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Anon has stink bombs | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/21(Wed)09:43:20 No.863583677 Funny school pranks thread, l'll start >be me >lil s--- in middle school >everyone was obsessed with stink bomb pranks >like f------ everyone, so the school 84 KB JPG started cracking down >any kids found with stinkbombs or the smell of stinkbombs around them was suspended, sometimes expelled >me and my friends come up with genius plan >show up early to last class >bring a few bombs >hide them in the shelves and then shatter them >class comes in a minute later >open the shelves, trying to "look for something" >immediately the smell hits everyone >it's so f----- bad so the class evacuates >skipped 4th period, went home early >never got found out Don't you miss being a kid?
: Anonymous 09/22/21(Wed)09:43:20 No.863583677 Funny school pranks thread, l'll start >be me >lil s--- in middle school >everyone was obsessed with stink bomb pranks >like f------ everyone, so the school 84 KB JPG started cracking down >any kids found with stinkbombs or the smell of stinkbombs around them was suspended, sometimes expelled >me and my friends come up with genius plan >show up early to last class >bring a few bombs >hide them in the shelves and then shatter them >class comes in a minute later >open the shelves, trying to "look for something" >immediately the smell hits everyone >it's so f----- bad so the class evacuates >skipped 4th period, went home early >never got found out Don't you miss being a kid?

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Thanks for the mammaries | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/21(Wed)05:13:28 No.65475559 >Be me, 21 year old Autist >Getting my driving license >Have a 26 year old female driving teacher, cute naive kind of young woman >Get into the car 22 KB JPG >Shave, do my hair, wear something nice >Get into the car, third driving lesson >She looks at me and blushes a bit, gets wide eyes kind of? >"Looking nice today!" >"Heh, yeah..." >She looks at me like i'm retarded >Forgot to say thank you Why the f--- do i turn into an imbecile as soon as a woman compliments me? It's not even the fact that i missed some chance or something in this case, she might have only been nice, but why am i so socially inept?
: Anonymous 09/22/21(Wed)05:13:28 No.65475559 >Be me, 21 year old Autist >Getting my driving license >Have a 26 year old female driving teacher, cute naive kind of young woman >Get into the car 22 KB JPG >Shave, do my hair, wear something nice >Get into the car, third driving lesson >She looks at me and blushes a bit, gets wide eyes kind of? >"Looking nice today!" >"Heh, yeah..." >She looks at me like i'm retarded >Forgot to say thank you Why the f--- do i turn into an imbecile as soon as a woman compliments me? It's not even the fact that i missed some chance or something in this case, she might have only been nice, but why am i so socially inept?

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Anon is the gatekeeper of /tv/ | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/15/21(Wed)16:29:22 No.156321441 >...So what would you say you actually do here? 180 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/15/21(Wed)17:13:10 No.156322489 >>156321441 (OP) # Look, I already told you. I deal with the goddamn shitposters so the janitors don't have to. 27 KB JPG >>156322743 #
: Anonymous 09/15/21(Wed)16:29:22 No.156321441 >...So what would you say you actually do here? 180 KB JPG : Anonymous 09/15/21(Wed)17:13:10 No.156322489 >>156321441 (OP) # Look, I already told you. I deal with the goddamn shitposters so the janitors don't have to. 27 KB JPG >>156322743 #

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Show your work | /r/Greentext


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Anon is a bit of a retard | /r/Greentext


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Anon the applec*ck experience | /r/Greentext


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Anon plans a date. | /r/Greentext

bamboozled myself Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)12:29:29 No.65437371 [Reply] >start talking to this girl I met >we mostly have small talk but we spend a lot of time together >ask her if she wants to go out drinking >agrees >day comes >cancels it last minute >decide to go anyway >see her with another dude in the bar I suggested we should've gone to >happy, smilying and laughing a lot >making a lot of physical contact >all while I'm watching >decide to enter and act like I didn't see her >buy some beers and leave >get home >see a crap ton of messages from her >ignore it and drink my sorrows away >feel like s--- while not being able to sleep This weekend was supposed to be good.
bamboozled myself Anonymous 09/19/21(Sun)12:29:29 No.65437371 [Reply] >start talking to this girl I met >we mostly have small talk but we spend a lot of time together >ask her if she wants to go out drinking >agrees >day comes >cancels it last minute >decide to go anyway >see her with another dude in the bar I suggested we should've gone to >happy, smilying and laughing a lot >making a lot of physical contact >all while I'm watching >decide to enter and act like I didn't see her >buy some beers and leave >get home >see a crap ton of messages from her >ignore it and drink my sorrows away >feel like s--- while not being able to sleep This weekend was supposed to be good.

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Anon gets discovered | /r/Greentext


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Toad in the hole | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)14:13:09 No.65467531 >some woman classmate wanted to be my friend >she asked for my social media without me prompting >hung out for 6+ hours >she said this was the best hang out she's ever had >she flirts with me hard 168 KB JPG >she says she genuinely wants to hang out again and offers to go thrifting with me several times >text her later when she wanted to go thrifting >"oh maybe! ill have to check my work schedule tomorrow" >tomorrow comes >hasnt responded why are women like this
: Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)14:13:09 No.65467531 >some woman classmate wanted to be my friend >she asked for my social media without me prompting >hung out for 6+ hours >she said this was the best hang out she's ever had >she flirts with me hard 168 KB JPG >she says she genuinely wants to hang out again and offers to go thrifting with me several times >text her later when she wanted to go thrifting >"oh maybe! ill have to check my work schedule tomorrow" >tomorrow comes >hasnt responded why are women like this

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Anon and file sorting | /r/Greentext

42m (9/22 9:37) · 83484919 1 Re · 1 Img JPG: 45KB (1080 × 1213) >puts all of his files on the desktop with no grid arrangement or organization of any kind 37m (9/22 9:42) · 83484965 JPG 54KB (859 × 960) >Dumps everything on desktop >Hide desktop items >Only browses to the desktop via file explorer to access files •..
42m (9/22 9:37) · 83484919 1 Re · 1 Img JPG: 45KB (1080 × 1213) >puts all of his files on the desktop with no grid arrangement or organization of any kind 37m (9/22 9:42) · 83484965 JPG 54KB (859 × 960) >Dumps everything on desktop >Hide desktop items >Only browses to the desktop via file explorer to access files •..

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Anon is introverted | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/22/21(Wed)01:55:19 No.65470426 >walking to the grocery store after working out >check myself out in the reflection of a random booth thingy >say out loud "you're genuinely the most beautiful person I've ever seen" to myself 59 KB JPG >hear female voices inside >one says "omg thank you!" the other goes "umm shes **I! >realize to my horror what Ive done >begin walking manually F--- I thought it was closed
: Anonymous 09/22/21(Wed)01:55:19 No.65470426 >walking to the grocery store after working out >check myself out in the reflection of a random booth thingy >say out loud "you're genuinely the most beautiful person I've ever seen" to myself 59 KB JPG >hear female voices inside >one says "omg thank you!" the other goes "umm shes **I! >realize to my horror what Ive done >begin walking manually F--- I thought it was closed

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School Prank - Anon Has A walkie talkie - fellow Anons do you have any good pranks? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)19:45:46 No.863547048 Yes. >Teachers use walkie talkies at lunch time to communicate >Friend brings walkie talkie to school >Finds the channel teachers are using >They start saying random s--- >My turn >Started talking like a cop in distress >All units we've got a 10 - 4 situation on the rugby field >I repeat all units, that's a 10 - 4 situation on the rugby >F----- teachers coming running in expecting some serious s--- do be going down >Literally nothing happening >Then we start watching the teachers and making fun of them over walkie talkie >Eventually get caught >Get sent to principals office >Sitting outside waiting for him >Wait for 5 or 10 minutes >He never shows >l just walk home and skip the rest of the day >Letter gets sent home >Dad literally doesn't give a s--- because it was just some teenagers f------ around and no one got hurt
: Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)19:45:46 No.863547048 Yes. >Teachers use walkie talkies at lunch time to communicate >Friend brings walkie talkie to school >Finds the channel teachers are using >They start saying random s--- >My turn >Started talking like a cop in distress >All units we've got a 10 - 4 situation on the rugby field >I repeat all units, that's a 10 - 4 situation on the rugby >F----- teachers coming running in expecting some serious s--- do be going down >Literally nothing happening >Then we start watching the teachers and making fun of them over walkie talkie >Eventually get caught >Get sent to principals office >Sitting outside waiting for him >Wait for 5 or 10 minutes >He never shows >l just walk home and skip the rest of the day >Letter gets sent home >Dad literally doesn't give a s--- because it was just some teenagers f------ around and no one got hurt

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Anon doesn’t tip | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/01/21(Mon)19:15:35 No.15680993 >go to store to pick up pizza >about to sign receipt >see they circled in 10% tip >change it to 0 >cashier rolls her eyes, hands me the pizza 31 KB JPG >hear one of them say whisper wow, did he really put 0' as l'm walking out Did I do something wrong? It's not like they delivered the pizza to my house. Should I have tipped in this situation?
: Anonymous 03/01/21(Mon)19:15:35 No.15680993 >go to store to pick up pizza >about to sign receipt >see they circled in 10% tip >change it to 0 >cashier rolls her eyes, hands me the pizza 31 KB JPG >hear one of them say whisper wow, did he really put 0' as l'm walking out Did I do something wrong? It's not like they delivered the pizza to my house. Should I have tipped in this situation?

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Anon disappears | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: 7zitKDez) 09/22/21(Wed)11:18:48 No.340271583 >you take a loạn for 3k >don't pay it >lose credit score, lose your house, lose your belongings, lose your job, get garnished and arrested %24 123R haha money printer go brrrr 57 KB JPG >US GOV takes out Thirty Trillion loan (30,000,000,000,000) >don't pay it back >lol ill just raise the ceiling so i dont have to pay it lol When are THEY gonna come collect from the US?
: Anonymous (ID: 7zitKDez) 09/22/21(Wed)11:18:48 No.340271583 >you take a loạn for 3k >don't pay it >lose credit score, lose your house, lose your belongings, lose your job, get garnished and arrested %24 123R haha money printer go brrrr 57 KB JPG >US GOV takes out Thirty Trillion loan (30,000,000,000,000) >don't pay it back >lol ill just raise the ceiling so i dont have to pay it lol When are THEY gonna come collect from the US?

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Anon’s mom had a hard time after the divorce | /r/Greentext

>Be me 13 year old anon, dad left for a younger version of my mom >I think it was a huge shock. Came out of nowhere. She didn't fight him on the property settlement or anything. >He did alright. Ended up in a bigger house. Mom couldn't afford our old 22 KB JPG house. She ended up in a cheap apartment complex >Used to go over to my dad's, but my stepmom had a baby. So I don't get invited as much. Mostly stay with my mom. >I tried to be there for mom. But she needed more than I could give. >Dating was tough. Mom didn't have a lot of time and money to spend on herself. She was always pretty to me, but looking back I get why it was hard for her. >She ended up with guys who would sleep with her for a while. I guess she made it easy and hoped they would stay. They just used her. >lt used to make me mad. But I was a kid. >l'd meet them at breakfast. Just like we're meeting now. So you and I are a lot alike. >Anyway, I'm the guy who came in your mom
>Be me 13 year old anon, dad left for a younger version of my mom >I think it was a huge shock. Came out of nowhere. She didn't fight him on the property settlement or anything. >He did alright. Ended up in a bigger house. Mom couldn't afford our old 22 KB JPG house. She ended up in a cheap apartment complex >Used to go over to my dad's, but my stepmom had a baby. So I don't get invited as much. Mostly stay with my mom. >I tried to be there for mom. But she needed more than I could give. >Dating was tough. Mom didn't have a lot of time and money to spend on herself. She was always pretty to me, but looking back I get why it was hard for her. >She ended up with guys who would sleep with her for a while. I guess she made it easy and hoped they would stay. They just used her. >lt used to make me mad. But I was a kid. >l'd meet them at breakfast. Just like we're meeting now. So you and I are a lot alike. >Anyway, I'm the guy who came in your mom

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Anon takes their shot | /r/Greentext

File: 301019862047211.png (181 KB, 390x389) Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)10:54:08 No.863521600 >>863521669 >>863521907 >>863 >Be me >Kinda fancy a girl >Have a dream about her where I fall in love >Feels so real.jpg| >Wake up >Feel like crap >A few hours later >Have a revelation >"| should just ask her out" >NOTHING CAN STOP ME >Go back home >Message her >Still hasn't opened And here we are now. Is this fate? Am I stupid? So many emotions ahhhhhh. Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)10:55:43 No.863521669 >>863521600 (OP) You're in love anon, enjoy! Also, checkd
File: 301019862047211.png (181 KB, 390x389) Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)10:54:08 No.863521600 >>863521669 >>863521907 >>863 >Be me >Kinda fancy a girl >Have a dream about her where I fall in love >Feels so real.jpg| >Wake up >Feel like crap >A few hours later >Have a revelation >"| should just ask her out" >NOTHING CAN STOP ME >Go back home >Message her >Still hasn't opened And here we are now. Is this fate? Am I stupid? So many emotions ahhhhhh. Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)10:55:43 No.863521669 >>863521600 (OP) You're in love anon, enjoy! Also, checkd

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No fatties in the kiddie pool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)14:16:14 No.863530051 > Take toddler to local pool > playing in the kiddie pool for kids age 2-5 > hear a noise SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP > this f----- fat p------------, probably between 10 or 12 is lumbering towards the pool > I mean, this kid has to be like, 200 pounds already > with this idiotic, gleeful look on his face he just belly flops into the water >I grab my 2 year old out of the way just in time to avoid getting crushed beneath his wobbling, gelatinous bulk > "HEY YOU FAT F---, WATCH WHERE YOUR GOING, YOUR FATASS JUST ALMOST KILLED MY KID" > He bursts into big, fat, slobbery tears because I called him fat > his mom and dad come waddling up, they are both morbidly obese as well, easily 300 pounds each > they demand I apologize to their son for calling him fat > I tell them that the kiddie pool is for toddlers, not a refuge for escaped livestock and to gtfo of my face > get banned from the pool > no regrets
: Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)14:16:14 No.863530051 > Take toddler to local pool > playing in the kiddie pool for kids age 2-5 > hear a noise SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP > this f----- fat p------------, probably between 10 or 12 is lumbering towards the pool > I mean, this kid has to be like, 200 pounds already > with this idiotic, gleeful look on his face he just belly flops into the water >I grab my 2 year old out of the way just in time to avoid getting crushed beneath his wobbling, gelatinous bulk > "HEY YOU FAT F---, WATCH WHERE YOUR GOING, YOUR FATASS JUST ALMOST KILLED MY KID" > He bursts into big, fat, slobbery tears because I called him fat > his mom and dad come waddling up, they are both morbidly obese as well, easily 300 pounds each > they demand I apologize to their son for calling him fat > I tell them that the kiddie pool is for toddlers, not a refuge for escaped livestock and to gtfo of my face > get banned from the pool > no regrets

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Instant Buyer’s Remorse | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Why is life so cruel frens? 09/20/21(Mon)21:41:26 No.65461769 >be me 4/10 18 overweight >decide i will sell my soul to the devil >google how do i sell my soul to the devil? >print 5 pages on how to do the ritual >when the time comes I decide to sell it for a gf >ohshit.jpg 113 KB JPG >late for work again >get to work and immediatly take a vape break cause autism >contemplate if i should drink the mop cleaner tonight so i can finally die >phone buzzes >qt 3.14 from class >"hey anon want to get lunch next tuesday just the two of us?" >fuckyeah.zip >work goes fast after that >lay in bed and start to think again >takes a little longer cause autism >mfw i just sold my soul to the devil for a gf A f------ girlfriend how could i have been so retarded frens? she could dump me whenever probably will cause im dumb fml :(
: Anonymous Why is life so cruel frens? 09/20/21(Mon)21:41:26 No.65461769 >be me 4/10 18 overweight >decide i will sell my soul to the devil >google how do i sell my soul to the devil? >print 5 pages on how to do the ritual >when the time comes I decide to sell it for a gf >ohshit.jpg 113 KB JPG >late for work again >get to work and immediatly take a vape break cause autism >contemplate if i should drink the mop cleaner tonight so i can finally die >phone buzzes >qt 3.14 from class >"hey anon want to get lunch next tuesday just the two of us?" >fuckyeah.zip >work goes fast after that >lay in bed and start to think again >takes a little longer cause autism >mfw i just sold my soul to the devil for a gf A f------ girlfriend how could i have been so retarded frens? she could dump me whenever probably will cause im dumb fml :(

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Anon uses the defecation chair | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 06/01/21(Tue)14:58:04 No.855843594 Sorry for bad englang >be me >belly location having pressure >pain >on the defecation chair >large movement 45 KB JPG >pressure gone Mfw
: Anonymous 06/01/21(Tue)14:58:04 No.855843594 Sorry for bad englang >be me >belly location having pressure >pain >on the defecation chair >large movement 45 KB JPG >pressure gone Mfw

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Anon sees a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)19:39:08 No.863546656 >Walk into your bedroom >You find Belle Delphine on your bed Wat do??? 74 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)19:40:16 No.863546726 >>863546656 (OP) # NO OFF THE BED GIT 60 KB JPG
: Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)19:39:08 No.863546656 >Walk into your bedroom >You find Belle Delphine on your bed Wat do??? 74 KB JPG 1 Reply / 1 Image View Thread : Anonymous 09/21/21(Tue)19:40:16 No.863546726 >>863546656 (OP) # NO OFF THE BED GIT 60 KB JPG

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