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The Chad Bnosticist "The Virgin Abrahamist" -believes in the "Big Bang" and aliens instead of the power of his own god -metaphysics are important to him -doesn't even know what Gnosticism is, ignorant of the sins of his forefathers -pities the Abrahamists for their eternal slavery, does not seek what would be justified revenge for their genocide of his peers -has memorized the apocrypha, doesn't even read the bible is easily fooled by Samael's tricks -thinks the peak of spiritual music is a bunch of monks chanting about the works of the demiurge -thinks magic is either not real or an evil practice, would try to kill a witch if he saw one -understands power metal to be the most fulfilling sound for his soul creates egregores with the sole purpose of combatting Saklas and his archons -wrote a will so his future -knows that the archetypes embedded in our minds from crea offspring can inherit his meaningless trinkets -thinks all religions are false but his, yet has never read any non-Abrahamic scripture have permeated all religions -sucks up to and defends his god at every opportunity, for even such a brainwashed soul as he knows inside that YHWH is a fragile being who is easily offended -has no need for material posessions, is prepared to destroy all his belongings before his death has trouble lifting two jugs of skim milk at once, even though he works out is naturally strong fron divine spark Ave BaTO f ic -knows that his god couldn't care less about the s--- people talk prays to Yaldabaoth for pleasures of the flesh (they never come) -pictures Sophia in his mind while meditating for a hands-free climax -hopes to get into "heaven" but would be fine with being reincarnated hopes to escape the cycle of reincarnation and achieve true gnosis is working tirelessly to revive old traditions and combine them with modern knowledge to further his goals and liberate humanity -simply perpetuates the same teachings as 1000 years ago without questioning them in any meaningful way or improving upon them -realizes that Jesus was a messenger from beyond this reality who simply masqueraded as a servant of Leontoeides to delay his crucifixion -thinks that his god has mood swings or changes his mind, to justify the difference between the old and new testaments -pigeon-toed -wide stance, full of confidence

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The virgin new monster school Definitely ran By greedy youtubers Crewmate There is ostor anons us The chad old monster school Definitely ran by, youtubers you don't care about money No cringe Mass cringe OUCH! Good thumbnail S----- thumbnails Uses viral s--- Doesn't use Doesn't fell like anything viral a school Felt like a school Unlikeable characters Likeable characters made with mematic

Virgin Mars Colonisation -Thinks mars will someday turn out as friendly as Earth from future """terraforming projects"""""" Lives for like 1 year on mars before dying of bone cancer Thin, weak atmosphere -Temperature comparable to a cold day in wisconsin -Will literally never happen. -Elon Musk prob fooled you into thinking this is possible for attention -Barely restraining himself from depression caused suicide Chad Venus suicide mission -Accepts venus' eternal literal manifastation of hell. Can literally swim in the 90 bar air, how cool is that -Survives for like 9 minutes max before his space suit melts and space helmet cracks opencracks -Temperature comparable to sticking your head in a pizza oven. Huge rush of adrelinine and testosterone Can easily be done, only ethics are stopping NASA

Is literally a giant baby Reads books and uses big words like a true virgin The virgin Judge Holden Small size just makes his penis look bigger The Chad Glanton Is the leader, even the Judge must answer to him Hairless? That's kinda feminine bro Has sex with a retard and 12 year old girls Claims to be a judge, but never reveals what he's a judge of. Seriously what the hell is going on with that imbecile? Literally told the Judge to stop being a bitch and to get a new horse Last words are unfathomably based Can never go out in a blaze of glory because he can never die Probably isn't even real, just some kinda metaphor. What a cop out. Banned from returning to Texas probably because he had premarital sex with every woman in the state Keen strategist Zero redeeming qualities yet still loved by all

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The honk walk

Hair seems to overreact to wind "The Virgin Walk" THE HONK WALK Head craned forward Sometimes uses heaphones to escape potential conversation or mitigate agoraphobic symptoms Looks below parallel Avoids eye contact, and looks away immediately if accidental contact Back slouched Honk walk Perceives every oncoming face in his periphery as "looking at him" Too polite, gives too much space for oncoming traffic But secretly hates people who walk slowly when side-by-side Stiff, straight arms Struggles to find comfortable hand form Little arm movement Might be too tense and rigid Bonus: Walking pace/form lacks fluidity because he struggles to "autowalk" -- analogous to always manually breathing Clothing is all neutral coloured Wears running shoes Only wears black coats Stands with a weird posture Is insecure about how he walks Walks too fast Compulsively needs to pass anyone walking slightly slower than him Long strides

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Anne Boonchuy vs Sasha Amphibia

The Virgin Boobchuy The Chad Sasha Abandons ratty school uniform Betrayed by almost Constantly has twigs and for fashionable and practical Can't be betrayed because she doesn't trust anyone everyone she trusts leaves in her hair because armor she is a doormat Actually likes clowns After being imprisoned, negotiated her way into her own bed chamber in the top of the tower and hot showers Has to wield sports equipment, farm tools, whatever she can Bladies for Ladies pick up off the ground Lives in a basement and voluntarily eats bugs Taught the toads how to make french fries, burgers, KFC, etc. Even aquires ketchup despite Amphibia tomatoes growing on giant carnivorous plants Willing to murder innocent frog peasants, only pretends to care Comissions a statue of herself dabbing like an out-of-touch Loves her adoptive frog family about the toads zoomer Has a tasteful statue of her doing a sick skateboard trick Nobly accepts death as Still missing a shoe quickly as she deals it

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Virgin Mike Matei vs. Chad Bootsy Spankins

The Virgin Mike The Chad Bootsy Needs to say f--- every sentence Never swears when playing kid games Repects every ethnicity. Only drinks coffee with sweets Always craves attention Relaxed and humble Likes his coffee with his own d--- in it 1980's fanboy Lives in the present, not his childhood Makes p-------- jokes over kid movies Top notch gaming skills Made racist comics Gets plenty of sunlight Never gets sunlight, streems at 3AM Gets payed in US Dollars quits Gets payed for his work or Has become an online martyr Shoved aside for Screenwave goons Everyone has seen his d--- Only the lucky ladies has seen his d---

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The Virgin Who Could Fly vs. The Chadbob Musical

THE CHADBOB MUSICAL The Virgin Who Could Fly Ugly wig, but we can forgive that Ugly Bieber bowl Souless cash grab Catchy songs written by popular artists Adds more depth to characters Costume designs are literal to the point of their concept sheets literally being faces pasted onto the characters Cheesy h--------- songs Well thought out costume designs Brings an all around positive energy Abstract sets that capture the cartoon's vibe Gives the new musical a bad Already existing story reputation All new and original story

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Commander vs Goodspeed

unfazed by graying hair, advantageously uses it for DILF appeal "The Virgin Lord Commander" THE CHAD JOHN GOODSPEED most likely failled astrophysics class in the academy, somehow becomes a captain anyways large, strong hands used to beat up long time friends as a father-son bonding activity hasn't been shows only moment of vulnerability when John Goodspeed is mentioned, can't even bring himself to kill his son impressive cleft chin rejected in his entire was utterly rejected by the Titans, got #cucked by the Earth life avoids eye contact, always looking into his headset does not register the emotions or feelings of inferior co-pilots, es pecially when concerning Taquitos dies honorably in a cool explosion to protect his planet not nearly enough chin needs to be saved by Invictus after jobbing his "fight" against Nightfall has impregnated scores of aliens and humans, leaving behind an empire of little Goodspeed's to carry on his legacy body and mind too weak to resist the leaves son to fend for himself on Earth, teaching him how to be a self-sustaining individual radiation of cosmic, rift-sealing explosions no known hiers "it's good enough for me":) struggles to "autowalk", uses psychic powers to levitate himself in an effort to cover too small to destroy enemies, effectively defenseless in a physical fight never skips leg day, can crush criminal scum with powerful, unpredictable strides handsome as f--- up said flaw

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virgin anime fan vs. CHAD CARTOON FAN

Chad Cartoon Fan Virgin Anime Fan Prefers to stay anonomous, has no Has an active Deviantart account friends as a result and many mutuals who share his intersts THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON Makes fun of bronies while Is autistic and admits it, he knows it's not something- as watching s--- like Madoka Is secretly extremely insecure about liking anime to be ashamed of Dosen't Probably is an alt-righter Probaly autistic, but still makes fun care what of other people with autism others my LITTLE pON Watches relentlessly dark s--- like Madoka and Evangelion Has many ponies that he likes equally think of him FRAIENDSHIP NAGIC Hatred of mean- Probably not an alt-rihter spiritedness gives him positive outlook on life Has one waifu and one waifu alone a Thinks he's an intellectual when all Seriously analyzes cartoons while being humble and entertaining Will get into huge fights with people he disagrees with. he does is post memes and watches Respects other anime peoples opinions. Definitely jerks it to Hentai Varied interests, no one knows exactly what he spank-banks to

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The Virgin "Slice-of-Life" v. THE CHAD KOMI-SAN

"The Virgin Slice-of-Life"| THE CHAD KOMI-SAN First chapters introduce readers to topics of social disorders and Drawn with confident, full-sized panels Uses 4koma to Relies on humor to entertain audience disguise shallow writing and basic pictures introversion to show off artwork and nuanced writing Bland lead girl never challenges status quo Side characters are comedy cliches with no character arcs Side characters are written with personalities that challenge their personas Lead girl's journey to overcome her Other girls frequently outshine lead in Best Girl communication disorder enhanced lists by her relatable personality Healthy friendship at core of budding romance, main girl has already taken chad-like initiative to hold hands Teased romance concludes with Male lead is dense, Lead is unchallenged in Best Girl status predictable confession and hand-holding misreading situations and constantly caught in avoidable misunderstandings Male lead's defining trait is situational awareness, uses gift to help others Has Najimi No Najimi

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THIS ISN’T FAIR I WAS GETTING 6 TOOTH FILLINGS DONE DURING THIS BEA ALLISTER POKÉMON TRAINER REVEAL THING by Kecchi0

STEP ASIDE NERD Sary

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Virgin Soye vs. Chad Mignogna

DEPOSITIONS I've never experienced non-consensual interaction with Ron's fiance. If 4 people accuse me of being a p---, it's fair that lose my job THE CHAD MIGNOGNA THE VIRGIN SOYE

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durrrrrraludon vs CHADGRON

CHADGRON durrrraludon 6'11 hulking behemoth 5'11 king of the monlets can't decide if it doesn't need 600 bst to rip your a------ open A---- blue eyes wants to be a lighter or an inhaler disgusting soy grin revealed when head pops open like a pez dispenser sturdy proportions that aren't lighter than an anorexic girl goofy-looking in the slightest can't pick stuff up absolutely monstrous design Shilled as the rival of tyranitar even though people can't tell what it is without is the ACTUAL rival of tyranitar weird malleable bulbous that's not a tail, it's a giant d--- that it lets hang loose to intimidate virgins legs that look like a b------- GF explicitly saying so the earth trembles beneath his feet

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Virgin Grump vs Chad Funny Boi

THE CHAD FUNNY BOI THE VIRGIN GRUMP Still finds time to draw, Actually funny make music and do non-Let's Play content Can hold a funny conversation while still being competent at games. Still doesn't act smug and claim to be an "expert' Has abandoned Newgrounds mentality of "anything goes" in favor of boring unfunny PC wokeness Started Let's Play channel as a means of keeping up an online presence and getting extra cash for other projects; still keeps things simple and organic Insufferable "comedy" band Jack of all trades that still does College Humor-level epic video game parody rap songs where game characters swear and f--- and do "edgy" s--- who can draw, animate, voice act, make 3D models Hasn't animated in years Still has Newgrounds humor, isn't a d--- but also Decent vocal range, Can't rap does funny impressions in 2019 and compose music. Is skilled at all of isn't afraid to make dark jokes the above Flip flops between boring and outright irritiating to listen to, makes videos so hard to endure Claims to understand People actually like his girlfriend because she's funny, down to earth and is a talented artist; game design, skill level of a chimp with his s----- attitude, awful jokes and constant bitching Still doesn't insist on shoving her in our faces Claims to be skilled improv comedian, humor consists of burping, farting and screaming Doesn't edit out boring parts where nothing happens Knows when a joke has run its course, humor feels natural *skips tutorial* 'where do i go Friends are also entertaining, has believable chemistry with them Partner is because he's too insecure to have pushover yes-man funny, simple filler play games Channel started as his opinions challenged where two friends can and goof around, has since turned into a cold and corporate business where everything feels forced and insincere Has been going for years, still feels organic and comes across like everyone involved is having fun Fancies himself a "voice actor", doesn't even have much range Friends can challenge him and open actual discussions and debates, can speak bluntly without getting sulky because people disagree Shoehorns Yoko Ono-esque wife into everything though she's not funny and no one likes her even Runs jokes into the ground Misses basic things, claims it's the game's fault

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The Virgin Modern Simpsons vs. The Chad Classic Simpsons

The Chad classic simpsons The Virgin Modern Simpsons Homer is an Homer is dumb, but still has his moments Ratings keep getting lower each Ratings and viewers were at and still loves his family despite often neglectful parenting its peak idiot and jerk season Jokes are Jokes have generic, usually matches that of r/come- multiple parts, and is basically modern humor Animation All hand drawn, is all digital ized, pretty lifeless and dycemetary and maybe r/ fellowkids animation but in the 90s has lots of robotic Most characters are either killed off (Maude Flanders) removed(Apu), or not true to their original per- sonality (Basically the entire Simpsons family) effort and personality Large roster of unique charac- ters that make the Springfield come to life

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+7

Virgin vs. Chad - Abandon the created world!

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The Chad Bnosticist "The Virgin Abrahamist" -believes in the "Big Bang" and aliens instead of the power of his own god -metaphysics are important to him -doesn't even know what Gnosticism is, ignorant of the sins of his forefathers -pities the Abrahamists for their eternal slavery, does not seek what would be justified revenge for their genocide of his peers -has memorized the apocrypha, doesn't even read the bible is easily fooled by Samael's tricks -thinks the peak of spiritual music is a bunch of monks chanting about the works of the demiurge -thinks magic is either not real or an evil practice, would try to kill a witch if he saw one -understands power metal to be the most fulfilling sound for his soul creates egregores with the sole purpose of combatting Saklas and his archons -wrote a will so his future -knows that the archetypes embedded in our minds from crea offspring can inherit his meaningless trinkets -thinks all religions are false but his, yet has never read any non-Abrahamic scripture have permeated all religions -sucks up to and defends his god at every opportunity, for even such a brainwashed soul as he knows inside that YHWH is a fragile being who is easily offended -has no need for material posessions, is prepared to destroy all his belongings before his death has trouble lifting two jugs of skim milk at once, even though he works out is naturally strong fron divine spark Ave BaTO f ic -knows that his god couldn't care less about the s--- people talk prays to Yaldabaoth for pleasures of the flesh (they never come) -pictures Sophia in his mind while meditating for a hands-free climax -hopes to get into "heaven" but would be fine with being reincarnated hopes to escape the cycle of reincarnation and achieve true gnosis is working tirelessly to revive old traditions and combine them with modern knowledge to further his goals and liberate humanity -simply perpetuates the same teachings as 1000 years ago without questioning them in any meaningful way or improving upon them -realizes that Jesus was a messenger from beyond this reality who simply masqueraded as a servant of Leontoeides to delay his crucifixion -thinks that his god has mood swings or changes his mind, to justify the difference between the old and new testaments -pigeon-toed -wide stance, full of confidence

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