The Goggles Do Nothing!

Original Quote and Episode Backstory

“My Eyes! The goggles do nothing!” is a line yelled by The Simpsons character Rainier Wolfecastle in the episode “Radioactive Man”, Season 7, Episode 2, on September 24th, 1995.

In the episode Rainier was portraying “Radioactive Man” on a set of the Radioactive Man movie.

In the scene, Milhouse (who was earlier chosen to be Radioactive Man’s sidekick) was supposed to save Radioactive Man from a large wave of nuclear waste. Due to the directors unceasing demands for “realism,” the radioactive waste was just that; real.

Milhouse, however, was not present for the filming of the scene, and the waste crashed over Wolfecastle. The protective goggles that he (and subsequently, everyone else in the studio) was wearing began to melt as he said, “My eyes! The goggles do nothing!”

General Mayhem

This meme is referenced in the Genmay.com FAQ in 2003 as a popular catch-phrase used for conveying the displeasure experienced upon encountering an image online considered crass.

It is now often used to describe an unpleasant visual image, such as goatse, tubgirl, etc. The pictures viewed would be so horrible, the goggles would indeed do nothing. A notable variant is "The protective eyewear, it is ineffective!”

Related: Carol didn’t wear her safety goggles, and now she doesn’t need them.