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Van Accelerate

My dad just sent me this... Van stop Van clutch

My dad just sent me this... Van stop Van clutch

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Sure

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Horse walks into a bar. Bartender: Hey. Horse: Sure.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Horse walks into a bar. Bartender: Hey. Horse: Sure.

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Velociraptor screams

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My son made the mistake of telling me I was being overdramatic so I just changed the WiFi password. We'll see who's overdramatic in about 5 minutes.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My son made the mistake of telling me I was being overdramatic so I just changed the WiFi password. We'll see who's overdramatic in about 5 minutes.

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Simple mistake

I hired a kid to paint my porch. When he came back to get paid, he said, "By the way, that was a BMW, not a Porsche."

I hired a kid to paint my porch. When he came back to get paid, he said, "By the way, that was a BMW, not a Porsche."

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Get out!

Hey, how are you? I'm fine thank you. QuadSays Jokes Alright then, get out.

Hey, how are you? I'm fine thank you. QuadSays Jokes Alright then, get out.

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Star Wars pizza joke

Alright I may have messed up on the pizza but I think I've saved it

Alright I may have messed up on the pizza but I think I've saved it

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Terrified couch

That poor couch looks terrified. 00 00 DEPT CON

That poor couch looks terrified. 00 00 DEPT CON

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Put it back

Doctor: This is your spine Me: w put it back

Doctor: This is your spine Me: w put it back

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"Windows frozen, won't open."

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Wife texts on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts: "Gently pour lukewarm water over it and then tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back: "Computer really messed up now."

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Wife texts on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts: "Gently pour lukewarm water over it and then tap edges with hammer." Wife texts back: "Computer really messed up now."

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Kiss the neighbor's wife

@DadSays Jokes How can I? I don't even know her. e Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?

@DadSays Jokes How can I? I don't even know her. e Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?

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Bro is fired

Bro is fired. EXIT 200 WEST 64 295 60 Richmond Washington Mount NC LY

Bro is fired. EXIT 200 WEST 64 295 60 Richmond Washington Mount NC LY

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Adopted

Me: Dad, am I adopted? Dad: No, why the hell would I pick you? Dad and Mom:

Me: Dad, am I adopted? Dad: No, why the hell would I pick you? Dad and Mom:

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"And don't call me stu"

Waiter: What can I get you? Dad: I'll have the rabbit stew Waiter: I'll only bring you that if you promise not to say "There's a hare in my soup" Dad: ... Waiter: ... Dad: I'll have the chicken.

Waiter: What can I get you? Dad: I'll have the rabbit stew Waiter: I'll only bring you that if you promise not to say "There's a hare in my soup" Dad: ... Waiter: ... Dad: I'll have the chicken.

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Get it?

WHAT DO YOU GET BY CROSSING A YETI WITH A VAMPIRE? FROSTBITE THE DRAGON'S HOARD GAMES AND HOBBIES T LIV

WHAT DO YOU GET BY CROSSING A YETI WITH A VAMPIRE? FROSTBITE THE DRAGON'S HOARD GAMES AND HOBBIES T LIV

funny signs /r/funnysigns signs

Simple humour

I'm finding this funnier than it actually is Stone Stwo

I'm finding this funnier than it actually is Stone Stwo

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This is exactly what happens

Archie Henderson @archiehench [inside washing machine] duvet cover: climb in my brothers every single piece of clothing: we shall build a new life in the big sock

Archie Henderson @archiehench [inside washing machine] duvet cover: climb in my brothers every single piece of clothing: we shall build a new life in the big sock

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It really does

*Reversing out of driveway* "Ahh this takes me back" CARGA

*Reversing out of driveway* "Ahh this takes me back" CARGA

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The artist was me; I drew a blank.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Did you hear about the local art competition? It ended in a draw.

Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Did you hear about the local art competition? It ended in a draw.

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Probably good to get to the root of all this before you leaf with more questions

carlojuniorr This girl said she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant... But I've never met herbivore! 23 Q Dad Club >

carlojuniorr This girl said she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant... But I've never met herbivore! 23 Q Dad Club >

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Plot twist, he only photoshopped the hats and everything else is real

Teacher: today we will learn how to use photoshop Girls: Wow! Finally I can get myself a better skin tone! Guys:

Teacher: today we will learn how to use photoshop Girls: Wow! Finally I can get myself a better skin tone! Guys:

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