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I was having a bad day and was in a very bad mood. And the fact that my sister's college teacher, (who apparently cared little about the student's spring break plans) decided to push their spring break back a week earlier and cut it down to only half a week, thus ruining our plans to go on a vacation with some favorite relatives who we rarely ever got to see, did not help in the slightest. And the teacher didn't give a rip about it.

All my pent up rage from the rough day finally came out in a bizarre outburst that I thought I wound never say:

"Someone needs to go kick that dumbo in the nuts!"

I normally would never actually say anything like that, and wound up shocking my mom and my sister who happened to be standing nearby.

Needless to say, my day did not improve a bit after that…
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So, what's the strangest thing YOU have ever said?

If it's gunna be that kinda party, I'm stickin my dick in tha mashed potatoes

"Hmm! I think this thread is nice!"

Ill tickle your pickle if you give me a nickle.

…yes i said that

"So, it's this incredibly hype show about these really masculine, brightly-colored little horse-things, y'know? They, like, make friends and stuff.

Anyways, they kill Satan. By turning him into stone. One of them also kicks this giant dragon/lion/scorpion thing in the face, and they slew a dragon using kindness. You want to know why I always seem to grow facial hair so damn fast? I think this is why. It's literally the hypest, man."

My friends proceeded to believe me.

"Have you ever thought how you might not be moving while walking, but pushing the world under your feet"

Fucking stupid, I know but, I had smoked a doobie prior and been drinking, so don't judge me.

So you're saying that I should record everything I say?

But seriously though:

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken's brain is incapable to comprehend most simple tasks or view most of it's surroundings because it was removed from it's mother when it was born and shipped to another farm, so it couldn't learn anything. That being said, the chicken was not aware of the fact that he was crossing the road, or had any idea where he was going.

Or, the time when I was explaining to my friend very inconceivable ways the world could end or go to complete shit. One of the ways was a turtle who got radiated, and became gigantic, but fell over on it's back. The turtle, thrashing about in an attempt to get right-side up, creates an eleven point earthquake surrounding half of the world. Most of the major countries are completely destroyed, and the lower countries are unable to receive any trade causing major panic.

I have a hard time remembering. "Strangest" as if it didn't make sense or as if it wasn't expected?
Anyways, this time I was at Chick-Fil-A (did I spell right?) with my brothers and my father. I don't know why, but during those vacations, anytime I drank soda, I got kind of "high". So I saw a burger with bacon in it, and I looked at the mascot (the cow).
"Shouldn't the cow disagree with the bacon burger? Bacon comes from cows…"
Then I realized I blew my reputation. If it wasn't because my brothers had said dumb things too, I would have laid down, try not to cry and cry.

"So yeh the superpowers these bear things had was to be able to stretch there ball sacks to cover an incredible area..they had incredibly elasticated ball bags"

Well you know what's even cooler than a 500 horsepower car? Picture this: a chariot being pulled by five hundred god damn horses. At once. All running. That would be cool.

Last night I made a typo while typing up a fanfic.

"Another boy had spiky blond hair and wore a purple sweatsh!!!t"

Sounds like he has an usual taste in fashion…

"Having braces is the closest thing to menstruation I have experienced, you get a lot of pain during one week once a month, and you get all stressed out by everthing."

My lady friend bursted into laughter.

"I love you" when i actually do it

This thread made my day.
Things my younger brother said:
"Invite me to the kitchen, I'm scared."
"Don't hit me, I promise!"
"It's all thanks to your fault!"
"When my dad becomes and adult…"
… and something that only makes sense in Spanish.

"The natural enemy of the robot is hippies!"
"Oh hello Gundorf! Where's Blasbo Babbins? Oh there he is! Everyone's here! Labalos, Gimpy, Dumpy, Snoopy…umm… Man, I wish Merasmus was around to see this magical turn of events!"
"I will never feel pity, or remorse, or fear, or comfortable, in this costume."

Sometimes I look at my idiotic fighting history, and feel proud of being so active at this age, I know you all would like to have a robot suit like mine

… and "If fighting is sure to result in victory then you must fight!"

"Dick Blasters sounds like a really terrible Saturday Morning Cartoon."

“Pregnancy is a condition resulting from sex, that means we are all STD’s.”

The way I picked up my girlfriend marks my most embarrasing moment "my dick is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get"

I honestly have no idea how that worked as a pick up line.

I keep calling dudes on bf3 and ghost recon "Slippery Slappers"
And "Slappery Slippers"
Like if someone kills me or just barely escapes i'm like "you slippery slapper"

Touch my jingle jangle. Or im sorry romney san, i love you.

>Be at a motorcycle crash
>Trained for this
>Run to the victim
>"I'm here to save the danger!"
>So glad she was unconscious.

I'm not sure i can narrow it down to one saying.

We are all walking around… With shit inside of us…

My conversations are generally strings of strange things but recently it has to be
"Dammit, I don't know you any more; these paper ducks have turned you into vicious wolves. I guess I understand communism now."
I think telling the context would spoil it.

"Um… uh… ermm… yea… uhh… hmmm…"

"Shut up, Fuckhead."
-Me at 9

When I was a stupid kid, I used to think that rivers only flowed away from the equator. I was also under the impression that Africa was completely south of the equator. One day, we were learning about Egypt in class when I had to interject. The teacher had said something about upper Egypt being upstream on the Nile. I said "that's impossible, rivers only flow away from the equator."

Dumbest thing I've ever said. I got called out by the teacher, and the embarrassment of that moment still burns vividly in my memory to this day. I also used to think that Abe Lincoln was black… these might be reasons why I like studying history and geography so much today.

"THE KITTY JUST PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE WITH HER HEAD!!!"

(I was really crazy the other day and that outburst was the result of my cat trying to rub against my face too hard.)

not sure about myself (i say alot of pointless and odd things on a daily basis)

but my mother once told her mother:
the spider is now 3 monkeys

my big bother once said:
father if you take a shit and a shit you only get a bigger pile of shit

and last but not least my grandfather's father once told him:
you can't hammer a stick in a poop without breaking the poop, the stick and the hammer