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Yesterday at 19:53 m Had to take my son to the ER today, here's the convo that conspired: Nurse: "Is he up to date on immunizations" *Before I could say anything* My Daughter: "No, we don't do poison. Thanks" Nurse: Me: Daughter: Nurse: Me: "what she said" The best part is, she's only 8 years old. And VERY protective of her brother, obviously. My children are woke.

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1 week ago One day in PE my teacher said I wasn't participating or giving enough effort so he told me to do 20 push ups I said what then he gave me 40 push ups and I did all of them and I embarrassed him in front of the whole class 114 目

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1 hour ago Me: sends this to teachers, principal Literally everyone in school Everyone: .... Principal: .....No classes for a week Literally every student: thanking me over and over again THANKS BRO Show less I╚23」IREPLY Hide 10 replies 1 hour ago Did this actually happen??!!!!! 12 41 REPLY 1 hour ago Yes! REPLY

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VZW Wi-Fi 12:30 PM 59% I was about to eat my sandwich from McDonalds & I saw something hanging out of the side. My dad pulled it out of the sandwich & said it looked like a pickle….. it was not a pickle. I did not eat the sandwich, thank god, but please be aware of what you're eating Tweet your reply Q ☑

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Saad Xd Once this girl in Mehran was trying to overtake me at a u turn but i did not let her so she went around 67 cars, took the u turn at full throttle, stopped on the other side of the road, got out, clapped at me, got in the car again and drove away. Legend earned my respect ngl 11:49 PM 18/01/2021 Twitter for Android . 12 Retweets 13 Quote Tweets 237 Likes 27 ↑

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⚫ 21h v Miracle in Costco: Judgemental lady: Ugh. Are you buying FORMULA so you can drink all that WINE? *Looks at crying twins, stacks of groceries, and sleep deprived tearful wife* Me: I... Random stranger: *to me* I got this, bro. *To her* Go #faithrestored yourself. 161 11,778 11.5K ↑

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Beware. If you go to Starbucks and pull out your laptop and it isn't a Mac, you will be looked at with utter disgust. Might even get a gasp or 2... Speakin from experience. It just happened to me. 5 Comme 11 Like Comment

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52° M 59 2d-8 100% 7:33 AM = Hello! I'm and this is mommy I'm posting her picture. Ssshh.. Hi mommy! I love you so much. You are my super mom and thank you for everything, for the love, the patience, and fpr taking care of me. I am very thankful to Jesus that you are my mother. You always put me as the most important in your life. You are my mommy and daddy at the same time now. Well daddy left me..let's not talk about him. I'm really upset but I have you mommy and we always have each other. Okey thank you for reading. Bye everyone. о ☐

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This dude stayed 40 minutes after he finished the test So I was like "Dude, you ok?" And he was like "I'm just absorbing the reality that I'll have to live with my parents for the rest of my life because I legit knew nothing on that test" Bless his little heart. He is all of us. Delivered

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is at ... 2 hrs Manatee, FL - Our current situation circled in black. We were lying in bed watching tv and a BIG bolt of lightning came through the window, hit something in the bathroom making a big 'ole noise then bouncing back ON me and hit my chest! It's not like I was struck by lightning but the right side of my chest is still hurting! I could feel it as soon as it happened. That's been about 10 min ago and my chest still hurts! Happy 4th of July! ❤ 275 Bradenton 64) (684) 70 Longboat Key Sarast Siesta Key Like n and 14 others (62) Myakka River State Part Comment Myakka City Share

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so in my spanish class the teacher sometimes puts up a sign that says "no ingles" and that means we can't use any english that day in class and we have like the smartest kid who is class president and the teacher asked him something and he was about to talk in english before the teacher pointed at the sign so the guy busted out in full german and the whole class was in stunned silence and the teacher just gave a heavy sigh and left the room

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A black widow spider bit me twice today & I didn't have to go to hospital because my fiancé bad ! He sl 7 is a dout the venom then counteracted it with Rue- an Italian herb which works as an anti-venom! Another great reason to grow your own medicine & food 31/12/17, 1:06 am

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Br asked why we didn't vax. My son answers we don't put poison in our bodies. The entire waiting room and 3 of the nurses laughed n clapped. He's 6.6. And he knows more than doctors already.

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Kurt Cobain drops guitar to stop an assault live Comments 1d I hate the idea of marriage but MY GOD I WOULD KURTI was born the same day he died and have always just KNOWN who he was. I would get really MAD when I was younger when people would stick a camera in my face and KNEW HOW TO SWEAR before I could barely talk. “Get that out of my face p Reply d I also knew how to read and write without any education. I was reading and spelling at 4-1/2 before school. when my mom would want to swear she would SPELL THE WORD and I would then SAY IT. So ☺☺☺ Yeah I was too smart and LOVED getting into trouble. Reply i

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OPOTTONLY 30 Pabet TOP UFT ONLY dal Them "my kids love fruit loops for breakfast" My kids "look at all the food dye! That's not a good breakfast"

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☑ I love my morning drives with my child. We sing joke and chat. This morning we were listening to the 80s station hoping for Thriller. He got quiet while I was jamming out to a real 80s banger. The song ended and in perfect timing he says "God how did you survive?" | said "what, the 80s?" He said "no my game on my phone". Then a few seconds went by and he said "wow mom the 80s were that wild?! Did you party that hard mom??" Yes child and there was no phones for evidence

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Jerry from Leeds says everywhere he goes he is mistaken for JUSTIN BIEBER and it's gotten so bad even his own mother mistook him for the pop star. He said: 'I can just be walking down briggate and young girls start to scream and I'm like baby baby baby no, it's just me, Jerry'.

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Funny thing happened this morning. So I run to my neighborhood gas station this morning to grab some caffeine and I'm wearing my Shout at the Devil shirt. One girl starts ringing up my stuff and the other girl behind the counter is just staring at me, clearly confused by something, then says, dead serious, "Wait...The Motley Crue are women?" The woman ringing me up started laughing. I've heard the jokes, but I've never actually seen someone so clearly confused and dead serious think they are woman. It made my morning. I told her, If you think they're hot, check out the cover for Look What the Cat Dragged In. Hottest chicks I've ever seen...and they're all dudes!

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@hakeemolajuwon4352 • 1y ago Some years back, my ex wife asked me to go running with her at the park for some cardio. She had been lifting weights, running and eating right since we had divorced. I was on my usual burning blunts and eating bad routine, but for some reason she wanted to challenge me to a foot race. I casually dusted her 5 straight times even at one point looking back at her while running. As she was holding back her tears telling me she doesn't understand it, I just shrugged and told her, "I'm a man and you're a woman"

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1h I was in... 6th grade? Maybe 7th? When a classmate gave himself a prison tattoo on his ankle. His mom spotted it a week or so later, and they literally cut it off him. I remember him bringing the chunk to school in a jar of formaldehyde. ✩ 8

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