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Bird meets Chick | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/28/17(Fri)10:56:37 No.36618253 file.png 1.77 MB PNG >japanese zoo puts cute anime versions of animals in the habitats >one penguin becomes so obsessed with the anime girl that he stops eating because he doesn't want to leave her 59 Replies/20 Images View Thread
Anonymous 04/28/17(Fri)10:56:37 No.36618253 file.png 1.77 MB PNG >japanese zoo puts cute anime versions of animals in the habitats >one penguin becomes so obsessed with the anime girl that he stops eating because he doesn't want to leave her 59 Replies/20 Images View Thread

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Those Who Can't, Teach | /r/Greentext

File: iceberg.jpg (35 KB, 804x526) Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)09:53:16 No.770192823 >be me, a dad >showing my 7 year old son compilation of bizarre danny devito scenes from always sunny >get to the one with frank in a hospital gown >frank spins around and you see his gross ass and he says, "really lets your ass breathe" >son says, "your butt can breathe?" >i say, "Oh ya. It is difficult but you can breathe out of your butt." >my wife glares at me but laughs >son laughs but asks if I'm being serious, i say yes while cracking up >fast forward to later and i'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom >look over at bath tub and see son's ass in the air, but his head is under water >kid is drowning himself while trying to breathe out of his a------
File: iceberg.jpg (35 KB, 804x526) Anonymous 05/31/18(Thu)09:53:16 No.770192823 >be me, a dad >showing my 7 year old son compilation of bizarre danny devito scenes from always sunny >get to the one with frank in a hospital gown >frank spins around and you see his gross ass and he says, "really lets your ass breathe" >son says, "your butt can breathe?" >i say, "Oh ya. It is difficult but you can breathe out of your butt." >my wife glares at me but laughs >son laughs but asks if I'm being serious, i say yes while cracking up >fast forward to later and i'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom >look over at bath tub and see son's ass in the air, but his head is under water >kid is drowning himself while trying to breathe out of his a------

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Ear Disabled | /r/Greentext

File: 1342889711888.jpg (41 KB, 447x425) F--- Anonymous (ID: b2GUC90E) 05/17/14(Sat) 13:24:46 No. 546835062 >>546835350 >>546835545 >>546835658 >>546835802 >>546835957 >>546835989 >>546836321 >>546836827 >>546837392 >>546838392 ITT Deaf people problems >I learned farting makes a sound at 20 Was with gf (not my first one) >At dinner in a very nice place >Waiter asking me for my order and my a------ needs to flex >Waiter gives look of disgust and terror Itwaswet.PNG >Gf signs me asking if I s--- myself >I have no clue what's going on >my girlfriend had to explain to me with the waiter right there that I just farted and that they make noise and that this particular one made everyone in the room stop talking >Mfw ive farted in front of everyone I know and nobody has ever said anything to me I excused myself to the bathroom and never talked to her again Anonymous (ID: JW6J5EFe) 05/17/14(Sat) 13:27:24 No.546835350 File: 1374525874783.jpg (47 KB, 321x374) >>546835062 (OP) this has got to be the greatest thing i ever read Anonymous (ID: qq9pYIE8) 05/17/14(Sat) 13:28:33 No.546835464 >>546836217 >>5468363 File: I stole this laptop.jpg (85 KB, 425x282)
File: 1342889711888.jpg (41 KB, 447x425) F--- Anonymous (ID: b2GUC90E) 05/17/14(Sat) 13:24:46 No. 546835062 >>546835350 >>546835545 >>546835658 >>546835802 >>546835957 >>546835989 >>546836321 >>546836827 >>546837392 >>546838392 ITT Deaf people problems >I learned farting makes a sound at 20 Was with gf (not my first one) >At dinner in a very nice place >Waiter asking me for my order and my a------ needs to flex >Waiter gives look of disgust and terror Itwaswet.PNG >Gf signs me asking if I s--- myself >I have no clue what's going on >my girlfriend had to explain to me with the waiter right there that I just farted and that they make noise and that this particular one made everyone in the room stop talking >Mfw ive farted in front of everyone I know and nobody has ever said anything to me I excused myself to the bathroom and never talked to her again Anonymous (ID: JW6J5EFe) 05/17/14(Sat) 13:27:24 No.546835350 File: 1374525874783.jpg (47 KB, 321x374) >>546835062 (OP) this has got to be the greatest thing i ever read Anonymous (ID: qq9pYIE8) 05/17/14(Sat) 13:28:33 No.546835464 >>546836217 >>5468363 File: I stole this laptop.jpg (85 KB, 425x282)

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Small Justice | /r/Greentext

.png (59 KB, 658x662) No.43232832 Anonymous 19 min. ago >send d--- pic to qt3.14 >she calls me a sicko and blocks me >oh well i'm used to it >next day cops at my door >she reported me to the police for distributing CP >they show me the pic i sent her >i tell them it's my c--- >they don't believe me >i have to pull down my pants >they give each other a sad look and apologize for bothering me
.png (59 KB, 658x662) No.43232832 Anonymous 19 min. ago >send d--- pic to qt3.14 >she calls me a sicko and blocks me >oh well i'm used to it >next day cops at my door >she reported me to the police for distributing CP >they show me the pic i sent her >i tell them it's my c--- >they don't believe me >i have to pull down my pants >they give each other a sad look and apologize for bothering me

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Right in the feels | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 815056689 124.0 kB PNG 1시간 전 ... Hey /b/ I need to tell you guys a story >Be me >Be working at suicide hotline >Have access to donation logs >Go through them from time to time between calls >Notice a man has made a donation of $17.50 every month, same day, for a couple years >Check to see if there's a note with the donations >They all read something like as follows "To Jason, from dad. I miss you every day" >I asked about it, turns out his son killed himself when he was really young >That money is his son's allowance Don't think that people won't miss you, or people will forget you, you are loved anon even if you don't feel it right now. 3 REPLIES 3 IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 815056689 124.0 kB PNG 1시간 전 ... Hey /b/ I need to tell you guys a story >Be me >Be working at suicide hotline >Have access to donation logs >Go through them from time to time between calls >Notice a man has made a donation of $17.50 every month, same day, for a couple years >Check to see if there's a note with the donations >They all read something like as follows "To Jason, from dad. I miss you every day" >I asked about it, turns out his son killed himself when he was really young >That money is his son's allowance Don't think that people won't miss you, or people will forget you, you are loved anon even if you don't feel it right now. 3 REPLIES 3 IMAGES REPLY

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Oldie but goodie greentexts moment, anon and his sister | /r/Greentext

File: 6360064590944441237692192).jpg (125 KB, 1536x974) Anonymous 09/04/17 (Mon)00:10:07 No.744134587 ► >Be me >Mom died right when I was born >Grew up with my dad's family because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed on me before I was born >Growing up, I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister >Be about 17 or 18 >Notice that my sister turned out to be a hottie >Accidentally found a video she recorded of herself >I thought she was so gorgeous that I watched it twice >I would have watched it a lot more, but some crazy things went down and I had to leave home >At this point, I'm totally lusting after my hot sister >She was also having some serious trouble with the law >Actually was in custody when I left home >Convince one of my friends to pick her up with me >Tell him I'll pay him gas money after we get her >We get to where she's locked up and bail her out >I just wanted to take her right then and there >It seemed like she had feelings for me too >She kissed me when my friend and I picked her up >It definitely wasn't a kiss a sisterly kiss >Friend confessed to me he wanted to get with my sister >Not much happened between my sister and me for a while >At this point, the three of us were all wanted and had to keep moving around to avoid getting caught >The sexual tension between my sister and my friend is getting a bit ridiculous now >While we're on the run I get hurt badly and almost die >My sister gives me another not so sisterly kiss during my recovery >After this we spend a bit of time apart >During our separation, I got extremely religious and try to not think of her >Convinced myself I was completely over her >My sister and I go sailing a year later, but it was nothing romantic >She's in the hottest bikini I've ever seen though >All of my old feelings come rushing back >She ends up getting with the friend I bailed her out with >The three of us and some more of our friends eventually all end up at a party >Sister and I go outside alone >Kill the mood by telling her that I have to go find and face our father, Darth Vader
File: 6360064590944441237692192).jpg (125 KB, 1536x974) Anonymous 09/04/17 (Mon)00:10:07 No.744134587 ► >Be me >Mom died right when I was born >Grew up with my dad's family because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed on me before I was born >Growing up, I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister >Be about 17 or 18 >Notice that my sister turned out to be a hottie >Accidentally found a video she recorded of herself >I thought she was so gorgeous that I watched it twice >I would have watched it a lot more, but some crazy things went down and I had to leave home >At this point, I'm totally lusting after my hot sister >She was also having some serious trouble with the law >Actually was in custody when I left home >Convince one of my friends to pick her up with me >Tell him I'll pay him gas money after we get her >We get to where she's locked up and bail her out >I just wanted to take her right then and there >It seemed like she had feelings for me too >She kissed me when my friend and I picked her up >It definitely wasn't a kiss a sisterly kiss >Friend confessed to me he wanted to get with my sister >Not much happened between my sister and me for a while >At this point, the three of us were all wanted and had to keep moving around to avoid getting caught >The sexual tension between my sister and my friend is getting a bit ridiculous now >While we're on the run I get hurt badly and almost die >My sister gives me another not so sisterly kiss during my recovery >After this we spend a bit of time apart >During our separation, I got extremely religious and try to not think of her >Convinced myself I was completely over her >My sister and I go sailing a year later, but it was nothing romantic >She's in the hottest bikini I've ever seen though >All of my old feelings come rushing back >She ends up getting with the friend I bailed her out with >The three of us and some more of our friends eventually all end up at a party >Sister and I go outside alone >Kill the mood by telling her that I have to go find and face our father, Darth Vader

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Anon makes the hard but sweetest choice | /r/Greentext

File: 37656478392876.jpg (332 KB, 1536x2048) Anonymous 05/02/23(Tue)13:35:09 No.898589946 [Reply] >>898590978 >>898591063 Shower Food Review 42: Giant Sour Gummy Worm - This was the most shame I've ever felt in the shower. I'm worried even God won't forgive me for this one. My ex girlfriend is moving out soon and she saw me eating this. The look on her face said "I made the right choice." 7/10 + 3 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 05/02/23(Tue)14:01:02 No.898590978 File: nefag.jpg (5 KB, 250x233) Anonymous 05/02/23(Tue)14:03:17 No.898591063 >>898589946 (OP) >>898589946 (OP) those shower tiles take me back about 20 years my grandmas house had the same exact tiles :( Anonymous 05/02/23(Tue)14:14:09 No.898591556 It's crazy that you have a full sized window in your shower. I also have one just like that and I thought I was the only house that had a retard design it's bathroom with a f------ full sized window in the god damned shower.
File: 37656478392876.jpg (332 KB, 1536x2048) Anonymous 05/02/23(Tue)13:35:09 No.898589946 [Reply] >>898590978 >>898591063 Shower Food Review 42: Giant Sour Gummy Worm - This was the most shame I've ever felt in the shower. I'm worried even God won't forgive me for this one. My ex girlfriend is moving out soon and she saw me eating this. The look on her face said "I made the right choice." 7/10 + 3 replies and 1 image omitted. Click here to view. Anonymous 05/02/23(Tue)14:01:02 No.898590978 File: nefag.jpg (5 KB, 250x233) Anonymous 05/02/23(Tue)14:03:17 No.898591063 >>898589946 (OP) >>898589946 (OP) those shower tiles take me back about 20 years my grandmas house had the same exact tiles :( Anonymous 05/02/23(Tue)14:14:09 No.898591556 It's crazy that you have a full sized window in your shower. I also have one just like that and I thought I was the only house that had a retard design it's bathroom with a f------ full sized window in the god damned shower.

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Anon has hit rock bottom and started digging | /r/Greentext

File: belgian blue.jpg (222 KB, 1000x666) Anonymous 11/15/23(Wed)18:02:15 No.909352323 >>909352739 >>909354251 >>909354590 I just gooned to belgian blue butts >> Anonymous 11/15/23(Wed)18:15:18 No.909352739 >>909352323 (OP) Anonymous 11/15/23(Wed)18:55:48 No.909354251 >>909352323 (OP) mmmmmm Anonymous 11/15/23(Wed)19:04:13 No.909354590 >>909352323 (OP) Mmm need that fat ass to shart in my face <3 Anonymous 11/15/23(Wed)19:12:21 No.909354816 File: mx80vvw6icf91.jpg (68 KB, 1200x675)
File: belgian blue.jpg (222 KB, 1000x666) Anonymous 11/15/23(Wed)18:02:15 No.909352323 >>909352739 >>909354251 >>909354590 I just gooned to belgian blue butts >> Anonymous 11/15/23(Wed)18:15:18 No.909352739 >>909352323 (OP) Anonymous 11/15/23(Wed)18:55:48 No.909354251 >>909352323 (OP) mmmmmm Anonymous 11/15/23(Wed)19:04:13 No.909354590 >>909352323 (OP) Mmm need that fat ass to shart in my face <3 Anonymous 11/15/23(Wed)19:12:21 No.909354816 File: mx80vvw6icf91.jpg (68 KB, 1200x675)

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Anon justifies the 2nd amendment | /r/Greentext

File: E3188ECF-0EB2-48A8-A53A-0(...).png (251 KB, 555x552) Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)21:52:59 No.58364123 [Reply] >>58364638 >>58364665 >>58364780 >>58364871 >>58364138 >>58364299 >>58364559 >>58364611 >be me >with cousin hiking through the woods in south nevada >suddenly a swarm of pigs attack us >they drag cousin off into the brush and eat him alive >I escape but with several bite wounds >Every time I hear the smell of bacon or see a cartoon pig I have flashbacks and hear my cousin screaming for help and the glint of white bone and wet red flesh And liberals say ruralchads don't need AR-15's for wild boar. I will never be the same again. In my town alone at least 5 people were eaten alive by wild boar. 7.62 Nato can't penetrate their tou reproduce 20 liters a week. Even a small boar can shrug off .300 WM like it was 9mm. Showing all replies. Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)21:54:12 No.58364138 Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)22:09:45 No.58364299 >>58364123 (OP) All f------ hogs must f------ hang >>58364309 >>58364611 >>58364123 (OP) >Ukrainans opens the latest weapons aid package from America >its a tied up megaboar >wut >24 months later >entire eastern ukraine and western russia is a no-mans land infested with rampaging hordes of man eating boars
File: E3188ECF-0EB2-48A8-A53A-0(...).png (251 KB, 555x552) Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)21:52:59 No.58364123 [Reply] >>58364638 >>58364665 >>58364780 >>58364871 >>58364138 >>58364299 >>58364559 >>58364611 >be me >with cousin hiking through the woods in south nevada >suddenly a swarm of pigs attack us >they drag cousin off into the brush and eat him alive >I escape but with several bite wounds >Every time I hear the smell of bacon or see a cartoon pig I have flashbacks and hear my cousin screaming for help and the glint of white bone and wet red flesh And liberals say ruralchads don't need AR-15's for wild boar. I will never be the same again. In my town alone at least 5 people were eaten alive by wild boar. 7.62 Nato can't penetrate their tou reproduce 20 liters a week. Even a small boar can shrug off .300 WM like it was 9mm. Showing all replies. Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)21:54:12 No.58364138 Anonymous 05/28/23(Sun)22:09:45 No.58364299 >>58364123 (OP) All f------ hogs must f------ hang >>58364309 >>58364611 >>58364123 (OP) >Ukrainans opens the latest weapons aid package from America >its a tied up megaboar >wut >24 months later >entire eastern ukraine and western russia is a no-mans land infested with rampaging hordes of man eating boars

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Anon's routine | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 6 KB JPG >wake up >eat >piss 02/05/25(Wed)01:31:29 No.80270394 >take a fat greasy stinky s--- >get out of bed >eat >go to computer >take a fat greasy stinky s--- >get out of computer chair >go to fridge >eat >take a fat greasy stinky s--- >put it in the fridge >close fridge >eat >get in bed >take a fat greasy stinky s--- >eat >go to sleep >take a fat greasy stinky s--- >rinse and repeat such is life
Anonymous 6 KB JPG >wake up >eat >piss 02/05/25(Wed)01:31:29 No.80270394 >take a fat greasy stinky s--- >get out of bed >eat >go to computer >take a fat greasy stinky s--- >get out of computer chair >go to fridge >eat >take a fat greasy stinky s--- >put it in the fridge >close fridge >eat >get in bed >take a fat greasy stinky s--- >eat >go to sleep >take a fat greasy stinky s--- >rinse and repeat such is life

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God bless America | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 39 KB JPG 06/01/21(Tue)22:17:54 No.855863221 >finish putting up my "We Don't Call 911" sign >fall off ladder on my way down and break my leg > my wife runs out in a panic >she looks up at the sign and looks back at me >she knows what I must do and hands me my pistol >I'm sorry Angela >wife runs back inside with tears rolling down her face >tell my children to go in the house >"We don't dial 911" I s-- as I put the barrel in my mouth > God Bless America
Anonymous 39 KB JPG 06/01/21(Tue)22:17:54 No.855863221 >finish putting up my "We Don't Call 911" sign >fall off ladder on my way down and break my leg > my wife runs out in a panic >she looks up at the sign and looks back at me >she knows what I must do and hands me my pistol >I'm sorry Angela >wife runs back inside with tears rolling down her face >tell my children to go in the house >"We don't dial 911" I s-- as I put the barrel in my mouth > God Bless America

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/tg/ in a nutshell | /r/Greentext

File 1261960056.jpg-(46 KB, 500x460) Anonymous 12/27/09(Sun)19:27 No.7310179 [Reply] I'm sorry, what is this board about? What are traditional games? Not a troll, though - I'm simply curious. I'm not sure if it's safe to make any assumptions, but... is /tg/ about games like Dungeons & Dragons? Or Warhammer? The ones, that have maps, rulebooks, bunch of dice and small figurines? If yes, you guys are cool. If no, please enlighten me. 18 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view. Anonymous 12/27/09(Sun)19:44 No.7310348 >>7310207 Earl Grey doesn't fit in with Darjeeling. Darjeeling is a variety of black tea from India, whereas Earl Grey refers to any tea flavored with bergamot oil. Both are, of course, quite good, but rather different. Anonymous 12/27/09(Sun)19:49 No.7310403 >>7310348 Yes, I am aware how different they are, and that Earl Grey is more of a category or style than a specific strain. Your point? Anonymous 12/27/09(Sun)19:50 No.7310416 >>7310403 You classified Darjeeling and Earl Grey as two varieties of Indian tea. That's not, on the whole, correct.
File 1261960056.jpg-(46 KB, 500x460) Anonymous 12/27/09(Sun)19:27 No.7310179 [Reply] I'm sorry, what is this board about? What are traditional games? Not a troll, though - I'm simply curious. I'm not sure if it's safe to make any assumptions, but... is /tg/ about games like Dungeons & Dragons? Or Warhammer? The ones, that have maps, rulebooks, bunch of dice and small figurines? If yes, you guys are cool. If no, please enlighten me. 18 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view. Anonymous 12/27/09(Sun)19:44 No.7310348 >>7310207 Earl Grey doesn't fit in with Darjeeling. Darjeeling is a variety of black tea from India, whereas Earl Grey refers to any tea flavored with bergamot oil. Both are, of course, quite good, but rather different. Anonymous 12/27/09(Sun)19:49 No.7310403 >>7310348 Yes, I am aware how different they are, and that Earl Grey is more of a category or style than a specific strain. Your point? Anonymous 12/27/09(Sun)19:50 No.7310416 >>7310403 You classified Darjeeling and Earl Grey as two varieties of Indian tea. That's not, on the whole, correct.

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Tfw we will never get posts like this ever again | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/12/25(Sat)21:54:26 No.278037516 hagstare.jpg 455 KB JPG How do you resist a 32 year old hag that wants you to impregnate her when she looks at you like this?
Anonymous 04/12/25(Sat)21:54:26 No.278037516 hagstare.jpg 455 KB JPG How do you resist a 32 year old hag that wants you to impregnate her when she looks at you like this?

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The Emperors finest | /r/Greentext

Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated
Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

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Posting this Silent Hill one to ask if someone can post that one where Anon takes LSD and trips a Si...

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"
Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

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The Amazing Story of Frank | /r/Greentext

>last day of school, thank god >sit in the park to find peace >be me >be 15 >fattest kid in high school >tortured constantly by assholes >i know i can lose weight, i just don't try >worst bully of all is a lanky, skinny p------------ >let's just call him d------ >there's an old man a few benches down, reading a newspaper >i have a moment of absolute piece "Hey, Anon" >areyoufuckingkiddingme.jpg >the unmistakable rasp of this douchebag's voice. >think of Syndrome's voice, from the Incredibles "Wanna ride my skateboard? Wait, no, you're so fat that you might break it." >a terrible and badly worded insult, but it still f------ hurts >i don't respond "What the f--- is this? Are you trying to ignore me? It won't work. I know that you can see and hear me, lard-ass." >uh-oh, doucheometor has hit the red section "And as long as I know those two things I will never leave, fatty." >he rambles for what seems like hours, some of his friends come along the same route and join in >whowouldwanttobefriendswiththisguy.jpg "Hey!" >i hear a new voice. >it's the old man a few benches down. >d------ looks over "What do you want, gramps? >the old man takes out a cigar and lights it, saying: "I would not make fun of people's weight if I were you." "Why not?" "Because when your entire arm is skinnier than most men's d----, you should realize you have a weight problem, too." >mfw i hear this glorious insult. >there's more, continue? leaving >>552226064 (OP) >all right, so d------ and his friends just freeze >instead of responding they just leave, extremely embarrassed. that their leader was told by an old man. >i look at the old man >he's literally staring off into the direction the pack of assholes are >just before they round the corner, he yells: "I see you're turning in the direction of the gay bar!" >there was indeed, a gay bar in the direction they were turning >ilostmyshit.jpg >they stopped for one second >the best comeback they had was yelling: "F--- YOU!" >they shouldn't have said that >the old man countered it perfectly "F--- ME? No, sorry, I don't want to join your little o--- later. And what are you doing interested in someone my age, anyway?" >here i am, sitting on this bench, losing my s--- because of this old man's insults >he then makes sure they leave, and then sits down next to me >we begin to chat >the entire street block is staring at us >we don't give a s--- >Thanks man. Oh, no trouble kid, he got what he deserved. >What's your name? Franklin, but you can call me Frank. Yours? >Anon. Pleased to meet you, Anon. >You as well, Frank. >Frank pauses for a moment >he then turns to me and asks: Have you ever done anything to deserve the b------- he just gave you? >No. I'm just overweight, so he targets me. A skinny little bitch insulting someone who could kill them merely by sitting on them? You have to show him that you mean business. >i have heard every single word he said, and i play the scene out in my head, me trying to fight him >i lose and get humiliated in front of the entire school >No, no, I'd... I'd rather not, I'll just ignore him until he quits. B-------! >Frank stabs his cane down How do get rid of cancer? >You fight it? Exactly! It never goes away, but if you beat it enough, its presence won't bother you. >What does cancer have to so with any of this? That skinny little s---? He is cancer. He sees someone who won't fight back, he sees someone he can consume. And yet, here you sit, acting like he's a minor headache. >"minor headache" You have two choices. Let him f--- with your life, or beat the s--- out of him. I see him come through this park every day. You can wait on this bench to f--- him up. >no, this guy is f------ insane >I'm sorry Frank, but I think it would just be best to avoid confrontation. >he looks me in the eye You'll see, Anon. >i go home, meet my dad >really good guy, and practically all i have left >my mother didn't... exactly want me >she just up and left around a month after my birth >i've never even met her >at least my dad gave a s--- about his responsibilities Hey, Anon, you happy school is out? >hellyesiam.jpg >dad's watching a baseball game >i sit down in a chair beside him and watch it with him You know, Anon, we could spend the entire damn summer watching these games. >But we'd get even fatter. Then we could take the place of orca whales in Sea World. >fuckinglovemyoldman.jpg >game is over, i go to bed >i wake up, first day of summer, hell yes. >go downstairs to kitchen >dad's at the fridge >he takes out an almost empty jug of milk "Well, s---." >he looks at me "Hey Anon, could you go to the store next to the park and get some milk? I've gotta get to work and I don't have time for shopping on the way." >idon'treallymind.jpg >he gives me enough to buy two jugs, and i set out >buy the jugs, exit the store with two bags, one for each jug >see Frank sitting across on his usual bench >whythehellnot.jpg >i walk up and say hi Hello, Anon, how are you doing today? >Fine. What's in the bags? >Milk, dad asked me to get some. Responsible. You're a good kid. >i was just about to get into a nice conversation with Frank when... you guessed it >d------ and friends >that f------ f----- "What's up, Lard Boy? Hanging out with the man with one foot in the grave?" >his friends acted like it was the best insult ever >easilyimpressedidiots.jpg >fred pipes up "Why yes, we are hanging out, and so are you queers, your d---- hanging out." >OH MY GOD, FRANK, THAT WAS AWESOME. "They hang out because their longer old man." "The only thing long about you is your a--- passage, so you can fit whatever size d--- you want in there." >d------ swings at Frank >FRANK F------ STOPS HIS FIST, I SWEAR TO GOD, HE HOLDS THIS SKINNY F------ HAND AND WONT LET GO >he looks at me and says one word "Milk" >he then looks at the milk jug and nods >he wants me to hit this f----- with the milk >don't think about it, just pick it up and slam it over the f-----'s head >MILK F------ EVERYWHERE >we have a few patches where a lot of drops hit us, but d------ is soaked >istillcantbelivethisshitactuallyhappened.jpg >d------ is white as a ghost now "WHAT THE F---?" >Frank looks up at him and his friends >he gives them the coldest stare i have ever seen and says: "Got milk?" >heactuallyfuckingsaidthat.jpg "Get out of here, go f--- each other or something." >They run, the actually f------ RUN >i sit back with the old man, out of breath, my heart beating like crazy >he reaches for his beard and gets a little bit of milk that found it's way there >he puts his finger in his mouth and tastes it >smacking his lips, he says: Hmmm... tastes like soaked f-----. >we f------ lose it >Frank gives me money to buy another jug of milk >i go home >d------ never bothers me again >frank and I are best friends >dad never knows about what happened ... >it ain't over yet, guys, there is still so much more to this story >and a whole lotta more Franklin >y'all ready for this s---? >so i give frank my address and tell him to come over some time >i come home and tell dad i made a friend who'll be coming over in the next few days >dad is... surprisingly cool with this >3 days later, Frank is there >>we sit down to eat (dad is a surprisingly good cook, he made some lasagna that night >Frank says to dad: Did you know your son was being bullied? >dad freezes No, I didn't, Anon, why didn't you tell me? >Frank interrupts No need to worry now. We took care of it. How? Let's leave out the details. >like i said, he never knew >Frank pipes up But, I'd like to avoid it again, and because of this, I would like to attack the reason your son was treated badly. His weight. >i freeze I'm not going to force you into this, and I'm not going to help you without your father's approval, but I can really help you get in shape. >my dad pauses, and nods his head >Frank turns to me "Now, listen, Anon, I am not going to make you do this, it's your choice. But once we start, there is no turning back." >i'm just ready for this nightmare to end >i nod my head "Alright, we start tomorrow, meet me in the park at 11:00 A.M." >So, we began >Frank first had me run as many laps around the park as i could, he said this would build up my stamina and make all the important workouts easier >on the first day i didn't even make it half way >i nearly cried, I felt so pathetic >Frank comes up to me and says the nicest s---: "You are doing incredibly well, very few people actually run as long as they can, but I can tell by how exhausted you are that you are actually trying, rest on the bench, and then when you're rested you can try this again, alright?" >so, I do this around six times in one day >i didn't notice, but Frank told me I got farther every time >by the end of the day I had actually ran the full lap >so, for four weeks I run, near the end i could run TEN F------ LAPS, I WAS SO F------ PROUD OF MYSELF, I COULD ACTUALLY DO THIS >i lose a f------ INCREDIBLE 15 pounds doing this s---. >i go from 230 lbs to 215 >we then start to do exercises, several different types in one day, so we can work on multiple parts of my body at once >we lift weights, do pushups (sucked at those), pull ups (those, too), all kinds of s---. >in one week I lose 5 pounds >210 pounds >over the next two months, i lost 30 pounds >kids at school notice me getting better >i was then 180 pounds, the perfect weight for my height >for the next 3 school years I live like a normal student >it's all because of Frank, too. >there's more, guys, a lot more >Frank is there for my high school graduation Kid, I am so f------ proud of you. I don't think I've cried harder than this in my entire life. >the old man gives me a hug >he encourages my dad to get a better job >dad actually does, we get a bigger house, life is so much better now >Frank is there when I leave for college "Good luck, Anon. I'll see you whenever you visit." >Frank does see me whenever I visit >the old man cries when I graduate and hugs me tight "I hate crying, but good lord I could drown in a river of my own tears I'm so proud. >ilovethisguy.jpg >then, something happened to dad >something bad >a drunk driver slammed into him >the shock from the impact killed him instantly >Frank was now all i had left >i inherited dad's money, his house... >Frank was in tears at the funeral >it broke my heart to see this hard ass m----------- break down crying >the drunk driver came over one day to face what he had done, and... Frank was there >i had to pull the old man off of the guy, i thought he was going to kill him "YOU M------------ P------------, I SHOULD RIP YOUR TONGUE OUT AND BLEED YOU TO DEATH!" >i had never seen him that violent >and then more things... came about "3 years" "What?" "You have three years, Franklin." >f------ melanoma >i'm driving him home, and he says to come inside his house. >he comes out with a picture of a woman and baby >Frank, what is this? "It's a picture of my wife Elizabeth and our daughter Josanna." >Well, where are they? >he just looks at me and i know what he means >Oh God... how? "House fire. I was the only one who made it out. We were married for three years, and Josanna, she was only 3 weeks old." >Why are you showing me this now? "I'll tell you, in time." >fast forward three more vears > hospital calls me >Frank wants to see me >so, of course I go "Hey, Anon." >oh god he's so thin... why did this have to happen to him? "Come closer." >he pulls out that picture of his wife and daughter >and then he says his in my ear: "I showed you that picture... really had." >he's crying now because you are the closest thing to a child I've ever "You, unlike everybody else, you sat down, you talked to me, you actually liked me." >he sniffles "I love you, Anon, even if you aren't my son, I love you." >a few minutes later >flatline >cry like a f------ baby >I miss you old man.
>last day of school, thank god >sit in the park to find peace >be me >be 15 >fattest kid in high school >tortured constantly by assholes >i know i can lose weight, i just don't try >worst bully of all is a lanky, skinny p------------ >let's just call him d------ >there's an old man a few benches down, reading a newspaper >i have a moment of absolute piece "Hey, Anon" >areyoufuckingkiddingme.jpg >the unmistakable rasp of this douchebag's voice. >think of Syndrome's voice, from the Incredibles "Wanna ride my skateboard? Wait, no, you're so fat that you might break it." >a terrible and badly worded insult, but it still f------ hurts >i don't respond "What the f--- is this? Are you trying to ignore me? It won't work. I know that you can see and hear me, lard-ass." >uh-oh, doucheometor has hit the red section "And as long as I know those two things I will never leave, fatty." >he rambles for what seems like hours, some of his friends come along the same route and join in >whowouldwanttobefriendswiththisguy.jpg "Hey!" >i hear a new voice. >it's the old man a few benches down. >d------ looks over "What do you want, gramps? >the old man takes out a cigar and lights it, saying: "I would not make fun of people's weight if I were you." "Why not?" "Because when your entire arm is skinnier than most men's d----, you should realize you have a weight problem, too." >mfw i hear this glorious insult. >there's more, continue? leaving >>552226064 (OP) >all right, so d------ and his friends just freeze >instead of responding they just leave, extremely embarrassed. that their leader was told by an old man. >i look at the old man >he's literally staring off into the direction the pack of assholes are >just before they round the corner, he yells: "I see you're turning in the direction of the gay bar!" >there was indeed, a gay bar in the direction they were turning >ilostmyshit.jpg >they stopped for one second >the best comeback they had was yelling: "F--- YOU!" >they shouldn't have said that >the old man countered it perfectly "F--- ME? No, sorry, I don't want to join your little o--- later. And what are you doing interested in someone my age, anyway?" >here i am, sitting on this bench, losing my s--- because of this old man's insults >he then makes sure they leave, and then sits down next to me >we begin to chat >the entire street block is staring at us >we don't give a s--- >Thanks man. Oh, no trouble kid, he got what he deserved. >What's your name? Franklin, but you can call me Frank. Yours? >Anon. Pleased to meet you, Anon. >You as well, Frank. >Frank pauses for a moment >he then turns to me and asks: Have you ever done anything to deserve the b------- he just gave you? >No. I'm just overweight, so he targets me. A skinny little bitch insulting someone who could kill them merely by sitting on them? You have to show him that you mean business. >i have heard every single word he said, and i play the scene out in my head, me trying to fight him >i lose and get humiliated in front of the entire school >No, no, I'd... I'd rather not, I'll just ignore him until he quits. B-------! >Frank stabs his cane down How do get rid of cancer? >You fight it? Exactly! It never goes away, but if you beat it enough, its presence won't bother you. >What does cancer have to so with any of this? That skinny little s---? He is cancer. He sees someone who won't fight back, he sees someone he can consume. And yet, here you sit, acting like he's a minor headache. >"minor headache" You have two choices. Let him f--- with your life, or beat the s--- out of him. I see him come through this park every day. You can wait on this bench to f--- him up. >no, this guy is f------ insane >I'm sorry Frank, but I think it would just be best to avoid confrontation. >he looks me in the eye You'll see, Anon. >i go home, meet my dad >really good guy, and practically all i have left >my mother didn't... exactly want me >she just up and left around a month after my birth >i've never even met her >at least my dad gave a s--- about his responsibilities Hey, Anon, you happy school is out? >hellyesiam.jpg >dad's watching a baseball game >i sit down in a chair beside him and watch it with him You know, Anon, we could spend the entire damn summer watching these games. >But we'd get even fatter. Then we could take the place of orca whales in Sea World. >fuckinglovemyoldman.jpg >game is over, i go to bed >i wake up, first day of summer, hell yes. >go downstairs to kitchen >dad's at the fridge >he takes out an almost empty jug of milk "Well, s---." >he looks at me "Hey Anon, could you go to the store next to the park and get some milk? I've gotta get to work and I don't have time for shopping on the way." >idon'treallymind.jpg >he gives me enough to buy two jugs, and i set out >buy the jugs, exit the store with two bags, one for each jug >see Frank sitting across on his usual bench >whythehellnot.jpg >i walk up and say hi Hello, Anon, how are you doing today? >Fine. What's in the bags? >Milk, dad asked me to get some. Responsible. You're a good kid. >i was just about to get into a nice conversation with Frank when... you guessed it >d------ and friends >that f------ f----- "What's up, Lard Boy? Hanging out with the man with one foot in the grave?" >his friends acted like it was the best insult ever >easilyimpressedidiots.jpg >fred pipes up "Why yes, we are hanging out, and so are you queers, your d---- hanging out." >OH MY GOD, FRANK, THAT WAS AWESOME. "They hang out because their longer old man." "The only thing long about you is your a--- passage, so you can fit whatever size d--- you want in there." >d------ swings at Frank >FRANK F------ STOPS HIS FIST, I SWEAR TO GOD, HE HOLDS THIS SKINNY F------ HAND AND WONT LET GO >he looks at me and says one word "Milk" >he then looks at the milk jug and nods >he wants me to hit this f----- with the milk >don't think about it, just pick it up and slam it over the f-----'s head >MILK F------ EVERYWHERE >we have a few patches where a lot of drops hit us, but d------ is soaked >istillcantbelivethisshitactuallyhappened.jpg >d------ is white as a ghost now "WHAT THE F---?" >Frank looks up at him and his friends >he gives them the coldest stare i have ever seen and says: "Got milk?" >heactuallyfuckingsaidthat.jpg "Get out of here, go f--- each other or something." >They run, the actually f------ RUN >i sit back with the old man, out of breath, my heart beating like crazy >he reaches for his beard and gets a little bit of milk that found it's way there >he puts his finger in his mouth and tastes it >smacking his lips, he says: Hmmm... tastes like soaked f-----. >we f------ lose it >Frank gives me money to buy another jug of milk >i go home >d------ never bothers me again >frank and I are best friends >dad never knows about what happened ... >it ain't over yet, guys, there is still so much more to this story >and a whole lotta more Franklin >y'all ready for this s---? >so i give frank my address and tell him to come over some time >i come home and tell dad i made a friend who'll be coming over in the next few days >dad is... surprisingly cool with this >3 days later, Frank is there >>we sit down to eat (dad is a surprisingly good cook, he made some lasagna that night >Frank says to dad: Did you know your son was being bullied? >dad freezes No, I didn't, Anon, why didn't you tell me? >Frank interrupts No need to worry now. We took care of it. How? Let's leave out the details. >like i said, he never knew >Frank pipes up But, I'd like to avoid it again, and because of this, I would like to attack the reason your son was treated badly. His weight. >i freeze I'm not going to force you into this, and I'm not going to help you without your father's approval, but I can really help you get in shape. >my dad pauses, and nods his head >Frank turns to me "Now, listen, Anon, I am not going to make you do this, it's your choice. But once we start, there is no turning back." >i'm just ready for this nightmare to end >i nod my head "Alright, we start tomorrow, meet me in the park at 11:00 A.M." >So, we began >Frank first had me run as many laps around the park as i could, he said this would build up my stamina and make all the important workouts easier >on the first day i didn't even make it half way >i nearly cried, I felt so pathetic >Frank comes up to me and says the nicest s---: "You are doing incredibly well, very few people actually run as long as they can, but I can tell by how exhausted you are that you are actually trying, rest on the bench, and then when you're rested you can try this again, alright?" >so, I do this around six times in one day >i didn't notice, but Frank told me I got farther every time >by the end of the day I had actually ran the full lap >so, for four weeks I run, near the end i could run TEN F------ LAPS, I WAS SO F------ PROUD OF MYSELF, I COULD ACTUALLY DO THIS >i lose a f------ INCREDIBLE 15 pounds doing this s---. >i go from 230 lbs to 215 >we then start to do exercises, several different types in one day, so we can work on multiple parts of my body at once >we lift weights, do pushups (sucked at those), pull ups (those, too), all kinds of s---. >in one week I lose 5 pounds >210 pounds >over the next two months, i lost 30 pounds >kids at school notice me getting better >i was then 180 pounds, the perfect weight for my height >for the next 3 school years I live like a normal student >it's all because of Frank, too. >there's more, guys, a lot more >Frank is there for my high school graduation Kid, I am so f------ proud of you. I don't think I've cried harder than this in my entire life. >the old man gives me a hug >he encourages my dad to get a better job >dad actually does, we get a bigger house, life is so much better now >Frank is there when I leave for college "Good luck, Anon. I'll see you whenever you visit." >Frank does see me whenever I visit >the old man cries when I graduate and hugs me tight "I hate crying, but good lord I could drown in a river of my own tears I'm so proud. >ilovethisguy.jpg >then, something happened to dad >something bad >a drunk driver slammed into him >the shock from the impact killed him instantly >Frank was now all i had left >i inherited dad's money, his house... >Frank was in tears at the funeral >it broke my heart to see this hard ass m----------- break down crying >the drunk driver came over one day to face what he had done, and... Frank was there >i had to pull the old man off of the guy, i thought he was going to kill him "YOU M------------ P------------, I SHOULD RIP YOUR TONGUE OUT AND BLEED YOU TO DEATH!" >i had never seen him that violent >and then more things... came about "3 years" "What?" "You have three years, Franklin." >f------ melanoma >i'm driving him home, and he says to come inside his house. >he comes out with a picture of a woman and baby >Frank, what is this? "It's a picture of my wife Elizabeth and our daughter Josanna." >Well, where are they? >he just looks at me and i know what he means >Oh God... how? "House fire. I was the only one who made it out. We were married for three years, and Josanna, she was only 3 weeks old." >Why are you showing me this now? "I'll tell you, in time." >fast forward three more vears > hospital calls me >Frank wants to see me >so, of course I go "Hey, Anon." >oh god he's so thin... why did this have to happen to him? "Come closer." >he pulls out that picture of his wife and daughter >and then he says his in my ear: "I showed you that picture... really had." >he's crying now because you are the closest thing to a child I've ever "You, unlike everybody else, you sat down, you talked to me, you actually liked me." >he sniffles "I love you, Anon, even if you aren't my son, I love you." >a few minutes later >flatline >cry like a f------ baby >I miss you old man.

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