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I think your computer is running slow and impairing your coordination. Apply magnets or delete System 32 to fix this.

ಠ_ಠ

Cool Story Bro

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I actually laughed at this a little.

This is a shitty joke indeed.

Shitty joke thread, let's go!

If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

Why are fedoras made by Russian cybrogs?

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(That is so lame I want to kick myself)

I laughed at your joke, DJKronic. :3

In 1957, several cities were vying to host the 1964 Winter Olympics. Candidates had been eliminated to the point where the only two left were Singapore and Nevers, France. The French venue had an obvious advantage for the games, but the Singaporeans were eager to host the games in their country, so they developed a snow-making machine. Because of technical glitches, the machine produced snow only part of the time. The rest of the time it produced steam, and you can't ski on steam. So they made a last-ditch effort to perfect the machine, knowing that the deadline for a decision from the committee was nigh. To bring moral support and entertainment to the workers, they brought in Elvis Presley, who mounted the stage and said, "Well, today's the day your machine must produce snow. If it belches out steam, the games will go to France. So this is it. It's snow, or Nevers."

A man is travelling through the desert. It's a long trip, and he starts to get so lonely, his camel starts to look good to him. He puts his camel near a large sand dune, climbs up on the dune, takes off his clothes, and takes a running jump at the camel. The camel sees him coming and steps aside, leaving the man lying humiliated on the ground. He gathers up his clothing and goes back to his tent. The next day, he tries again, but the camel evades him again. The next day the same, and he's getting very frustrated.

The next morning, he wakes up and he hears the faint call of a female voice. He runs towards the voice, and finds a beautiful woman passed out in the sand. He picks her up and carries her back to his tent, proceeding to give her water and nursing her back to health, all the while scheming in his head…

The next day, the woman is fully refreshed. She looks at the man and says, "You've saved my life! How can I ever repay you? Ask anything of me, anything at all, and I will do it for you!"

The man leers at the woman and begins to remove his clothing. "Can you hold this camel for me?"

A Soviet man standing in bread line gets pissed off at the wait time for food and yells "I've had it! This queue is too long! I'm going to the Kremlin to kill Brezhnev!" and storms off. Forty minutes later he returns and forcibly reclaims his spot in line. Another man asks "What happened, comrade?" to which the first man replies "The line to kill Brezhnev was too long."

OH BRUCKER, U SO WITTY.

What do you do with dead chemists? Barium.

What bone will a dog never eat?
A trombone.

What's in the middle of nowhere?
The letter H.

What animal can you never trust?
A cheetah
(That's from Roger Rabbit the video game.)

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a bartender?
Santa Claus only has to look at eight assholes.

What do you say when a dog runs away?
Dog-gone!

Why did Mario cross the road?

So he could get to a Warp Zone.

What's red and sits in the corner?

A naughty strawberry.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Well he certainly didn't do it to have his motives questioned.

Where did the kittens go on a class trip?
To the meow-seum.

What is Zelda’s favorite breakfast side dish?
A sausage Link.