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Uploaded by Wayward Sep 12, 2014 at 11:30PM EDT
4chan parody queen bohemian rhapsody
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![⠀ Anonymous (ID: VMADXFCK) [+] >>461130422 (OP) # 03/08/24(Fri)17:10:27 No.461130566 will his casket lowering into the ground take f------ 5 episodes? >>461130762 # >>461132185 # >>461134825 # >>461136814 # >>461142984 # >>461148773 # >>461149781 # >>461149843 # >>461150715 # >>461152091 #](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/002/774/314/7a1.jpeg "Anon attends Akira Toriyama's funeral")
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![[Return] [Catalog] [Bottom] [Update] [ Auto] File: 1.ipg (35 KB, 400x273) Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)07:41:04 No.61641120226161221 2261642134 2261642151 >If you love these people... YOU CAN MOURN THEM! Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)07:41:42 No.61641127-2261641221 2261642134 File: 1- 1.ipg (5 KB, 125x82) >STOP IT! Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)07:42:39 No.61641137-2261641221 >261642134 File: 1 - 2.ipg (5 KB, 141x88) never Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)07:43:19 No.61641 142-2261641221 >>61642134 File: 1- 3.ipg (3 KB, 95x74) Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)07:43:58 No.61641152-2261641221 >>61642134 File: 2.jpg (26 KB, 600x253) Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)07:45:39 No.61641175 File: 3.ipg (98 KB, 620x300) 2261641221 >>61642134 Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)07:46:49 No.61641191-2261641221 >2616421 342261642170 File: 4.gif (956 KB, 442x198) EONK Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)07:49:45 No.61641221- >>61641142 61641152 61641191 Ebin Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)08:37:26 No.61641774 File: 1392857280411.gif (974 KB, 245x182) >this thread Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)08:53:54 No.61641978- File: 1390420233550s.ipg (3 KB, 125x100) Not even mad Anonymous 05/09/14(Fri)08:56:23 No.61642017- File: 1359565655908 jpg (106 KB, 569x768) Holy m------------ God on rollerblades](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/826/177/203.png "203.png")
![Return] [Catalogl [Bottom] [Update] [Auto] 56 1/10 File: Argentinian Beautvipg (106 KB, 250x375) □ Anonymous 09/05/14(Fri)04:13:16 No.35234176->>35234321 >>35234411 >>35234431 >>35234488 S> S> S> S> S> 335234834>3 PF 2F P2 S> S> I have a lot of chronic back pain and don't care for pain killers. I have heard mixed things about chiropractic work. Is it voodoo pushed by the spinal jew or does it actually help? Red Pill me on chiropractors /pol □ Anonymous 09/05/14(Fri)04:14:01 No.35234215 Theyre bretty good □ Anonymous 09/05/14(Fri)04:16:08 No.35234321 35234176 (OP Try Kratom □ Anonymous 09/05/14(Fri)04:23:19 No.35234654 335234176 (OP I have been on /pol/ for to long I read that as "l have a lot of chronic black pain" >35234176 (OP) Get some kratom bro](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/824/173/a1a.jpg "a1a.jpg")
![Greetings everyone! Well, I'm awake again, and as promised, after I shower and eat something. I shall tell you all another story This is the story of how Thragmam braved the Elemental Planes, two of the Nine Hells, and the entire Astral Plane to find Urist Meadbeard, and how their friendship and sheer manliness allowed them to reside in the Heroic Domains of Ysgard for all 1-1ロAnonymous 07/24/12(Tue)14:03 No. 20018568 [ ▼ ] 200136실 2220018715 Hey, sorry about the wait guys, I like to take long showers and I couldn't find the eggs. So, a bit more backstory to put this tale in context Im a year or more younger than the rest of my friends, meaning that Im a grade bellow them. As such, when my senior year came around (which is when this game takes place), most of them went off to college out of state. The DM went to an in-state school, and T was already out of college at the time (he was three grades ahead of my friends). so I ended up spending a of time with them my senior year So one day, the DM calls me up DM Me Eh. I've got work until six, but after that n be free. What's up? DM: Me and T want to run another game, just the three of us, see how it tums out. Id be DMing tomonrow n DM: Great. Bring your dice, Thragman's character sheet, and some snacks and drinks to my place tomorrow around7 see you there. Im prepared for ancther great game with my friends, but m pretty unprepared for what I see when I get there. 07/24/12(Tue The DM had a pretty crazy setup going on. He had taken one of those poster boards that fold in the middle, decorated it with a picture of the Astral Wheel on both sides, and placed it in the middle of the large table that was in his basement. There were three chairs set up. two across from each other and one on the other side, perpendicular to the two chairs. The poster board divided the table in half width-wise, making two separate gaming areas I had a vague notion of what he was going to do with this setup, and after a brief explanation, I was right. Since Thragmarr was currently on the Material Plane, mouming his good friend Urist, and Urist was currently floating through the Astral Plane mourming over the loss of his legendary collection of ales and other liquor, there was no way we'd know what was happening to the other, as such, the DM set up this screen to prevent metagaming Now, you might say "but you can still hear what's going over the sidel", to which I tell you, he had noise canceling headphones for the both Thus began the campaign Anonymous 07/24/12(Tue)14:44 No 20018944 I▼1 2220019170 I was the first to go. He turned the board slightly, as to make a larger area for the two of us, and we discussed what I was going to be doing. I had, despite my lacking intellect, deduced that Urist was not actually dead, but in fact had been sucked through a portal to the Astral Plane, and as such could ostensibly be saved. So, after burning a good portion of my reward on research, companions, and expeditions, the DM informed me that I had finally located a portal to the Astral Plane. Armed to the teeth with the magical weapons and armor that I had accumulated over the course of the last game, I bid farewell to the underlings that I had hired to help me in my quest, teling them that if I did not return, then I had ether been successful in my quest, or had died homibly to some monstrosity beyond the realms of man. They wished me well, and I stepped through the portal. Being an barbarian has its downsides. One of them being that you either have to hire someone to read things to you, or try and puzzle through multitudes of arcane tomes in order to find what you're looking for. I chose the former, and paid for it dearly [-Π Anonymous 07/24/12(Tue)15:02 No 20013170 [▼] 220019518 The DM informed me that I had made a mistake in my translation of one of the books, which led me wildly astray as to the portal I had entered Tuns out, I ended up on the Elemental Plane of Air. Thragmarr was irritated, since that meant he would not able to find Urist immediately, and it also meant that he actually hadn't taught himself to read properly. And with that, the DM turned to T, and his turn began I found out aterwards that, during his frst turm, Urist figured out how to make himself fly about the Astral Plane, fought some githyanki mind pirates, and encountered a Great Wyrm Bronze Dragon, who taught him about the astral plane, and informed him about the portals which were scattered about the plane that led to various parts of the Cosmology s 07/24/12Tue)15 29 No 20019518 [▼] 22200196 2220019905 Alter waiting through Ts turn, the order passed back to me. DM After stepping through the portal, you find yourself floating in the middle of an empty expanse of sky. The only landmark you can see is the portal behind you, which then vanishes Me DM: Yes grin I l can Me: Yeeeeeeeheheheheehehes Thragmar is master of sky! Thragmar make sky rue the day it make Thragmarr go to wrong place and not find Urist! DM Well, uh, you have to THINK to make yourself fy here With that, I drew my greatsword, and told the DM that Iwasn't using my intellect to move, but rather my deep seated and incurable rage that fuels my every action. He stares at me, then shrugs. "All right, I guess I'll allow it. Anger is a projection of will To speed this story up, basically what happened after that was Thragmar used his anger to make himsef a rocket. After hours of searching, he managed to locate the castle of a djinn, Hoating on a magical island suspended in the sky DM The djinn and his court look upon you with great disdain. "Why do you come before us, mortal? This is no place for your koind. Mayhaps you should take your leave, lest you find yourself in more trouble than you could possibly imagine. Me "No! Thragmar needs your help. magick floating man! Thragmarr must find Unsr DM: The djinn looks at you in confusion. "Who is this Urist? I recount the epic tale of my party in my own simple way, and the DM tells me that at the end of it, the entire court has tears dribbling down their faces. The djinn wipes a tear from his eye. We have never heard such a tale of heroism and friendship. We shall help you, ever you need My turn ends with the djinn allowing me the usage of one of his guest suites, and him giving me his swom word that he would help me find my friend. Of course, taking the sworn word of a djinn at face value is a mistake which many an adventurer makes The tun passes back to T, and he spends another turm flying around the Astral Plane trying to locate a portal to the Material Plane, eventually finding one that looks like it might be the right one. Of course, without a spellcraft check, there was no way to know for sure, so Urist decided he would fly through the portal anyways and take whatever might come his way. That turned out to be a bad idea; the portal deposited him in the middle of the second ring of the Nine Hells, in a place known as the Infernal Court. Rather than simply tear him apart, though, the devils decided that they'd capture Urist, keep him as their pet to torment for their entertainment, and then when his will was broken and he couldn't do any more, THEN they'd tear him apart Of c l have to go pick back i Back, y'all! The car's fine, but I need a part, which is coming in later in the week The djnn tells me that, through clever magical dickery and a properly aligned crystal ball, he's managed to locate my friend, to the best of his knowledge, he's in one of the Nine Hels, but cant realy tell which one. I roll my eyes, asking the DM if he could possibly narrow it down. Thragmam doesn't have an issue cleaving through thousands of devils and their minions to locate, but he WOULD like to know how many thousands he'll have to face off against. The djinn tries his best, but can only narrow it down to the upper few levels; pinpointing him without a sample of his essence is beyond his power, being a lesser djinn. He is, hawever, able to open a portal to the Astral Plane's dimensional "waiting room, which allows easy travel between the planes The dinn tells Thragmarr to take the door which is forged from black iron, and hands him a small silver coin which will afford him some protection from fire and from evil-aligned creatures. He wishes Thragmarr well, and opens the door between the planes After taking a quick ethereal jaunt through time and space, I touch down in the 'waiting room, which is actually just that, a moderately sized room, full of couches, with doors aplenty leading to the various parts of the cosmology Mercifully, I pass the test to remember which door to go through and swinging it open dramatically, step through into the Nine Hells of Baator DM: You stand atop a pillar of salt, narrow stairs winding down around it to the ground. Flames lick at the sky, screams of pure agony fill the air, and as far as you can see lesser devils torment damned souls with pitchforks and saw-toothed glaives. A great cry goes up when they see you, and a horde of winged imps flies at you with malicious intent. Roll for initiativel My DM is great at streamlining large-scale combat, and as such my battle with the lesser devils took only about ten or fifteen minutes, with me cleaving through nine or ten of the imps per round When it was all over, I stood victorious, with only about fifty of my whopping 468 HP missing. I kept one of the lieutenants alive long enough to interrogate him, gleaning that he and his compatriots had heard whispers that some of the lesser nobility of the Second Ring had recently acquired a new mortal plaything with a will of iron and a backbone of steel. He tells me of the portal to the Second Ring and when he also tells me that I will most likely die trying to take my friend back from the nobility. I punch his brain through his face in anger I cleave and smash my way through more hordes of lesser devils on my way to the portal, each one telling me the same thing, that there was no way I could save my friend, that I would die in the Nine Hells, and each time I punched their face in After cutting them all down, I finally reached the portal, and repeated the process again until I reached the lair of the demonic nobility that had my friend s 07/24/12(Tue)17: 17 No 20020876 [リ2220020910 To make a long story short, most of the nobility never stood a damn chance. The silver coin that the djinn gave me gave me a nice damage reduction against their spell-like abiities, and my strength modifier was so high at this point that, coupled with the Large-size greatsword I wielded with the help of Monkey's Grip and the Legendary Cleave feat, I was cutting through crowds of the abhorrent gentry like they were level 1 commoners Finally, I stood before the Pit Fiend who presided over the court, his hands wrapped around the spiked chain that was clamped around Urist's neck. His gloious beard was gone, shaved off by the devils, and all along his arms and upper body pulsing, evil tattoos had been inscribed. The light had gone out of his eyes, and he looked a different dwarf DM The pit fiend laughs, and says mockingly. "Do you like what my devils have done with your friend? We find him much more... obsequious Me: I fly into a rage, attacking the pit fiend. THRAGMARR DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS After a solid half an hour of combat, during which my health is knocked dangerously low, I finally manage to subdue the pit fiend. He lay on the ground in front of me, looking up with an almost pitiable look in his eyes. DM "Mercy... please... I can grant you unimaginable powers... untold riches... you can have anything your heart desires, just dont kill me Me: Thragmarr looks down at the form of the pit fiend, then raises his greatsword above his head to stnike the final fatal blow Thragmarr just want his friend back 7/24/12(Tue I brought the greatsword down, piercing the devil's heart, and his hideous death scream echoed through the blood-stained halls of his decimated court. I leaped forward, encircling Urist in my arms to protect him from the blast that follows his death, and the flames subside, cradle him with tears in my eyes. The DM takes down the screen, and for the first time all game T and I look at each other. We reach across the table and shake hands Me:I lean in, trying to catch what he's saying. What did you say? You shouldn't talk, you're exhausted.. e can whisper, "lf ye have a drink, by the gods, give it Urist puts his face right up to your ear Me: I laugh heartily, reach in my pack, and give him the masterwork wineskin Urist gave to me after our first big job together. He slurps the booze down eagerly, and I put him on my back, carrying him to the partal. We manage to get back to the "waiting room" without much trouble, and look about us. We can tell which door leads back to the Material Plane, but.. another door □ Anonymous 0724/12Tue)18 02 No 2002 1430 [r] >>20021459 2220021463 It's majestic, carved out of solid oak, steel studded with a motif of crossed swords embossed into it with inhuman skill. I look over my shoulder at Urist, who shrugs. "t looks ta be a bit more innerestin' than the other one."I take the knob, and walk the door At first, we think we've simply ended up back on the Material Plane. It all seems pretty familiar, but after a bit of wallking, we notice we feel less tired, and Urist can even hobble along of his own power, the colors are brighter and more bold, and much to Urist's delight, the wineskin seems to refil itself. After about two hours walk, we end up at a great festival, with huge tents of all sorts of colors set up, the sounds of ringing metal, bawdy jokes, and shouts filling the air, and humanoids of all shapes and sizes walking around enjoying the fair. We gape, open-mouthed, at this warniors paradise we've stumbled into, until a towering man in a horned helm wearing a masterfully crafted set of armor carrying a battleaxe notices u glonousflapiackjog (57 KB, 320x240) iodb google Ho there, lads! It's not often we see new faces here in Ysgard. What might yer names be?" After introducing ourselves, and explaining our situation, the man sends for a litter to carry Urist to what he calls "the Hero's Bath". He takes me into a pavilion, which is filled with feasting men and women dressed in all sorts of clothing, and bids them be silent. He seats himself in a massive throne, and tells me to recount my tale After my second retelling, the entire pavilion is silent for a few minutes, digesting the story. Suddenly, it explodes into furious applause, drunken cheening, and outright sobs of joy. Men clap me on the back and shove drinks into my hands, women come up to me and kiss me, poets offer their senvices to record my tale, and blacksmiths beg me to smith the finest new equipment so l might try my skill in the toumeys. Kord himself raises meu head of the table by his right hand But just as suddenly a ll began, a hush falls over the throng. 1 look about the pavilion for the source, and see it immediately 07/24/12(Tue thisnigga ing (103 KB, 392x445) indb google (That is most definitely not the picture I selected. I've never even seen that pic before, what the actual f---) Urist stands at the entrance to the pavilion, tall and proud, restored to his former dwarven glory. His beard is back, as thick and luxurious as I remember, and he's clad in the finest furs and armors that the legendary craftsmen of Ysgard can produce. I stride over to him, and raise him up on my shoulder, as the pavilion once again explodes into thunderous applause. And so our campaign drew to a close. Urist and Thragmarr lived out their days in the lap of warrior's luxury, feasting, wenching, and fighting, going undefeated for as long as they live. IR was an epic ending to an epic campaign, one that satisfied all parties involved. I rank it as my number one campaign ever played, and I reuse Thragmam on a regular basis I hope you all enjoyed my story. Stay classy.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/822/910/c4a.jpg "The tale of Thragmarr the barbarian, part 2.")
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