Fukouna Shoujo 03
7 years ago
![JUDICIAL COMMITTEE ETHICS COMMITTEE STRICT PROFESSOR CAMPUS POLICE LADDER CLIMBING OPPONENT JEWISH STUDENTS' UNION I never saw After the heckler Everything he did Openly supported Asked that I add A group of students responsible for writing the rules of the election and enforcing them Knew I was campaigning for 4-6 hours seemed calculated and automated incident they dug deep into my past and even interviewed my friends and classmates me because I was the only Jewish candidate every day the creation of a Jewish-only residence hall to my platform Responsible for expelling candidates who broke rules SOCIALIST STUDENTS' UNION Found nothing and did not kick me off the One of the largest political groups on campus, everyone was simping for their endorsement Switch ballot, I think they were mildly disappointed BLM A black woman who stood up while I was speaking during the debate and shouted "[Perpetual Hillman] called me a ni__er!" RUNNINGMATE 2 We added him to our slate because he joined the campaign late and we thought he would make us appear less right-wing GUAYAR O We spoke to them three times They smelled bad and called each other "comrade" YERBA MATE Ended up endorsing a candidate who shouted "F--- Trump!" during his pitch But he became a massive liability because on our behalf, he made statements such as "we believe in open borders" and "Tamir Rice was murdered in cold blood" We got into angry discussions with him in front of the groups we were pitching to angry reason Asked us pointed and irrelevant questions such as "does your slate support the right to abortion?" and "will you denounce Mike Pence?" We gave up trying to get their endorsement, they gave it to Self-Presumed Winner HECKLER Said nothing else and sat back down The room was just kind of confused, most of them didn't hear. I was scared and cut my speech short. She disappeared and I never saw her again, to this day I have no f------ clue what happened Sent daily emails reminding us what we could and could not do They kept adding more rules that weren't even relevant to the race, I think they got off on the power Seemed exhausted by the job and made clear that it wasn't that fun I had a presentation on Election Day and had to abandon campaigning for an hour to avoid failing the class INCUMBENT PRESIDENT ELECTIONS COMMITTEE Left-leaning, clearly endorsed a preferred candidate Claimed not to be biased but many of the members were part of the same social groups with candidates Didn't stop people from treating her like royalty because she had an arbitrary title Openly claimed he was "the most popular person on campus" GAY STUDENTS' UNION | CAMPUS TV HOST VIDEOGRAPHERS Should've been Appeared constantly Hosted the University's late night television show for no particular called the "trans student union," because it was pretty much all trans students Thought he was going to walk into a coronation Came in 2nd place, sobbed when he lost; his twink tears were delicious SELF-PRESUMED WINNER PRESIDENTIAL WINNER Obnoxiously-gay fraternity President who reveled in his own ego But he was the only candidate who was genuine and kind and honest Our slate was scheduled to speak one night, we waited backstage for our turn and were excited to be on public access television I s--- you not, 5 minutes before we went on a drag queen audience member stood up and asked a question and he invited him/her on stage F--- They danced together and the audience clapped, and a PA came up behind us and told us we'd been bumped STUDENT NEWS Had to interview all the candidates but clearly supported the most left- leaning ones Student group responsible for managing the logistics of the Election Displayed this through subtle language in their articles I later got in an unrelated feud with them that continues to this day Black sheep who nobody expected to win, he was a quiet engineer without many friends and didn't really campaign hard But when I turned in an assignment late she showed no mercy and knocked me down a letter grade "You chose to run, it's not my fault." Were hired by the university to make short videos about each slate I continue to believe the Election was fixed in some way NOW When his victory was announced he smiled. sheepishly, hugged his opponents, and left the room I think people can really truly see through the b------- in the end, and that warms my heart Essentially told us "look, we have to make a video about you guys but they didn't give us an agenda, just do what you want and we'll film it" We had a snowball fight and they filmed it and made a pretty decent video VIETNAMESE GROUPIE Quiet gay guy in one of my classes who wanted to be friend my Followed our slate around to campaign events and cheered for us Was the only one of our supporters who showed up at the Election Night watch party, he had made a pin with our names on it Every year they play up the possibility of post-election rioting but it never happens, most people simply don't care POLICE Got upset whenever we hung posters on private property, sent quasi-threatening emails reminding us this was illegal THE DEAN Student government has almost no power but it's great PR for the marketing brochures Made sure to insert himself in as many photo ops as possible Played up the importance of the election and called it "a vital exercise of the democratic process" SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER Friend of Running Mate #1, she put together videos and social media accounts for us for free Was a very hard worker and genuinely kind She put in hundreds of labor-hours and treated it like her duty Came out as gay during the debate, everyone clapped I continue to believe that it was a calculated move to gain votes He came in 4th place and now lives in LA and works as a model THE ELECTORATE The vast majority didn't care, voter turnout was a whopping 22% The rest just voted for whoever gave them the most giveaways Or they voted for who their friends told them to vote for him outside of a suit for all six weeks of the election This is how frats dominated Was clearly taking this much too seriously, he hired a campaign manager and a full staff and gathered 75 club endorsements, which is insane Came in 3rd place RUNNING MATE 1 REPUBLICAN GROUPIE We joined together because she was the only registered Republican running and I lean further right than most of the candidates She was polite and a hard worker and we ran a moderate campaign She came in 16th place and now works on Capitol Hill MY MOM Saw the writing on the wall and told me to focus on academics When she saw me skipping class to campaign she called me crying Said I needed to focus on a real career She was right GAY OPPONENT FRAT OPPONENT MY ITALIAN COUSINS Very good- looking jock- like opponent Very wealthy, spent $6,000 on his student government campaign Bought hundreds of t-shirts, pins, etc On Election Day he hired a band to play on the lawn and held his own private rally Came in 7th place MY ROWING TEAM Were super annoyed because I missed nearly a month of practice for the Election Nevertheless endorsed me and campaigned on my behalf Treated me like I had accomplished something upon my return, big self-esteem booster Guy who messaged me one day and asked to work on the campaign because we had the only registered Republican running in the whole election (Running Mate #1) He seemed enthusiastic about it and we wanted him, but we came to a mutual decision that he would be a liability given how liberal the school is I knew I couldn't execute it but I gave speeches saying I would do it anyway CROSS COUNTRY TEAM My friend was on the team and promised their endorsement on the condition that I make an in-person speech Most of them were much taller than me, even the women, and I stood on a folding chair to speak with them ITALIA They snickered at me and I was clearly embarrassed Did not secure the endorsement Because of the language barrier and the fact that They made Facebook posts supporting me to all their friends and Student Government isn't really a thing in Italy, they telling them "if any of mistakenly believed I was running for federal office you know Americans, tell them to vote for [Perpetual Hillman]" Was kicked out early in the campaign because he joked with some friends about stuffing the ballot box A guy from New York City messaged me and asked how he could. vote for me on Election Day THE CHEATER The Judicial Committee was thrilled because they finally had an example of what they were fearmongering about Was made out to be much more of a threat than he actually was, one candidate even claimed he was planning on forming "a fascist student body"](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/511/211/59e.jpg "My experience running for student government in college 6x5 wojak compass | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes")
My experience running for student government in college 6x5 wojak compass | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes
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![Cranberry-Lemon Freudian Psychoanalysis of my Boyfriend's Gun Collection Dr. Tiffany Love¹ Mrs. Broman² ¹Department of Phallic Imagery Cranberry-Lemon University, Pittsburgh, PA, USA Chad's Mother, Homemaker, Pittsburgh, PA, USA Abstract My boyfriend Chad's gun collection has been getting out of hand. It started with a 9mm pistol and a hunting rifle, only to grow to two fully stocked gun safes in our garage, a reloading station in my pantry, and an additional safe in my closet. The growing collection of hunting rifles, shotguns, pistols, and assault rifles has made me gravely concerned that if I don't find the root source of this gun obsession, I may begin losing even more closet space. It's also pretty weird and not a good look. My friends are starting to ask questions. Despite being trainable [1], and likely not a serial killer [2], there is something up with my boyfriend which may need Freudian Psychoanalysis. As modern therapy has been shown to be ineffective on Chad [3], this paper will utilize archaic forms of psycho-sexual Freudian analysis to explain and correct my Boyfriends cryptic behavior I'm assuming has something to do with his weird relationship with his mother or me not letting him buy that speed boat. Keywords: Psychoanalysis, Freudian, Psychosexual Development, Gun Enthusiasts, Preppers, A--- Expulsiveness, Mothers shown in [2] when I was considering dumping him after we played Settlers of Catan for the first time, he's not Schizophrenic, Bipolar, or has any debilitating Personality Disorders. His obsession with guns doesn't seem to be my own safety concern but an outward behavi compensating for some dissatisfaction in his life or some psychological conflict. 1. Introduction Chad historically has never been that into guns. He's not that into hunting and lives in the suburbs so the sudden expansion of his own gun collection must have some complicated psychological explanation. Due to his resistance to therapy [3], it's easier to correct and analyze Chad's behavior through a secret psychological profile which has shown several conflicts spurred on by subtle sexual fixations dating back to his early psychosexual development [4]. Journal of Astrological Big Data Ecology Figure 1: 30% of Chad's Gun Collection (Algkaly, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons, Photo: PO Phot Owen Cooban/MOD, OGL v1.00GL v1.0, via Wikimedia Commons) Though, Chad has issues, I've always been confident that I can fix him and that he is not dangerous. I trust him. As 1 2. Chad Broman Psychosexual Background Though he would never admit it, Chad is carrying plenty of emotional baggage. While, much of it has been catalogued and analyzed and not included in this study [5-8], the issues identified that may have caused his current gun fixation appear to be his messy toilet training, his classically Oedipal relationship with his parents, the speedboat incident, and/or the resurgence of porch pirates in our neighborhood. 2.1 Childhood Trauma As detailed and analyzed in [9], Mrs. Broman told me that Chad had an extremely messy a--- psychosexual period and if our kids were anything like him, we might not want any. The widely supported theory is that his years of toilet training were so messy and the enforcement by his loving parents was so passive that it has caused Chad to develop an a--- expulsive personality [9]. This theory has only become more widely accepted by me and my Sunday brunch friends regarding Chad's inability or unwillingness to pick up after Jabde.com Umm sweety, I think there's something wrong with you GUAYAKI YERBA MATE LEMOR BLATION Haha, guns fun hobby Witch CEP](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/002/511/044/4b5.jpg "Sometimes a gun is just a gun | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes")
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Political Compass - My experience running for student government in college 6x5 wojak compass | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes
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