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"Nintendo is Doomed!" Thread Simulator

Last posted Jun 04, 2015 at 08:03PM EDT. Added Mar 18, 2015 at 11:47AM EDT
68 posts from 21 users

There was a time… when only one kingdom ruled; your kingdom, Nintendo. Now it's been almost thirty years, and it's being destroyed by rival kingdoms that have sprung up. A faithful yet naive warrior for your kingdom, you think of only one thing to do: seek the wisdom(?) of the sages in a land known as KYM.

You are Legendary Lankman (from California), the hero of the downtrodden. You must seek the guidance of the sages or die trying. And the only to do that is to go on a quest…

You step into KYM. Everyone seems to be quirky, but you have no clue what to do. What is your first course of action?

A) Introduce yourself.
B) Accept pity by stating your land is doomed if something is not done.
C) Look for supporters of your kingdom.
D) Kill a sage. That should get their attention!

Last edited Mar 18, 2015 at 11:52AM EDT

E) Immediately start making threads about how Nintendo is doomed, only to be told that Nintendo has been perfectly fine this whole time and we've been blowing everything out of proportion.

You immediately post "help wanted" papers for your kingdom, stating that it will be doomed if not assisted. However, as soon as you do, sages gather around your papers, reading. They then turn on you angrily.

"Heresy!" one shouts.

"Blasphemy!" another shouts.

The sages immediately begin to turn on you. This is not going well. What do you do next?
A) Run like hell.
B) Stand and fight.
C) Plead for your life.
D) Hide quickly.

Last edited Mar 18, 2015 at 12:06PM EDT

You run away from the streets. You look for something, anything to hide you. You spot a barrel, hiding as you hear the crowd pass by your hiding hole. You breathe a sigh of relief, before you hear a slight breathing, followed by a blast of hot air hitting your face. You turn to see…

You try to scream but you feel a paw cover your mouth. After a moment, you calm down, looking upon the other person… er… cat… in the barrel with you.

"I am Espurr! I also like Nintendo. But man… no one ever got as upset over it to me! What did you do?"

"I posted," you merely respond.

Espurr cocks an eyebrow. "Well… that's not a good idea. But forget about that! I heard you wanted to help your kingdom! I'm from there too! Can I join you?"

A) Accept his help… you might need guidance.
B) Decline… only room for one cat eyed Nintendo warrior.
C) Stare him down.
D) Rob him of his monies.

If I may, you're all asses.
 
I'm guessing a lot of you have been bullied, and yet you think it's OK to pick at someone else here who's obvious upset (with or without reason). Because…Internet? It's…funny? I don't know.

It's obviously antagonistic, even if it's in jest. At least take it to Riff Raff. I'll let a mod speak on it. I won't say anything else about it either way.

josie wrote:

If I may, you're all asses.
 
I'm guessing a lot of you have been bullied, and yet you think it's OK to pick at someone else here who's obvious upset (with or without reason). Because…Internet? It's…funny? I don't know.

It's obviously antagonistic, even if it's in jest. At least take it to Riff Raff. I'll let a mod speak on it. I won't say anything else about it either way.

First of all: Hes a troll, not someone to take seriously
Second off all: It was in Riff Raff but a mod moved it.

Last edited Mar 18, 2015 at 01:26PM EDT

josie wrote:

If I may, you're all asses.
 
I'm guessing a lot of you have been bullied, and yet you think it's OK to pick at someone else here who's obvious upset (with or without reason). Because…Internet? It's…funny? I don't know.

It's obviously antagonistic, even if it's in jest. At least take it to Riff Raff. I'll let a mod speak on it. I won't say anything else about it either way.

What?

Haven't you seen the guy's post before?

This is like the fifth or fourth time he makes a "Nintendo is doomed" thread. And we already told him no one should take youtube comments or any non-formal comment into account.

He's….wheter he admits it or not, shitposting where you do not shitpost.

You choose to accept Espurr's help. "Sure, I could use a hand… er… paw."

He smiles widely. "Awesome!" He peeks from a hole in the barrel. "Well, coast is clear! I'll take you to the caves outside town! There's a few sages that can help you!" You follow him as you hop out of the barrel. "So why is Nintendo doomed?"

"…I read from a reliable source. Tube of Yous."

"…uh…"

"Look, I just don't want Nintendo to be destroyed like Sega."

Espurr nods a bit, leading you towards a cave. It's not as dark as you think. It's actually bright. A few other sages have taken refuge as well, a mix of animal like creatures, humans, and mythical beings. "Espurr, who's this?"

"This? Um…"

You take the moment to introduce yourself. "I'm Lankman! Hero from Nintendo! I have sacrificed goats to my lord, Miyamoto!"

"Ah, Nintendo. Some of us are from Sony. Some from Microsoft. Some from Steam. But we all have visited the other kingdoms."

You learn the sages are not Nintendo natives. You glance at yourself, not armed with anything but your scrolls and your ally.

A) Tell Espurr to take you somewhere else. Nintendo is the Master Race.
B) Sit amongst the sages. They're all you have.
C) Ask for supplies and be on your way. While you don't want to stay you can't go unprepared.
D) Berate and preach of the glory of Nintendo. They must know of your mission.

josie wrote:

If I may, you're all asses.
 
I'm guessing a lot of you have been bullied, and yet you think it's OK to pick at someone else here who's obvious upset (with or without reason). Because…Internet? It's…funny? I don't know.

It's obviously antagonistic, even if it's in jest. At least take it to Riff Raff. I'll let a mod speak on it. I won't say anything else about it either way.

Are you joking?

I mean from some of the threads the person we're parodying never seemed too upset, even so, he would have been getting upset over Nintendo, which not only is somewhat trivial it's no excuse to spam threads about how upset you feel.

It was in Riff-Raff before it was moved to Forum Games too.

You preach! Preach to the sages of your love for Nintendo! Preach about how the Tube of Yous foretells its doom! The sages all stare at you in disbelief and bewilderment. "Wait wait wait, stop. Nintendo isn't doomed. We can show you otherwise."

"Nay," you respond. "I must save it!"

The sages roll their eyes but applaud you on your persistence. "Well, posting isn't going to help you. You need something much more effective.

They lay out three tools. You gaze at them. Which would work best?
A) The stone hammer. Its heaviness will persist.
B) The longsword. Its steel will slice cleanly.
C) The crossbow. Its range will carry. (And you admit, Daryl is a badass.)
D) The twin daggers. Their silence will keep whispers.

E) The shield. It's size shall block other people's opinions, allowing your to continue you quest to save Nintendo without "distractions".

Last edited Mar 18, 2015 at 05:53PM EDT

You ponder for a moment. "I shall wield the hammer!"

Espurr hesitates, before choosing the long sword. The sages nod. "We will guide you through… for KYM is a rogue's town… filled with harlots, bandits, and the likes. Very few pure of heart live amongst them."

All you can think about is returning to town and enacting your vengeance. But other thoughts cross your mind. Are there other Nintendo supporters? Should you seek them out first?

Nevertheless, you bid farewell for now to the sages, and exit the cave. Where to from here?
A) The town. Time to face the ban hammer!
B) The woods. It may be best to establish a hideout.
C) The tavern. Maybe you can get some assistance.
D) The brothel. You hear the harlots are extra horny today. :3

You and Espurr sheathe your weapons, traveling to the brothel. As you enter, the main lobby seems dark, listed by only a few candles here and there and a chandelier overhead. Someone steps out, wearing a robe and hood. "You're new here. I've not seen your face. But I have seen Espurr's. I'm surprised he'd be somewhere like this."

"What is this place?"

"You're in the Ship Thread Brothel. Many visitors come and… frequent with other visitors. Some by their choice, some by ours. Though all choose to enter," the hooded figure says. "So… what will you do? We have visitors of all sorts… of all types… whichever is your liking…"

You think to yourself… what were you interested in?
A) Something human. What freaks would do anything else?
B) Something with fur. You've always wanted to snuggle something furry.
C) Something with scales. You like them cold-blooded.
D) Something else… you have a few ideas.

OOC: Sorry for the wait, guys. I wanted to introduce a few artwork of this thread and hopefully, if this can go smoothly, we can have more of it! Special thanks to Blue Screen for helping me out with the artwork.


You ponder a moment, before turning to Espurr. "I don't know. Any special request you feel like?"

Espurr looks about nervously, before his eyes stop upon a night colored cat (or fox, iunno). On her body are glowing rings on her head, ears, body, and legs, and she wears a beautiful, maid uniform. "…um… I think I'd like to spend a little time with that Umbreon…"

You shrug, watching him waddle to the Umbreon as they both walk off. You turn to the hooded figure. "Um… who's the best you've got…?"

The hooded figure seems to glare at you from under the hood, before they move their hooves to the hood, lowering it. Underneath, a mint colored unicorn stands before you, grinning alluringly. "I thought you'd never ask… and unlike the others, I'm free… so long as you give me a good time…"

"…"

6 Hours Later

You walk out, your legs aching and your hair messy. As you do, you see Espurr stumble out as well, his fur also frazzled (at least… more than it was before…). Laud and Umbreon walk out following you, smiling.

"So, how was it…? Amazing?"

"That's… one way to put it. Thanks…"

The unicorn nods. "I'm Laud. And you must be new here! I haven't seen your dick before and I've seen everyone's here! What brings you here?"

"I came here to save my kingdom… and… fuck bitches, I guess? I'm from Nintendo."

Laud nods. "Well, you sure got the attention of KYM so far. You can't fight them with just your weapon and your friend. You need a little more." Laud glimmers her horn, illuminating both you and Espurr. You feel yourself pulsing inside, and that isn't your dick either! Your veins pulse and flow rapidly, as you glow a bright color, along with Espurr…

A) You glow a red color. Red is the color of pussy after you're done with it. ;3
B) You glow a blue color. And everyone thought you hated the water temple. ;3
C) You glow an yellow color. You could've sworn you went in the bushes earlier. :/
D) You glow a purple color. Purple is the color of royalty. Too bad you're not royal.

Hey look, Espurr's glowing too…

A) Espurr glows a green color. He reminds you of a fuzzy little tree! :3
B) Espurr glows an orange color. Nothing rhymes with it. :(
C) Espurr glows a black hue. You could swear that it resembles an Afro.
D) Espurr glows a white hue. He looks like a ghost. Or someone in bedsheets.

Last edited Apr 06, 2015 at 03:05PM EDT

As you glow more, you notice a green hue surrounding Espurr, but a red hue glowing around yourself. Suddenly, you're wracked with a burning sensation for a moment, before you cease glowing, as does Espurr.

"What did that do?" you ask Laud.

"You and your friend are now bestowed with magical abilities. You, Legendary Lankman, are bestowed with the red magic, fire. Fire rises, and also causes rage. A power which you wield well."

Espurr rubs a paw on his chin. "And me?"

"You, Espurr, are bestowed with the green magic, flora. Flora grows and prospers with love and care, something you seem to flourish in."

You cock an eyebrow, having no idea what she just said. Laud groans. "You can make fire and your friend can control all plants."

"Oh! That makes sense!"

"Yes. Your magic will stay with you so long as you drink a magical serum, or eat the baked goods with the serum."

"And what is that serum?"

Laud giggles, purring. "Let's just say… all of my lovely harlots can provide this serum… should you feel your powers are becoming weaker, return here, and one of my servants will be more than happy to accommodate you."

You have no idea how that logic works, but whatever. You feel far more powerful than before… but not powerful enough. Before you can return openly into KYM, you must become stronger. You have a weapon and scorcery… you gotta practice it.

Espurr turns to you. "So this and the cave can be marked as shelters. I'll mark that on my map!" Espurr takes out a folded piece of paper, opening it and marking areas on it. You take a peek yourself. As you see the areas surrounding KYM, you scowl. You recognize the lands of Sony… Microsoft… and worst of all, Steam… the largest kingdom of the entire land. But these are all too big for you to take down yet. In time, you will. But for now… you're stuck at the crossroads of the four kingdoms. There are a few rogues and warriors that may be able to assist you… or hinder you just in this land alone. The quest will be dangerous… it will be long. But if it will save your kingsom, you'll do it at all costs.

But for now, you must stay here, and prepare. While you despise the other kingdoms, you know their most trusted warriors are strong, almighty, and will stop at nothing to thwart you. So prepare…

A) Join a jousting tournament. You'll need to perfect your combat prowess.
B) Visit the warlocks. You'll want to practice your magic.
C) Head to the pub. You'll want to improve your relations among the locals.
D) Head to a location on the map with a "?". Espurr seems to have marked it, and it may be (or probably isn't) very important.


OOC: Yes, this will be an RPG setup that I'll be using, so you'll be able to make Lankman how you'll want him. Visit a costume shop. Level him up. All those opportunities will present themselves frequently in the thread with more choices instead of just four from here on in. So now I'll turn to you guys! If anyone would like to make an appearance in the quest in any way, shape, or form, feel free to post what you wish to do!

To make it easier to interpret from the choices and the requests to be inserted, post however you may want to be featured on my wall. It would also make it easier to follow this format:

Name of Character:

Appearance: (Link a pic of what you want your character to look like.)

Role: (Choose one from cameo, bystander, trader, enemy, ally, harlot, or cave dweller. Cameos only appear rarely in the thread. Bystanders appear frequently but do not engage in any combat. Traders can be blacksmiths or warlocks that can upgrade your weapons and magic, or general traders that can change Lankman's appearance, clothing, and armor. Enemies are self explanatory; however, depending on affiliation and how many are tied to said affiliation, some may be bosses. Allies are self explanatory; however, depending on affiliation and how many are tied to said affiliation, may be partners. Harlots heal Lankman and restore magic serum. Cave dwellers are neutral in terms of affiliation but offer Lankman help should he need assistance or guidance on what to do next.)

Loyalty: (Only for allies or enemies, choose from Nintendo, Steam, Microsoft, Sony, or Freelance. Freelance is essentially anyone unaffiliated with any kingdom.)

Skills: (Only for allies or enemies. Choose from Magic, Combat, Sentinel, or Range. Magic users can heal or deal additional damage through status effects in addition to powerful attacks best effective against unarmored opponents. Combat deals the most damage with single blows and is better suited against armor. Sentinels are highly armored warriors that deal small damage in turn for a much higher threshold. Range deals multiple or single attacks from afar, having the advantage of distance. Lankman can level up any of these four skills through warlocks, blacksmiths, or archers, but only by practicing with or engaging combat. Lankman's partners can level these skills up to but only two, so choose wisely which mastery will be theirs.)

Miscellaneous: Any additional info you wish to provide.

Thanks for your input, and hope you guys like the thread. Hopefully, we can have a mod change older posts to feature artwork of the thread! :3

Last edited Apr 08, 2015 at 08:54AM EDT

“Yes. Your magic will stay with you so long as you drink a magical serum, or eat the baked goods with the serum.”
“And what is that serum?”
Laud giggles, purring. “Let’s just say… all of my lovely harlots can provide this serum… should you feel your powers are becoming weaker, return here, and one of my servants will be more than happy to accommodate you.”


Go with C. We seem to be in agreement that Lank needs to drink more.

You feel parched. "Why not go to get something to drink?"

Espurr shuffles a bit tensely. "I don't drink."

…too bad for him. You bid farewell to the harlots and Laud and leave the brothel. You You sneak back into the town, the mob having dispersed before you enter the bar. You look around, seeing some of the townsfolk sitting calmly, drinking mead and eating mutton. You and Espurr walk to the counter. Wait a minute… you check your pockets… you have no money. You turn to Espurr. "Hey… what do they take as money here?"

"Meme dollars."

"But… I have a stash of rupees…"

"They don't take rupees."

Damn… you won't be able to buy anything yet.

A) Start a bar fight. Use the confusion to steal meme dollars.
B) Offer someone a favor. Although they might use that to your dismay.
C) Show them cool magic. You haven't practiced it… can't be too hard, right?
D) Challenge someone in the bar to a duel. Or send Espurr to fight with you.
E) Break stuff and hope for random meme dollars. Maybe video game logic applies here.
F) Tell the bartender straight. Maybe they're nice enough to give you a drink on the house.
G) Con a drunken person of their money. You're a sneaky bastard and you know it.
H) Leave the bar and head to another location. You'll probably need to do something else anyways.

Last edited Apr 09, 2015 at 01:51PM EDT

You open your palms. How the hell do you make fire?

"Uh… something wrong…?" Espurr asks you.

"…uh… n-no… it's fine." Even when trying to reassure Espurr you fail to reassure yourself. But you try anyways. So what will make fire?

You struggle to think, before becoming angry. "Goddammit!" You slam a fist onto the table, before a ring of fire expels from you, hitting a few shot glasses filled with liquor. After, each glass emanates a small flame, almost like a candle. The bartender turns to you. "Whoa… cool! You're a pyromancer!"

"Uh… I guess I am."

Now you have the bartender's attention, and he seems impressed. But there's something strange about him… he's pretty small, almost the size of Espurr. Except he more resembles an actual animal than Espurr. He hops towards you.

A) Ask for general information. Anything you need.
B) Ask for a drink. That's why you came in the first place.
C) Ask about him. It might make his day.
D) Ask about the town of KYM. Why is everyone mad, brah?
E) Ask about the cave dwellers. Why are they all there anyways?
F) Ask about the brothel. Why is that unicorn in charge?
G) Ask about where you could find a blacksmith or Mage.
H) Ask if he needs help with anything. Stop being a lazy bum. >:(
I) Ask about something else. Whatever it is, most likely he won't have an answer for.

Skeletor-sm

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