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Greentext Stories - Images (45,783 results)

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Shitty Jobz | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 152 KB PNG 04/26/25(Sat)18:05:01 No.80995962 >Be me, unemployed >Looking for a new job >Find an opening at the local zoo >Get to interview >They tell me my job is to dress up as a chimp and pretend to be a chimp in the chimp enclosure, as they don't have any chimps at the moment. >"No thanks, I don't want to do suck humiliating work" >They offer me $400 a day >"Ok I'll take the job" >But there is a catch, the moment I break character, I get fired. >Seems simple enough >Swing around on the bars >Eat banana >Throw s--- at the glass >FFW to swinging >Swing way too f------ hard >So hard that the bar snaps and I fly over the wall into the Lion enclosure >OhShit.jpeg >Literally s------- my chimp suit >Start screaming for help >Running around >Life flashed before my eyes as the lion backs me into the corner >He says "Shut the f--- up or we'll both get fired"
Anonymous 152 KB PNG 04/26/25(Sat)18:05:01 No.80995962 >Be me, unemployed >Looking for a new job >Find an opening at the local zoo >Get to interview >They tell me my job is to dress up as a chimp and pretend to be a chimp in the chimp enclosure, as they don't have any chimps at the moment. >"No thanks, I don't want to do suck humiliating work" >They offer me $400 a day >"Ok I'll take the job" >But there is a catch, the moment I break character, I get fired. >Seems simple enough >Swing around on the bars >Eat banana >Throw s--- at the glass >FFW to swinging >Swing way too f------ hard >So hard that the bar snaps and I fly over the wall into the Lion enclosure >OhShit.jpeg >Literally s------- my chimp suit >Start screaming for help >Running around >Life flashed before my eyes as the lion backs me into the corner >He says "Shut the f--- up or we'll both get fired"

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Anon saves the day | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 79 KB GIF 09/21/22(Wed)08:30:46 No.885999530 >Be me > 6,2 male. >lift heavy s--- all day, makes me strong. >be helping my coworker >5,5 sissy >he's weak and kinda useless but he's not another worthless crackhead who pulls a knife when you tell then to do anything like the last guy. >a few months on the job and he'll be strong too. >one day he falls over while carrying a heavy tray. >by reflex I catch him before he goes face- down on the floor >notice he's got a boner when I get him steady on his feet.
Anonymous 79 KB GIF 09/21/22(Wed)08:30:46 No.885999530 >Be me > 6,2 male. >lift heavy s--- all day, makes me strong. >be helping my coworker >5,5 sissy >he's weak and kinda useless but he's not another worthless crackhead who pulls a knife when you tell then to do anything like the last guy. >a few months on the job and he'll be strong too. >one day he falls over while carrying a heavy tray. >by reflex I catch him before he goes face- down on the floor >notice he's got a boner when I get him steady on his feet.

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anon has a bad dream | /r/Greentext

П File: Screenshot 2025-04-26 015557.png (246 KB, 381x357) ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat)01:57:22 No.933879280 [Reply] ► > hear that annoying rascal flats song > where tf is it coming from > its getting louder, cant think straight > wake up in cold sweat > it was just a bad dream, thank f------ god > drive away
П File: Screenshot 2025-04-26 015557.png (246 KB, 381x357) ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat)01:57:22 No.933879280 [Reply] ► > hear that annoying rascal flats song > where tf is it coming from > its getting louder, cant think straight > wake up in cold sweat > it was just a bad dream, thank f------ god > drive away

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It's Billy Mitchell's world, and we're just living in it | /r/Greentext

File: 1727519110888787.png (120 KB, 318x325) ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat)09:43:21 No.708314452 >>708314930 >>708315015 >>708315219 >>708315412 >>708315486 >>708315914 >>708315925 >>708316123 >>708317264 >>708317413 >>708318853 >>708319479 >>708319925 >>708320592 >>708322190 >>708322339 >>708322879 >>708325974 >>708326025 >>708328639 >>708329486 ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat)09:51:22 No.708314930 ►>>708315219 >>708315294 >>708322690 >>708328639 File: 1744585069185845.png (104 KB, 364x308) ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat) 10:01:12 No.708315557 >>708317725 >>708322820 >>708315146 >guy who cheated at video game record sues guy who "exposes" cheaters >tells everyone he's getting sued for calling him a cheater and asks for donations for legal funds >actually he's getting sued for lying that the cheater made someone commit suicide over a previous lawsuit >lawyers tell guy who's getting sued he won't win >he fires them and asks chatGPT for legal advice >tells everyone there's no way he'll lose the case >goes to court and loses >his audience is now raking him over the coals for lying about the basis of the lawsuit >the rest of the internet is now laughing at him for being overly cocky and exposing his past as a pickup artist grifter ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat) 10:07:36 No.708315914 >>708314452 (OP) Cant wait for Jobber to appeal and lose again. ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat) 10:10:54 No.708316123 File: 1743510953383901.png (1.39 MB, 720x1063) We Lost. Karl Jobst 47K views - 17 minutes ago 16:04 >>708314452 (OP) >His name is Jobst >He jobs Bravo kojimbo ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat)09:55:12 No. 708315146 ►>>708315216 >>708315557 >>708315707 >>708317725 >>708331734 quick rundown? >>708314452 (OP). alpha male
File: 1727519110888787.png (120 KB, 318x325) ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat)09:43:21 No.708314452 >>708314930 >>708315015 >>708315219 >>708315412 >>708315486 >>708315914 >>708315925 >>708316123 >>708317264 >>708317413 >>708318853 >>708319479 >>708319925 >>708320592 >>708322190 >>708322339 >>708322879 >>708325974 >>708326025 >>708328639 >>708329486 ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat)09:51:22 No.708314930 ►>>708315219 >>708315294 >>708322690 >>708328639 File: 1744585069185845.png (104 KB, 364x308) ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat) 10:01:12 No.708315557 >>708317725 >>708322820 >>708315146 >guy who cheated at video game record sues guy who "exposes" cheaters >tells everyone he's getting sued for calling him a cheater and asks for donations for legal funds >actually he's getting sued for lying that the cheater made someone commit suicide over a previous lawsuit >lawyers tell guy who's getting sued he won't win >he fires them and asks chatGPT for legal advice >tells everyone there's no way he'll lose the case >goes to court and loses >his audience is now raking him over the coals for lying about the basis of the lawsuit >the rest of the internet is now laughing at him for being overly cocky and exposing his past as a pickup artist grifter ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat) 10:07:36 No.708315914 >>708314452 (OP) Cant wait for Jobber to appeal and lose again. ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat) 10:10:54 No.708316123 File: 1743510953383901.png (1.39 MB, 720x1063) We Lost. Karl Jobst 47K views - 17 minutes ago 16:04 >>708314452 (OP) >His name is Jobst >He jobs Bravo kojimbo ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat)09:55:12 No. 708315146 ►>>708315216 >>708315557 >>708315707 >>708317725 >>708331734 quick rundown? >>708314452 (OP). alpha male

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Anon discovers gooning | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Why I hate the term gooning GOON 04/26/25(Sat)12:10:24 No.933889680 When I was a little boy, Way before the TikTokers invaded, I was introduced to a little thing called "gooning" and the r/GoonCaves subreddit. Now, When I first heard about it, I wasn't feeling too good about myself, But watching all of the losers just fap all day to hundreds of freaky p--- scenes made me feel a little better about myself because even if was at a low place in my life, I could look at those people and think "man I am glad to not to be them." At the time, No one heard of gooning. It was literally a niche so I decided that this was my little secret. And for a while I watched these guys go at it in fascination. 12 KB JPG Then fast forward like last year or so, And do you know what f------ happened? those Tik Tok vermin found that little secret and RAN IT INTO THE F------ GROUND!! ALL OF THE SUDDEN MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WERE LIKE "gooning this, gooning that" And "Gooning" lost ALL OF IT'S F------ MEANING. What was once a term used to describe the worst of p--- addicts has been ruined down to a word used for anything. And do you know the worst bit? r/GoonCaves got banned because those clout-chasing vermins could NOT keep their mouth shut. THEY TOOK AWAY WHAT WAS MINE! I DISCOVERED IT! NOT YOU AND YOU HAD TO F------ COLONIZE AND DESTROY WHAT WAS ONCE A HIDDEN GEM OF THE INTERNET?!?!!! I will never forgive Tik Tok for taking away what was once mine and mine alone. A niche act that I would observe every once in a while to escape my problems, But of course I can't have nice things. If I could find those subhumans who decided to reveal gooning to everyone, I would do horrible things to them.
Anonymous Why I hate the term gooning GOON 04/26/25(Sat)12:10:24 No.933889680 When I was a little boy, Way before the TikTokers invaded, I was introduced to a little thing called "gooning" and the r/GoonCaves subreddit. Now, When I first heard about it, I wasn't feeling too good about myself, But watching all of the losers just fap all day to hundreds of freaky p--- scenes made me feel a little better about myself because even if was at a low place in my life, I could look at those people and think "man I am glad to not to be them." At the time, No one heard of gooning. It was literally a niche so I decided that this was my little secret. And for a while I watched these guys go at it in fascination. 12 KB JPG Then fast forward like last year or so, And do you know what f------ happened? those Tik Tok vermin found that little secret and RAN IT INTO THE F------ GROUND!! ALL OF THE SUDDEN MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WERE LIKE "gooning this, gooning that" And "Gooning" lost ALL OF IT'S F------ MEANING. What was once a term used to describe the worst of p--- addicts has been ruined down to a word used for anything. And do you know the worst bit? r/GoonCaves got banned because those clout-chasing vermins could NOT keep their mouth shut. THEY TOOK AWAY WHAT WAS MINE! I DISCOVERED IT! NOT YOU AND YOU HAD TO F------ COLONIZE AND DESTROY WHAT WAS ONCE A HIDDEN GEM OF THE INTERNET?!?!!! I will never forgive Tik Tok for taking away what was once mine and mine alone. A niche act that I would observe every once in a while to escape my problems, But of course I can't have nice things. If I could find those subhumans who decided to reveal gooning to everyone, I would do horrible things to them.

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Oddball of an event | /r/Greentext

Chud 3 hours ago Nº40786 [Quote] [Voice Chat] >>40792 > language course teacher goes on a side talk about self- improooooving >The epileptic manlet with a limpy paralyzed hand stops her and start rambling about self-improoooving and some "3 laws of life raisin" so she calls him on stage to talk about it >He goes on a long rant about it, people pretend to listen, it's MSM tier raisin about self development >Most of the things he says are absolute cope, starts talking about having no friends, later mentions having "3% autism" (Imao) which apparently prevents him from finishing books, "i hate sadness i hate sad people when someone is in a bad mood i run away" amongst other weird raisin >Everyone claps >He sits back with a huge grin and start turning every 8 seconds to the girls behind him (one of them initiated the clapping and was going "aww" during the whole thing) >They first talk to him two or three times >He keeps doing it but gets ignored for the rest of the course >Gets an epileptic seizure later on the second course and is carried away foaming from the mouth What a weird display i witnessed today
Chud 3 hours ago Nº40786 [Quote] [Voice Chat] >>40792 > language course teacher goes on a side talk about self- improooooving >The epileptic manlet with a limpy paralyzed hand stops her and start rambling about self-improoooving and some "3 laws of life raisin" so she calls him on stage to talk about it >He goes on a long rant about it, people pretend to listen, it's MSM tier raisin about self development >Most of the things he says are absolute cope, starts talking about having no friends, later mentions having "3% autism" (Imao) which apparently prevents him from finishing books, "i hate sadness i hate sad people when someone is in a bad mood i run away" amongst other weird raisin >Everyone claps >He sits back with a huge grin and start turning every 8 seconds to the girls behind him (one of them initiated the clapping and was going "aww" during the whole thing) >They first talk to him two or three times >He keeps doing it but gets ignored for the rest of the course >Gets an epileptic seizure later on the second course and is carried away foaming from the mouth What a weird display i witnessed today

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A sign from God | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 48 KB JPG >life is good 04/26/25(Sat) 10:55:28 No.933887820 >board goes down >almost immediately get a date >the next day I get hired for a salarychad position >win $300 on a scratch-off getting gas on way home from day 1 training on Thursday >spent last two nights playing oblivion remaster I got basically for free, texting this bitch and drinking PBR without a care in the world can the soyjak chuds take this place down again I think it's an omen
Anonymous 48 KB JPG >life is good 04/26/25(Sat) 10:55:28 No.933887820 >board goes down >almost immediately get a date >the next day I get hired for a salarychad position >win $300 on a scratch-off getting gas on way home from day 1 training on Thursday >spent last two nights playing oblivion remaster I got basically for free, texting this bitch and drinking PBR without a care in the world can the soyjak chuds take this place down again I think it's an omen

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Anon has the Cheese Touch | /r/Greentext

File: jd_vance_ap.jpg (108 KB, 1280×720) ☐ Anonymous (ID: KOCjJ/Xn 04/25/25(Fri)20:22:50 No.503296997 ► >Visits Modi in India >Hours later a major terrorist attack kills 26 'jeets >Has a 60 second conversation with the Pope >Hours later the Pope dies of a massive stroke What the f---, this guy has genuine eldritch aura. He's America's angel of death.
File: jd_vance_ap.jpg (108 KB, 1280×720) ☐ Anonymous (ID: KOCjJ/Xn 04/25/25(Fri)20:22:50 No.503296997 ► >Visits Modi in India >Hours later a major terrorist attack kills 26 'jeets >Has a 60 second conversation with the Pope >Hours later the Pope dies of a massive stroke What the f---, this guy has genuine eldritch aura. He's America's angel of death.

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Anon builds a torture device | /r/Greentext

File: 1645495437936 (1).jpg (78 KB, 799x742) Sandpaper floor Anonymous 02/06/14(Thu)04:41 UTC-6 No. 14134602 Replies: >>14140966 >>14142700 >>14143526 >>14145682 File: 1391683268965.png-(39 KB, 800x600, torture.png) It's definitely not the worst, but I've been tooling around with the idea of a torture method where a victim is placed naked in a metal room with a rough grit sandpaper conveyor belt floor. The idea is the floor is moving very slowly 24/7, the victim would have to walk constantly to avoid being scraped. Eventually, they would tire and pass out, but the conveyor would pin them against the wall and start scraping their flesh. This would wake them up and keep them in agony until they bleed out days later or something. Anonymous 03/13/23(Mon)06:18:42 No. 181695060 >>181695162 >>181695182 >>>181695396 >>>181695569 >>181696055 >>181696158 Anonymous 03/13/23(Mon)06:40:02 No. 181695569 File: 7af72945749d8e9887700b591(...).jpg (17 KB, 480x360) >>181695640 >>181696195 vevo >>181695060 (OP) > Futures made of virtual insanity, ...
File: 1645495437936 (1).jpg (78 KB, 799x742) Sandpaper floor Anonymous 02/06/14(Thu)04:41 UTC-6 No. 14134602 Replies: >>14140966 >>14142700 >>14143526 >>14145682 File: 1391683268965.png-(39 KB, 800x600, torture.png) It's definitely not the worst, but I've been tooling around with the idea of a torture method where a victim is placed naked in a metal room with a rough grit sandpaper conveyor belt floor. The idea is the floor is moving very slowly 24/7, the victim would have to walk constantly to avoid being scraped. Eventually, they would tire and pass out, but the conveyor would pin them against the wall and start scraping their flesh. This would wake them up and keep them in agony until they bleed out days later or something. Anonymous 03/13/23(Mon)06:18:42 No. 181695060 >>181695162 >>181695182 >>>181695396 >>>181695569 >>181696055 >>181696158 Anonymous 03/13/23(Mon)06:40:02 No. 181695569 File: 7af72945749d8e9887700b591(...).jpg (17 KB, 480x360) >>181695640 >>181696195 vevo >>181695060 (OP) > Futures made of virtual insanity, ...

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Maybe anon is into something | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat)03:54:25 No.708322560 Selected_20221024_113344_edited.jpg 253 KB JPG >This is the studio behind the newest hit game, Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 >A game that has received near universal praise in reception from both the audience and critics Really makes you think, doesn't it?
Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat)03:54:25 No.708322560 Selected_20221024_113344_edited.jpg 253 KB JPG >This is the studio behind the newest hit game, Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 >A game that has received near universal praise in reception from both the audience and critics Really makes you think, doesn't it?

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Pilgrims in an unholy land | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: v7cd0519) 07/28/22(Thu)16:41:29 No.50608019 408 KB JPG >Finally get hired at real full time after taking forever to finish my uni degree. >Colleagues don't know. >Still live at home but can now start saving up >Sit at lunch with colleagues >All they talk about is how much they hate NEETs, people taking a long time finishing uni or still living with parents/getting help Lads help I'm behind enemy lines I'm getting scared do I have to lie to make myself appear like a regular normie to not generate too much aggro? 10 Replies / 3 Images View Thread
Anonymous (ID: v7cd0519) 07/28/22(Thu)16:41:29 No.50608019 408 KB JPG >Finally get hired at real full time after taking forever to finish my uni degree. >Colleagues don't know. >Still live at home but can now start saving up >Sit at lunch with colleagues >All they talk about is how much they hate NEETs, people taking a long time finishing uni or still living with parents/getting help Lads help I'm behind enemy lines I'm getting scared do I have to lie to make myself appear like a regular normie to not generate too much aggro? 10 Replies / 3 Images View Thread

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Anon is on weed | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_0626.jpg (74 KB, 750x1000) ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat) 18:01:13 No.105084527 > be me > programmer marry beautiful waifu > baby son is born > first words "hello world" > is he the one anons, the programmer to rule them all?
File: IMG_0626.jpg (74 KB, 750x1000) ☐ Anonymous 04/26/25(Sat) 18:01:13 No.105084527 > be me > programmer marry beautiful waifu > baby son is born > first words "hello world" > is he the one anons, the programmer to rule them all?

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We are back | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/25/25(Fri)19:36:15 No.63602526 >>63602506 (OP) # FMJ 01.jpg 103 KB JPG Does 4chan deserve to be on the internet? I don't know. I know that I deserve to be on 4chan. >>63602671 # >>63603438 # >>63603473 #
Anonymous 04/25/25(Fri)19:36:15 No.63602526 >>63602506 (OP) # FMJ 01.jpg 103 KB JPG Does 4chan deserve to be on the internet? I don't know. I know that I deserve to be on 4chan. >>63602671 # >>63603438 # >>63603473 #

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10 Days Later | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10 days without 4chin 51 KB PNG 04/26/25(Sat) 09:53:10 No.80991250 >be me 10 days ago >wake up to site being kill >no /pol/, no /gif/, no/g/, no / tv/, no /vg/ >panic >"nothing ever happens, nothing will ever happen" i tell myself >settle for plebbit BNWO subreddits and beatdown gifs >2 days, still nothing >panic >maybe 4chin really is kill >lose hope >4 days, i turn into a normie >start taking showers daily to pass time >even go to my local gym on weekends >have late night walks and read books w/o pictures >6th day, i head to the grocery store after deciding to make homecooked meals instead of tendie ubers >7/10 cashier smiles at me >almost j--- in my pants >realize that life was good >9th day, woman tells me "ur in my way" while i was doing cable rows >FEMOID DETECTED >bitch theres ton of space behind me >visions of redpill ancestors flash before my eyes >"women only respect CHADS, coming to the gym was a mistake" >day 10: 4chin is BACK >feel the dark magics return to my body >type out the entire url of 4chan along with the boards like muscle memory >4chin courses through my veins >snort ragebait threads and s----- webms of BBC gooner posts >start chainposting about country wars and being blackpilled >skip gym >skip shower >order mcdonalds >mfw this is my hell >mfw i was never free how did ur relapses go robros?
: Anonymous 10 days without 4chin 51 KB PNG 04/26/25(Sat) 09:53:10 No.80991250 >be me 10 days ago >wake up to site being kill >no /pol/, no /gif/, no/g/, no / tv/, no /vg/ >panic >"nothing ever happens, nothing will ever happen" i tell myself >settle for plebbit BNWO subreddits and beatdown gifs >2 days, still nothing >panic >maybe 4chin really is kill >lose hope >4 days, i turn into a normie >start taking showers daily to pass time >even go to my local gym on weekends >have late night walks and read books w/o pictures >6th day, i head to the grocery store after deciding to make homecooked meals instead of tendie ubers >7/10 cashier smiles at me >almost j--- in my pants >realize that life was good >9th day, woman tells me "ur in my way" while i was doing cable rows >FEMOID DETECTED >bitch theres ton of space behind me >visions of redpill ancestors flash before my eyes >"women only respect CHADS, coming to the gym was a mistake" >day 10: 4chin is BACK >feel the dark magics return to my body >type out the entire url of 4chan along with the boards like muscle memory >4chin courses through my veins >snort ragebait threads and s----- webms of BBC gooner posts >start chainposting about country wars and being blackpilled >skip gym >skip shower >order mcdonalds >mfw this is my hell >mfw i was never free how did ur relapses go robros?

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The one you have always known | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 18 KB JPG 04/26/25(Sat)12:28:15 No.80991723 >be me >can't keep any appointments because of messed up work schedule >have to keep rescheduling haircuts, they are getting p----- >feeling like a jerk so go to a new salon with a clean slate >stylist there is a total qt3.14 >make small talk with her, only spill a little spaghetti >she touches my hair and face during the haircut >her hand has touched her vagina >can't believe I finally lost my virginity just like that >step out onto the street feeling like a new man >confidently nod to guy walking his dog now that I am a fellow sex haver normie >it's a brave new world Guys, don't give up hope. I was a khhv until that afternoon. It will happen for you, you just have to let it flow.
Anonymous 18 KB JPG 04/26/25(Sat)12:28:15 No.80991723 >be me >can't keep any appointments because of messed up work schedule >have to keep rescheduling haircuts, they are getting p----- >feeling like a jerk so go to a new salon with a clean slate >stylist there is a total qt3.14 >make small talk with her, only spill a little spaghetti >she touches my hair and face during the haircut >her hand has touched her vagina >can't believe I finally lost my virginity just like that >step out onto the street feeling like a new man >confidently nod to guy walking his dog now that I am a fellow sex haver normie >it's a brave new world Guys, don't give up hope. I was a khhv until that afternoon. It will happen for you, you just have to let it flow.

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Nothing ever happens. | /r/Greentext

the whole f------ shutdown did NOTHING. the whole f------ shutdown did(...) 69 KB PNG 04/26/25(Sat) 12:37:12 No.80990702 >4chan got shut down for 2 whole f------ weeks >finally fixed and put online again >the crowd from reddit and twitter that made this site s---- strikes again >immediately started making s----- generals and political bait threads across the board again because they are either bots or got too used to s------- up 4chan as a hobby to give up >its like nothing had ever happened to this god damn site, nothing is fixed or get better, if anything the system is a bit worse then before .If this is not enough to ward out the bad and make 4chan change, are we stuck like this forever? Another decade of dealing with shitposting trolls and reddit refugees?
the whole f------ shutdown did NOTHING. the whole f------ shutdown did(...) 69 KB PNG 04/26/25(Sat) 12:37:12 No.80990702 >4chan got shut down for 2 whole f------ weeks >finally fixed and put online again >the crowd from reddit and twitter that made this site s---- strikes again >immediately started making s----- generals and political bait threads across the board again because they are either bots or got too used to s------- up 4chan as a hobby to give up >its like nothing had ever happened to this god damn site, nothing is fixed or get better, if anything the system is a bit worse then before .If this is not enough to ward out the bad and make 4chan change, are we stuck like this forever? Another decade of dealing with shitposting trolls and reddit refugees?

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