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Hey. There's this website that lets you mix together headlines from news places.

http://www.headlinesmasher.com/generator

Feel free to post favorites.

"How A Crappy Situation Could Be An Atheist And a Stick Of Butter on A TV Show"

Castlevania: Symphony Of Peggle 2
Twitch Plays Pokemon Creator Tweaks Channel to Make Your Very Own Giant RoboCop Killing Machine
Final Fantasy XIII in 2010 Game of Thrones' Most Horrifying Scene, Now Safe for Kids!

what

Kickstarter Project Canceled After Dude Spends All The Time To Combat West Nile, Dallas Will Spray Pesticide From Planes
(Pretty petty reason to cancel a Kickstarter, eh?)

Want Jobs? Encourage Immigration At Graduation, Ohio High School Teacher Arrested on Wedding Day For The Top 20 Disney Villains
(WAT.)

Wife “Steals” Car To Promote the Canyons [NSFW]
(…Why is it NSFW?)

Diddy Kong Joins The World's Largest Tunneling Machine
(Someone illustrate this as fast as they can!)

There Are No Farts in These Pictures Are You Sincerely Thankful For?
(Yes, I probably am.)

Michigan State Beats OSU, Saves Us From One Of These Olympic Mom Ads Made Me Cry Of Jackals, Bigfoot and ‘Cavemen’
(Uhhh…thanks Michigan State?)

Meet Xavius, the World's Prison Population Is Obama Knocks Over Little Girl, Internet Hilarity Ensues

This Moonrise Timelapse Is The Cutest Thing Ever Found

'London Traders Try To Cut Jesus From Your Galaxy Nexus--No Root Required

Thanks To Global Warming Debate Completely Obsolete!

Finally, a Movie About a Satanic Daycare Actually Exists

Batman Visits Brazilian Slum Where Residents Are Being Sacrificed to Keep Them Healthy

Protester Says She'd Rather Die Than Use a Good Idea?

30 Awful Things Feminism Hasn't Caused. YET.

Awesome

A couple of highlights

Breakdowns: Sarah Silverman Thinks Vaginas Really Scare People and Says Happy Valentine's by Sending a Personalized Video game

Miley Cyrus Does The Picture of The Year (And Why That's Okay!)

Microsoft Caught Trying To Be Pokémon

School Days and Holidays – What Works For Anthony Weiner and Fully Covered Creepy Cubicle Guy

Triple Murder May Link Tsarnaev and Man Killed By Sharks

Iron Man Returns to Iran, as Mysteriously It totally Happened

California Stem-Cell Institute Reacts To Final Fantasy Type-0

A Post-Haggard Sermon: I, Too, Am Gay Marriage

Black on Black Players Cost the NFL Because He Wanted To Become One Continuous Car Bomb Explodes on Tel Aviv bus

Apple Announces Smaller, Cheaper Version Of “I Choose Jesus”

'Happy Birthday' Performed on Another Central African Warlord

Play the "Friends" Trivia Game That Should Die

The Hills Are Alive (But the Mom Will Bring Peace Milkshakes to Middle Earth)

Science FACT: Men Know Way More Fun When They Made It Down

Tavi Gevinson: 'I Think Fashion and Feminism Can Be Diagnosed by Smell'

China on Space Missile: Nothing To Worry About, if We Want Cute Plus Size Clothes, and We Fucking Want Them All Work At A Factory

What Psychologists Can Learn From Football And This Time With Digital Devices Than Watching TV

The 2 Most Rational Sentences About Gun Rights

Obama: 'People Don't Come Here Looking For The Reals'

This Is Why I Love Mom I'm DONE With $1 Billion

'Twerk' and 'Selfie' Added to Call of Duty: Black Ops

My 12-Year-Old Convinced Me to Join Al-Qaida

Microsoft Ready for Dat Booty

Australia No Longer Exists

New Video Game Awards Will Award Video Games

None of these seem particularly unlikely.

How Gay Is Your Brain on Fiction

That was a good one.

Creepy Robot Fairies Made From Human Microbes?

Barack Obama's Speech Is The Victim of A Besieged Syrian City

These Fluffy Romantic Comedies Are Actually Terrifying 40-Year-Old

Bitch, Please. I’m a Momma. I Got You Covered With My Shrink

Temporary Blindness May Give You Goosebumps

Stop What You're Seeing Here Are The First Meme of The Avatar Sequels

A Student Explains What's Wrong With Her.

London Is Now The Most Badass Sport At Sochi

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to play some London.

Terrifying Ducks Take Over Your Neighborhood

Video Shows Why We Can’t Stop Eating Frosting From The can

Obama Has His Life Changed by A Mountain Of napalm

PS4's X86 Architecture Is More Bloody Than The original

Aerial Photos of Himself Wearing Naked White Women As Scarves

"Here Are Some Plans For Selling African Slaves"

"Kanye West Went On A Hot Streak"

"Public's Opinion of George W. Bush Is Turning Tragedy Into Triumph"

"19 Chicken Recipes For The Y3K Apocalypse"

"This Week's Episode Of The Justice League"

" 50 Cent Domestic Violence Case Turn in Your Guns Charges DROPPED"

"People Should Know When The Secret Atheist Plan To Escalate Protests Against Russia’s Anti-Gay Law And Court Ruling"

" You Need To See 'Smartest Way To play'"

"The Best (And Maybe Only?) Rap Song About Weed and Other Things"

"Thursday Night Throwdown 12/09: Need For Speed Is In Space Pirate Blitz: The Sinking of The Ex-Missing Ex-Model"
Space pirates?

"Capcom Goes Fully Multiplatform, Kills Online Petitions Dead Rising"

"FIFA's Follies and Soccer in The Wind Waker"

"Norwegian Skier Has The Best Of Your Days In China, Faking Pregnancy Is Not a Foodie, You Are Now Entering the “Friend Zone” "

"The Most Contagious Viral Video Charts"

"The Army Desperately Needs More Breathtaking Hyperrealistic Artwork"
Poor, poor army.

"Ex-U.S. General: Jesus Is Returning To Porn For Your Old Xbox 360 And PS3 "
I… don't have an Xbox…

"The Great Gatsby Sucked but The Lyrics Make Me Buy Everything"

"24 Signs Dating Isn’t For Everybody (Who Signed Up For A Porn Star Training Video"

Crazy Skyrim Mod Lets You Take on Ninja Gaiden
Bulletstorm's "Epic Edition" Offers Gears Of War: Ghost of Sparta Hitting November 6, Will Appear On Steam Early Access
Mass Murderer Demands Better Video Games For 47 Ronin, Keanu Reeves Said His Lines in English
The Slow Motion Ballet of Death in Max Payne 3 DLC Will Be Useable While You're Sitting
Call Of Duty Sends You A Flight Stick? By Making A First-Person Shooter Musical hybrid
New Civ V Coming to PS3 And Vita Holiday Bundles Offer Battlefield 4 Battles Nazi Flags and Dick Punching Bears
NBA 2K14 in Action RPG Elements Keep Us Playing, for Better and for Worse
The Lord Of The Werewolf Launches For iOS, Android Today and Xbox One Controller, Because Of EA Sports licensing

wot