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File: Feels bad man.png (111 KB, 330x330) O Anonymous (ID: AOdCUgDx) 04/25/14(Fri)20:14:52 No.543873098 >>543873613 >>54387463 Green text stories you would never share outside of /b/. Part 1 >23 >Fresh out of college >tfw no job, no of, no life >After months of searching say f--- it and work for a temp agency >Get a call one day that some tech sales company needs someone to organize their files >F--- it, it's money >Greeted by HR leader >8/10 milf >Go to HR >Milf city >Spend a week hanging out with the milfs and organizing physical files >Notice that no one really pays attention to what I do but they all enjoy talking to me. >One day I'm told to print some documents >A printer is right next head milf's desk >l look up the IP of the printer and connect the s----- thinkpad laptop I was given to it >As it prints the milfs look to me like I'm a god >"Omg anon, how did you get that to work? You must be some sort of computer genius!" >Wat >Discover that IT is just one guy who never does s---, and they've asked him to connect their computers to the printer for weeks >l hook up everyone's computers in thirty minutes >l am now tech God, lord of the milfs Part 2 >What was a week long contract turns into a month long contract >Come in every day and blow their minds doing simple s--- on computer >Told to make spreadsheet about employee information >"This should take you a day or two anon." >Complete it in an hour >"Omg you're so good with computers that would have taken me forever!" >Slowly gain the affection of the milfs. All throughout this process I keep hearing about how IT sucks and the one IT guy who works for a company of around 100 people never does anything. I figured he was just busy, until one day I see the man I shall refer to as the beast from here on out. >One day installing drivers for various s--- on HR milfs computers >In walks the beast >Large, fat, greasy man around my age >Completely underdressed, groaning as he moves >Says he's there to connect people's computers to the printer >They explain I eyes meet >A rivalry is formed. The beast knows his rule has been upset, and now the milfs, a strong alliance to have, flock to me. >Our >He scoffs and walks off I took care of it >Milfs talk about him >"Yeah he doesn't talk much, no one is really too fond of it. Lol Anon I wish you worked with us but we don't need another IT guy!" >A plan is hatched >l will be IT guy, lord of the milfs Don't know if anyone is reading but f--- it I want to keep typing. Part 3 >Day >One after day I do everything IT should do, which really boils down to installing drivers and connecting hardware e day I try to connect printer to some old f------ computer >Discover there's a password on printer >Passwords are on everything >Go directly to IT and ask the beast if I can get the password >The beast smirks >"Don't worry about that stuff, l'm the IT guy I got it." >IT guy returns to his lair >Milfs displeased since I can no longer help them out Over the next few days I just filed all this confidential s--- like employee's past run ins with the law. >Notice the folder for the beast >His name is on the IT door so that's how I know it's him >Open it up and flip to his history with the law >See he egot caught stealing from a store in 2012 >Look through notes made by HR employee >This m----------- stole a 3DS from gamestop and got a misdemeanor for it >Laugh and get back to work, determined to take him down >l will be IT guy Part 4 >Notice the beast goes to lunch at the same time every day >He takes an hour long lunch break >He doesn't leave IT unlocked >l don't know what I'm looking for, but I know if I can get into IT room I can end him >The mecca of the IT room is calling to me >lt will be >One day the beast leaves for lunch and doesn't lock IT room door >No one pays attention to me, this is my time >Enter IT room navs stench enters my nose >Terrible >Wires everywhere, servers not organized at allIl, cheetos on his desk >The company paid this m------------ 52k a year to live like this >l approach his computer, looking for something good >Boot it up to see pokemon wallpaper on computer >Files scattered across desktop >One is plain text document entitled "Password" >Open it >Turns out IT password has been Charizard123 this whole time >See another folder >"ROMS" >Open it up >Jackpot >ROMS and emulation software for Gameboy, SNES, all that s--- >Open a few games He was actually really far in pokemon blue, and was half way through Chrono Trigger. His pokemon party sucked though, and for some reason he used a level 42 ditto. >This is all the evidence I need to take him down >Snap a few pictures of the roms >Head back to HR happier than ever before >l will be IT guy >Return to HR and show them Roms >Feel like a d---, but the beast must be conquered >Have to explain to them what roms are for like, thirty f------ minutes >"So, he downloaded video games to play at work?" >Explain that it's illegal to download roms lol >HR rages >They call him in when he gets back from lunch and show him the pictures >He rages at me >"HE ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE IN IT THIS IS AN INVASION OF PRIVACY!" >Everyone looks at me >"I was just trying to help out HR, I didn't mean to see any of this but wasting the companies time is no joke" >I sound like the biggest f----- but I'm laughing so hard as the milfs eat it up >He gets fired the next day As he was walking out, I had a strange moment. You know in Star Trek Wrath of Khan, where Khan says to kirk "In another life we could have been allies?" I felt this way about the beast. He wasn't a bad guy, just a lazy person who played games all day, and that's exactly what I planned to do in IT. But it had to be done, for the milfs. >l'm instantly the next candidate and go in for an interview with HR >Best interview I ever had. >This lady didn't know s--- about computers so I just threw around buzzwords to sound intelligent. >"Well you see, I've been dealing with RAM based systems for quite some time, and in order to optimize a system of this size you have to delete any potential virus programs to optimize the megabyte data flow." >"Oh wow Anon, I never knew that. >Get the job in a heart beat >Enter IT the next week >Nothing has been cleaned >The great reconstruction begins >Spend a week eliminating his stench from IT >Keep all his roms on the computer >Spend half my days installing s--- for the milfs and everyone else in the company, the other half playing his pokemon file >l released ditto because who the f--- needs a level 42 ditto >All their files are physical files, so when I get bored I begin the insanely long process of making everything digital >Scanning a few dozen things a day, checking data with employees, it's a good way to kill time and meet people >One day I'm get a file for a woman around my age named Emily >She didn't fill out everything on it so I go down to speak to her >Enter sales and go to the cubicle with her name >Emily is not at her desk, instead there sits a goddess >lf there has ever been a 10/10 for me, it would be Emily >Spaghetti in my pockets as I approach, but then I remember the truth >l am IT, lord of the milfs >Emily >Sit down and go over the file with her >Can't keep my eyes off her, absolutely beautiful and charismatic |come to worship me in time >Return to IT with file >She will be mine >Over the next week I stop digitalizing all the information >Emily is the main objective >First pull her personal file >Find some good information, but not much that would help me. Bank account numbers, employment history, past altercation with the law (none). Nothing to really go on. >Then I find her resume, it's a solid start >Resume reveals where she went to school and her cover letter reveals more >She enjoys music, has played violin for 11 years >It's a ste >Take all these files, make copies of them, and bring them home with me for reference >l return to IT and for over a weekI make up plausible excuses to me near her day >Oops oh well guess I have to spend the whole day at your cubicle >Another day a virus may have affected her system, an no one elses >Open a terminal on her computer and type basic commands such as Is-l to bring up a lot of text >One her computer "isn't correctly transferring data to IT" >"Oh wow, yeah this will take awhile. Guess I have to spend some time with you at your cubicle" >Do this for a week and slowly get to know her >She's really cool, loves music, and actually plays some vidya >Too much spaghetti in my pockets to ask her out, but I bide some time >Eventually realize I'm retarded for not just monitoring her computer when she goes on facebook or something >Do this, get her facebook password, dig some more >She's single >l know her bank account information, her friends, what she likes >The time to strike is now >Don't >I have too much information, that would not be putting it to good use >See that a symphony is playing at a nearby theater hall >Decide to buy two tickets to it >Holy shitballs symphony tickets are expensive >Have to take a risk, I have too much information not to want to just ask her to a movie or some s--- >The next day I go to her cubicle to fix up her computer >It's been acting up a lot lately, I better spend more time with you >While there I ask her what her plans for the weekend are >She looks a bit reserved, may think I'm asking her out >She she's hanging out with some friends from college then asks me what I'm doing says >Explain that I was going to see this symphony with a friend, and I'm a huge fan of live violin music, but my friend backed out and now I have an extra ticket anon I I play violin that's so cool!" >"Oh, well, I mean, I do have this extra ticket, and, I would hate to go alone. Would you like to come with me?" >She's totally down, says she can be with her friends any time >Begin to alpha up >"Well it's in the evening after dinner, so how about we get some food before hand?" >She's f------ down with it >Word gets to the milfs we're going out this weekend >They're all awesome, like a bunch of mom's l'm attracted to in some weird f----- up way >All telling me to have a great time with Emily >The wooing process begins, and I have knowledge on my side >Go to pick her up on Saturday >Dress up well, figure a symphony is a pretty formal thing >Get at her house >F------ Aphrodite emerges before me, allowing me to bask in her glory >Wearing low cut dress, dat clevage >Choke on my words a little when I greet her like a beta Rughs a little bit and we head out SHave >Have a great dinner together, she talks about vidva a little bit Hor >Her interest in vidya surprises me >As she talks about GTA, I nearly slip up and almost say "Your file said nothing about you liking video games. >Thank God man has ever worshipped I didn't do that. every >Dinner goes great, then we go to the symphony SActu >Actually pretty fun >She's loving it >l take her home, nervous and beta as s--- at the door She >She takes the reigns >"You know Anon, some of the pieces they played are pieces I know how to play. If you have a moment, you can come in and l'll play you a piece." >l feel like I'm in some f------ fancy movie >Who the f--- makes an offer like that >l enter the domain of the goddess, spirits soaring >She will be mine >l am IT, lord of the milfs, tamer of the goddess Aprodite >Her apartment smells like f------ flowers >S--- is fancy as f---, nice furniture, nice setting, she lights some candles >'m in >She plays violin and is really f------ good at it >l watch her play violin in the candle light for a few moments >She finishes and I tell her she's amazing >She blushes >This is it >Go sit next to her, smile, and ask "So what do you want to do now?" >It's time >Make out for a bit >Can't believe my situation >Getting paid 50k a year to help milfs hook up their computers to printers, making out with the goddess, this is insane >We only make out, she doesn't want to go further >Agree to go out next weekend >When I get home I destroy the file I had on her >All the information must be comitted to memory now, no loose ends, no chances >Return to work on Monday >Milfs in HR swarm me >Tell them we're going out again next weekend >"Oh anon that's so sweet! Oh by the way I can't connect to the internet." >Get back to work playing Final Fantasy 6 and digitalizing files >Whole week is amazing >Whenever I see Emily we smile, maybe speak a bit We go out the next weekend and things are great >One month later we're still going out >Get invited to her place >It's time to bang >l am IT guy, lord of the milfs, soon to be lover of Aphrodite > >We make out, she takes off her top >Perfect t---, little pink n------ Take it to the bed room Lay her on the bed and just look at her for a moment >Can't f------ believe we're banging. >Looks like a cross between Tori Black and Eva Angelina (sp?) >We got at it for three hours >Physically and mentally exhausted afterwards >She suggested we take a shower together >No f------ way am I turning that down >Bang in the shower for thirty minutes >Pass out on the bed >Things are great for three months >One week at work she's rather distant, avoidant and cold >Says she needs to talk to me >"Oh f---." >Thursday night I go to her place >She just takes me to the bathroom, and points to the counter There's a pregnancy test there >"Oh f---." >She's pregnant >She's upset, I'm just confused, can't believe this happened >She's crying, she's confused, all this s--- >She wants to keep it, she's shaking and scared and worried about what I will do >There I am, IT guy, lord of the milfs, lover of Aprodite, soon to be dad. >>543880596 >Go outside on the porch to get some air >Mind is blank, don't really know what to do or say >l come back inside and see her sitting in the same chair where she played the violin for me >She's in a beautiful apartment, she's a beautiful person, the room is warm and smells good >l just stand there for a moment and look around at everything >In four months I went from a jobless college graduate with no gf and spaghettin my my pockets, to IT guy, lord of the milfs, and lover of Aphrodite. feel. good "man >F--- it, this is no big deal >Tell her I love her >She tells me she loves me >She burst into tears, I hold her >We agree we're going to make it work. We're going to have the kid and love each other and make it work no matter what >Fast forward to current day >My son is two >Emily is asleep right now, I'm comfortably drunk typing this story, then I'm going to go sleep with her >lt all started by digging around at a job, getting the beast fired, illegally copying confidential information, and getting the most beautiful girl I had ever seen pregnant >We're getting married in eight months, moving into a house in three >mfw I've never been happier Life is crazy /b/, one day you're a f----- straight out of college, the next you're a father and almost a husband with a great family. Keep at it /b/, life works itself out in great ways >tfw Emily and I spent the day playing Dark Souls 2 >tfw My son loves "Red hat guy" (mario) and watches me play Super Mario World 3 >tfw it all worked out

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Anon is IT guy, lord of the milfs, lover of Aphrodite


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File: IMG_1723.jpg (89 KB, 950x950) > after a while he answers less and less > buys a phone that only has calls on it Miss my friend Anonymous 11/20/24(Wed)10:29:50 No.32338271 >>32340765 >>32340815 >>32340988 >>32340998 > be me > move to a new city and switch schools just before 4th grade > thissucks.png > first day of class > sit next to some random dude > teacher starts roll call > calls his name just before mine >mfw we become friends >mfw we stayed friends since then up to the end of hs >mfw he's one of mine if not my best friend > 11th grade starts > becomes extremely religious (this happened over the course of HS) > decides to leave school and become completely religious > sad to see him go but keep in contact cuz I love my friend > goes to a monastery to be completely isolated > loose contact as he's completely obsessed with religion and scripture and cannot talk about anything else and also cannot accept nor hear any opinion other than the one his religious sect deems right (we're both religious) > last time we talked felt like talking to a stranger, completely different then my old friend >mfw I lost a friend just like that > ffs today > be bored at work > decide to read our old chats > makes me tear up I miss you bro How do you cope with this? He was such a good friend and it still hurts
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Uploaded Apr 14, 2021 at 03:19PM EDT

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