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NEWS IN BRIEF Laura Ingraham Claims Protesting Parkland To Criticize Nicholas Cruz Today 9:41am . SEE MORE: NEWS ﹀

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the ONION America's Finest News Source Breaking News: The Onion on the verge of collapse after not being able to make up s that is more idiotic than current reality.

NEWS IN BRIEF Conservative Man Proudly Frightened Of Everything Published October 10, 2022 | Alerts

me DOOM! www. "A.I. TECHNOLOGY" WILL DECIMATE OUR LIVELIHOODS! GLOOM! O S *LATEST FAD CHICKEN LITTLES * NATIONAL CARTOONIST LEAGUE 2023 CONFERENCE, intimoanis. THE END IS NEAR! 규 000000 SEASONED 4))) PROS DISCREET FLASKS COMPUTER, DRAW ME A CARTOON ABOUT TODAY'S LAZY TEENS WHO REFUSE TO WORK. AND BE SURE TO SIGN IT "KELLY"! PAYCHECK$ $ WHIRRRR "RENDERED" OBSOL-SWEET! BEEP! I WILL OBEY. BOOP! PROGRESS PRINTER O DELIVER TO EDITOR DOO Kelly 2023 ONION SYNDICATE 333 ATUU

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Report: Video Games Will Never Be Art

Othe ONION PLITICS SPORTS LOCAL ENTERTAINMENT OPINION OLYMPICS 2018 VIDEO CLICKHOLE NEWS IN BRIEF You may also like Report: Video Games Will Never Be Art 2/06/18 6:53pm . SEE MORE: VIDEO GAMES, DO MY POLICE DEPARTMENT "They Are Little Diversions That Children Play,' Experts Say Local Man Passes Away Surrounded By Knife-Wielding Loved Ones SCORE 1,997 Friday 6:29am 虫虫虫虫宍宍宍宍宍宍宍

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Delta Pilot Refuses To Land Until Gun Control Legislation Passed

NEWS IN BRIEF Delta Pilot Refuses To Land Until Gun Control Legislation Passed Wednesday 4:28pm SEE MORE: GUNS DeliaR

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Dollar Tree To Stop Selling Assault Weapons

NEWS IN BRIEF Dollar Tree To Stop Selling Assault Weapons Yesterday 2:42pm SEE MORE: BUSINESS EN

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Onion can't even anymore because reality too messed up

Breaking News: The Onion on the verge of collapse after not being able to make up s--- that is more idiotic than current reality.

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Funny Onion Article about BMW getting stuck in snow

ENUthe ONION Neighbors Come Together To Watch BMW SEARCH a TOP HEA TOP HEADLINES Neighbors Come Together To Watch BMW Owner Struggle In Snow NEWS IN BRIEF February 2, 2015 VOL 51 ISSUE 05 Local Weather Automotive

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Trump Vehemently Denies Using Word 'People' To Describe African Immigrants

theonion Trump Vehemently Denies Using Word 'People' To Describe African Immigrants

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Panicked Donald Trump Jr. Tries To Cover Up Contact With WikiLeaks By Deleting Firefox Icon From Desktop

NEWS IN BRIEF Panicked Donald Trump Jr. Tries To Cover Up Contact With WikiLeaks By Deleting Firefox Icon From Desktojp 2/08/17 2:37pm SEE MORE: DONALD TRUMP JR.

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RNC: ‘We Warned You Gay Marriage Would Be A Slippery Slope Toward Accepting Pedophilia’

theonion RNC: 'We Warned You Gay Marriage Would Be A Slippery Slope Toward Accepting P---------"

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The Onion has been assimilated into the rest of the Fusion Media Group websites, and ClickHole is not far behind.

THE ONIONTHE AV. CLUB DEADSPIN EARTHER GIZMODO JALOPNIK JEZEBEL KOTAKU LIFEHACKER SPLINTER THE ROOT the ONION POLITICS SPORTS LOCAL ENTERTAINMENT VIDEO CLICKHOLE the ONION Nauseous From Constant Scrolling Area Article New Evidence Reveals Pythagoras Wrote Dozens Of Unhinged Conspiracy Theorems About Triangles Scientists Discover 99% of NFL Plavers' Brains Slimv SEATTLE-In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players' brains are slimy. "After conducting an exhaustive, years-long.. Continue Reading 1-800-EAT-S--- Area Article Nauseous From Constant Scrollingscier CHICAGO-Sources confirmed Wednesday that an online article is feeling nauseous from constantly scrolling. “Oh God, I don't feel so good," the 75 word news piece reportedly thought as it was violently and repeatedly sent flying up and then back down the website's homepage. "Please, please make it 1-800-EAT-S--- Finallv Publishes Decades Of Reckless-Driving Data Continue Reading

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Now everybody wish real hard

Americans Hopeful This Will Be Last Mass Shooting Before They Stop On Their Own For No Reason POLICE

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Trump Administration Worried President Burning Through Minority Scapegoats At Unsustainable Rate

Trump Administration Worried President Burning Through Minority Scapegoats At Unsustainable Rate

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Pentagon Announces Plan To Cover Cost Of Hormone Treatment For Servicemembers Doubling Down On Biological Sex

Pentagon Announces Plan To Cover Cost Of Hormone Treatment For Servicemembers Doubling Down On Biological Sex WASHINGTON-Saying the government was committed to helping military personnel reinforce their existing outward identity, Pentagon officials announced a plan Wednesday that would cover the cost of hormone treatment for servicemembers doubling down on their biological sex. "Effective immediately, the Defense Department will begin financing the hormone therapy of armed forces members who wish to recommit to the sex they were assigned at birth," said Defense Secretary James Mattis, adding that it was only right to provide assistance to soldiers who made the difficult decision to intensify the characteristics of the body they currently possess with a protocol of testosterone injections. "U.S. military health plans will now fully compensate any serviceman who would feel more comfortable-indeed, feel truly themselves-if his body hair was twice as thick and his voice was twice as deep as it is currently." Mattis went on to say that female soldiers, meanwhile, were ineligible for the plan but could occasionally take a dose of testosterone if they wanted. C

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The Onion - Laura Ingraham Claims Protesting Parkland Students Don’t Have Enough Gun Knowledge To Criticize Nicholas Cruz

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NEWS IN BRIEF Laura Ingraham Claims Protesting Parkland To Criticize Nicholas Cruz Today 9:41am . SEE MORE: NEWS ﹀

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