Stefán Karl Stefánsson / Robbie Rotten - "Are you a real Spy?"

"Are you a real Spy?"
"Oh, well, technically, uh, non."
"Have you ever back-stabbed a Medic, like a real support class!"
"Non."
"Have you ever used your Disguise Kit?"
"Ah…Non."
"Very well. I can see that I will have to teach you…how to be…SPIES!"
plays the Surprise Buttsecks theme on saxophone, which then goes on to become the main beat of the song
"We are number un!" snort
"We are number un! Ha!"
" Ahem! Gentlemen. Here's a little lesson in seduction…
And making RED success take reduction!
If you want to be a mercenery Spy,
You'll have to make sure that the enemies will die!
RED Scout speeds by and stops to drink Bonk!!, as the BLU Spies sneak up behind him
Just creep up behind, and ready your knife…
Be quiet and we'll end his life! Shh!"
One of the BLU Spies steps to close to a RED Sentry, alerts it, and it shoots them all up, and its Engineer says this
"Hold it Spah, don't touch that sentry!"
the BLU Spies start singing again, as they attempt and inevitably fail to backstab more RED teammates
snort "We are number un! Ha!
The head BLU Spy then disguises as a RED Medic, and tricks a RED Heavy into taking a lethal injection
We are mentlegen!" snort

"Hon hon hon! Now look at this watch, that I just found! To make sure we don't croak, just be ready to clock! CLOAK!"
The lesser BLU Spies somehow accidentally cloak a RED Demoknight running by
"Turn ME invisible, not HIM! Merde, let's try something else…
Let's make sure this next trick doesn't go down the crapper,
The sentry gets wrecked by my electro-sapper! Hon hon hon!"
one of the lesser BLU Spies puts a sapper on the head BLU Spy's sapper, sapping the original sapper in the process to the point of destroying it; without a sapper to disable the RED sentry, it shoots up all the lesser BLU Spies
"What are you doing?!"

Eh, you decide how the rest turns out.