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Political Compass - For 10 years, I've kept a note full of funny things my Dad has said. Whenever he says something funny, I add a quote. Here's a selection of Dad quotes (6x4 wojak compass) | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes

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ON PDF FILES ON INTELLECTUALISM "Your brain is still small, like that of an infant." "We should crucify all human traffickers." Context: we were watching a movie or something ON POTATOES? ON WINTER "I am disappointed about the potatoes. I think I am going to commit suicide tonight." Contexts: his potato crop failed and he overreacted ON FAIRNESS "You're eating a sandwich but you didn't make me a sandwich." BOSS OUR sandwich Gay uprising when My mom gave him a dirty look Like most dads, he thinks he knows better than his kids on everything ON DRUGS "Calabria, amazing...forget American marijuana, in Calabria you will be the highest you'll ever be." Is this one from Wo experience, Dad? "The winter is sad. There's no food." He loves food ON THE MAFIA "Why would I join the mob? Look how serene I am, here on my couch." 30 Context: we asked him if the mob had ever approached him "It's good to be a friend to everyone." Ok Dad what do you think about gypsies though "If you buy peaches, I am going to commit suicide." ON ETHNIC GATEKEEPING "He's not a real Italian, he's a ni**er." Upon seeing a black Italian Context: we have a peach tree and he found the word "peaches" on my shopping list ON HOMOSEXUALS ON FRIENDSHIP ON...W-- ON EMPLOYMENT "Homosexuals have more emotion and more love than heterosexual couples. You don't even know what they're capable of." ON MOMMY MILKERS "I remember the first time you were in Italy, your mom sat on the floor in the supermarket while you milked her dry." I...don't know why I shared this one with you He taught me a joke once: "What separates men from animals? The Mediterranean Sea." ON WAR "Why don't we go to the Middle East, drop a couple nukes, let it end." He uhh...doesn't think through his ideas Fair PALES Real "I was in the war - the war of pizza." ON FATHERHOOD | ON MARRIAGE "I donated the sperm to make the least you, you can do is say Happy Birthday." "Whenever my wife tells me to do something it's hilarious because she thinks I care what she wants." I have no SCH clue what he was talking about here ON FASHION ON FRUGALITY ON LAISSEZ FAIRE ON HARD WORK "A young guy came in, handsome, looked like Gianni Versace, I looked at him and thought 'let's make love"" "I vote for whoever is best for my business." ON -> "If a woman doesn't listen to you, tie her to a bed and f--- her." He isn't usually like this I swear Dad isn't really political, he watches a commercial and hears "tax break" and votes based on that ON HOMOSEXUALS (PT. 2) "The gays are so expendable." Being in love with money has worn Dad to the nub Not sure of the context Ultimate boomer sentiment "Of all the jobs you could get, you went and got one with a gypsy." "Look at your mother's white hair. Grow some balls and work so you can afford to keep it white." ON IMAGINATION A WARNING "You are always in love with fantasy; you should be in love with money." Mom gave him a *really* dirty look "This is a European cruise. Lots of crazy crewmen. That means r--- for both of you." Context: we went on a cruise in Italy when we were kids and Dad sat me and my sister down and right then and there, he explained the birds and the bees

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