CONSEQUENCES CAN BE DEVASTATING. Dad asks me, have you heard about the new movie constipation ? I was all like, what? No. And he said, it never came out. Who even calls a movie constipation? ISAAC NOW HATES THE FILM INDUSTRY My Dad and I, we were going past the aquarium, and he said to me... How many tickles does it take to make and octopus laugh? And he said ten tickles, like what? Ahhh, tentacles. ABBEY IS NOW SCARED OF AQUARIUMS Hey Dad! Can you make me a sandwich? Guy: And what did Dad say Abracadabra, you are a sandwich. HOLLY HAS AN IDENTITY CRISIS DAD JOKES THEY'RE NOTHING TO LAUGH ABOUT I guess I am a sandwich. VIA 9GAG. COM

dad joke meme tagme addnote horror

joking

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking, but he is.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking, but he is.

stephen king joe king joking

took a awhile

r/dadjokes Posted by u/dgardner1398 • 9h What do you call a mouse that swears? Wholesome A cursor 1 2.0k 33 A Share * BEST COMMENTS - jojabean • 3h Took awhile for that to click Reply 1 303 +

r/dadjokes Posted by u/dgardner1398 • 9h What do you call a mouse that swears? Wholesome A cursor 1 2.0k 33 A Share * BEST COMMENTS - jojabean • 3h Took awhile for that to click Reply 1 303 +

cursor mouse click /r/therealjoke

fractions and decimals

$r/dadjokes u/FinalCaveat • 12h I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals. Wholesome It's pointless. 5.9k 87 1 Share BEST COMMENTS SkettiSammich • 11h S 2 Awards Well, look. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or else people will think you're being irrational. But that is beside the point. Reply 1 1.5k$

$r/dadjokes u/FinalCaveat • 12h I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals. Wholesome It's pointless. 5.9k 87 1 Share BEST COMMENTS SkettiSammich • 11h S 2 Awards Well, look. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or else people will think you're being irrational. But that is beside the point. Reply 1 1.5k$

decimals math fraction /r/therealjoke

Big Apple

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the... Minneapolis.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the... Minneapolis.

new york big apple mini apple minneapolis #memecheckpoint

See You Next Year

Dads on the 31st of December at 11:59pm See you in a Decade

Dads on the 31st of December at 11:59pm See you in a Decade

decade dads marvel black widow /r/memes

Dad, I'm Gay

mom, dad. ..im gay www.DRAWTISM.COM don't you f------ dare clench HI GAY.. M DAD edraw tism omfg lol

mom, dad. ..im gay www.DRAWTISM.COM don't you f------ dare clench HI GAY.. M DAD edraw tism omfg lol

drawtism comic dad jokes hi dad

Cashier that gets tipped: "hahajdjhas good one sir"

THE DAD The Dad @thedad Follow Dads love saying "guess it's free then" if a cashier has trouble scanning an item d

THE DAD The Dad @thedad Follow Dads love saying "guess it's free then" if a cashier has trouble scanning an item d

cashier store shop dad-ism free unfunny