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Greentext Stories - Images (45,710 results)

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Anon learned the long way round | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 63 KB JPG 08/22/23(Tue)10:57:26 No.74475237 drop your retarded childhood stories: >be me, age 12 >hate showering more than anything >it feels gross and i hate getting wet >my mom starts telling me that if i don't shower every day then i can't eat dinner >i want my dindin so i come up with a genius plan >let the shower run for 10-15 minutes while i sit in the bathroom >quickly wet my hair with sink >mom buys it, i get dindin >after a month she gets suspicious >realize i have to step up my game >now i run the shower and rub my arms/neck with hand soap >also run my hair under the shower so it's dripping wet and not just moist >she asks why i haven't asked her to buy shampoo yet >come up with final version of my genius plan >i'll stand next to the shower, let the water run, rub soap on my whole body and also use shampoo on my hair so it smells like shampoo >then i'll rinse off in the sink >all while the shower runs i did this for four years until i realized i was just showering on hard mode
Anonymous 63 KB JPG 08/22/23(Tue)10:57:26 No.74475237 drop your retarded childhood stories: >be me, age 12 >hate showering more than anything >it feels gross and i hate getting wet >my mom starts telling me that if i don't shower every day then i can't eat dinner >i want my dindin so i come up with a genius plan >let the shower run for 10-15 minutes while i sit in the bathroom >quickly wet my hair with sink >mom buys it, i get dindin >after a month she gets suspicious >realize i have to step up my game >now i run the shower and rub my arms/neck with hand soap >also run my hair under the shower so it's dripping wet and not just moist >she asks why i haven't asked her to buy shampoo yet >come up with final version of my genius plan >i'll stand next to the shower, let the water run, rub soap on my whole body and also use shampoo on my hair so it smells like shampoo >then i'll rinse off in the sink >all while the shower runs i did this for four years until i realized i was just showering on hard mode

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Self Defence 101 | /r/Greentext

File: 1330313884.jpg-(7 KB, 180x167, Aarons FaceGAC.jpg) Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:38 No.9610459 >Late last night >Have a fish tank with a light on >Kept seeing shadows in my peripheral vision >Heard sounds like deep breathing >Closet door is open even though I always shut it before I get into bed >"I'm not afraid of you f------" >Something replies >"We're not afraid of you either >NOPE >Home alone in the middle of nowhere >Would be dangerous outside so I have to stay inside >Can't move-frozen with fear >Remember what /x/ says when you're in this situation >Tore off clothes > Masturbated >Haven't been bothered since then. Thank you /x/ for saving my ass Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:41 No.9610474 You're welcome bro Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:43 No.9610484 >masturbated you've been practicing your whole life for this situation
File: 1330313884.jpg-(7 KB, 180x167, Aarons FaceGAC.jpg) Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:38 No.9610459 >Late last night >Have a fish tank with a light on >Kept seeing shadows in my peripheral vision >Heard sounds like deep breathing >Closet door is open even though I always shut it before I get into bed >"I'm not afraid of you f------" >Something replies >"We're not afraid of you either >NOPE >Home alone in the middle of nowhere >Would be dangerous outside so I have to stay inside >Can't move-frozen with fear >Remember what /x/ says when you're in this situation >Tore off clothes > Masturbated >Haven't been bothered since then. Thank you /x/ for saving my ass Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:41 No.9610474 You're welcome bro Anonymous 02/26/12(Sun)22:43 No.9610484 >masturbated you've been practicing your whole life for this situation

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Why 4chan is better than reddit | /r/Greentext

HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack
HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

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Anon buys a snickers | /r/Greentext

SNICKERS SNICKER SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS DILES SNICKERS SNICKEND SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERSMUKERS SNICKERS Candy Warehouse 127952-03_snickers-candy-bars-48-piece-box.jpg 118 KB JPG >eat a display case of snickers i bought from costco >fingers and toes hurt like hell >hands won't stop shaking >entire body feels cold
SNICKERS SNICKER SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS DILES SNICKERS SNICKEND SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERS SNICKERSMUKERS SNICKERS Candy Warehouse 127952-03_snickers-candy-bars-48-piece-box.jpg 118 KB JPG >eat a display case of snickers i bought from costco >fingers and toes hurt like hell >hands won't stop shaking >entire body feels cold

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Anon hates Mega Bloks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 60 KB JPG >be me >7 10/13/20(Tue)22:13:13 No.837837049 >friend invites me over to play Legos >fuckyeah.jpg >go to his house after school >says he's gunna get the Legos >wait downstairs for him >comes down with a big plastic box >oh s---, theres gotta be a million Legos in there >dumps it on the ground >wait a second >blocks are huge >they're not Legos at all >fuckingMegabloks.gif >cry until my mom picks me up >no longer friends with him God I hate Mega Bloks so f------ much
: Anonymous 60 KB JPG >be me >7 10/13/20(Tue)22:13:13 No.837837049 >friend invites me over to play Legos >fuckyeah.jpg >go to his house after school >says he's gunna get the Legos >wait downstairs for him >comes down with a big plastic box >oh s---, theres gotta be a million Legos in there >dumps it on the ground >wait a second >blocks are huge >they're not Legos at all >fuckingMegabloks.gif >cry until my mom picks me up >no longer friends with him God I hate Mega Bloks so f------ much

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Your ride’s over, mutie. Time to die | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 07/19/22(Tue) 09:16:49 No.54466125 Frank Horrigan.gif 470 KB GIF >be russian conscript >finally penetrate one of the ukrainian biolabs >turn around the corner >face this what do, WHAT DO? >>54466169 #
Anonymous 07/19/22(Tue) 09:16:49 No.54466125 Frank Horrigan.gif 470 KB GIF >be russian conscript >finally penetrate one of the ukrainian biolabs >turn around the corner >face this what do, WHAT DO? >>54466169 #

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lego boba fett | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/07/16(Mon) 17:09:22 No.672738982 >>672737964 (OP) # >Have a dream >I'm lego Boba Fett >Fall off cliff >Wake up in a f------ panicked sweat >Never play Lego Star Wars again
Anonymous 03/07/16(Mon) 17:09:22 No.672738982 >>672737964 (OP) # >Have a dream >I'm lego Boba Fett >Fall off cliff >Wake up in a f------ panicked sweat >Never play Lego Star Wars again

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Anon doesn’t think democracy works | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #
Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

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He had to do it to em, yeah | /r/Greentext

53 KB JPG >>178781346 # I always wanted Christopher Walken to do a spoken word bible. >now Lot and his daughters were in a cave >you gotta understand >they thought it was the end of the world >they thought they were the last people in earth >so they did what they had to do >Lot got drunk >and he f----- his daughters >he f----- babies into their wombs >little i----- babies >but they had to
53 KB JPG >>178781346 # I always wanted Christopher Walken to do a spoken word bible. >now Lot and his daughters were in a cave >you gotta understand >they thought it was the end of the world >they thought they were the last people in earth >so they did what they had to do >Lot got drunk >and he f----- his daughters >he f----- babies into their wombs >little i----- babies >but they had to

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Boomers gonna boom. | /r/Greentext

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps
34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon watch the last of sus | /r/Greentext

>They get a cutie 3.14 to play the manish brute abigail >And for Ellie, they hire shrek when he drank the human potion Why are they like this?
>They get a cutie 3.14 to play the manish brute abigail >And for Ellie, they hire shrek when he drank the human potion Why are they like this?

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/mu/ is still down so i guess i should post it here | /r/Greentext

>be me >been lazy and didn't do laundry on time >had to get something to wear >put on my worst most itchy pair of underwear and jeans I've been wearing the past 4 days >raid my closet for a t shirt to wear because I own too many >find an old band tshirt that I haven't seen in a year >fast forward to me getting home today >i decided to look them up to see how they were doing >all their equipment was stolen at a show last night >mfw
>be me >been lazy and didn't do laundry on time >had to get something to wear >put on my worst most itchy pair of underwear and jeans I've been wearing the past 4 days >raid my closet for a t shirt to wear because I own too many >find an old band tshirt that I haven't seen in a year >fast forward to me getting home today >i decided to look them up to see how they were doing >all their equipment was stolen at a show last night >mfw

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A bit cranky | /r/Greentext

I've been living off 800 calories a day for the last 2 weeks. AMA, or dont, whatever f--- you. Anonymous 07/11/17(Tue)22:57:18 No.9158501 ►>>9158513 File: 1477591801645.jpg (3 KB, 126x111) C >>9158484 cranky because youre hongry arent you
I've been living off 800 calories a day for the last 2 weeks. AMA, or dont, whatever f--- you. Anonymous 07/11/17(Tue)22:57:18 No.9158501 ►>>9158513 File: 1477591801645.jpg (3 KB, 126x111) C >>9158484 cranky because youre hongry arent you

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Anon Liked The Batman (2022) | /r/Greentext

File: 1698084575929.jpg (456 KB, 2048x1152) THE ☐ Anonymous 01/16/25(Thu)15:10:16 No.207920709 >>207920734 >>207920795 >>207921115 >>207921968 >>207923469 >>207923837 >>207923869 >>207923946 you lied to me, /tv/, this was f------ kino >> Anonymous 01/16/25(Thu)15:11:53 No.207920734 >>207921205 >>207921454 >>207923837 >>207923868 >>207923946 >>207920709 (OP) >>207920875 >>207921063 The Batman was not only a bad Batman movie but a bad movie in general. >bad dialogue >Bruce is an emo twink >the gimp mask >marketed as ultra realistic but fails >the flying squirrel suit scene >wants to be Nolan 2.0 but failed >blacked Gordon for some reason >Catwoman is a black transvestite crackhead >Riddler is a reddit shitposter >Terrible third act >Batmobile is a regular muscle car but BLACK ☐ Anonymous 01/16/25(Thu)19:05:41 No.207923809 File: 1663245892872158.png (2.62 MB, 1280x1440) >Here's your kino, bro!
File: 1698084575929.jpg (456 KB, 2048x1152) THE ☐ Anonymous 01/16/25(Thu)15:10:16 No.207920709 >>207920734 >>207920795 >>207921115 >>207921968 >>207923469 >>207923837 >>207923869 >>207923946 you lied to me, /tv/, this was f------ kino >> Anonymous 01/16/25(Thu)15:11:53 No.207920734 >>207921205 >>207921454 >>207923837 >>207923868 >>207923946 >>207920709 (OP) >>207920875 >>207921063 The Batman was not only a bad Batman movie but a bad movie in general. >bad dialogue >Bruce is an emo twink >the gimp mask >marketed as ultra realistic but fails >the flying squirrel suit scene >wants to be Nolan 2.0 but failed >blacked Gordon for some reason >Catwoman is a black transvestite crackhead >Riddler is a reddit shitposter >Terrible third act >Batmobile is a regular muscle car but BLACK ☐ Anonymous 01/16/25(Thu)19:05:41 No.207923809 File: 1663245892872158.png (2.62 MB, 1280x1440) >Here's your kino, bro!

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Old greentext | /r/Greentext

Anonymous B 08/01/24(Thu)19:54:55 No.200460410 >that shy quiet guy at work who doesn't talk to anyone unless spoken to Is this you in you're c---? 82 KB JPG Anonymous Says he has no hobbies, but still lives a "busy life" Never shares his political views Knows a suspicious amount of trivial things and interesting factoids about society. Never elaborates on how he knows these things 08/01/24(Thu)19:58:56 No.200460452 You think you once heard him say something f----- up, at a social gathering, but everyone chose to ignore it. You aren't sure that it wasn't just a dream. Responds to questions with a shrug and a smile Seemingly immune to social drama Always polite Only has a few friends He could be extremely rich or poor. Impossible to say. Has never complained Always has time to help about work related problems aloof person 2.jpg 378 KB JPG Never seen in the company of a romantic partner Never wears anything flashy >>200460492 # >>200460502 # >>200460510 # >>200460528 # >>200462739
Anonymous B 08/01/24(Thu)19:54:55 No.200460410 >that shy quiet guy at work who doesn't talk to anyone unless spoken to Is this you in you're c---? 82 KB JPG Anonymous Says he has no hobbies, but still lives a "busy life" Never shares his political views Knows a suspicious amount of trivial things and interesting factoids about society. Never elaborates on how he knows these things 08/01/24(Thu)19:58:56 No.200460452 You think you once heard him say something f----- up, at a social gathering, but everyone chose to ignore it. You aren't sure that it wasn't just a dream. Responds to questions with a shrug and a smile Seemingly immune to social drama Always polite Only has a few friends He could be extremely rich or poor. Impossible to say. Has never complained Always has time to help about work related problems aloof person 2.jpg 378 KB JPG Never seen in the company of a romantic partner Never wears anything flashy >>200460492 # >>200460502 # >>200460510 # >>200460528 # >>200462739

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Banana shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo | /r/Greentext

File: 1370710900581.jpg-(82 KB, 600x874, a.aaa-Banana-Shark.jpg) Anonymous (ID: MYJQYP94) 06/08/13(Sat) 13:01:40 No.485723075 Super beta stories. I'll go first. >Be me, about 16. >Beta to the max. >Have a hard time dealing with the ladies. >Mostly spend my down time browsing p--- and fapping vs. a social life. >Discover strange, yet pleasing ways to get my rocks off. >Favorite way to fap is with banana peels. >Will eat a banana, but peel it carefully so I can stick my d--- in it. >Masturbate vigorously into banana peel. >feelsgoodman.jpg. >Sometimes I'll use the same peel two or three times before throwing it away. >I'm a sick bastard, I know. Fast forward a few weeks. >Been fapping in banana peels a lot. >Getting dat potassium like a mad f-----. >Develop a dependency on fapping in banana peels. >Masturbating with my fingerless gloves doesn't cut it anymore. >Peel catches my load so it doesn't squirt all over my fedora. >Start calling my d--- "The Banana Shark" >Typically pretty quiet kid in my classes. >Smart as s--- when it comes to Chemistry. >Can name all the elements on the Periodic Table. >F--- yeah. >Nice looking 8/10 knows I do well in Chemistry while she sucks d--- at it. >Pretty nice girl, not all prissy and stuck up like the other sluts. >Actually talks to me. >Asks if we can be lab partners. >F------ all the yes. >Begins to get friendlier with me. >Flirting level 3 engaged. >Decide to actually be alpha for once. >After a few days of great chemistry in Chemistry, ask her to go to a movie with me. >She says yes. Anonymous (ID: MYJQYP94) 06/08/13(Sat) 13:02:20 No.485723180 CONT.... >Go to see Lucky Number Slevin. >She's into mob movies and wants to see it. >Theater is practically empty. >We sit in the back row. >Halfway through the movie, I notice she keeps looking at me. >Not paying attention anymore. >Her tongue is in my mouth. >Her hand is on The Banana Shark. >The spaghetti is out of my pockets on the floor. >She asks if I have ever gotten head before. >Allmynope. >Unzips my pants to find a fully erect Banana Shark. >Starts to suck my d---. >Two minutes in. >"Anon, your d--- tastes weird." >Oh God, she can taste The Banana Shark. >"It tastes like bananas. Do you stick your d--- in bananas Anon?" >Beta me returns. >"S-s-sometimes..." >Awkward as f---. >"OH GOD ANON, I'M ALLERGIC TO BANANAS" >Begins puking on my d---. >OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK. >She begins to have a seizure. >Immediately call 911. MFW I cannot go back to that theater. MFW I put a girl in the hospital with The Banana Shark. MFW I haven't had a b------ OR a date since. Thanks a lot Banana Shark.
File: 1370710900581.jpg-(82 KB, 600x874, a.aaa-Banana-Shark.jpg) Anonymous (ID: MYJQYP94) 06/08/13(Sat) 13:01:40 No.485723075 Super beta stories. I'll go first. >Be me, about 16. >Beta to the max. >Have a hard time dealing with the ladies. >Mostly spend my down time browsing p--- and fapping vs. a social life. >Discover strange, yet pleasing ways to get my rocks off. >Favorite way to fap is with banana peels. >Will eat a banana, but peel it carefully so I can stick my d--- in it. >Masturbate vigorously into banana peel. >feelsgoodman.jpg. >Sometimes I'll use the same peel two or three times before throwing it away. >I'm a sick bastard, I know. Fast forward a few weeks. >Been fapping in banana peels a lot. >Getting dat potassium like a mad f-----. >Develop a dependency on fapping in banana peels. >Masturbating with my fingerless gloves doesn't cut it anymore. >Peel catches my load so it doesn't squirt all over my fedora. >Start calling my d--- "The Banana Shark" >Typically pretty quiet kid in my classes. >Smart as s--- when it comes to Chemistry. >Can name all the elements on the Periodic Table. >F--- yeah. >Nice looking 8/10 knows I do well in Chemistry while she sucks d--- at it. >Pretty nice girl, not all prissy and stuck up like the other sluts. >Actually talks to me. >Asks if we can be lab partners. >F------ all the yes. >Begins to get friendlier with me. >Flirting level 3 engaged. >Decide to actually be alpha for once. >After a few days of great chemistry in Chemistry, ask her to go to a movie with me. >She says yes. Anonymous (ID: MYJQYP94) 06/08/13(Sat) 13:02:20 No.485723180 CONT.... >Go to see Lucky Number Slevin. >She's into mob movies and wants to see it. >Theater is practically empty. >We sit in the back row. >Halfway through the movie, I notice she keeps looking at me. >Not paying attention anymore. >Her tongue is in my mouth. >Her hand is on The Banana Shark. >The spaghetti is out of my pockets on the floor. >She asks if I have ever gotten head before. >Allmynope. >Unzips my pants to find a fully erect Banana Shark. >Starts to suck my d---. >Two minutes in. >"Anon, your d--- tastes weird." >Oh God, she can taste The Banana Shark. >"It tastes like bananas. Do you stick your d--- in bananas Anon?" >Beta me returns. >"S-s-sometimes..." >Awkward as f---. >"OH GOD ANON, I'M ALLERGIC TO BANANAS" >Begins puking on my d---. >OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK. >She begins to have a seizure. >Immediately call 911. MFW I cannot go back to that theater. MFW I put a girl in the hospital with The Banana Shark. MFW I haven't had a b------ OR a date since. Thanks a lot Banana Shark.

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