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A true story from my youth >be me >extremely depressed with crippling anxiety >finally decide to end it all >take lots of Xanax and wash it 25 KB PNG down with a handle >pass the f--- out >parents find me and rush me to hospital >unfortunately the doctor saves me >two cops come into room and ask me to take drug test >walk to bathroom with dad, qt nurse, and two cops >still extremely intoxicated >me to nurse "can you jack me off?" >dad in shock "did he really just say that?" >nurse "yes" >l don't hear my dad and I think the nurse said yes to my question >turn back to dad and say "later virgin" >mfw I called my dad a virgin

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: Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)22:08:34 No.784190163 >>784189907 >be me >also from Cuba >decide to swim to America >jump into ocean >pringles in my pocket in case I get hungry >doinwell.jpg >get hungry after about a half hour >pull out pringles >cap flies off >pringles everywhere >f---.exe >see a shark fin >them n----- like pringles >shark n---- eats all my pringles >starts to come after me >swim the f--- away >shark catches up >bites my leg right the f--- off >about to go for my arm when I see a US coast guard boat >they carry me aboard >pass out >come to a couple hours later in back of grimy American boat >"hey, you're finally awake" >look at the officers nametag >"Todd Howard" not again >>784190258 #

Anonymous 182 KB JPG 02/11/25(Tue)21:45:58 No.702710239 >written to be empowered "anti- male gaze" lesbian protagonists by neil cuckmann >i still want to gaze at them

Anonymous HEY GARDI I KNOW YOU LIKE THE LIPSTICKS TO TEST YOU BUY. BUT COULD YOU PLEASE STOP? I CAN'T FEEL MY CHEEK ANYMORE Mwah JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE MASTER YOU TOLD ME THE SAME THING AN HOUR AGO. I REALLY NEED TO DO THE DINNER SHOPPING. DON'T WORRY, I'LL CALL FOR PIZZA. ♡♡ Mwah SIGH*... OK... 00 02/10/25(Mon)22:28:05 No.702688473 **Mwah ♡♡♡ Mwah 653 KB PNG >so why did you become a pokemon trainer? >oh you know, just my career path... much

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Anon watches tutorials | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/11/21(Sun)22:50:36 No.64526525 >go on random tutorial >type "why did you make this tutorial I already know how to do it" >leave without an explanation 65 KB JPG

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Anon is easily satisfied | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/22/21(Mon)08:56:18 No.66254491 Apu and his homies are about to volunteer in a soup kitchen to help feed the homeless - they're all very excited The FooGommunity 1637297980881.png 536 KB PNG >Large apple pie from nice store costs 4.99 >Wagie job pays 10 an hour >Can afford to eat TWO WHOLE apple pies for an hours work. So anon, why aren't you waging yet?

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e-thots strike again | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 52556107 3 hr ago •• >broke down and gave money to a female streamer again She said my name and put it on screen and it was all I needed to c-- 93.1 kB PNG

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Anon does not want to sacrifice his health for capitalism | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/23/21(Tue)08:06:41 No.66266128 >all the old ladies at my supermarket job have f----- knees from constant bending, they're noticeably in pain every time they go down to stack something in a shelf. 7 KB JPG How the f--- are normies okay with destroying their body for their job? I only work part time because full time work on the menial level seems to shred your health.

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Anon goes to Bible camp | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/23/21(Tue)09:43:19 No.867248993 >be 15 >in a bible camp >girl in a wheelchair, who is actually f------ hot as f---, is sitting in her chair next to the sports field >go up to her and ask if she's ok >she say yeah, but obviously she's a bit bored not being able to play >get a tennis ball and we throw it back and forth >later on she texts me from her lodgings (girls and boys are in separate areas) asking if I wanna meet at sunset >meet the chick, she's folded her chair and is sitting on a blanket so she doesn't seem broken >2 hours later we're kissing, I tear her clothes off, undress, and f--- her >it's really hard to control her legs while I'm on my knees thrusting, as they are flopping about in my one free hand >see camp leaders coming close, I say "F---, run" and run away >mfw I later realize she was disabled and she was lying there naked when the bible leaders came around >>867249446 # >>867249866 #

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anon is now a part of the club | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/19/21(Fri)18:30:30 No.62409173 >be me >think i'm an incel >realize i've never actually tried to seduce a girl >which makes me single by choice, not involuntary celibate >get Tinder, start watching pua s--- 22 KB PNG >take care of myself, start having hobbies >ask some girls out >get rejected >now I'm officially an incel how do you do, fellow social retards

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Germany vs Israel 2 Electric Boogaloo | /r/Greentext

No.87571996 11 hours ago Germany >Jurgen WHY THE F--- CANT YOU JUST WRITE JUERGEN ITS F------ JUERGEN IF YOU DONT HAVE AN UMLAUT HIS NAME IS NOT JURGEN 25 replies No.8757215111 hours ago Israel >>87571996 how about killing yourself you disgusting germ*n 24 replies No.87572244 11 hours ago Germany >>87572151 how about you leave through the chimney like your grandpa 32 replies

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3/10 the right | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/28/19(Thu)12:48:52 No.185233552 >be me >18 >finally get a girl's attention >she's a 3/10 but she got a nice booty >cheeks are slightly unproportionate size but eh >arrive at her house to take her to 28 KB JPG the inernational house of pancakes (so I can clap those hot cakes later) >she says she doesn't want pancakes >mmkay >I go into her house and we go her to the room >entire house smells like cats >my feet are crunching cat litter and fossilized cat s--- >oh f--- >we start kissing >i grab both of her booty cheeks, one hand slightly more full than the other >l go to eat her ass >booty hole has toilet paper crusts >on a strictly low carb diet >tell her I dont feel good and we should sex in the morning >we decide to cuddle >she falls asleep but Im still wide awake >decide to scavenge the house to find something so I can clean her booty hole before morning sexy time >i look through her cabinets and all I can find is cat food >l notice she accidentally left her toaster on >haha what a dumby >idea.jpeg >l get some cat food and empty them into the toaster >literally create a cat food/toaster p---- >l climb on her counter and mount the toaster >the cat food smells so bad but it feels great on my weiner >literallybetterthanpussy.jpeg >the light turns on and it's the 3/10 >WHAT THE F--- ARE U DOING ANON?! >l slip and fall >cat food everywhere >90 cats come out of nowhere >MY BABIES!! >Cats are literally eating the food and sucking my d--- all at once >cant get up because of these fat f---- laying on me >3/10 is freaking out, not helping the situation >cats start biting my d--- >screaming.jpeg >3/10 grabs water and starts dumping it on cats >getting clawed to death >losing too much blood and c-- >l see a light >lt's xxxtentacion >"spotlight uh moonlight uh" >the cats burst into flames >Jah takes my hand >"it's your time now, anon" >l float to heaven with x >3/10 pissing and s------- herself in anger >ask X to kick her ass >X says he doesnt do that anymore >mmkay >in heaven now and losing wifi >bye

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anon made her gf cry | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/23/21(Tue)00:26:43 No.23279643 >tranner gf asks me what I want for Christmas >says she'll do anything >tell her I want her to top me just once >she starts crying and leaves W-- did I do wrong? Is there any way to fix this? 98 KB GIF

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Anon doesn't like reddit! | /r/Greentext

jpg (54 kB, 940x470) No.780619686 Anonymous 16 min ago Why is reddit inhabited purely with bitter f------ retards / b/? >be me >on reddit >this looks like an okay site me thinks! >pherhaps those 4chan guys were wrong after all >post to r/pics >first submission, wait for the upvotes and comments to role in >it's been ten minutes and nothing.. >finally receive a comment >mod message: You have been banned from r/pics >what the f---! >try to contact mod... >He mutes me >.. Un-f------ real! >l guess 4chan was right after all >lf you can't even post snapshots of ISIS beheading videos, what's even the point of existing.. >back to 4chan I go >feelsbadman.gif

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Anon is confused | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/23/21(Tue)00:17:49 No.867211172 >almost black friday >they don't sell slaves 40 KB JPG

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Anon is autistic | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 1 hour ago 867225397 >be me 2 weeks ago >lonely virgin for 23+ years >meet 9/10 b------- goth girl at bar >we hit it up and talk about our lives and family >ask her out your dad knows about me 10:45 PM / he has been dead for 3 years. 10:46 PM oH 10:46 PM / YOU FUCJIMJ FORGOT??? >she accepts >lifeislookinggood.jpg >a few hours later we are messaging F--- YOU 10:47 PM YOU 10:47 PM each other about the date >decide to ask her if her dad knows WHAY 10:47 PM / Start a message about me GIF >"his been dead for 3 years" She blocked me soon after and doesn't speak to me in person anymore. Why am I so autistic? I just want someone to love me 8 REPLIES

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Greentext Stories - qt 3.14 nurse gives anon a jack off | /r/Greentext

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A true story from my youth >be me >extremely depressed with crippling anxiety >finally decide to end it all >take lots of Xanax and wash it 25 KB PNG down with a handle >pass the f--- out >parents find me and rush me to hospital >unfortunately the doctor saves me >two cops come into room and ask me to take drug test >walk to bathroom with dad, qt nurse, and two cops >still extremely intoxicated >me to nurse "can you jack me off?" >dad in shock "did he really just say that?" >nurse "yes" >l don't hear my dad and I think the nurse said yes to my question >turn back to dad and say "later virgin" >mfw I called my dad a virgin

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