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It was the ambiguous philosophy of Edgar T.Howell-Marlsley that wealth was merely an acquisition of chance; an appointment kept, a misplaced key, a word unspoken, which decided his upbringing, that vast wealth that was thrust upon him through no fault of his own, like an anvil its weight crushed all hopes of a ubiquitous childhood

AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT!

THE END.

But the author wouldn't let the story end.

So he went around and blew shit up.

After that, he regretted the situation, and we went to the skeleton that popped out and apologized.

and then they agreed to blow up even more shit, together.

with black jack and hookers.

But the blackjack was cast off to give more attention to the hookers.

Little did they know that the hookers were just figments of their collective imagination

and that reality was about to crash in really hard.

They suddenly realised that this crash would blow up even more shit

So they took the reality and multiplied it tenfold to create an even bigger explosion

The explosion was so big a cosmic black hole inhaled them into a parallel universe filled with more hookers, crystal meth AND fine linen.

However, that reality was swiftly destroyed by crystal space jesus.

The destruction was accomplished with the aid of a couple of lesser Titans. Since the Titans are supposed to be sealed in Tartarus, it was time for the minor god of titan stopping, Arkantos, to step in.

(lel AoM)

Arkantos, however, didn't want to get off of his lazy ass, and was still laying in his bed.

So a squadron of Magikarps were sent to take them down

But later, the Team Rocket attack with a vast arsenal of Goldeen

The battle that was to take place was foretold by the great and powerful wizard Phil, who said that the battle will decide the fate of all who inhabited anything

Luckily, there were a couple of great Pokémon trainers nearby, that quickly took the Magikarps upon them, and learned them a few new moves, so they stood a chance against the army of Goldeen.

Little did they know that the Goldeen were secretly equipped with devices containing numerous illegal explosive compounds, all of which were detonated at the release of a dead man's switch.

So when our heroes finally faced Team Rocket and their army of explosive Goldeen, they had to play smart, or the Goldeen would blow up shit

But they didn't realize the extent of Wizard Phils contacts. Wizard Phil consulted with his ally Gruel

Gruel was so ugly, everyone died.

However, the Wizard Phil revived everyone, and improved Gruel's looks so that everyone didn't die.

THEN WHO WAS PHONE

Yelled on of our Pokémon heroes, after they saw Team Rocket calling with someone.
In the meantime, Gruel was yelling bullshit into a phone he found somewhere near Wizard Phil's bedroom

But the dragonborn was on the phone as well, projecting his Thu'um through the lines.

fast forward 100 years from now

Edgar T.Howell-Marlsley had a grandchild named Dolan, who is now 16 years old

Gruel was pushed away from the phone by the Dragonborn's Thu'um and hit his head on a rock.

Then The Phone Got Mad And Killed Jim (in the Background Of The Hallway)
So Jims Neck Explode And Killed Tom His Last Words Were "MY LEG)
Gruel Was Sad And Fap To The Corpse Of Jim
THEN THE STATUS QUO ATTACKED AND EVERYONE GET CANCER!

But the good doctor came in and cured away the cancer and raised Jim back from the dead.

However, after that Jim's neck was exploded, he had to live his life without a head.

But His Head Was His Evil Twin!
Then He Go To The Car
WHEN HE OPENED THE DOOR A SKELETON POPPED OUT!

it was the skeleton of morgen freeman

Confounded by his current appearance, Morgan of the Free Men swiftly positioned his beard, in which he possessed beforehand, onto his boney stature, which by some unexplainable purpose reverted his age into a more youthful appearance; but as quickly as his youthfulness conjured into existence, it vanished within an exponentially small frame of time, and then produced the stature of his elderness; no, this was not something to overlook, it was the creation of beauty itself and before this small period of time did beauty never exist; born God as he was, Morgan ascended to his heaven to narrate our lives and subsequently his own until time ceased; yet had time stopped because if it did then time would have not been created by Morgan Freeer Man where time watched over with him to create herself in times beforehand; oh yeah, you're reading this in Morgan Freeman's voice.

Because of this, Chuck Norris came down from Heaven and say: "What da fuck is going on here!"

Then 'Ye teared shit down.

The Shit Was Very Good Ass Shit

Meanwhile, at the Legion of KYM, folks were plotting to take over the world with killer memes.

And the Killer Memes Were Deadpooled

But Super Robo Jesus saved them, because the Killer Memes couldn't swim. SRJ, being the good guy he is, shot a ladder out of his green shooting thingy, and let the poor Memes climb out of the pool of death.

But Robo Jesus Was a Cyborg!
And he turn evil Like Every Cyborg.

They went on to save the town, get the crown AND MR KRAAAABS!!!

Mr. Krabs, not knowing any of the recent situations, because he was too busy making krabby patties with Spongebob, was surprised when the Krusty Krab was suddenly filled with Super Robo Jesus Cyborg and his new Killed Memes comrades.

The Killer Memes Duplicate themself!!!!!!1!11!!! And Evil Robot Jesus Evil Clon Came, Who Is Good Jesus!!!!!1111!!
AND THEN THE INTERNET WAR BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!1!!!!1!!
AND THEN THEY NUKED ANYTHING!!!!!!!1!

Eugene, scared by the sudden outburst of Killer Memes, Super Evil Robo Jesus, and Good Guy Robo Jesus, fled into his office. He locked the door, took the phone, and called the Space Stallions for help.

BUT THE OFFICE WAS "SCP-086 The Office of Dr. [REDACTED]"
So Evil Cyborg Jesus And Good Guy Robo Jesus Exploded And Their Parts Transformed Into A Car
Eugene Was Caged In The Darkened Containment Chamber Of SCP-017
Gruel Runned Of His Life
Spongebob Was Died By The Nuke
The Killer Memes Fusioned Into A Big Tasty Chicken Wing
Chuck Norris Going Back To Heaven
Morgan Freeman Was A Skeleton Who Popped Out
Jim Was A Scottish
Edgar T.Howell-Marlsley Exploded
Wizard Phil Did A Barrel Roll

You want happy endings? Fuck you.

You're alive to read it.

God help us all.

Secure. Contain. Protect.