ACT: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at McDonald's.
DT: Oh ho ho ho… no, patented president burgers. Old White House recipe.
[The team stares at Trump]
ACT: For steamed hams?
DT: Yes.
ACT: Yeah, so you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact they are obviously grilled.
DT: Ye- hey- you know, the- fake news an- excuse me for one second.
ACT: Of course.
[Trump walks into the kitchen and sees that some protesters have started a fire in it. He then walks out]
DT: [YAWN] Well, that was wonderful. Good times had by all, I'm pooped.
ACT: Yes, we should be- GOOD LORD WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THERE!?
DT: Aurora borealis?
ACT: Uh- AURORA BOREALIS!? AT THIS TIME OF YEAR, AT THIS TIME OF DAY, IN THIS PART OF THE COUNTRY, LOCALIZED ENTIRELY WITHIN THE WHITE HOUSE KITCHEN!?
DT: Yes!
ACT: … May we see it?
DT: … No.
[DT and ACT walk out of the white house. Melania is then heard screaming from above]
MT: TRUMP, THE WHITE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!
DT: No, Melania--it's just the northern lights!
ACT: Well, Trump, you are an odd president, but we must say… your chefs steam a good ham.
[ACT begin walking away but they hear Melania scream again]
MT: HELP! HELP!
[They turn to see Trump giving them a thumbs up. They then turn and continue to walk away. Trump then quickly runs away from the building while the entire Washington Fire Department begins speeding towards the house]

[The White House doorbell rings. Donald Trump goes to answer (since he and his family are the only ones there due to the shutdown). He then opens the door to see the Alabama Clemson Tigers standing outside]
ACT: Well, Donald, we made it… despite your directions.
DT: Ah, Alabama Clemson Tigers! Welcome! I hope you're all prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
ACT: Uhh…
[Trump guides then to the dining room and then enters the kitchen to check the meals progress. He's shocked to see it completely empty and then remembers the government shutdown]
DT: [gasp] Oh egads, my government is shut down! But what if… I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as a political statement? [to himself] Oh ho ho ho ho… delightfully devilish, Donald!
ACT: Uh-
[cue song]