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: Anonymous 109 KB JPG 01/26/23(Thu)23:53:19 No.71975909 >be me >femcel >literally only because i'm homeschooled so my entire life is online >have online best friend >we're super close, we've known each other for 2 years and can still talk for hours >never really thought of him intimately, saw him as more of a brother, plus i didn't know what he looked like >we met up recently >he's actually not bad looking >he has long hair and he looks pretty like a girl, but he's also a foot taller than me and kinda jacked >we're hanging out in my room just talking because there's nothing else to do in my town >he suddenly stands up and faces the wall for no reason >notice him hiding a boner >holyshitdoeshelikeme??? >later >we're hugging goodbye >he says something corny like "you're so small and huggable" >feel his boner poking me >again dont say anything, he leaves i have no idea how to feel. he's cute and id totally date him but he lives a state away and im not even sure if he actually likes me??? do boners mean a guy likes you or is it just a hormones thing? help i have no experience with boys

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Anonymous 21 KB JPG 05/07/21(Fri)21:38:10 No.63572031 >massive 4chan data leak happens >IPs for every post are leaked >they can now all be traced back to you What do in this situation? 13 Replies/2 Images Anonymous View Thread 05/07/21(Fri)21:46:14 No.63572130 >yeah i made all those racist, sexist, antisemetic, gay shitposts. What are you going to do about it? Cry? 229 KB PNG >>63572211 # Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:47:01 No.63572143 Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:50:54 No.63572193 Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:52:37 No.63572211 >>63572130 # >No, you're just going to lose your job. >Also, you can't be within 300 meters of a school. >>63572234 # Anonymous 05/07/21(Fri)21:54:23 No.63572234 >>63572211 # >Lose my what? >Why would i want to go to a school?

Anonymous 12/05/15(Sat)23:25:38 No.28103985>>28104247 >>28104335 >>28105658 >>28105734 >>28106936 >>28110951 >live next to river >geese swarm our yard every year >neighbor is korean >likes to practice martial arts in his back yard >go outside one moming and look off our back deck >korean is in dramatic martial arts pose with a staff >4 geese are hissing menacingly >KKIIIIYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA! >Korean guy charges >geese charge →KKIIIIYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA! > asian fighting noises >today the spirits of his warrior anscestors have posessed him, a flurry of blows follow >one goose dead, one with its wing hanging like its broken and the rest run away while broken winged one flops around honking >korean guy makes asian fighting noises while he twirls his staff over his head >the east will show no mercy today >he smashes its head > he is breathing heavily and grinning like an idiot >I start clapping >he turns as red as it is possible for an asian to blush >hurriedly grabs two dead geese and sprints into his house >funniest s--- I've ever seen. >he turms as red as it is possible for an asian to blush 404 the east will show no mercy today Lámalian 2011

Being a ninja isn't cool anymore Anonymous 01/28/24(Sun)21:07:00 No.913102938 >Be me >Wayward kid of the 80s >Dad's an alcoholic who hates me and calls me queer >Mom's a w---- who's snorts cocaine off of men's asses. >Outside all the time >No friends. >Suddenly meet new friends >Tell me they think I'm kickass and invite me to their club. >Suspicious but don't wanna go home. >Follow them anyway >Big warehouse with bitchin' arcade games, billiard tables, and some kid smoking a cigar. >Other kids think I'm cool. >Weeks pass >Dad still hates me, Mom still a w----. >Go to clubhouse >Friends tell me this adult came by and wants to speak to me and my friends. >Guy says we're cool and gives us rad ninja outfits and weapons >Fuckyeah.jpg >Guy trains us then tells us to go stand out in an alleyway to guard it. >About to tell my friend that he saved my life >Friend then eviscerated by a big ass turtle with two swords. >FML as another pizza-smelling turtle smacks me in the head with a stick.

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Anon Poops on a Plate | /r/Greentext

1h (8/16 14:24). 69837166 5 Re 0 Img PNG 210KB (633 × 758) 1 Reply >live in a flat with 3 people >have to s--- ↓ >toilet is occupied >go back to my room and wait >the urge to s--- is getting unbearable ff 15 min >toilet still occupied >nearly s------- ms >can't hold it in >s--- on a plate I shidded on a plate and have to sit in my room that smells like s---, bc I couldn't knock on the door and my flatmate to hurry 1h (8/16 14:28). 69837209 1 Reply >started getting a boner thinking of what you could do with this it's f------ over

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Bueno: howling men | /r/Greentext

File: 1363944296014.jpg-(81 KB. 569x625, image.jpg) Bueno. >takes bitches card >I'm sorry ma'am, it was declined" >the bar falls silent Anonymous Jr 03/22/13(Fri)05:24 No. 11535288 Replies: >>11535531 >be at bar with friends >drinkingallnight >feminazi across bar >treating male bartender like s--- >spouting endless reason why men made her fat >her wymin friends agree >a devilish idea pops into my head >grab shot glass >"by all means, it was..." >take shot >slam glass down >shatters >equally devilish grin spreads across my face >call to bartender >tell him i'll pay her tab as her lower female wages won't be enough >order shot for effect >bitch done eating >asks for tab >my penis begins to swell with anticipation >bartender is a bro >feminazis eyes swell "w-what?" >other men see my smile >they begin grunting like apes >women begin to s-- gently >immediately speak up: "ill cover it" >bartender hands me her check >bitch begins to wail >wimyn friends join her >the men begin banging their chests and howling >my erection barley contained in my pants >i sign my name on the bill >my friends go wild >"th-th-thank y-you..." she squeaks >"...my privilege." >the men go insane >now fighting each other with diamond hard erections >women everywhere crying in the fetal position at this display of oppression >turn 360 degrees and walk away

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Dumbledore Asked Calmly | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 01/26/23(Thu)11:48:59 No.179764444 Calmly.jpg 441 KB JPG >HARRY POTTER >DID YOU PUT THE PFIZER DOCUMENTS IN THE GOBLET >*Inhales* >OF >*Inhales* >FIIIIRE?!!

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Anon gets hit by his teacher constantly | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 5 KB JPG 03/10/21 (Wed)21:45:22 No.62695227 >be me >highschool gym class >shirts vs skins >take off shirt >gym teacher sees my bruises >get called into office >asked if bruises are from home >no these are from school >oh ok >never chosen for skins again >thanks gym teacher

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Anon commits chemical warfare | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 04/15/18(Sun)19:41:20 No.44709361 >yesterday >it's my little sister's birthday >she's a literal 13 year old Stacy >f------ spoiled as s--- as well >always tells me to leave the house already as I am 26 years old >hate her guts >be lactose intolerant >she and her classmates were out bowling >eat a s--- ton of varying dairy products >2 different kinds of yogurt, 3 different kinds of cheese and 2 tall glasses of milk >a deadlier version of mustard gas starts building up inside of me >spend the next 15 minutes farting inside my sister's bedroom >farted in every single sleeping bag and corner >10 minutes later sister comes back >they all run upstairs to watch some gay dancing movie >sister opens door >a wall of sulfuric gas hits her and her friends in the face >one of the quiet kids almost fainted >sister yells at parents >parents suspect it's a gas leak because they thought no man could produce such stench >got off scot-free Anyone else /devilish/?

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Anon gets approached by a girl | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 58 KB JPG 01/27/23(Fri) 14:39:59 No.893350304 >Be me, in University >Busy working on my assignment in the library >Spot a gal doing the same thing >She leaves for a coffee break, but suddenly comes back like she forgot something >Asks me if I would like to give company to her >Sure, why not >Both of us drinking coffee awkwardly >Have no idea why she wanted my company >Then she ends the silence by telling me that she has been working on a paper related to human psychology >I then understood why she wanted my company >Bitch thinks I'm a human psychology subject because I act retarded sometimes >Date? >Yeah >Get offended and tell her that I need to get back to the library to finish my work >She apologizes to me, and asks me out on a date on the whim >Mind-Blown >*Retardation kicks in* >I say, but why should I date you!? >She gets offended this time, and tells me that we aren't dating, but just wants to go out on a date with me >Ask her what's her ideal date night sounds like >She tells me that we should go on a picnic >Weird, but alright I guess >She then shows me this remote location (literally in the middle of b------ nowhere) on her phone, and tells me that the place is a perfect spot for picnic >I'm getting murdered aren't I, anons? imgflip.com

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I can confirm | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 12/11/22(Sun)11:21:03 No.127007146 Flag_of_Argentina.svg.png 28 KB PNG >World Cup ends >Argentina back to being poor irrelevant s------- full of low iq brown people >>127012821 # : Anonymous >>127007146 (OP) # Yes, I'm okay with it 12/11/22(Sun)11:22:24 No.127007184

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"This job interviews are some sort of lying contest, isnt it?" | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 359 KB PNG 10/12/21 (Tue)00:04:58 No.65728352 >be me >job interview >"Anon I notice you've never had a job before despite being 20, why is that?" >I just never wanted one until now >"I see..." >never hear from them again What the f--- was I supposed to say? Did they want me to lie?

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Anon's pee pee is different- | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: XOUJKHrL) 11/09/12 (Fri)09:42 >Be in preschool >Uncircumcised >Kid notices in bathroom >Later that day in a group with other boys and girls >Kid says my pee pee is different >Other kids want to see >Show them >They want to touch it >why not >Let them >They pull back my foreskin repeatedly and touch the head >Feelsgoodman.jpg >My pee pee gets bigger >One of the little girls screams >Female teacher comes over >ohshit >The kids' parents are informed And that was the end of my teaching career

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A boy named Sue. | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 585 KB PNG 11/09/21 (Tue)04:03:47 No.66085975 >be me >give s--- eating grins to people out of the blue >classmate asks me if something's wrong after I give him one > reply "something's going to be" for s---- and giggles >get the s--- beat out of me by the f------ f----- >he starts yelling I got a gun >get restrained >people yelling but I can't even open my eyes and head is rigning >don't remember what happens later >I'm escorted to the principal's office along with the kid >kid gets suspended after they hear his story >principal begs me not to sue in front of my parents the next day >s--- eating grin with my face beat to a pulp We sued.

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Anon starts a war | /r/Greentext

IDS HABIDDING >be Serbian >buy a gun >notice some f----- riding around in his car with the top down >he has the gayest mustache i've ever seen 299 13 LISON BETH STORIT MIR IRTS SÄRTS 307 KB JPG >empty mag of .32 into the f------ degenerate >Austrians are p----- for some reason >every nation in Europe is gearing up for war >just because i shot some h--- >millions of people die

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Hardly working | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 32 KB JPG 01/26/23(Thu)18:55:29 No.71976287 >>71975841 (OP) # >WHAAAAAT? YOU DONT LIKE COLLEGE??? BUT...BUT HOW? EVERYONE NEEDS TO GO TO COLLEGE >IM DOING A 4 YEAR MAJOR IN SOCIO-BIO-ECONOMICS WITH A MINOR IN NEW WORLD FILM STUDYS PHILOSPHY >ARENT YOU GLAD YOU MOVED OUT OF YOUR HICK TOWN AND ALL THAT WILDERNESS AND INTO THE CITY >ITS SO DIVERSE, SO MANY COOL STORES AND STARBUCKS >WHAT ABOUT THE CLUBS AND SOCIETIES???? THE DEAN APPROVED OUR WALKOUT PLAN FOR PROTESTING AGAINST RACISM >IF YOU DONT GO TO COLLEGE YOUR GOING TO END UP BEING A JANITOR OR SOME BORING JOB FOREVER >DEBT? DEPRESSION? NO MEANING IN LIFE? NO NO NO THATS ALL MADE UP NONSENSE IM THE HAPPIEST IVE EVER BEEN JUST LOOK MY DORM AND ALL MY TIK TOKS THAT SHOW MY DAILY LIFE WITH MY NEW AWESOME FRIENDS >HA WHAT DO YOU KNOW ANYWAYS YOU DONT HAVE A PHD

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Greentext Stories - femcel lore | /r/Greentext

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: Anonymous 109 KB JPG 01/26/23(Thu)23:53:19 No.71975909 >be me >femcel >literally only because i'm homeschooled so my entire life is online >have online best friend >we're super close, we've known each other for 2 years and can still talk for hours >never really thought of him intimately, saw him as more of a brother, plus i didn't know what he looked like >we met up recently >he's actually not bad looking >he has long hair and he looks pretty like a girl, but he's also a foot taller than me and kinda jacked >we're hanging out in my room just talking because there's nothing else to do in my town >he suddenly stands up and faces the wall for no reason >notice him hiding a boner >holyshitdoeshelikeme??? >later >we're hugging goodbye >he says something corny like "you're so small and huggable" >feel his boner poking me >again dont say anything, he leaves i have no idea how to feel. he's cute and id totally date him but he lives a state away and im not even sure if he actually likes me??? do boners mean a guy likes you or is it just a hormones thing? help i have no experience with boys

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