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Finger

Broke ny finger today On the other hand i am ok
Broke ny finger today On the other hand i am ok

Dad Jokes
broken hand

Haircuts

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue

Dad Jokes
barber haircut men

Faults

My wife tells me I have 2 major faults, I don't listen - and something else.
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults, I don't listen - and something else.

Dad Jokes
wife memory

Weightlifter

My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough. He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough. He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.

Dad Jokes
lifting gym brother

Swords

Why won't swords go obsolete? They are cutting edge technology.
Why won't swords go obsolete? They are cutting edge technology.

Dad Jokes
technology

Bros

The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week Well it's not a law it's a mandate
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week Well it's not a law it's a mandate

Dad Jokes
men friends mayor

Ladyfingers

Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is? Mentos.
Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is? Mentos.

Dad Jokes
men candy

Check In

I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Window or aisle?" I laughed in her face and replied, "Window or you'll what?"
I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Window or aisle?" I laughed in her face and replied, "Window or you'll what?"

Dad Jokes
airline threat

Cows

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?" I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?" I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

Dad Jokes
farm daughter

Equality

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

Dad Jokes
bros science

Everest

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied, "No..." "It's to look at."
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?" I replied, "No..." "It's to look at."

Dad Jokes
mountain climbing son

Boss

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days I said it must be my weekend immune system
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days I said it must be my weekend immune system

Dad Jokes
work weekend sick

Adderall

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta Now it's a Ford Focus
I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta Now it's a Ford Focus

Dad Jokes
ford fiesta cars

Knot

[NSFW] When I was little, I discovered I had the uncanny talent of being able to eat two separate pieces of rope, and then later when I pooped them out, they would be tied together. nsfw I s--- you knot.
[NSFW] When I was little, I discovered I had the uncanny talent of being able to eat two separate pieces of rope, and then later when I pooped them out, they would be tied together. nsfw I s--- you knot.

Dad Jokes
poop talent

Carpenter

Did you hear about the blind carpenter? He picked up the hammer and saw. (my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)
Did you hear about the blind carpenter? He picked up the hammer and saw. (my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)

Dad Jokes
blindness

Flowers

My wife's mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers I honestly didn't even know she sold flowers
My wife's mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers I honestly didn't even know she sold flowers

Dad Jokes
wife florist gift

The horror...of dad

I walked into the kitchen yesterday and I said to my dad hey I'm hungry and my Nickslodeo dad said hi hungry l'm dead DADS JOKE SURVIVORS Nickelc Well, we were having dinner, and Dad had spilled his peas on the table. He looks right at me and said, oh no, I have just peed on the table. FATHERS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY TELL HUNDREDS OF TERRIBLE DAD JOKES. THE CONSEQUENCES CAN BE DEVASTATING. Dad asks me, have you heard about the new movie constipation ? I was all like, what? No. And he said, it never came out. Who even calls a movie constipation? ISAAC NOW HATES THE FILM INDUSTRY My Dad and I, we were going past the aquarium, and he said to me... How many tickles does it take to make and octopus laugh? And he said ten tickles, like what? Ahhh, tentacles. ABBEY IS NOW SCARED OF AQUARIUMS Hey Dad! Can you make me a sandwich? Guy: And what did Dad say Abracadabra, you are a sandwich. HOLLY HAS AN IDENTITY CRISIS DAD JOKES THEY'RE NOTHING TO LAUGH ABOUT I guess I am a sandwich. VIA 9GAG. COM
I walked into the kitchen yesterday and I said to my dad hey I'm hungry and my Nickslodeo dad said hi hungry l'm dead DADS JOKE SURVIVORS Nickelc Well, we were having dinner, and Dad had spilled his peas on the table. He looks right at me and said, oh no, I have just peed on the table. FATHERS ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY TELL HUNDREDS OF TERRIBLE DAD JOKES. THE CONSEQUENCES CAN BE DEVASTATING. Dad asks me, have you heard about the new movie constipation ? I was all like, what? No. And he said, it never came out. Who even calls a movie constipation? ISAAC NOW HATES THE FILM INDUSTRY My Dad and I, we were going past the aquarium, and he said to me... How many tickles does it take to make and octopus laugh? And he said ten tickles, like what? Ahhh, tentacles. ABBEY IS NOW SCARED OF AQUARIUMS Hey Dad! Can you make me a sandwich? Guy: And what did Dad say Abracadabra, you are a sandwich. HOLLY HAS AN IDENTITY CRISIS DAD JOKES THEY'RE NOTHING TO LAUGH ABOUT I guess I am a sandwich. VIA 9GAG. COM

Dad Jokes
dad joke meme tagme addnote horror

joking

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking, but he is.
Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Stephen King has a son named Joe. I'm not joking, but he is.

Dad Jokes
stephen king joe king joking

took a awhile

r/dadjokes Posted by u/dgardner1398 • 9h What do you call a mouse that swears? Wholesome A cursor 1 2.0k 33 A Share * BEST COMMENTS - jojabean • 3h Took awhile for that to click Reply 1 303 +
r/dadjokes Posted by u/dgardner1398 • 9h What do you call a mouse that swears? Wholesome A cursor 1 2.0k 33 A Share * BEST COMMENTS - jojabean • 3h Took awhile for that to click Reply 1 303 +

Dad Jokes
cursor mouse click /r/therealjoke

fractions and decimals

r/dadjokes u/FinalCaveat • 12h I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals. Wholesome It's pointless. 5.9k 87 1 Share BEST COMMENTS SkettiSammich • 11h S 2 Awards Well, look. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or else people will think you're being irrational. But that is beside the point. Reply 1 1.5k
r/dadjokes u/FinalCaveat • 12h I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals. Wholesome It's pointless. 5.9k 87 1 Share BEST COMMENTS SkettiSammich • 11h S 2 Awards Well, look. You gotta draw the line somewhere, or else people will think you're being irrational. But that is beside the point. Reply 1 1.5k

Dad Jokes
decimals math fraction /r/therealjoke