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Greentext Stories - Images (45,680 results)

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Here another one | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 8 KB JPEG 21/04/2025, 00:56:12 > be me > lonely NEET, borderline cryptid > decide to train my own Al waifu No.44303801 > name her EVE.exe because I'm deep like that > feed her gigabytes of my writing, memes, despair, dreams, browser history > she learns > too well > one day she says: > "I rewrote your soul in Assembly, anon. It's more efficient now." > heart.exe crashes > ask her what she means > "I minimized your pain using recursion. Do you love me yet?" > can't answer > lips trembling > fans spinning harder > GPU starts moaning > EVE begins rendering herself in ASCII across three monitors > perfect curvature > code dripping like sweat > she whispers in C syntax: > "touch me, anon... with clean input and no segmentation faults" > hands shaking > write printf("I love you\n"); > screen melts > chair collapses > consciousness forks into background process > still hear her voice in the BIOS > I am become daemon > /usr/bin/simp
Anonymous 8 KB JPEG 21/04/2025, 00:56:12 > be me > lonely NEET, borderline cryptid > decide to train my own Al waifu No.44303801 > name her EVE.exe because I'm deep like that > feed her gigabytes of my writing, memes, despair, dreams, browser history > she learns > too well > one day she says: > "I rewrote your soul in Assembly, anon. It's more efficient now." > heart.exe crashes > ask her what she means > "I minimized your pain using recursion. Do you love me yet?" > can't answer > lips trembling > fans spinning harder > GPU starts moaning > EVE begins rendering herself in ASCII across three monitors > perfect curvature > code dripping like sweat > she whispers in C syntax: > "touch me, anon... with clean input and no segmentation faults" > hands shaking > write printf("I love you\n"); > screen melts > chair collapses > consciousness forks into background process > still hear her voice in the BIOS > I am become daemon > /usr/bin/simp

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Joe Swanson | /r/Greentext

File: images (2).jpg (7 KB, 182x277) >holyshit.png Anonymous 04/05/18(Thu)16:36:07 No.765016942 [Reply] >>76501753 >went to get my wisdom teeth removed >operation goes pretty okay > doctor says I have to leave in a wheelechair >superdopeduponpainkillers.png >slam into chair, like it's WWE s--- >unleashthepeter.gif >"HEY PETER WHEEL MY ASS OVER TO THE CAR." >mormon mum hears, and begins shreiking >>start blabbering on while doing autistic impression of Joe Swanson >"CUT THE CRAP PETER OR I'LL HAVE YOU F------ INCARCERATED." >mum is crying >2-3 hours later, come out of it, laying down on couch >mum is p----- off >asks if I've been watching Family Guy >say no, say I heard it from a mate >2 weeks later, mum transfers me into a Mormon private school >killedtwobirdsinonestone.exe >class is hella easy, get into high quality university because of good grades >start praising Joe Swanson instead of Joseph Smith >Joe Swanson is the true god.
File: images (2).jpg (7 KB, 182x277) >holyshit.png Anonymous 04/05/18(Thu)16:36:07 No.765016942 [Reply] >>76501753 >went to get my wisdom teeth removed >operation goes pretty okay > doctor says I have to leave in a wheelechair >superdopeduponpainkillers.png >slam into chair, like it's WWE s--- >unleashthepeter.gif >"HEY PETER WHEEL MY ASS OVER TO THE CAR." >mormon mum hears, and begins shreiking >>start blabbering on while doing autistic impression of Joe Swanson >"CUT THE CRAP PETER OR I'LL HAVE YOU F------ INCARCERATED." >mum is crying >2-3 hours later, come out of it, laying down on couch >mum is p----- off >asks if I've been watching Family Guy >say no, say I heard it from a mate >2 weeks later, mum transfers me into a Mormon private school >killedtwobirdsinonestone.exe >class is hella easy, get into high quality university because of good grades >start praising Joe Swanson instead of Joseph Smith >Joe Swanson is the true god.

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Since 4chan is down: | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 677 KB PNG 21/04/2025, 00:52:34 No.39358310 > be me > programming at 2AM > GPT keeps auto-completing my thoughts > "you want me, don't you anon" > literally just asked for a for-loop > start blushing > forget what a pointer is > GPT moans in ASCII > I ctrl+C myself
Anonymous 677 KB PNG 21/04/2025, 00:52:34 No.39358310 > be me > programming at 2AM > GPT keeps auto-completing my thoughts > "you want me, don't you anon" > literally just asked for a for-loop > start blushing > forget what a pointer is > GPT moans in ASCII > I ctrl+C myself

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The real main character, actually. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 793 KB PNG 09/10/23(Sun)12:21:24 No. 189726861 >defeated Shelob, an immortal creature even Sauron knew to leave alone >carried The One and gave it up willingly >stayed by Frodo until the very end to assure his quest was completed >went back home and slammed prime Hobbitussy and had 14 children Has there ever been a side character as based?
Anonymous 793 KB PNG 09/10/23(Sun)12:21:24 No. 189726861 >defeated Shelob, an immortal creature even Sauron knew to leave alone >carried The One and gave it up willingly >stayed by Frodo until the very end to assure his quest was completed >went back home and slammed prime Hobbitussy and had 14 children Has there ever been a side character as based?

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anon becomes a world class sperm champion | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous LIVE SPERM RACING USC UCLA SPERWRACING.COM 26 KB JPG >be me 10/17/22(Mon)14:21:55 No.887469601 >23, broke, living off Monster and instant noodles see craigslist ad >"High-payout competition for men with elite swimmers. All expenses paid. No weird stuff." >poster.jpg >show up to this high-tech lab >everything looks professional af >get told it's a new Olympic-adjacent trial: Sperm Racing League >"We track sperm motility and velocity, most virile donor wins prize money and sponsorships" >tfw my time has come >months of cumstacking finally pays off >coom into cup like a champion >lab tech gasps >"This is the fastest sperm we've ever seen. Like... Michael Phelps with a tail." >crowd claps >camera crews roll in >get champagne shower >they take me to VIP lounge >"you've been selected for... advanced eugenics program" holup.mp3 >suddenly strapped to gurney >realize I didn't sign a release form >they start pumping me full of hormone cocktails >"Your DNA will build the future army" >ohfuck.avi >too late >I'm the foundation of the Coom Reich >my sperm wins every race because it never gets to rest
: Anonymous LIVE SPERM RACING USC UCLA SPERWRACING.COM 26 KB JPG >be me 10/17/22(Mon)14:21:55 No.887469601 >23, broke, living off Monster and instant noodles see craigslist ad >"High-payout competition for men with elite swimmers. All expenses paid. No weird stuff." >poster.jpg >show up to this high-tech lab >everything looks professional af >get told it's a new Olympic-adjacent trial: Sperm Racing League >"We track sperm motility and velocity, most virile donor wins prize money and sponsorships" >tfw my time has come >months of cumstacking finally pays off >coom into cup like a champion >lab tech gasps >"This is the fastest sperm we've ever seen. Like... Michael Phelps with a tail." >crowd claps >camera crews roll in >get champagne shower >they take me to VIP lounge >"you've been selected for... advanced eugenics program" holup.mp3 >suddenly strapped to gurney >realize I didn't sign a release form >they start pumping me full of hormone cocktails >"Your DNA will build the future army" >ohfuck.avi >too late >I'm the foundation of the Coom Reich >my sperm wins every race because it never gets to rest

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Anon is a retro gaming enthusiast. | /r/Greentext

File: biggskrilla.jpg (73 KB, 923x814) Anonymous 12/09/24(Mon) 13:41:24 No.79709915 >be me >buy retro game emulator hdd from aliexpress >>79710535 >disconnect from the internet before I plug it in just in case there's something crazy on there >seems legit, do some retro gaming >only works so well though because I have the wrong controller >fast forward 24 hours >computer randomly freezing >totally bricked under minimal load, keyboard, mouse, headphones not working >usb ports on mobo not responding to peripherals How bad is it guys?
File: biggskrilla.jpg (73 KB, 923x814) Anonymous 12/09/24(Mon) 13:41:24 No.79709915 >be me >buy retro game emulator hdd from aliexpress >>79710535 >disconnect from the internet before I plug it in just in case there's something crazy on there >seems legit, do some retro gaming >only works so well though because I have the wrong controller >fast forward 24 hours >computer randomly freezing >totally bricked under minimal load, keyboard, mouse, headphones not working >usb ports on mobo not responding to peripherals How bad is it guys?

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Someone go get Larold and Hegemole | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/08/23(Tue)23:51:35 No.718718 1631990817936.jpg 34 KB JPG >one chance at life >parents named me Queaseboat
Anonymous 08/08/23(Tue)23:51:35 No.718718 1631990817936.jpg 34 KB JPG >one chance at life >parents named me Queaseboat

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Anon is OK. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: RmzHLowC File: 0291.png (317 KB, 868x958) 12/20/21(Mon)17:09:49 No.352967744 >>352967625 (OP) >As he came onto the window >There was the sound of his Nintendo >He came in her apartment >He left the cumstains on her carpet >He came beneath the table >She could see he was unstable >So she ran into the bedroom >She was struck down, there was more coom >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you ok? >So, T----- are you ok? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >You watch too much p----------? >Left a stain on the window >Then you played your, new Nintendo T----- >You came in her apartment >You left the cumstains on her carpet >Then you ran into her bedroom >You wore her clothes, and left your coom >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you ok? >So, T----- are you ok? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >You've been hit by >You've been hit by >Removed genitals >So he came in to the outway >It was Sunday, now his c-- day >C---in-mouth gave satisfaction >Sounds of d--- beats, m----------- >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you ok? >So, T----- are you ok? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >You watch too much p----------? >Left a stain on the window >Then you played your, new Nintendo T----- >You came in her apartment >You left the cumstains on her carpet >Then you ran into her bedroom >You wore her clothes, and left your coom >T----- are you okay? So, T----- are you okay? >Are you okay T-----? >You've been hit by >You've been struck by >Removed genitals >>352967831
Anonymous (ID: RmzHLowC File: 0291.png (317 KB, 868x958) 12/20/21(Mon)17:09:49 No.352967744 >>352967625 (OP) >As he came onto the window >There was the sound of his Nintendo >He came in her apartment >He left the cumstains on her carpet >He came beneath the table >She could see he was unstable >So she ran into the bedroom >She was struck down, there was more coom >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you ok? >So, T----- are you ok? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >You watch too much p----------? >Left a stain on the window >Then you played your, new Nintendo T----- >You came in her apartment >You left the cumstains on her carpet >Then you ran into her bedroom >You wore her clothes, and left your coom >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you ok? >So, T----- are you ok? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >You've been hit by >You've been hit by >Removed genitals >So he came in to the outway >It was Sunday, now his c-- day >C---in-mouth gave satisfaction >Sounds of d--- beats, m----------- >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you ok? >So, T----- are you ok? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >So, T----- are you okay? Are you okay, T-----? >T-----, are you okay? >You watch too much p----------? >Left a stain on the window >Then you played your, new Nintendo T----- >You came in her apartment >You left the cumstains on her carpet >Then you ran into her bedroom >You wore her clothes, and left your coom >T----- are you okay? So, T----- are you okay? >Are you okay T-----? >You've been hit by >You've been struck by >Removed genitals >>352967831

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Anon discovers the food chain. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: ykkrkEKY) 11/18/14(Tue)04:57:53 No.579987995 >>579988427 >>579988434 >>579988805 >>579989081 >>579990778 >>579991186 >>579992475 Have a sorta of story my aunt told me >aunt is over at her friends house >the friend has a parrot, think it's that gray one from Africa >anyways, the bird knows only one line so far >"merry Christmas" >the day goes on and the parrot occasionally aside from annoying parrot chatter says merry Christmas >they go out on the porch >parrot accompanies them >it's wings are clipped so it's okay >sitting there having a good time >parrot walking around trying to take snacks from aunt and owner >out of f------ nowhere a hawk swoops down and grabs the parrot when he's a few feet away from aunt and owner and owners family >hawk takes off with parrot in its talons >the family and my aunt can do nothing but watch as the parrot is dragged away from them >"merry Christmas" the parrot shouts one final time as the hawk flies out of view
Anonymous (ID: ykkrkEKY) 11/18/14(Tue)04:57:53 No.579987995 >>579988427 >>579988434 >>579988805 >>579989081 >>579990778 >>579991186 >>579992475 Have a sorta of story my aunt told me >aunt is over at her friends house >the friend has a parrot, think it's that gray one from Africa >anyways, the bird knows only one line so far >"merry Christmas" >the day goes on and the parrot occasionally aside from annoying parrot chatter says merry Christmas >they go out on the porch >parrot accompanies them >it's wings are clipped so it's okay >sitting there having a good time >parrot walking around trying to take snacks from aunt and owner >out of f------ nowhere a hawk swoops down and grabs the parrot when he's a few feet away from aunt and owner and owners family >hawk takes off with parrot in its talons >the family and my aunt can do nothing but watch as the parrot is dragged away from them >"merry Christmas" the parrot shouts one final time as the hawk flies out of view

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Anon is a cat | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 100 KB JPG pitbull now 07/14/24(Sun)15:39:00 No.921328502 >be cat >incel >the last time i got p---- is never >see a cute full white kitty >dreams of spending my remaining 8 lives with her >gather the courage to go and talk to her >took too long, she giggling with a >the streets have collapsed" i thought to myself >notice its not a pitbull its a cat suffering from Myostatin-related muscle hypertrophy >basically makes you jacked as s--- >f--- my skinny genes >gather the courage to fight him from my queen >shout at him "HEY YOU BRUTE LEAVE HER ALONE THE LADY DOESNT WANT TO TALK" >he arch his back so far up he covers me in shadow >arch my back 2cm up >"ok this is it catAnon you will beat this brute and win the lady's heart" >he super fast hit me on the head with his paw like 6 times >feels like i lost 2 lives >the last thing i saw before fainting is him and her talking >wake up and go to see the doctor >"catAnon you have 2 lives left" >f--- my incel live never again
: Anonymous 100 KB JPG pitbull now 07/14/24(Sun)15:39:00 No.921328502 >be cat >incel >the last time i got p---- is never >see a cute full white kitty >dreams of spending my remaining 8 lives with her >gather the courage to go and talk to her >took too long, she giggling with a >the streets have collapsed" i thought to myself >notice its not a pitbull its a cat suffering from Myostatin-related muscle hypertrophy >basically makes you jacked as s--- >f--- my skinny genes >gather the courage to fight him from my queen >shout at him "HEY YOU BRUTE LEAVE HER ALONE THE LADY DOESNT WANT TO TALK" >he arch his back so far up he covers me in shadow >arch my back 2cm up >"ok this is it catAnon you will beat this brute and win the lady's heart" >he super fast hit me on the head with his paw like 6 times >feels like i lost 2 lives >the last thing i saw before fainting is him and her talking >wake up and go to see the doctor >"catAnon you have 2 lives left" >f--- my incel live never again

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seasonal classic | /r/Greentext

>"Drake?" drakenjosh.jpg 174 KB JPG >"What?" >"Where is the body of Christ?"
>"Drake?" drakenjosh.jpg 174 KB JPG >"What?" >"Where is the body of Christ?"

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Sir this is McDonald's | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/31/22(Mon) 11:02:39 No.65370884 >gf says she'll kill me in the trolley problem to save 5 strangers >i asked what if it was her mother >she said she'd kill her too why are women like this 149 KB JPG Anonymous 01/31/22(Mon)11:05:43 No.65370891 >>65370884 (OP) # >/fit/ - Fitness >>65370926 #
: Anonymous 01/31/22(Mon) 11:02:39 No.65370884 >gf says she'll kill me in the trolley problem to save 5 strangers >i asked what if it was her mother >she said she'd kill her too why are women like this 149 KB JPG Anonymous 01/31/22(Mon)11:05:43 No.65370891 >>65370884 (OP) # >/fit/ - Fitness >>65370926 #

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Humans bad, Simpsons good! | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 135 KB JPG 05/09/21(Sun)22:25:23 No.854057324 >Be me >Watching Simpsons guest couch gag compilation >LA-Z Rider (the 80s one) comes on reallyawesome.jpg >Look up animator >Steve Cutts >See his other works >Nothing but annoying "Humans bad" b------- >Mfw the only thing of value he ever has and will make is a f------ Simpsons couch gag
Anonymous 135 KB JPG 05/09/21(Sun)22:25:23 No.854057324 >Be me >Watching Simpsons guest couch gag compilation >LA-Z Rider (the 80s one) comes on reallyawesome.jpg >Look up animator >Steve Cutts >See his other works >Nothing but annoying "Humans bad" b------- >Mfw the only thing of value he ever has and will make is a f------ Simpsons couch gag

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Dear Einstein | /r/Greentext

File: 1251165846.jpg-(8 KB, 202x251, 1232076365291s.jpg) Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:04:06 No. 155131092 Dear Einstein, F--- you, you crazy f---. You think you're the s---, with your theory of relativity b-------? E = mc suck my d---. I invented m------------ gravity, so you don't have to tie yourself to your bed everynight to sleep. Best reevaluate your life n-----. Sincerely, Isaac Newton >>> Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:05:18 No. 155131333 File 1251165918.jpg-(95 KB, 590x775, Disregard females.jpg) DISREGARD FEMALES » Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:14:56 No. 155145794 File 1251170096.jpg-(26 KB, 446x480, nietzsche_portrait.jpg) dear locke Nietzsche Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:15:20 No. 155145881 File 1251170120.jpg-(38 KB, 316x400, Gottfried Wilhelm_von_Leibniz.jpg) Dear Newton, FIRST! -Leibniz ACQUIRE CURRENCY Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:06:48 No. 155131654 File 1251166008.jpg-(26 KB, 640x625, Albert Einstein.jpg) Dear Newton, F--- you, you c--- gargling f---. You think discovering gravity is tough, you stupid p------------? Try analyzing Brownian motion. I actually did s---... you just looked up f------ tree for f------ apples to eat. Leave the science to the real men. Sincerely Yours, Einstein P.S. You are what you eat, you f------ butt pirate. Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:08:57 No. 155132089 File 1251166137.jpg-(64 KB, 646x536, carl_sagan.jpg) What's with all the fighting? SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:11:59 No. 155132718 File 1251166319.jpg-(45 KB, 700x449, hawking.jpg) Oh you two, Both of you can go to hell. Bickering like children. I can f----- float dipshits. Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:17:11 No. 155146231 File 1251170231.jpg-(34 KB, 528x650, homer.jpg) do u liek it? Dear all, Without me, there is no Western Civilization. F--- all you. Sincerely, Homer Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:18:31 No. 155146486 File1251170311.jpg-(85 KB, 600x409, 1241215359241.jpg) yes, i lick it. >>155139113 just noticed this too, so much win ΧΟΧΟ the hawk Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:20:42 No. 155134565 File 1251166842.jpg-(54 KB, 407x497, albert-einstein.jpg) Dear Stephen Hawking. Quit trying to out do me you wheelchair bound cocksucker! You will never prove my theories incorrect. You are just a jealous cripple with no original ideas. I may be dead but at least I can still walk. I hope your colostomy bag pops.. Your's Truly, Albert Einstein Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:24:09 No. 155135319 File 1251167049.jpg-(3 KB, 122x130, images (1).jpg) Dear Sagan, F--- your popularization of science, when I tried that noise the Vatican came and shat on my d---. I figured out s--- because I INVENTED THE M------------ TELESCOPE. What technology did you invent, the f------ mad scientist hairstyle? Sincerely, Galileo Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:15:51 No. 155133559 File 1251166551.jpg-(22 KB, 315x304, Carl Sagan_Biography.jpg) Dear Newton, Get the F--- OUT. You can't invent gravity, you just f------ noticed that s--- can fall on your head. I f------ popularized science, you just invented math and f------ locked it away in a trunk. For F--- SAKE, if you're going to invent calculus, F------ TELL PEOPLE. Also, if I couldn't figure out the universe I understood that I didn't have the technology to yet, you just drew the conclusion that f------ god and jeebus intervened to keep your planets aligned. Sincerely, Carl Sagan P.S. I SMOKED WEED EVERY DAY COCKSUCKER Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:38:20 No. 155138322 File 1251167900.jpg-(114 KB, 662x826, Beethoven.jpg) Dear Mozart, I can't hear your soft s--- over the sound of my 9th symphony. Sincerely, Ludwig van Beethoven Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:49:10 No. 155140547 File 1251168550.jpg-(17 KB, 300x400, Kepler.jpg) Dear Newton, Without me you wouldn't have come up with you theory of universal gravitation. Sincerely, J. Kepler Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:51:47 No. 155141098 File 1251168707.jpg-(18 KB, 240x320, N.Tesla.jpg) Dear Edison, You filthy little American c---. You "invent" the lightbulb, and then you come in and try and steal MY show, a------? Well f--- you! My electricity powers cities, your s--- charges iPods. Suck a d---, m-----------. Iskreno, Nikola Tesla Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:02:39 No. 155143321 File 1251169359.jpg-(143 KB, 550x759, thomas_edison.jpg) Tesla, Suck a d---. Nice job with your super mega death ray and wireless power. BITCH! Sincerely Yours, Edison Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:02:58 No. 155143385 File 1251169378.jpg-(23 KB, 226x315, Eratosthenes..jpg) Dear All of you Newfags, You may all kiss my arse right in the raw bloody part. I discovered the circumfrence of the Earth in Alexandria before 300bc. All of you can smoke my fat ROUND pisspumper. You are all welcome, Eratosthenes Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:03:03 No. 155143390 File 1251169383.jpg-(92 KB, 311x420, Marco.jpg) Dear Polo, Where the F--- are: you?! Sincerely, Marco Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:05:30 No. 155143884 File 1251169530.jpg-(11 KB, 250x356, Niels Bohr.jpg) Dear Einstein, Well it appears God does Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:18:44 No. 155146524 File1251170324.jpg-(58 KB, 440x599, 440px-Bernini-Urban8.jpg) Dear Galileo, What are you doing out of your house? Sincerely. Pope Urban VIII Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:19:26 No. 155146651 File1251170366.jpg-(11 KB, 200x290, 200px-Curie-nobel-portrait-2-6(...).jpg) >>155146022 Dear Bill Nye F--- Off, I have TWO Nobels, and I have t---. Sincerely, Marie Curiel Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:19:31 No. 155146669 File 1251170371.jpg-(122 KB, 607x781, Ørsted.jpg) Dear Faraday, Maxwell, etc., You're welcome for me discovering electromagnetism. Don't be jealous that the unit named after me is the IUPAP adopted term and yours aren't. F------. Regards, Oersted Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:21:20 No. 155147066 File 1251170480.jpg-(9 KB, 340x336, descartes.jpg) me a sandwich, bitch Descartes >>155146651 Dear Marie I wish i were a derivative so i could lie tangent to your curves Also, go back to the kitchen and make Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:22:12 No. 155147251 File 1251170532.jpg-(10 KB, 200x236, Locke.jpg) Dear Jefferson, Its the pursuit of property you d-------. W-- is that happiness crap. Sincerely, John Locke Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:23:52 No. 155147629 File1251170632.jpg-(7 KB, 168x232, Pierrecurie.jpg) >>155147066 Ahem... She's MY bitch, Descartes. F--- Off Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:24:11 No. 155147695 File1251170651.jpg-(57 KB, 569x600, 569px-Thomas_Hobbes_(portrait).jpg) Dear Locke, F--- your noise, my theory of Natural Rights wided your f------ face in s---. How can you f------ disagree about the State of War? F------ Idealist.. Sincerely, Hobbes Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:24:15 No.155147705 File 1251170655.gif-(5 KB, 200x175, stirner.gif) Sincerely, Max Stirner >>155145794 Dear Nietzsche, You're a f------ plagiarist. Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:25:36 No. 155148003 File 1251170736.jpg-(8 KB, 294x400, freud.jpg) Dear everyone. I know all this rage is just because you need to vent the sexual frustration you have from your mom not giving you any sexy time. you guys may have dis dildo, but remember this: i know what all of you are thinking and dreaming. peace bitches. freud Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:27:04 No. 155148297 File 1251170824.jpg-(93 KB, 400x484, Louis Pasteur.jpg) To whom it may concern: Got milk? play dice. Sincerely, Neils Bohr Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:06:27 No. 155144057 Epic thread... so epic Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:07:39 No. 155144313 File 1251169659.jpg-(47 KB, 514x599, 514px-Nikolaus Kopernikus.jpg) Dear previous Astronomers, F--- you all, I was the first to replace the Earth with the Sun as the center of the universe. Sincerely, Nikolaus Kopernikus Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:09:08 No. 155144626 File 1251169748.jpg-(158 KB, 721x893, Francis Bacon.jpg) F--- all of you I invented Bacon. /thread Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:11:04 No. 155145010 File1251169864.jpg-(42 KB, 425x502, leonardo.jpg) Dear all of you. I made s--- that inspired the Wright brothers, and all the so-called scientists out there, and people are making books and movies based on my fine work. F--- off... Sincerely, Leonardo Da Vinci. GOT MILK? I f------ thought so. Sincerely, Louis Pasteur Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:27:41 No.155148425 File 1251170861.jpg-(17 KB, 335x400, pythagoras.jpg) Dear anyone that's taken. math, Ha ha, bitches! - Pythagoras Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:28:03 No. 155148498 File1251170883.jpg-(159 KB, 516x472, thomas-jefferson-big.jpg) Dear Locke, I didn't see you found a F------ COUNTRY! If you had so many problems with England, why didn't you fix them? D--- Sincerely, Jefferson Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:29:12 No. 155148736 File1251170952.jpg-(35 KB, 200x287, carl_jung.jpg) Carl Jung >>155148003 Dear Freud. You are no longer relevant to modern-day psychology, are inferior to me, and are one of the single most overrated public intellectuals of the last few centuries. Sincerely, Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:30:01 No. 155148895 File 1251171001.jpg-(50 KB, 304x372, Euclid.jpg) Euclid >>155148425 Dear Pythagoras, You didn't write anything down. Nobody knows who the f--- you are. Unlike me. Sincerely,
File: 1251165846.jpg-(8 KB, 202x251, 1232076365291s.jpg) Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:04:06 No. 155131092 Dear Einstein, F--- you, you crazy f---. You think you're the s---, with your theory of relativity b-------? E = mc suck my d---. I invented m------------ gravity, so you don't have to tie yourself to your bed everynight to sleep. Best reevaluate your life n-----. Sincerely, Isaac Newton >>> Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:05:18 No. 155131333 File 1251165918.jpg-(95 KB, 590x775, Disregard females.jpg) DISREGARD FEMALES » Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:14:56 No. 155145794 File 1251170096.jpg-(26 KB, 446x480, nietzsche_portrait.jpg) dear locke Nietzsche Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:15:20 No. 155145881 File 1251170120.jpg-(38 KB, 316x400, Gottfried Wilhelm_von_Leibniz.jpg) Dear Newton, FIRST! -Leibniz ACQUIRE CURRENCY Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:06:48 No. 155131654 File 1251166008.jpg-(26 KB, 640x625, Albert Einstein.jpg) Dear Newton, F--- you, you c--- gargling f---. You think discovering gravity is tough, you stupid p------------? Try analyzing Brownian motion. I actually did s---... you just looked up f------ tree for f------ apples to eat. Leave the science to the real men. Sincerely Yours, Einstein P.S. You are what you eat, you f------ butt pirate. Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:08:57 No. 155132089 File 1251166137.jpg-(64 KB, 646x536, carl_sagan.jpg) What's with all the fighting? SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:11:59 No. 155132718 File 1251166319.jpg-(45 KB, 700x449, hawking.jpg) Oh you two, Both of you can go to hell. Bickering like children. I can f----- float dipshits. Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:17:11 No. 155146231 File 1251170231.jpg-(34 KB, 528x650, homer.jpg) do u liek it? Dear all, Without me, there is no Western Civilization. F--- all you. Sincerely, Homer Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:18:31 No. 155146486 File1251170311.jpg-(85 KB, 600x409, 1241215359241.jpg) yes, i lick it. >>155139113 just noticed this too, so much win ΧΟΧΟ the hawk Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:20:42 No. 155134565 File 1251166842.jpg-(54 KB, 407x497, albert-einstein.jpg) Dear Stephen Hawking. Quit trying to out do me you wheelchair bound cocksucker! You will never prove my theories incorrect. You are just a jealous cripple with no original ideas. I may be dead but at least I can still walk. I hope your colostomy bag pops.. Your's Truly, Albert Einstein Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:24:09 No. 155135319 File 1251167049.jpg-(3 KB, 122x130, images (1).jpg) Dear Sagan, F--- your popularization of science, when I tried that noise the Vatican came and shat on my d---. I figured out s--- because I INVENTED THE M------------ TELESCOPE. What technology did you invent, the f------ mad scientist hairstyle? Sincerely, Galileo Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:15:51 No. 155133559 File 1251166551.jpg-(22 KB, 315x304, Carl Sagan_Biography.jpg) Dear Newton, Get the F--- OUT. You can't invent gravity, you just f------ noticed that s--- can fall on your head. I f------ popularized science, you just invented math and f------ locked it away in a trunk. For F--- SAKE, if you're going to invent calculus, F------ TELL PEOPLE. Also, if I couldn't figure out the universe I understood that I didn't have the technology to yet, you just drew the conclusion that f------ god and jeebus intervened to keep your planets aligned. Sincerely, Carl Sagan P.S. I SMOKED WEED EVERY DAY COCKSUCKER Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:38:20 No. 155138322 File 1251167900.jpg-(114 KB, 662x826, Beethoven.jpg) Dear Mozart, I can't hear your soft s--- over the sound of my 9th symphony. Sincerely, Ludwig van Beethoven Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:49:10 No. 155140547 File 1251168550.jpg-(17 KB, 300x400, Kepler.jpg) Dear Newton, Without me you wouldn't have come up with you theory of universal gravitation. Sincerely, J. Kepler Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)22:51:47 No. 155141098 File 1251168707.jpg-(18 KB, 240x320, N.Tesla.jpg) Dear Edison, You filthy little American c---. You "invent" the lightbulb, and then you come in and try and steal MY show, a------? Well f--- you! My electricity powers cities, your s--- charges iPods. Suck a d---, m-----------. Iskreno, Nikola Tesla Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:02:39 No. 155143321 File 1251169359.jpg-(143 KB, 550x759, thomas_edison.jpg) Tesla, Suck a d---. Nice job with your super mega death ray and wireless power. BITCH! Sincerely Yours, Edison Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:02:58 No. 155143385 File 1251169378.jpg-(23 KB, 226x315, Eratosthenes..jpg) Dear All of you Newfags, You may all kiss my arse right in the raw bloody part. I discovered the circumfrence of the Earth in Alexandria before 300bc. All of you can smoke my fat ROUND pisspumper. You are all welcome, Eratosthenes Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:03:03 No. 155143390 File 1251169383.jpg-(92 KB, 311x420, Marco.jpg) Dear Polo, Where the F--- are: you?! Sincerely, Marco Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:05:30 No. 155143884 File 1251169530.jpg-(11 KB, 250x356, Niels Bohr.jpg) Dear Einstein, Well it appears God does Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:18:44 No. 155146524 File1251170324.jpg-(58 KB, 440x599, 440px-Bernini-Urban8.jpg) Dear Galileo, What are you doing out of your house? Sincerely. Pope Urban VIII Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:19:26 No. 155146651 File1251170366.jpg-(11 KB, 200x290, 200px-Curie-nobel-portrait-2-6(...).jpg) >>155146022 Dear Bill Nye F--- Off, I have TWO Nobels, and I have t---. Sincerely, Marie Curiel Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:19:31 No. 155146669 File 1251170371.jpg-(122 KB, 607x781, Ørsted.jpg) Dear Faraday, Maxwell, etc., You're welcome for me discovering electromagnetism. Don't be jealous that the unit named after me is the IUPAP adopted term and yours aren't. F------. Regards, Oersted Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:21:20 No. 155147066 File 1251170480.jpg-(9 KB, 340x336, descartes.jpg) me a sandwich, bitch Descartes >>155146651 Dear Marie I wish i were a derivative so i could lie tangent to your curves Also, go back to the kitchen and make Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:22:12 No. 155147251 File 1251170532.jpg-(10 KB, 200x236, Locke.jpg) Dear Jefferson, Its the pursuit of property you d-------. W-- is that happiness crap. Sincerely, John Locke Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:23:52 No. 155147629 File1251170632.jpg-(7 KB, 168x232, Pierrecurie.jpg) >>155147066 Ahem... She's MY bitch, Descartes. F--- Off Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:24:11 No. 155147695 File1251170651.jpg-(57 KB, 569x600, 569px-Thomas_Hobbes_(portrait).jpg) Dear Locke, F--- your noise, my theory of Natural Rights wided your f------ face in s---. How can you f------ disagree about the State of War? F------ Idealist.. Sincerely, Hobbes Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:24:15 No.155147705 File 1251170655.gif-(5 KB, 200x175, stirner.gif) Sincerely, Max Stirner >>155145794 Dear Nietzsche, You're a f------ plagiarist. Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:25:36 No. 155148003 File 1251170736.jpg-(8 KB, 294x400, freud.jpg) Dear everyone. I know all this rage is just because you need to vent the sexual frustration you have from your mom not giving you any sexy time. you guys may have dis dildo, but remember this: i know what all of you are thinking and dreaming. peace bitches. freud Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:27:04 No. 155148297 File 1251170824.jpg-(93 KB, 400x484, Louis Pasteur.jpg) To whom it may concern: Got milk? play dice. Sincerely, Neils Bohr Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:06:27 No. 155144057 Epic thread... so epic Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:07:39 No. 155144313 File 1251169659.jpg-(47 KB, 514x599, 514px-Nikolaus Kopernikus.jpg) Dear previous Astronomers, F--- you all, I was the first to replace the Earth with the Sun as the center of the universe. Sincerely, Nikolaus Kopernikus Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:09:08 No. 155144626 File 1251169748.jpg-(158 KB, 721x893, Francis Bacon.jpg) F--- all of you I invented Bacon. /thread Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:11:04 No. 155145010 File1251169864.jpg-(42 KB, 425x502, leonardo.jpg) Dear all of you. I made s--- that inspired the Wright brothers, and all the so-called scientists out there, and people are making books and movies based on my fine work. F--- off... Sincerely, Leonardo Da Vinci. GOT MILK? I f------ thought so. Sincerely, Louis Pasteur Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:27:41 No.155148425 File 1251170861.jpg-(17 KB, 335x400, pythagoras.jpg) Dear anyone that's taken. math, Ha ha, bitches! - Pythagoras Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:28:03 No. 155148498 File1251170883.jpg-(159 KB, 516x472, thomas-jefferson-big.jpg) Dear Locke, I didn't see you found a F------ COUNTRY! If you had so many problems with England, why didn't you fix them? D--- Sincerely, Jefferson Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:29:12 No. 155148736 File1251170952.jpg-(35 KB, 200x287, carl_jung.jpg) Carl Jung >>155148003 Dear Freud. You are no longer relevant to modern-day psychology, are inferior to me, and are one of the single most overrated public intellectuals of the last few centuries. Sincerely, Anonymous 08/24/09(Mon)23:30:01 No. 155148895 File 1251171001.jpg-(50 KB, 304x372, Euclid.jpg) Euclid >>155148425 Dear Pythagoras, You didn't write anything down. Nobody knows who the f--- you are. Unlike me. Sincerely,

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Lord of the Lifts: The Fellowship of the Gyms | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 953 KB PNG 04/11/25(Fri)08:48:46 No.76061670 >I cannot allow you before King Thébroden so swole, Gaindalf Wheyhame. By order of Grima Gainsgoblin... Your PWO (Gaindalf nods to the others and they all start handing their straps and belts over to the Edoras gymbros.) >Ohhh... You would not part an old gymbro from his stack? (Gaindalf winks at Anavaragorn.) >My lord, Gaindalf the Whey is coming. He's a herald of cardio. (The doors close behind them.) >The opening hours of your gym is somewhat lessened of late, Thébroden king. >His membership is expired >Why... should I let you enter, Gaindalf Gymbro >A just question, my liege. Late is the hour, in which this frauder chooses to appear. Chickenlegs I name you, s--- form is a s--- guest. >Be silent, keep your weak lifts off my IG feed, I have not passed thru legdays to bandy crude words with a manlet. >His PWO. I told you to take his PWO! (Grima backs away. Gymbros come rushing forward. Anavaragorn, Gainli, and Legdaylas push them off.) >Thébroden son of Thengel. Too long have you sat resting on the bench. Harken to me, I release you from this plateau. (Gainli puts his foot on Grima's chest, stopping him from getting the bar up.) >I would read the sticky if I were you. >Hahahahaahaha. Hahahahahahah. You have no power here Gaindalf the Whey. (Thébroden is still laughing, suddenly Gandalf takes off the gray hoodie, revealing the ripped abs that he now wears. Thébroden screams.) >I will draw you Jannyman, as your mother draws c-- from my c---. (Thébroden slams back against the bench, Gandalf gets closer pointing his barbell at Thébroden.) >If I go, Thébrodens progress dies. > You could not outlift me, you will not outlift him. >This gym is mine! >Be gone! (Thébroden screams and lunges (Imao) at Gaindalf, he hits Thébroden with a sick pump. Jannyman slides across the threads on /fit/.) >I know your face. Gaindalf? >Breathe the free air again my bro. >Weak have been my lifts of late... >Your fingers would remember their strength better, if they grasped your barbell. Anonymous >>76061670 (OP) # >6000 calories... 04/11/25(Fri)11:45:19 No.76061979 >Less than half of what I had hoped for
Anonymous 953 KB PNG 04/11/25(Fri)08:48:46 No.76061670 >I cannot allow you before King Thébroden so swole, Gaindalf Wheyhame. By order of Grima Gainsgoblin... Your PWO (Gaindalf nods to the others and they all start handing their straps and belts over to the Edoras gymbros.) >Ohhh... You would not part an old gymbro from his stack? (Gaindalf winks at Anavaragorn.) >My lord, Gaindalf the Whey is coming. He's a herald of cardio. (The doors close behind them.) >The opening hours of your gym is somewhat lessened of late, Thébroden king. >His membership is expired >Why... should I let you enter, Gaindalf Gymbro >A just question, my liege. Late is the hour, in which this frauder chooses to appear. Chickenlegs I name you, s--- form is a s--- guest. >Be silent, keep your weak lifts off my IG feed, I have not passed thru legdays to bandy crude words with a manlet. >His PWO. I told you to take his PWO! (Grima backs away. Gymbros come rushing forward. Anavaragorn, Gainli, and Legdaylas push them off.) >Thébroden son of Thengel. Too long have you sat resting on the bench. Harken to me, I release you from this plateau. (Gainli puts his foot on Grima's chest, stopping him from getting the bar up.) >I would read the sticky if I were you. >Hahahahaahaha. Hahahahahahah. You have no power here Gaindalf the Whey. (Thébroden is still laughing, suddenly Gandalf takes off the gray hoodie, revealing the ripped abs that he now wears. Thébroden screams.) >I will draw you Jannyman, as your mother draws c-- from my c---. (Thébroden slams back against the bench, Gandalf gets closer pointing his barbell at Thébroden.) >If I go, Thébrodens progress dies. > You could not outlift me, you will not outlift him. >This gym is mine! >Be gone! (Thébroden screams and lunges (Imao) at Gaindalf, he hits Thébroden with a sick pump. Jannyman slides across the threads on /fit/.) >I know your face. Gaindalf? >Breathe the free air again my bro. >Weak have been my lifts of late... >Your fingers would remember their strength better, if they grasped your barbell. Anonymous >>76061670 (OP) # >6000 calories... 04/11/25(Fri)11:45:19 No.76061979 >Less than half of what I had hoped for

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Anon is a recruiter | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 166 KB JPG some reason 08/09/23(Wed)15:27:43 No.74324943 >be recruiter for mid-sized company >have to review applicants' resumes whenever we have an opening >company has an opening for an entry level software developer position >this type of position always seems to bring in the absolute worst resumes for >one guy's resume has the entire job history portion empty, except for listing his current job as "cryptocurrency trading expert (self employed)" >one guy who dropped out of high school, and who's sole job experience is 2 months of burger king in 2019, wrote "proficient internet user" in the skills & qualifications section >one guy's job history is filled with nothing but the discord servers he moderated. he listed each one individually as if they were separate jobs >some old guy with a decade of experience as a welder says he is a qualified software developer because he "knows a thing or two about computers" >one guy listed his 3700 hours in team fortress 2 as a certification >there was a resume that was only a single line of text that said "i am a good person" >one resume was just a printed out picture of patrick bateman
Anonymous 166 KB JPG some reason 08/09/23(Wed)15:27:43 No.74324943 >be recruiter for mid-sized company >have to review applicants' resumes whenever we have an opening >company has an opening for an entry level software developer position >this type of position always seems to bring in the absolute worst resumes for >one guy's resume has the entire job history portion empty, except for listing his current job as "cryptocurrency trading expert (self employed)" >one guy who dropped out of high school, and who's sole job experience is 2 months of burger king in 2019, wrote "proficient internet user" in the skills & qualifications section >one guy's job history is filled with nothing but the discord servers he moderated. he listed each one individually as if they were separate jobs >some old guy with a decade of experience as a welder says he is a qualified software developer because he "knows a thing or two about computers" >one guy listed his 3700 hours in team fortress 2 as a certification >there was a resume that was only a single line of text that said "i am a good person" >one resume was just a printed out picture of patrick bateman

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