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+16

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - Zaeed Goes to Bronycon

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Commander Shepard was bored. The ship, despite being top of the line, always took too damn long to get anywhere. So there the savior of the galaxy was with minutes to kil, nothing to shoot, and that slutty alien refused to put out unless it was right before a slightly more deadly mission than usual. In that situation, there was only one thing to do, chat with one of the local sociopaths. Shepard took the elevator down to the engine room, ignoring the paths to Not-Wrex, Space Gypsy, and So Bald, shuddering at the thought of talking to any of those chumps. The door hissed softly as it slid open revealing Ugly Australian Pirate digging through one of his crates. "Shepard," Zaeed's hoarse voice croaked, "I was just feeling goddamn nostalgic. Looking for this eye I ripped out of an Asari commando with a rusty spoon when I was a kid." He waved a hand over the pile of miscellaneous weapons and hunks of metal that Shepard could barely begin to identify. "Instead I'm finding every other p------------ I ever stuck in my pockets. Gimme a minute to find it. helluva story behind it." Shepard's attention drifted from Zaeed and his pile of crap covering the floor to a small figurine that looked to be carefully placed on the nearby desk. It was plastic, purple, and had a mess of hair on its head and ass, there were flecks of red on the body. "What the heck is this Zaeed?" The commander asked giving the plastic horse a poke. Zaeed, glanced up and a small smile crept at on his face. "Oh that, yeah, that takes me back." Zaeed got up and picked the doll up from the desk. "I was doing some deep space mission to kill some a------ or another and we pick up this transmission. Turns out to be this show about lesbian alien horses or something. My partner bet me 5 credits to watch the thing so I did. Po the yellow one and flung himself out the airlock, screaming something about how the world would never be good enough." Shepard gave the old pirate a sideways look. "He was a very lonely guy. tard didn't last 5 minutes, he saw 0 Anyway, some time later, I'm on earth right, and I find out there's a convention for this show. Some hundreds of years ago they made some kinda religion around it. Imagine that, a cult who worship a little girls cartoon! I went there of course, Zaeed said taking a tiny brush from a pouch on his belt and began combing the little toy's hair. "I figured it was the a copy of all the Za see unmasked horror on the Commander's face. "Don't look at me like that, I may cut your face off for 2 credits and a cup of ice but l'd never illegally download copyrighted materials. I knew a guy, smuggler. He was a paranoid bastard, but he had an addiction to pirating video games. They tracked all the downloads and it was only after they shot him to pieces that they saw he was a gun runner. So take that as a free lesson, illegal downloads will get you shot. Commander Shepard nodded in agreement. "it's true, digital piracy is a threat even greater than the Reapers." Zaeed looked down at the pony in his hand, it's smiling face jolting him back to his original story. "So I get to the convention right? Thousands of them! Bronies, they called themselves. Half of them dressed up as, is their words, s of the ponies." I just hold my ow this nose shut and try to wade through the body odor so powerful I was thinking about selling it to some terrorist friends of mine as a new bio weapon. . Suddenly I see this gorgeous looking gal and she's all done up like Pinkie Pie. Pinke curls, balloons on her ass, the whole nine yards So I run over because, well obviously she's the best pony, and I want to get a damn picture. But when I get a good look at her, know what I see? She's a damn Krogan Warlord and she's got a shotgun. So I grab the two fattest, smelliest bastards near me and I start beating the ath with the Now apparently this was an insult to their "Brony code" so they all rush being strangled by some damn pasta they yanked from their pockets before they started turning on each other, turns out someone on the other side of the room started talking badly about Fluttershy and an army of men in pink wigs took out their shotguns and berettas and started shooting wildly. It was a blood bath! But at the end of it, I was the only one left standing, so I got my pick of the merch. Zaeed looked warmly at the now perfectly styled pony clutched in his hand. "Good show though, you should check it out sometime, I USED TO WONDER WHAT FRIENDSHIP COULD BE

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Spidervance

Spidervance

Apr 13, 2012 at 04:57PM EDT

+11

Joe Amethyst

Joe Amethyst

Apr 13, 2012 at 05:20PM EDT

All I saw was Zaeed with a pony. Didn't need to read.

+5

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