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Greentext Stories

74 Views • Created 7 months ago By Reddit Moments • Updated 7 months ago

Created By Reddit Moments • Updated 7 months ago

Anon lives with an average weeb | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 11/09/23(Thu)11:01:02 No.909020597 40 KB JPG >Looking for new roommate >Vote to take in "compsci PhD student in the military" >Seems real, hopefully he'll be too busy to bother us >Wrong >Is a NEET, except 'personal training' in the evening (dropped $2000 cash in front of me from his sweatshirt one morning) >Only eats ground beef >5 times a day >Like clockwork, ruins a new pan - 6am, 12pm, 5pm, 9pm, 1am >Puts the f------ frozen meat brick into the pan, burns the s--- out of it, and then dumps the grease in the sink >House always smells like beef >Our groceries vanish, he blames my diabetic roommate >Runs two TVs playing anime at full volume, never watches them >Never turns them off >Still sleeping on the couch two months later, the bed is coming 'tomorrow' >Sociopathic room decor. just a yoga mat and a TV playing hentai >had to clean his s--- off the toilet to have guests over - was basically glued on >he comes over from the couch once I finish >'oh did you want me to clean that' The f--- do I do?
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    Average LoL enjoyer | /r/Greentext

    Anonymous (ID: WHUEFS/6) 06/21/24(Fri)14:52:37 No.471768635 Subscribe Dexerto⭑ @Dexerto Streamer Dantes leaves girlfriend to focus on League of Legends five months after she got his name tattooed on her chest Dantes Or9184b4lv7d1.jpg 76 KB JPG >get girlfriend >she tattoos your name on her body >leave to play LoL >refuse to elaborate
    Anonymous (ID: WHUEFS/6) 06/21/24(Fri)14:52:37 No.471768635 Subscribe Dexerto⭑ @Dexerto Streamer Dantes leaves girlfriend to focus on League of Legends five months after she got his name tattooed on her chest Dantes Or9184b4lv7d1.jpg 76 KB JPG >get girlfriend >she tattoos your name on her body >leave to play LoL >refuse to elaborate
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    Anonymous 138 KB PNG the house How the f--- are you guys still virgins, legit once you know the steps and stick to it it's easy. >Start working out >Groom self, nice haircut, well trimmed beard. >Start a hobby which gets you out >Talk to women outside your family >Make actual female friends >Take pride in achievements and self image >Start going out to bars >Talk to strangers >Get drunk and hire an escort It's literally that easy
    Anonymous 138 KB PNG the house How the f--- are you guys still virgins, legit once you know the steps and stick to it it's easy. >Start working out >Groom self, nice haircut, well trimmed beard. >Start a hobby which gets you out >Talk to women outside your family >Make actual female friends >Take pride in achievements and self image >Start going out to bars >Talk to strangers >Get drunk and hire an escort It's literally that easy
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    Anon cooks | /r/Greentext

    • 2h (06/26/24 16:02) 77964632 6 Re 2 Img . JPG 39KB (500x500) IMG_1878.jpg 2 Replies >baked potatoes with cheese melted on top Cheap and simple, just how i like it >coat potatoes in olive oil >sprinkle some salt on them >bake them >cut in half horizontally when done >put cheese on open faces >voila What are my fellow robots eating tonight?
    • 2h (06/26/24 16:02) 77964632 6 Re 2 Img . JPG 39KB (500x500) IMG_1878.jpg 2 Replies >baked potatoes with cheese melted on top Cheap and simple, just how i like it >coat potatoes in olive oil >sprinkle some salt on them >bake them >cut in half horizontally when done >put cheese on open faces >voila What are my fellow robots eating tonight?
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    Anon may have heard the voice of God | /r/Greentext

    File: IMG_0050.jpg (24 KB, 612x405) Did I hear the voice of god or was it the induced psychosis? Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)06:35:12 No.31493541 >>31493568 >>31493861 >>31494250 >>31494322 >>31495015 >>31496789 >>31498524 >>31498560 >>31498629 >>31498730 >>31499519 >>31503278 >>31504286 >>31507163 >>31508773 >Be Agnostic raised Christian >abstain from weed for 2 months >Sis asks if I want a hit; cave in >Lay on the couch feel high stronger than ever, later learn I was "greened out" >Feel unbearable sense of dread and anxiety like I am being judged >Hear 'I am jehova' in a sort of Michael bay bumblebee-like way, a mixture of different voices speaking words to make one continuous sentence >Realize how my family has become godless over the years >Go to my parents room as anxiety gets worse >Feels like my consciousness is being r---- and I only feel the words 'god is real' >Greenout peaks and every time my mind thinks "what if this is fake", my mind is slapped and shouts "this is real" >Exit peak and suddenly feel peace and I am in the post-rapture and that my dad was my god in the room >Tear up and hug him to say I am sorry for the way I lived my life. Dad is nervous >Realize that my dad isn't god and start feeling like we are about to die in a nuclear fire within minutes >Get an unescapable feeling that I have to physically touch everyone else in the house or they are all going to die and go to hell >Dad holds me down when I try to force my way to my showering mom to get her to touch my hand >Mind permeates 'you will never know if this was real or not' >Mind is fuzzy and go to bed Anyone have similar experiences? Does this sound like a usual message from god? Could it be demonic? I didn't know how to process that experience but it's been months and I don't want to try getting it again, but at the same time I don't want to let it haunt me, unsure if it was real, a drug-induced experienxe, or demonic. Why would a demon want to convince me that god is real and warn me about hell? But then again, why would I see my dad as god and feel the need to touch everyone?
    File: IMG_0050.jpg (24 KB, 612x405) Did I hear the voice of god or was it the induced psychosis? Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)06:35:12 No.31493541 >>31493568 >>31493861 >>31494250 >>31494322 >>31495015 >>31496789 >>31498524 >>31498560 >>31498629 >>31498730 >>31499519 >>31503278 >>31504286 >>31507163 >>31508773 >Be Agnostic raised Christian >abstain from weed for 2 months >Sis asks if I want a hit; cave in >Lay on the couch feel high stronger than ever, later learn I was "greened out" >Feel unbearable sense of dread and anxiety like I am being judged >Hear 'I am jehova' in a sort of Michael bay bumblebee-like way, a mixture of different voices speaking words to make one continuous sentence >Realize how my family has become godless over the years >Go to my parents room as anxiety gets worse >Feels like my consciousness is being r---- and I only feel the words 'god is real' >Greenout peaks and every time my mind thinks "what if this is fake", my mind is slapped and shouts "this is real" >Exit peak and suddenly feel peace and I am in the post-rapture and that my dad was my god in the room >Tear up and hug him to say I am sorry for the way I lived my life. Dad is nervous >Realize that my dad isn't god and start feeling like we are about to die in a nuclear fire within minutes >Get an unescapable feeling that I have to physically touch everyone else in the house or they are all going to die and go to hell >Dad holds me down when I try to force my way to my showering mom to get her to touch my hand >Mind permeates 'you will never know if this was real or not' >Mind is fuzzy and go to bed Anyone have similar experiences? Does this sound like a usual message from god? Could it be demonic? I didn't know how to process that experience but it's been months and I don't want to try getting it again, but at the same time I don't want to let it haunt me, unsure if it was real, a drug-induced experienxe, or demonic. Why would a demon want to convince me that god is real and warn me about hell? But then again, why would I see my dad as god and feel the need to touch everyone?
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    Anonymous 571 KB GIF knee cap > It's a prank bro >Uno reverse 06/26/24(Wed)19:26:46 No.920469694 >be me >Out walking through the mall, get punched in the face by a tiktoker filming content >I freak the f--- out >He repeats "it's a prank bro" >Take out phone, start recording, shoot him in the
    Anonymous 571 KB GIF knee cap > It's a prank bro >Uno reverse 06/26/24(Wed)19:26:46 No.920469694 >be me >Out walking through the mall, get punched in the face by a tiktoker filming content >I freak the f--- out >He repeats "it's a prank bro" >Take out phone, start recording, shoot him in the
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    Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed)12:19:00 No.762111 40 KB JPG >be me >have German girlfriend >bring her over to a friend's party >Friend pulls up to me >calls me Adolf Rizzler in front of her >does a nazi salute >leaves
    Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed)12:19:00 No.762111 40 KB JPG >be me >have German girlfriend >bring her over to a friend's party >Friend pulls up to me >calls me Adolf Rizzler in front of her >does a nazi salute >leaves
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    >be me >hear a lot about how people get addicted to alcohol >"if they're getting addicted it must feel really great" >tastes really bitter >makes you feel confused for a while >no actual good feelings no high no nothing just a lot of mental impariment What's the point of this even? I'm drunk right now and I never want to do this again.
    >be me >hear a lot about how people get addicted to alcohol >"if they're getting addicted it must feel really great" >tastes really bitter >makes you feel confused for a while >no actual good feelings no high no nothing just a lot of mental impariment What's the point of this even? I'm drunk right now and I never want to do this again.
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    : Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed)16:41:45 No.200518416 1000009484.jpg 731 KB JPG >Harry can't get rid of his boner thinking of Hermonie >heads to the girls dormitories to visit Moaning Myrtle >Myrtle spreads eagle nude in front of Harry while he uses alohomora to open up his d------- >Myrtle moans while Harry shoots wizard c-- at her You cannot deny this happened at least once
    : Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed)16:41:45 No.200518416 1000009484.jpg 731 KB JPG >Harry can't get rid of his boner thinking of Hermonie >heads to the girls dormitories to visit Moaning Myrtle >Myrtle spreads eagle nude in front of Harry while he uses alohomora to open up his d------- >Myrtle moans while Harry shoots wizard c-- at her You cannot deny this happened at least once
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    Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)09:12:05 No.200386470 sws.jpg 10 KB JPG >watching GOT pilot with sister >jamie cersei i----- scene starts >"don't get any funny ideas anon" this happened 5 mins ago what do I say????
    Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)09:12:05 No.200386470 sws.jpg 10 KB JPG >watching GOT pilot with sister >jamie cersei i----- scene starts >"don't get any funny ideas anon" this happened 5 mins ago what do I say????
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    Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous RLINES ARCLAYS EMIER LEAGUE BARCL PREMIER LE Settings Mobile Home 06/26/24(Wed)10:55:03 No.77960245 all ARCLAYS @ dafabet ARCLAYS viago Thank Yo #YouAreFootba prefer not to speak. If I speak, I am in big trouble. B PR BA 410 KB PNG What is the most shocking practice that happened at your work once? III start >Be me, I started at company that public services all over the country >I will not specify anything about the company other than it is in the UK and typically likes to boast about diversity >Many such cases >Nice fat salaries too >Started a few weeks ago >Training is in groups of 3 - 4 and my trainer was a working class city dad >I live in a commuter town about 30 miles away >During my assessment while the rest of the group observed with the trainer >I overheard one convo lead to another until my trainer, being a liberal gen Xer the conversation lead to tolerance and diversity in the workplace >They always need to specify that they're not racist. Otherwise people would think they're racist obviously >Im sure you know what I mean >He referred to a previous training group with a Turkish Muslim who was really liberal, an open homosexual, and a Somalian Muslim who openly hated homosexuals >DiversityIsOurStrenth.PPT >Such behaviour should not be tolerated >You would think that Mr Somalian should've superimposed work ahead of his personal views. Given that his job literally requires interacting and servicing with the public But no, this really f------ shocked me btw >My trainer, a liberal genX guy, forced himself to book separate individual training sessions with the Somalian as to not discriminate his religion >No joke, he dead ass told us that he caved into the guys personal views (That would get a wyte guy fired) to train him for the job, instead of telling him to seethe This also begs the question, why would a visceral homophobe immigrate to the UK (on a s----- raft probably), and then apply for a job that requires interacting with members of the public that he openly admits to the company that he does not want to deal with them, because he hates them Thats like a f------ neo Nazi moving to Israel, and then the Israeli government setting up separate areas for neo nazis!
    Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous RLINES ARCLAYS EMIER LEAGUE BARCL PREMIER LE Settings Mobile Home 06/26/24(Wed)10:55:03 No.77960245 all ARCLAYS @ dafabet ARCLAYS viago Thank Yo #YouAreFootba prefer not to speak. If I speak, I am in big trouble. B PR BA 410 KB PNG What is the most shocking practice that happened at your work once? III start >Be me, I started at company that public services all over the country >I will not specify anything about the company other than it is in the UK and typically likes to boast about diversity >Many such cases >Nice fat salaries too >Started a few weeks ago >Training is in groups of 3 - 4 and my trainer was a working class city dad >I live in a commuter town about 30 miles away >During my assessment while the rest of the group observed with the trainer >I overheard one convo lead to another until my trainer, being a liberal gen Xer the conversation lead to tolerance and diversity in the workplace >They always need to specify that they're not racist. Otherwise people would think they're racist obviously >Im sure you know what I mean >He referred to a previous training group with a Turkish Muslim who was really liberal, an open homosexual, and a Somalian Muslim who openly hated homosexuals >DiversityIsOurStrenth.PPT >Such behaviour should not be tolerated >You would think that Mr Somalian should've superimposed work ahead of his personal views. Given that his job literally requires interacting and servicing with the public But no, this really f------ shocked me btw >My trainer, a liberal genX guy, forced himself to book separate individual training sessions with the Somalian as to not discriminate his religion >No joke, he dead ass told us that he caved into the guys personal views (That would get a wyte guy fired) to train him for the job, instead of telling him to seethe This also begs the question, why would a visceral homophobe immigrate to the UK (on a s----- raft probably), and then apply for a job that requires interacting with members of the public that he openly admits to the company that he does not want to deal with them, because he hates them Thats like a f------ neo Nazi moving to Israel, and then the Israeli government setting up separate areas for neo nazis!
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    Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed) 06:59:40 No.200504119 kate-mara-a-teacher-2tfvyq3q7x.jpg 59 KB JPG >You're going to f--- me or else I am going to fail you
    Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed) 06:59:40 No.200504119 kate-mara-a-teacher-2tfvyq3q7x.jpg 59 KB JPG >You're going to f--- me or else I am going to fail you
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    Anonymous 11/21/23(Tue)04:51:48 No.75491042 17 KB JPG people there >be me a week ago >high as f------ balls at 1 in the morning downtown >find a random chinese food place >munchies.jpg >go inside >place is greasy as all hell, 2 other >only staff I see is one guy at the counter >order food and sit >reeks like cigs >eat >best f------ food Ive ever eaten, the sheer flavor in each bite is like a thousand exploding stars on my tongue >leave feeling the best Ive felt in years >go home and sleep it off >today >search the entirety of downtown > chinese place is gone without a trace what the f---
    Anonymous 11/21/23(Tue)04:51:48 No.75491042 17 KB JPG people there >be me a week ago >high as f------ balls at 1 in the morning downtown >find a random chinese food place >munchies.jpg >go inside >place is greasy as all hell, 2 other >only staff I see is one guy at the counter >order food and sit >reeks like cigs >eat >best f------ food Ive ever eaten, the sheer flavor in each bite is like a thousand exploding stars on my tongue >leave feeling the best Ive felt in years >go home and sleep it off >today >search the entirety of downtown > chinese place is gone without a trace what the f---
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    Anonymous 7 KB JPG 06/26/24(Wed)22:02:58 No.77959008 >be me >straight 21 year old slavic man living in western country >6'3, fit (visible abs everything) >study finance and work part time >relatively good looking >can't pull girls at all, no matter what I do >not a virgin but not in a relationship either >start getting recommended trans p--- >exclusively only watch trans p--- now as straight p--- just isn't exciting/interesting since discovering this genre >met trans woman on dating app >took her out for few dates >actually loves me as opposed to other girls >we have sex >best sex ever >now together for months, both love eachother greatly, and she's so nerdy like me well, I still think I'm straight because she's a girl but the sex is much better than any other girl i've been with
    Anonymous 7 KB JPG 06/26/24(Wed)22:02:58 No.77959008 >be me >straight 21 year old slavic man living in western country >6'3, fit (visible abs everything) >study finance and work part time >relatively good looking >can't pull girls at all, no matter what I do >not a virgin but not in a relationship either >start getting recommended trans p--- >exclusively only watch trans p--- now as straight p--- just isn't exciting/interesting since discovering this genre >met trans woman on dating app >took her out for few dates >actually loves me as opposed to other girls >we have sex >best sex ever >now together for months, both love eachother greatly, and she's so nerdy like me well, I still think I'm straight because she's a girl but the sex is much better than any other girl i've been with
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    Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)09:29:08 No.200321832 La Sp Up Sp Sp sage-boys.jpg 119 KB JPG >I'm gonna let you a------ me Bros...is a--- really that good?? Anonymous >que in rap music >>200327994 # Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)09:30:00 No.200321842 06/21/24(Fri)09:30:30 No.200321853 Well if the most Jewish show on TV is promoting it, it must be good.
    Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)09:29:08 No.200321832 La Sp Up Sp Sp sage-boys.jpg 119 KB JPG >I'm gonna let you a------ me Bros...is a--- really that good?? Anonymous >que in rap music >>200327994 # Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)09:30:00 No.200321842 06/21/24(Fri)09:30:30 No.200321853 Well if the most Jewish show on TV is promoting it, it must be good.
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    Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)05:13:09 No.680377434 fallout-4-header-credit-bethesda-3588x2018-407b681f211e.jpg 1.41 MB JPG >able to build power sources and lights that last for 200+ years with no maintenance >unable to build new houses without gaps in the walls/roofs >unable to make a bed without big stains on it >everything new create from metal is pre-rusted the "humans" in the fallout universe feel more like retarded aliens than actual people
    Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)05:13:09 No.680377434 fallout-4-header-credit-bethesda-3588x2018-407b681f211e.jpg 1.41 MB JPG >able to build power sources and lights that last for 200+ years with no maintenance >unable to build new houses without gaps in the walls/roofs >unable to make a bed without big stains on it >everything new create from metal is pre-rusted the "humans" in the fallout universe feel more like retarded aliens than actual people
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    /11\ 77] TE Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed)02:19:18 No.77957361 ► >be vidya attic >love games that give me new ways of dismembering humans and destroying environments >be chad >dont play videogames cuz im not 12 >love capeshit movies like deadpool and boyz where f------ get anihilated >be tender female >don't like gory violence yuck >love movies like 2012 and DEEP impact tho cuz wow so crazy guys it's almost like ppl like watching ppl die
    /11\ 77] TE Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed)02:19:18 No.77957361 ► >be vidya attic >love games that give me new ways of dismembering humans and destroying environments >be chad >dont play videogames cuz im not 12 >love capeshit movies like deadpool and boyz where f------ get anihilated >be tender female >don't like gory violence yuck >love movies like 2012 and DEEP impact tho cuz wow so crazy guys it's almost like ppl like watching ppl die
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    Anonymous (ID: 2xRqgabD) 08/29/23(Tue)03:59:10 No.439602796 >be me >0 success with women >be kind of a shy beta >decide to improve >start working out 24 KB JPG >get a better job >improve social skills >engage in hobbies >dress better >better hygiene >become more confident And now, 2 years into this self-improvement and conditioning to become a better man than I was before I can happily report to you that I still have 0 success. >>439602883 # >>439602957 # >>439603096 # >>439603199 # >>439603350 # >>439603386 # >>439603844 # >>439604142 # >>439604191 #
    Anonymous (ID: 2xRqgabD) 08/29/23(Tue)03:59:10 No.439602796 >be me >0 success with women >be kind of a shy beta >decide to improve >start working out 24 KB JPG >get a better job >improve social skills >engage in hobbies >dress better >better hygiene >become more confident And now, 2 years into this self-improvement and conditioning to become a better man than I was before I can happily report to you that I still have 0 success. >>439602883 # >>439602957 # >>439603096 # >>439603199 # >>439603350 # >>439603386 # >>439603844 # >>439604142 # >>439604191 #
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