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Greentext Stories - Images (46,109 results)

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Anon and his poopmate (an ancient post) | /r/Greentext

>> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:17 No. 13457437 All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for my fiancee. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way backto the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience: >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:28 No. 13457445 0.Occupied. 1. Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one. 2.Poo on seat. 3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat. 4. No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet. Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful S------. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. S------ was blathering to Mrs. S------ about the s----- day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:39 No. 13457447 Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency. of the stall, and it shook gently. Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent:)1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way underthe stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:53 No. 13457455 "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??" Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride. Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my a--- symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching. Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final a--- announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:54:07 No. 13457460 After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth. As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in thebathroom.
>> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:17 No. 13457437 All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order for my fiancee. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way backto the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathrooms. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience: >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:28 No. 13457445 0.Occupied. 1. Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one. 2.Poo on seat. 3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat. 4. No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet. Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful S------. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot. I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. S------ was blathering to Mrs. S------ about the s----- day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:39 No. 13457447 Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder with one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit the resonance frequency. of the stall, and it shook gently. Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent:)1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench. It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way underthe stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:53:53 No. 13457455 "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??" Now there was no stopping me. I pushed for all I was worth. I could swear that in the resulting cacophony of rips, squirts, splashes, poots, and blasts, I was actually lifted slightly off the pot. The amount of stuff in me was incredible. It sprayed against the bowl with tremendous force. Later, in surveying the damage, I'd see that liquid poop had actually managed to ricochet out of the bowl and run down the side on to the floor. But for now, all I could do was hang on for the ride. Next door I could hear him fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my a--- symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching. Alas, it is evidently difficult to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet. There was a lull in my production, and the restroom became deathly quiet. I could envision him standing there, wondering what to do. A final a--- announcement came trumpeting from my behind, small chunks plopping noisily into the water. That must have been the last straw. I heard a flush, a fumbling with the lock, and then the stall door was thrown open. I heard him running out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. >> 09/27/06(Wed)06:54:07 No. 13457460 After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth. As I left, I glanced into the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know. I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in thebathroom.

Greentext Stories

Jesus Christ it’s Tom Cruise | /r/Greentext

>>81355768 (OP) # img0465.jpg 248 KB JPG sometimes i masturbate in bushes in a public park. one day i notice a person behing me. it was tom cruise. all he said was "proceed". i felt uncomfortable and took a picture and left.
>>81355768 (OP) # img0465.jpg 248 KB JPG sometimes i masturbate in bushes in a public park. one day i notice a person behing me. it was tom cruise. all he said was "proceed". i felt uncomfortable and took a picture and left.

Greentext Stories

Driver license speedrun | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Why is the world coming to an end? 52 KB JPG Anonymous : Anonymous : Anonymous >>81209160 (OP) # >Save money >24 05/19/25(Mon)00:15:29 No.81209160 >cant drive >never had a gf >wfh so dont interact with anyone >live in a literal cuck shed realistically how would you get out of this scenario so to speak? 05/19/25(Mon)00:22:29 No.81209270 05/19/25(Mon)01:48:14 No.81210187 05/19/25(Mon)01:52:42 No.81210231 >Study for learners permit >Do the online drug test for the learners permit >Go to the DMV, and schedule an appointment for the learners permit written test (multiple choice) >Get learners permit >Buy an old car for like 3k >Ask someone you know who has a drivers license to ride around with you 2 or 3 times a week so you can practice driving >After a few months go to the DMV and schedule a drivers license test >Get drivers license This is how everything works. Do things in steps.
: Anonymous Why is the world coming to an end? 52 KB JPG Anonymous : Anonymous : Anonymous >>81209160 (OP) # >Save money >24 05/19/25(Mon)00:15:29 No.81209160 >cant drive >never had a gf >wfh so dont interact with anyone >live in a literal cuck shed realistically how would you get out of this scenario so to speak? 05/19/25(Mon)00:22:29 No.81209270 05/19/25(Mon)01:48:14 No.81210187 05/19/25(Mon)01:52:42 No.81210231 >Study for learners permit >Do the online drug test for the learners permit >Go to the DMV, and schedule an appointment for the learners permit written test (multiple choice) >Get learners permit >Buy an old car for like 3k >Ask someone you know who has a drivers license to ride around with you 2 or 3 times a week so you can practice driving >After a few months go to the DMV and schedule a drivers license test >Get drivers license This is how everything works. Do things in steps.

Greentext Stories

Zoomer Grindset | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/04/24(Thu)07:02:32 No.672379917 >monitor 1: helldivers 2 grind >monitor 2: wendigoon video >monitor 3: anime/podcast >adderall: taken >monster: sipping 70 KB JPG >phone: tiktok on autoscroll >listening: latest lil pop album >discord call with open mics with friends (they play other games) yep, it's bussin' time fr fr
Anonymous 04/04/24(Thu)07:02:32 No.672379917 >monitor 1: helldivers 2 grind >monitor 2: wendigoon video >monitor 3: anime/podcast >adderall: taken >monster: sipping 70 KB JPG >phone: tiktok on autoscroll >listening: latest lil pop album >discord call with open mics with friends (they play other games) yep, it's bussin' time fr fr

Greentext Stories

Anon becomes single | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 5/17/2025, 10:07:01 PM No.16773470 14 KB JPEG > be me, white average neet Britbong >tfw landed absolute 10/10 curry gf > thought I won the lottery > spend 5 years worshipping the ground she walks on > cook, clean, buy her s---, treat her like a hindu cow > she gets colder and more distant > refuses to smooch me always excuses > eventually break up, figure she's just not into me anymore > says it's about time and starts yapping about karmic circles and prajeets third eye > ???? > proceeds to stop breastfeeding and hands me our first born > she walks out > never see her again >mfw Joe Rogan never warned me about this one > why are women like this?
Anonymous 5/17/2025, 10:07:01 PM No.16773470 14 KB JPEG > be me, white average neet Britbong >tfw landed absolute 10/10 curry gf > thought I won the lottery > spend 5 years worshipping the ground she walks on > cook, clean, buy her s---, treat her like a hindu cow > she gets colder and more distant > refuses to smooch me always excuses > eventually break up, figure she's just not into me anymore > says it's about time and starts yapping about karmic circles and prajeets third eye > ???? > proceeds to stop breastfeeding and hands me our first born > she walks out > never see her again >mfw Joe Rogan never warned me about this one > why are women like this?

Greentext Stories

Nationalists | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 190 KB PNG 05/18/25(Sun)01:34:48 No. 17694860 >hurrr country X is fake >it was made up by racists/colonizers in the early 1900s >no one living there thought they were part of a country >it was just a bunch of farmers who spoke the same language >THEREFOR THE ENTIRE CULTURE IS FAKE AND GAY why is this such a common method for trolling about countries nowadays? I swear it's not even about Israel/Palestine, I've seen people making this argument against >Greece >Turkey >Iran >Egypt >Thailand >China >Literally any latin american country (granted they have more of a point on this)
Anonymous 190 KB PNG 05/18/25(Sun)01:34:48 No. 17694860 >hurrr country X is fake >it was made up by racists/colonizers in the early 1900s >no one living there thought they were part of a country >it was just a bunch of farmers who spoke the same language >THEREFOR THE ENTIRE CULTURE IS FAKE AND GAY why is this such a common method for trolling about countries nowadays? I swear it's not even about Israel/Palestine, I've seen people making this argument against >Greece >Turkey >Iran >Egypt >Thailand >China >Literally any latin american country (granted they have more of a point on this)

Greentext Stories

Real and gay | /r/Greentext

Anonymous I'M A BOY, DUMMY... 36 KB JPG 05/18/25(Sun)10:15:50 No.934639025 >be me >addicted to p--- >devolves from straight, to lesbian, to trannies, and finally to femboys >can now only get off to smooth, oiled up bussy >start thinking about the possibility of posing as a femboy >nair and shave my body >lather coconut oil all over my thighs and ass >pose in the mirror >d--- is diamonds >can't stop jerking off to my own cute body >now fantasizing about how a dildo would feel, contemplating buying one i... i don't think i can go back?
Anonymous I'M A BOY, DUMMY... 36 KB JPG 05/18/25(Sun)10:15:50 No.934639025 >be me >addicted to p--- >devolves from straight, to lesbian, to trannies, and finally to femboys >can now only get off to smooth, oiled up bussy >start thinking about the possibility of posing as a femboy >nair and shave my body >lather coconut oil all over my thighs and ass >pose in the mirror >d--- is diamonds >can't stop jerking off to my own cute body >now fantasizing about how a dildo would feel, contemplating buying one i... i don't think i can go back?

Greentext Stories

Its only the fifth month of the year... | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: FQuKzB2T 05/18/25(Sun)11:03:30 No.505007454 29 KB JPG >>505007454 (OP) # >do nothing >Multiple failed assassination attempts on Trump >Woman helicopter pilots killing dozens in plane crash >Mexicans crashing boats into bridges and dying >Redditors blowing themselves up outside of fertility clinics Chudbros we eating good >win
: Anonymous (ID: FQuKzB2T 05/18/25(Sun)11:03:30 No.505007454 29 KB JPG >>505007454 (OP) # >do nothing >Multiple failed assassination attempts on Trump >Woman helicopter pilots killing dozens in plane crash >Mexicans crashing boats into bridges and dying >Redditors blowing themselves up outside of fertility clinics Chudbros we eating good >win

Greentext Stories

Anon faps too much | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 211 KB JPG 04/26/25(Sat)22:21:00 No.80995683 Fapping 6 times a day daily for 2 years now got my brain f----- up. Don't be like me, you'll get dementia. The symptoms: >Always anxious >Feeling of severe inferiority, everyone is better than me and lives a better life >Irrational fears ranging from strangers assaulting me to being eaten by dogs >Inability to think without wording it out a bit with my mouth >Zero libido, though the thought of sex causes a sharp envy and FOMO pain in my stomach >When I go out and people joke and smile at me and expect me to say something I just fake a cringe smile like a retard >Everyone manipulates and lies to me like crazy, give me looks of pure evil and disgust, strangers spit at my feet whenever they pass by me. >Life feels extremely depressing, parents gonna die soon aswell and I will be completely on my own, a lonely sad mess. Tell me you don't feel the exact same way, anons. I can't be the only one this low iq and stupid. People bulid rocket sciences and some people can't even carry a conversation. How f------ sad. >Just put yourself out there bro You do realise when the normie catches your slow speech response, wierd body language and facial expressions, a primal fear of uncannyness that evolution instilled in us all, activates? And they feel terrified and disgusted?
: Anonymous 211 KB JPG 04/26/25(Sat)22:21:00 No.80995683 Fapping 6 times a day daily for 2 years now got my brain f----- up. Don't be like me, you'll get dementia. The symptoms: >Always anxious >Feeling of severe inferiority, everyone is better than me and lives a better life >Irrational fears ranging from strangers assaulting me to being eaten by dogs >Inability to think without wording it out a bit with my mouth >Zero libido, though the thought of sex causes a sharp envy and FOMO pain in my stomach >When I go out and people joke and smile at me and expect me to say something I just fake a cringe smile like a retard >Everyone manipulates and lies to me like crazy, give me looks of pure evil and disgust, strangers spit at my feet whenever they pass by me. >Life feels extremely depressing, parents gonna die soon aswell and I will be completely on my own, a lonely sad mess. Tell me you don't feel the exact same way, anons. I can't be the only one this low iq and stupid. People bulid rocket sciences and some people can't even carry a conversation. How f------ sad. >Just put yourself out there bro You do realise when the normie catches your slow speech response, wierd body language and facial expressions, a primal fear of uncannyness that evolution instilled in us all, activates? And they feel terrified and disgusted?

Greentext Stories

Anon loves feminism | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/18/25(Sun) 15:19:05 No.81206217 9 KB JPG Feminism makes me so happy >increased the drug use of women by more than 200% (per capita) >triplicated the number of single mothers(per capita again) >women now have to work 9-5 to barely survive Their "salvation" made everything worse. Incredible stuff kek Onlyfans/p--- makes me even more happy. After all the damage that feminism did, women have to humiliate themselves to be just a piece of meat to get money, and feminism has to call it empowering if not their fellow w----- get mad. The biggest enemy of women are their biggest allies, a fitting ending for the snake like creatures called women
Anonymous 05/18/25(Sun) 15:19:05 No.81206217 9 KB JPG Feminism makes me so happy >increased the drug use of women by more than 200% (per capita) >triplicated the number of single mothers(per capita again) >women now have to work 9-5 to barely survive Their "salvation" made everything worse. Incredible stuff kek Onlyfans/p--- makes me even more happy. After all the damage that feminism did, women have to humiliate themselves to be just a piece of meat to get money, and feminism has to call it empowering if not their fellow w----- get mad. The biggest enemy of women are their biggest allies, a fitting ending for the snake like creatures called women

Greentext Stories

Another coffin for the gaming graveyard | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/17/25(Sat) 14:24:44 No.709958731 S 2 GR NOMB11 6 MARATHON X28 50 Enemies 1746283778398478.jpg 300 KB JPG >revealed to no applause >gameplay reveal stream laughed at >alpha playtest dead within a day >mogged by arc raiders >now everyone knows they stole their art this is going to be a concord-tier flop 5:51
Anonymous 05/17/25(Sat) 14:24:44 No.709958731 S 2 GR NOMB11 6 MARATHON X28 50 Enemies 1746283778398478.jpg 300 KB JPG >revealed to no applause >gameplay reveal stream laughed at >alpha playtest dead within a day >mogged by arc raiders >now everyone knows they stole their art this is going to be a concord-tier flop 5:51

Greentext Stories

Scorebored | /r/Greentext

Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect ✓ Anonymous (ID: EDGPc5y1) ▼ Settings Mobile Home 05/18/25(Sun)04:16:27 No.504987784 01 ✡ Israel 357 14 Norway 89 02 Austria 258 15 United Kingdom 88 03 Albania 218 16 Finland 88 04 Switzerland 214 17 Malta 83 05 France 180 18 Germany 77 06 Italy 159 19 Armenia 72 07 Poland 156 20 Ukraine 60 08 Netherlands 133 21 Portugal 50 09 Sweden 126 22 Luxembourg 47 10 Latvia 116 23 Denmark 47 11 Greece 105 24 Spain 37 12 Estonia 98 25 Iceland 33 13 Lithuania 96 26 San Marino 27 909 KB PNG I think it was rigged, not because I don't like the result, but because I think nobody actually watched this s---. I literally didn't even know it was on until all the cuckservative zionshits on X started celebrating (as if they cared about winning the gayest competition ever in the first place) Anonymous (ID: blrp+Jky) 05/18/25(Sun)04:20:04 No.504987940 There's no point in watching this, when the real winner doesn't participate
Board /pol/ - Politically Incorrect ✓ Anonymous (ID: EDGPc5y1) ▼ Settings Mobile Home 05/18/25(Sun)04:16:27 No.504987784 01 ✡ Israel 357 14 Norway 89 02 Austria 258 15 United Kingdom 88 03 Albania 218 16 Finland 88 04 Switzerland 214 17 Malta 83 05 France 180 18 Germany 77 06 Italy 159 19 Armenia 72 07 Poland 156 20 Ukraine 60 08 Netherlands 133 21 Portugal 50 09 Sweden 126 22 Luxembourg 47 10 Latvia 116 23 Denmark 47 11 Greece 105 24 Spain 37 12 Estonia 98 25 Iceland 33 13 Lithuania 96 26 San Marino 27 909 KB PNG I think it was rigged, not because I don't like the result, but because I think nobody actually watched this s---. I literally didn't even know it was on until all the cuckservative zionshits on X started celebrating (as if they cared about winning the gayest competition ever in the first place) Anonymous (ID: blrp+Jky) 05/18/25(Sun)04:20:04 No.504987940 There's no point in watching this, when the real winner doesn't participate

Greentext Stories

Anon has all the rizz | /r/Greentext

File: 1384678481496.png-(88 KB, 233x243, jeebus.png) Anonymous 11/17/13(Sun)19:54:41 UTC+11 No.516501331 [Reply] > Driving 10 over the speed limit on the way home today > Wanted to get home and see roommate's new PS4 > Merge around and pass a car that's going the speed limit > Guy speeds up and then tries to pace me > Spend the next 30 seconds thinking about what I could say to him > We soon hit a stoplight > Guy pulls up next to me and rolls his window down > Asian wannabe gangster, flat brim hat and all > Roll down my window in responsee and lead with "what?" > Get a resounding, extremely aggressive "F--- you" in response > Brain goes numb > "Is that an offer? It's been a while since I had some chink lips on this d---." > I'm not even gay, but it seemed like the right thing to say at the time > He responds with "Hey, F--- YOU. You can touch your own tiny ass d---, f-----" > Immediately laugh and respond with "I got a fat eight incher here if you're curious" > Ignore how strange this interaction is getting > "Yeah, b-------, f------ queer." > Brain scans for responses > Only one option found > Take seatbelt off, quickly unzip pants > Rock hard for some reason > Scoot over to the passenger seat > Do a weird stand squat and stick my d--- out the window > Guy starts yelling structureless profanity > Light turns green and he peels out > I'm left in a line of cars with my d--- out the window, in the wrong seat > Why did I just do that > MFW
File: 1384678481496.png-(88 KB, 233x243, jeebus.png) Anonymous 11/17/13(Sun)19:54:41 UTC+11 No.516501331 [Reply] > Driving 10 over the speed limit on the way home today > Wanted to get home and see roommate's new PS4 > Merge around and pass a car that's going the speed limit > Guy speeds up and then tries to pace me > Spend the next 30 seconds thinking about what I could say to him > We soon hit a stoplight > Guy pulls up next to me and rolls his window down > Asian wannabe gangster, flat brim hat and all > Roll down my window in responsee and lead with "what?" > Get a resounding, extremely aggressive "F--- you" in response > Brain goes numb > "Is that an offer? It's been a while since I had some chink lips on this d---." > I'm not even gay, but it seemed like the right thing to say at the time > He responds with "Hey, F--- YOU. You can touch your own tiny ass d---, f-----" > Immediately laugh and respond with "I got a fat eight incher here if you're curious" > Ignore how strange this interaction is getting > "Yeah, b-------, f------ queer." > Brain scans for responses > Only one option found > Take seatbelt off, quickly unzip pants > Rock hard for some reason > Scoot over to the passenger seat > Do a weird stand squat and stick my d--- out the window > Guy starts yelling structureless profanity > Light turns green and he peels out > I'm left in a line of cars with my d--- out the window, in the wrong seat > Why did I just do that > MFW

Greentext Stories

Take on The World | /r/Greentext

Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous I want u 2 h8 me Sauny Bife 79 KB PNG : Anonymous >>81196222 (OP) # >>S--- in a toilet ▼ Settings Mobile Home 05/17/25(Sat) 16:27:01 No.81196222 >Wake up in a bed >Still not circumcised >S--- in a toilet >Take a shower >Go cook up some bacon Already made 95% of the world seethe 05/17/25(Sat) 16:29:47 No.81196247 F--- YOU! DIE PORCELAIN POOPER! I HATE YOU!
Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous I want u 2 h8 me Sauny Bife 79 KB PNG : Anonymous >>81196222 (OP) # >>S--- in a toilet ▼ Settings Mobile Home 05/17/25(Sat) 16:27:01 No.81196222 >Wake up in a bed >Still not circumcised >S--- in a toilet >Take a shower >Go cook up some bacon Already made 95% of the world seethe 05/17/25(Sat) 16:29:47 No.81196247 F--- YOU! DIE PORCELAIN POOPER! I HATE YOU!

Greentext Stories

Anon on 2D Minecraft | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 05/14/25(Wed)16:08:12 No.709743242 4.Terraria header.jpg 63 KB JPG >game has too much content Anonymous 05/14/25(Wed)16:11:21 No.709743445 True. I bought it then downloaded that calamity pack because somebody said it was sick. Then I uninstalled when I realized there's a depth to this game I wasn't wanting to commit to. >>709763858 # : Anonymous >>709743242 (OP) # 05/14/25(Wed)16:12:16 No.709743508 It was such a comfy game when it first came out. Now it's autism heaven
Anonymous 05/14/25(Wed)16:08:12 No.709743242 4.Terraria header.jpg 63 KB JPG >game has too much content Anonymous 05/14/25(Wed)16:11:21 No.709743445 True. I bought it then downloaded that calamity pack because somebody said it was sick. Then I uninstalled when I realized there's a depth to this game I wasn't wanting to commit to. >>709763858 # : Anonymous >>709743242 (OP) # 05/14/25(Wed)16:12:16 No.709743508 It was such a comfy game when it first came out. Now it's autism heaven

Greentext Stories

Anon did some magic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 396 KB PNG 5/18/2025, 8:53:03 AM No.83104299 > be me > into magic tricks > decide to make a magic wand with NFC chip inside > program it to auto-charge phones that get too close > just a little, like $1.99 > dress in full wizard robes > board a packed morning train > stand in the middle like it's a stage > take out wand > "ABRACADABRA YOUR MONEY IS MINE" > wave it dramatically > hear multiple *ding* sounds > people checking phones confused >mfw I just cast contactless theft >mfw it's technically grand larceny but also street magic
Anonymous 396 KB PNG 5/18/2025, 8:53:03 AM No.83104299 > be me > into magic tricks > decide to make a magic wand with NFC chip inside > program it to auto-charge phones that get too close > just a little, like $1.99 > dress in full wizard robes > board a packed morning train > stand in the middle like it's a stage > take out wand > "ABRACADABRA YOUR MONEY IS MINE" > wave it dramatically > hear multiple *ding* sounds > people checking phones confused >mfw I just cast contactless theft >mfw it's technically grand larceny but also street magic

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