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Much better.

Your item?…

My item: Carnotaureditor Lack of Item.

Carmotaureditor's lack of items causes a rip in dimensions, and it sends both you and him to a dimension where there is only one room with a Snicker's bar in the middle of it. Knowing it as your only source of food, you both fight for it. Fortunately for you, Carmotaureditor's lack of items causes the death of him when you pull out a laser from nowhere while he stands defenseless, and vaporize him. Satisfied, you proceed to eat the Snicker's bar. But wait! You forgot that you were allergic to nuts, you fool! After eating it, your neck swells up, you suffocate, and collapse next to Carmotaureditor's ash pile.

My Item: A pencil sharpener

You are drawing some random stuff in primary school, when you notice that your pencil's tip is blunt. You ask your teacher if you may sharpen it with the, at that time, coolest thing ever. You may, and you start walking to the electric pencil sharpener as badass as a 10 year old can be. You stick in your pencil, and start sharpening. When you think it's sharp enough, you try to pull it out, only to find out it's sort of stuck, still sharpening. As the pencil gets shorter and shorter, you start to panic, but it's to late. The pencil sucks you into a twisted, demented dimension, consisting of a large shaft, with pencil sharpening blades on the side, which you seem to be falling down into. As you land down, you're struggling to get up, only to hear a noise getting louder and louder. You look up, and see an elevator cabin racing down, with no way to escape…

Item: the Pinkie Sense

You try hooking wires to Pinkie's brain in order to study it. You get so confused that your mind explodes.

Item: plastic flamingo

Attempting to start a fire with damp wood so you use gasoline and realize its your dead son and then hang yourself.

Guys I did have an item: a diamond sword

@ Master

It's called the Pink Flamingo!
Opens book
Once there was a pink flamingo. He was so pink that you died! The end.
closes book
@ Carn
You use a diamond sword to slay the poster above you, who is being unreasonably and dangerously insensitive. You slash at him, and you cut open his doggy neck. Everyone cheers for slaying the dog, but then some animal cruelty prevention specialists gang up on you, and beat you to death with the blunt edge of the diamond sword.

My Item: A piece of string (like a TINY piece of string)

>Guy sees string hanging off ur clothing
>sneaks up behind you
>grabs string
>string is stitching from jean pocket
>Yells RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPCCCCOOOORRRRDDDD! while forcefully removing string
>Force from string pull spins you at hypersonic speeds
>shit poring from your anus from being so scared
>spaghetti flying in exuberant amounts from your pockets
>can't keep arms down, centripetal force too great
>arms turn into propellers
>lift great enough to propel you at Mach 18
>giant steams of shit and spaghetti cover everything behind you
>Escape speed so great and conservation of energy keep you going to sun
>Sun kills you

And that's how Hulk killed Wolverine

New item: OP's purse

Considering the impossible circumstances, I'll make up the death anyway.
…
I go to Vegas with essential supplies. I enter one of the casinos, and who do I see among the many machines? Some random guy, to everyone. To me, however, it was my target of the day. I approach Lord of the Faggots, pulling out a purse from my luggage bag. I pull from the purse a comb, sharpened and razored, and immediately fling it at Lord, hitting him in the chest and causing him to bleed out, where I make a quick getaway.
My Item: Fluttershy (try to make a death out of her)

One day, you're walking along the boundaries of the Everfree Forest. You're humming a bit, when you see a shed near Fluttershy's cottage. You remind one time when Fluttershy told you to stay 'out of her shed'. But your curiosity is to much, and you decide to enter the shed anyway. You're shocked by what you see, countless dead animals hanging on the walls of it. When suddenly you hear the door slamming shut, you jump a bit. You look behind you, to see Fluttershy angrily staring at you. She told you 'to stay out of her shed', but you still entered it.
And the rest is history…

Item: Rainbow Dash's sunglasses

i accidentally stab my eyes and die from bleeding
i insert myself

WAT…
Anyways… You apparently insert yourself into something… which turns out to be a car. You drive along, and pull up to a set of subway stairs. You step out of the car, and go down the steps. You slip on the most conveniently placed banana peel, and fall down the stairs to the bottom. You break one of your arms, but you survive by landing among the many decomposing bodies. You think to yourself… screw the stairs!, so you now take the elevator. You push the bottom floor, and the elevator fails. The elevator then drops to the bottom floor, and crashes at the bottom. You miraculously survive that as well, and you think… elevators suck, so you take an escalator back up, but that's when your luck runs out. You realize you can't move since you stepped on gum, and as you near the top of the escalator, you get sucked and dismembered as you are ground inside the escalator, starting the new legend of the Death Escalator!
My Item: An apple.

You're standing in front of an apple tree when Applejack comes by and tries to kick the tree. Of course, you're in the way and Applejack kicks you in the stomach instead. You hit the tree hard enough that all the apples fall on your head. Then you die.

My Item: The Necronomicon.

you go insane from what lies inside… you get sent into a asylum and proceed to give your self a aneurysm and die

my item is radiohead (the whole band)

You cry when you find out that the chili you were eating was actually the remains of your parents. Radiohead arrives and calls you a loser. They then put you out of your misery when Thom Yorke shoots you in the head.

Item: Rage Against the Machine (the whole band)

you call the technician the RAtM shows up because wrong phone number then hits your computer then it's on fire then you run to the escalator duhduhduh death escalator
item: deviant art

You view too much furry porn and slit your wrist.
Eddie Vedder

One day your just walking along, minding your own business. Suddenly, a wild Eddie Vedder appears! You thinks that's pretty boss. But they he starts singing while your walking. You misshear what he's singing and think he's telling you GO FAST!! So you go fast, but your looking back at him while running. You are then hit by a train.

Death Item: A Nokia 3310

The apocalypse arrives and you make a shack made out of Nokias. Due to their indestuctability, you survive and leave as it all ends. But a nokia falls on your head. it splits your head open and you die.
MY OTHER ITEM: Le Master Sword.

You pull the Master Sword out from its resting place in the Chamber of Time, and seven years pass somehow. You step outside with your awesome prize, but suddenly stop for some reason. You can't move, and you realize you were ambushed by many ReDeads. Rather than pick at your head, though, they take you inside a building, where they take you up the Death Stairs and throw you down, killing you.
My Item: A book…

It's not just any book…

My item: A hula loop.

you spin so fast the hoop shatters and you get impaled by thousands of plastic shards. the sheer blood loss kills you.
My item: an easily upset brony

My item: A basket ball.

You're shooting the basketball, which feels weirdly heavy, but making every basket. Suddenly, as you make a shot, the basketball morphs into Samus, and she blasts you with a charge bomb.
My item: Ender Dragon

An Ender Dragon? I don't know what that is, but I'll try my best…
You walk out one night to catch a good view of the full moon. You look up, and see a figure moving in the darkness. You smile (or frown) as you recognize it as an Ender Dragon. You then see a small silhouette dropping from it, and you squint as you try to make it out. After a while of falling, you recognize it, but it's too late. The anvil you spot lands on your face, killing you.

P.S., We need to have at least one anvil death and one Death Stairs/Elevator/Escalator per page.
My Item: Clouds…

The clouds are not your average clouds… they're mustard gas clouds. You die a very slow, very painful death.

My Item: A Toaster.

You try to walk on a cloud, but you're not a pegasususus so you fall to your death.
My item: Half Life 3.
EDIT: I screwed it. Well, toast comes out so fast it kills you.

You spend so long waiting for it, you die of old age. The game comes out the day after you die, coinciding with the rapture.
My item: a magikarp

I slap you around with it repeatedly, racking up a fish hit combo, then I drop it on the floor behind you and push you over it, making you trip and fall down some conveniently placed staris. You should have been warned about the stairs, bro.

My item: Ahh, chainsaw! The great communicator!

You grab a chainsaw, thinking it would be a valuable tool. You chop down some foes with it, but then you hear something…
You look around, but only see a thin line of smoke. You hear the sound again, along with another thin line of smoke, this time closer to you. You don't know what's up, and then the smoke stops. You regain yourself, until you hear something behind you…

You get smashed behind with a gravity hammer, and as your body falls to the ground, the last thing you see your killer do is this…

My Item: Party!!!

The party is too epic for the laws of physics to handle, resulting in you being ripped apart atom by atom.
My Item: didgeridoo

You travel to Australia to research the local Aborigines in the area. When you get there, it appears your arch-rival McFinnigan has gotten them hopped up on cocaine.

Upon seeing you, they use their didgeridoos as clubs and beat you to death.

My item: Rocket-Propelled Chainsaw!

It backfires and you get your head cut off.

The eagle flies over you, and since you were a cat before, it swoops down for an easy meal. It captures you, and gibs and mutilates you.

My Item: The Moon!!!
EDIT: TOO GRUESOME FOR YOU!!?? DON'T CLICK ON THE F*CKING SPOILER, THEN!!!

You behaved badly, and Celestia's decides to send you to the moon. There, you meet Luna, who seems to be your only company. You two get friends, and do fun stuff together to kill the time. Too bad for you, it becomes that time of the month, and she accidently kills you in a sudden rage-attack

Item: USB stick cap

Do you want to play again?

My item: Potato chips
EDIT: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!
The viruses in the USB take over your brain.

@ Mike
You unplug the cap from your USB, and plug it into your computer. You expect to find some of your files, but instead, thanks to Blue Screen of Death, your USB is now filled with pony shippings and R34. You can't unsee it, and you blow up from pony R34 overload.

@ Digoxin
You eat potato chips, and while you read Mike's death, you laugh so hard that the chips go down your lungs, choking you and killing you.

Double Kill!!!
My Item: A Spartan Laser
EDIT: Sees Digoxin edited post

My item: A medkit.

You are in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, managing to survive with a group of friends.
Suddenly you take Francis' medkit…This causes a wave of "I hate X" that causes your brain cells to die and , eventually, you become a zombie.

My Item: MIchael Bay

He gets upset over you calling him an item and…

My item: This thread

You read this thread, and got some new ways of dealing with 'him' (in the place of him, you can fill in who-ever you want). You decide which one you'll choose, and you visit 'his' house. There you kill 'him' with the way you chose, and you flee afterwards. The police manages to find you after 42 days, hiding in a shed in the woods. They arrest you, and court is immediatly that day. They decide to put you in jail for the rest of your life, for brutally murdering 'him'. You die in jail after getting crazy, and laughing yourself to death in of your crazy fits.

Item: a portal turret

You set it up to defend your home but you forget to make it recognise you!

The turret ends up shooting you to death.

My item: A BFG-9000

You've never played minecraft? Do youself a favor and do it. Now

You use your Big F*cking Gun 9000 to vaporize demons on Mars. You have a blast, murdering everything in sight, but each time you use it, it gets more and more overheated. You use one more time, then…
A CHALLENGER APPROACHES!!!

The laser rifle from Fallout vaporizes you, turning you into an ash pile.

My Item: A cart (any kind will do)

My item: Lottery Ticket.

You receive a random lottery ticket, and have the winning numbers.

Unfortunately for you, it was a death lottery. The winning numbers are basically a death sentence. One night while you sleep some guys come for you, drag you off and kill you.

My item: Nyan Cat (as in various files to do with it stored on an USB drive)

Its tac nayn, he just is to much and he…
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my item: a deck of cards

A deck of cards, you say?


The cards Gambit launches at you cut you multiple times, and one explodes your head, killing you.

My Item: Fallout: New Vegas

Wha.. what is your item? This makes me confused, 'cause I don't know what to do!