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*Le me V-day was soooo romantic, we went to blah blah and derped then went back to his and had wine and derp with had time What about you though, how was your night? ng and sexy Yeh it was awesome thanks. . . BA POKER FACE *Le Ex girlfriend I went on an awesome date... Then went back to hers... FAP And you're SO beautiful you must be a model It's a beautiful restaurant ok oh you're so witty derp, how can I resist you るる FAP So yeh, that was my night... What I really did... Sounds awesome, I'm so glad you've found someone POKER FACE Awesomely drawn microwave meal for one and watching a rom-com IP fef I love valentines day

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Hi son i want to tell you something! What is it grandma? Im thinking about having an exchange student at my house Sounds great ! From which country should the foreign exchange student be? I dont want him to be muslim, he may blow me up. They get points for that in their country you know?

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Crying watching sad movie at home *Hears girlfriends car pull into driveway, quickly wipes away tears Heh, no.. . . why would you think that??. . i ahh.. i'm just real stoned right now. . 0A8 honey. .. why are your eyes red?? have you been crying? | You know i hate it when MOTHER OF GOD you smoke that stuff!! No sex for a week! *walks off* What.Have. I. Done.. .

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Hey mom, I need a new laptop case. For what? Okay, see you later! MY DOG!

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*Me derping at herpMarkt selling electronics *Store from above 06 Certainly Sir! Follow me When suddenly a wild customer asks where the keyboards are and if I can help. To customer: Oh, it's gonna be a tight squeeze up ahead. Morbidly obese man comes into focus eastty hlocking 3/4 of the a Obviously overhearing what I just 65 said looking down the aisle POKER FACE

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OMG I'M SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW HOW CAN I CALM DOWN? IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT I know, calm down, let's talk Yes it was my bad, i'm sorry YOU NOT WANTING TO FIGHT IS MAKING ME ANGRIER!!!! SO NOW YOU'RE NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING???? I don't know what to say then In my whole life, nothing has prepared me for this moment.

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Now for my favorite week. . . Survived singles awareness day without fail NO ONE ansked how i spent it F--- YEA. buy ALL the cheap candy week!!!! So Derp-herpington, how did you spend your valentine's day? its Candy. bite me igyのaanán.:aoy | Uh, 6do 0%Gréino 6 do9I got yeah, it was good someone some chocolate. well I hope thejY liked it! の POKIR FACE Yeah, I'm sure they loved it. K, Bye ↓ I love you

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I've waited long enough to do another submission. .. reddit 皆 submit you are doing that too much. try again in 1 second.

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A few years ago we had a major | 1 wake up one morning and I'm starving... ant problem at my house during the springtime and these suckers were everywhere I turned! I grabbed some cornflakes and sat down at the table while my Dad reads the paper.. . "um, Derpina?" CORN FLAKES "There's ants i those cornflakes," CORN FLAKES "April fools!" CORN FLAKES

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*in le bathroom, getting naked* 0 *le boxer shorts* le flick*

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me sitting on the pc after a hard day when suddenly, i have to fart very veryyy loud fart click click click *guest then I realized that I had visitors *mom *dad MOTHER OF GOD

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this is my co-worker. he is a huge gun nut and mma fan. in his words a real man! he makes fun of me by saying i dont have a man card. im still friends with him and we hang out all the time hey derp wanna hang out and maybe get something to eat? i was thinking derptry barrel sweet they have a true grit+rooster cogburn Double pack! Six HOURS LATER thats a DVD double pack let me see that. hmm this guy doesn't look so tough! OH MY GOD CANDLES! THIS IS THE SCENT I WAS LOOKING FOR! THEY ARE ON SALE he grabs it from my hand LOL what are you laughing at? what happened? hand over that man card bro! Extra flannel okay

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When all of a sudden my wheels stop! Le me biking to work on amazingly drawn bike le moon And I fly over my handlebars Right as I hit the ground I land on my shoulder my feet! and roll onto Tnekes Latep was a at momen knew I had the force Me Force Usa F--- YEA.

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post-sexytime cuddling with the girlfriend Suddenly she asks me: Can I wear your beard hat next time we have sex? What? No Admit it. You want to be f----- by a burly, bearded man. With a big black dildo. Absolutely not. Ass to Mouth

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*Open Chrome* *Log on Facebook* *0 Notifications, close Facebook and Chrome* .Open Chrome and Facebook* I'm f------ stupid.

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Me, taking aim for the bin with a ball of paper paper ball *bin *le bounce I 'm not going to recycle Vou now TO THE SHREDDER

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Uploaded by Suiseiseki

Dream Me Semiconscious Me Hey Babe. Hey! That's that sexy minx of a OMG! You 're so hot! hostess I saw the other day. I'm gonna bang her, right? Nice. I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy. . . You wanna go have some fun? Yea. Yea, you do. That's right Anything with you! Wait, what's that over there? I don't know. . .maybe her even hotter twin?? You evil genius. It looks like. . . .yea, definitely. Rats. YEA. . . .ARE YOU SURE??? Rats?? Are you sure? Yes. We have to defeat the Rat King. . . it's our duty. Fine. Defeat the Rat King but then, victory bang They're everywhere!、" What the f---!! We re practically This.. .this is their sweat not sexy. I don't SW nd fecal matter We have even think I want o remain strong! to bang anymore. You guys probably have the plague or something by now SON OF A BITCH!! We defeated the Rat King, but Derpina was lost in the process Such a shame. So young. So beautiful. So willing Dream Me, you are such an a------. Ihave terrible dreams

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Me satisfied after makinga comic. Gettin a few upvotes. .. F--- YEA Comments start t flood WHY DO I KEEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF?? ln.

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*me, working front desk at a Disney Resort like Mickey's When an angry guest appears "I demand to see the manager, you incompetent f---!" *anyone who works front desk knows what's next *side view So I head into the back office. . "Not a problem mam. I'11 go grab her right away." "Time to make some hot-coco" *hot water dispenser "I'm sorry mam, my manager is currently busy. But she will get to you soon." YEARS

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Uploaded by Suiseiseki

Me driving around minding When a cop car pulls out of a lot my own business. and comes inches from hitting my car.. I get out my iphone that has a police app that flashes and has a siren like a police car. You alright? Sir do you know why I pulled you Yep! ver? Play! You know I'm still going to have to give you a ticket for not wearing your seatbelt right? Okay

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