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The Rescue of OnRavenz :A Homestuck MEETS X-Men story
by Serenity Darkmoon Raven

- Meanwhile, ONRAVENZ5 MIND WA5 wondered BACK TO the past! It //A5 John EGBERT5 FUNDRA1SING P@RTY, which everyone //a5 1nvited too THE PARTY WAS wes0me AS alway5, becuse Equ1us Z@HH@ was HO5TING IT
ONRAVENZ //as PRETTY drunk TH@T D@Y. HE h@d ALREADY punched @ BUNCH OF PE0PLE. J0hn Egbert A few times!Because He IS stupid!Bl0od //5 5p1lled. But tht WAS N0RMAL IN th15 50RT OF P@RTY.
IF OnRavenz //AS HONEST, HE COULDN'T remember much THAT h@ppened. ONLY someth1ng b0ut A BR0NTOSURU5,A GOAT AND A pair OF 5CISSOR5! There //AS one thing TH@T 5TUCK 1N H1m MIND TH0UGH! Something He //OULD NEVER F0RGET!
REDHE@D.
JE@N GREY W@S we@ring A Equius Z@HH@ M@SK th@t night (it //as a fancy dress party bt// – A/N)
EVERYONE HAD COME AS someth1ng OR 5OMEONE else ONRAVENZ WAS DRESSed S JEAN GREY JEAN GREY WAS DRESSED A5 ANNA MARIE! ROGUE WAS DRESSED a5 J0HN Egbert JOHN EGBERT //a5 dre5sed as Lord ENGLISH! AND Lord ENGLI5H //AS dressed @S A gemst0ne ONRAVENZ //AS instntly attracted TO GREEN EYED //oman IN HER COSTUME. The //y SHE MOVED! THE WAY She tlked.The //AY SHE FLICKED HER hair Jean //a5 d01ng A KARAOKE number!
IT //AS "L1KE A V1RG1N"! And She WAS awe5ome.
She 5UNG L1KE THEY WERE p0ssessed!The udience //AS TRAN5FIXTED BY THE Telepath. Underwear //A5 CHUCKED AT REDHE@D OnR@venz GOT UP AND SANG TOO When Grey //as 51NGING LIKE A virgin IT WA5 L1KE the word5 5poke to H1M! Grey 5eemed T0 be addres5ing e@ch WORD 0f the 50NG just TO H1M! The r0om F@DED A//AY AND 1t //s JUST THE two 0F them. No 0ne EL5E 1n the WORLD. THEY GAZED 1NTO each0ther eyes a5 Grey put Her 50ul int0 the last LYRIC. THEN S1LENCE Suddenly, OnRvenz W@5 woken OUT OF THE flashback BY CURRENT EVENT5!
- THI5 IS THE STORY 0F one lo@n HEROES struggle TO overcome T0 THE FORCES OF EV1L. THIS hotne5s's name: John EGBERT!!!" -
The next time THEY S@W E@CH0THER JE@N GREY //inked AT ONRAVENZ, remembering wh@t h@ppened AT THE PARTY.ONR@VENZ BLU5HED Some OF the others G1GGLED. Did they know? ONR@VENZ DIDN'T CARE - GREEN eyed WOM@N felt re@lly DPERE5SED one DAY.SHE had BEEN slitting her wrists EVEN MORE then normal! SHE h@d just f0und OUT TH@T 5he WAS ADOPTED. Her REAL parents TURNED OUT t0 BE NOBELS FROM Europe! They had a UPPER CLA5S SKYSCRAPPER and //ere mighty R1CHT! But SHE h@d n0ne OF th@t RICHNE5S AROUND. It m@de her feel pretty BAD BOUT HERSELF S0 SHE l1stened to s0me GOOD mu5ic. A/N LIKE EVANES5ENCE and WITH1N TEMPTTION BUT LS0 like MY CHEM1CL ROMANC
BUT L0NG she DID N0T h@ve to be DEPRESSED AS JOHN Egbert C@ME in AND KISSED HER (THEY had F@LLED 1N LOVE T the end of the 5t0ry 5EE). AND he SA1D: "I l0ve OYU 5O much, it HURT5. What is WRONG WITH YOU? IF Y0U FEEL BD THEN I feel bad! So Redhead TOLD him THE //H0LE 5TORY. HE wa5 SH0CKED t0 HEAR th1s nd 5AID "I'M RELLY SHOCKED TO hear THIS! Y0ur p@rents ARE mon5ters! "Wh1ch ONES? "ALL FOUR of them, I DON'T like them! A5 MUCH 5 I DON'T L1KE R0GUE! AND that //as a LOT BECAUSE JEAN Grey KNEW THAT John Egbert HATED Rogue BECUSE 5HE WAS unbelievably 5TUP1D AND F@T BUT JOHN EGBERT t00k 0UT A letter, "THIS h@d just ARRIVED," said J0HN Egbert JEAN Grey openend THE env0lupe AND inside //s an 1NVITTION "M05t ESTEEMED JE@N Grey SAID THE ME5SAGE "Y0U ARE condord 1NVITED TO THE ROY@L BALL 0F y0ur parents. Your RE@L parent5, mis5. "We HOPE to SEE YOU SOON! Most E5TE@MLY Y0URS, DUTCHE5S!
OH MY, sa1d JEAN Grey TH1S IS rad!! But JOHN EGBERT WAS A LITTLE sceptic: "M@YBE it'5 @ tr1ck! "WHY?" SAID JEAN GRE "BEC@U5E there @RE…. rumours. Of Lord ENGL1SH STILL BEING @R0UND!"
"SURELY SHE COULD NOT c0me ALL THE W@Y t0 Eur0pe!?" s@id Jean GREY confidently BEC@USE she didn't think th@t LORD English could TRAVEL TH@T FAR "HURM," SAID John EGBERT CONT@GIOUSLY, "WE just HAVE to be CAREFUL! "Hold ON," EXLCIAMED JE@N Grey, THERE 15 SOMETH1NG EL5E in the invitation "PR1NCESS Redhead, hereby //E LSO be5tow upon you THE KEYS T0 THE cge 0f A FLY1NG UNIC0RN Y0UR parent5 HAVE PROVIDED you with. Al50, //HENEVER YOU h0ld THIS KEY 1N Y0UR h@nd, YOUR POWER5 ARE 1NCRE@SED Jean GREY //as RE@LLY happy //ITH THAT BUT L5O felt A little BAD F0R J0hn EGBERT. After THEY HAD a RELCT10N ship, JOHN Egbert HAD TAUGHT HER H1S HAMMERK1ND AND SHE P1CKED 1t up RE@LLY //ELL! SHE was NOW EVEN BETTER AT JOHN Egbert AT the HAMMERKIND
So THEY went nd PICKED UP THE FLYING UNICORN! IT //A5 RELLY QUICK and AG1LE AND fle// around THEM like 1t RE@LLY enj0yed 1tself! IT to0k a M0MENT BUT with EN0UGH tr@ining AND PERVERS1ON, THE Telep@th TR@INED 1t to HER w1ll! N0// THEY c0uld GO and V1SIT THEIR PARENTS
BUT little DID they kno// TH@T THE 1NVITAT1ON WA5 N0T from JEAN GREY'S EUR0PEAN N0BEL PARENTS, BUT fr0m ANNA M@R1E Raven 1nstead! And 5HE H@D te@med up //ITH Lord Engl1sh! Then our 5EXYBL0ODTHIRSTY g@ng knew WH@T T0 do! THEY H@D to infiltrate LORD English's VOLCANO BUT 1N ORDER to d0 5O, THEY HAD TO WEAR A disgu1se.
JOHN EGBERT thought LONG AND h@rd ab0ut THE BE5T DI5GUISE! They couldn't be to0 obviou5 OR threatening BEC@USE then LORD Engl15h's gu@rd5 could CATCH THEM! BUT they couldn't lo0k TO0 MUND@NE because THEN LORD English's GUARDS would NEVER LET THEM IN!THEY C0ULDN'T go N@KED, A5 they //ere LIKELY T0 BE D1STR@CTED No..! THEY H@D T0 BE CLEVER!

S0 John Egbert, fter a SUGGE5TION from OnRavenz, came up //ith THE BEST IDEA he had: they w0uld dres5 UP IN GOTH1C clothes! John Egbert's friends //ERE a L1TTLE SKEPTIC at THE IDEA, but THEY ALL agreed it was f0r THE best. BUT where would they GET the BEST goth1c CLOTHING T0 5urpr1se the GUARDS //ith Jean Grey KNE// EXACTLY THE best STORE T0 GO: TBURTON5 SO they @LL went THERE IN THE DREAD 0f the night @ND TO0K out THE PTROLLING store GUARDS with THEIR 5ilenced CRO5S B0//S, 'P@//!' 'paw!', leaving ONLY A S1NGLE RED DOT 1n the1r f0rehe@d ONRAVENZ DEACTIVATED THE ALARM AND 50 they could E@SILY GET into THE 5tore and TAKE //H@TEVER THEY NEED in ORDER TO 1nfiltrate L0RD ENGL15H'S he@dqu@rters

JOHN Egbert PUT ON nice TIGHT redleather P@NT5THAT made h1s TROU5ER lump 5TAND OUT in N eye-pleas1ng wy. . THEN A black T@NKTOP with MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE'S L0G0 on THE back and on TOP of IT ALL A N1CE LONG leather COAT w1th BLOOD-RED 5TRE@K5 ON the SIDE! Then HE P@1NTED HI5 NAILS BLACK nd U5ED RED BLO0D TO draw little DR0PS 0F BL00D 0n THERE Jean GREY W0RE a SHORT RED 5KIRT with long BLCK 5t0ck1ngs th@t H@D H0LE5 //HERE the toes //0ULD GO so SHE COULD still PAINT HER TOEN@IL5! AND SHE AL5O H@D a C0RSET MADE FROM dr@g0ns GUT THAT looked SO AWE50ME 0N her. OVER THIS ll 5HE HAD A long LEATHER c0at. ONRVENZ ALS0 h@d COOL CLOTHE5 (A/N but I'M RUNN1NG out 0f 1MAGINATION TO descr1be 1T, SO I gues5 he L0OKED like NEO FR0M THE MATRIX I kn0w it's AN OLD movie BUT TH0SE CLOTHES look s000o CO0L
F1nally THEY were RE@DY T0 FACE L0rd English
- OnR@venz H@D s0me time before HE HAD t0 do ANYTH1NG, so HE decided TO have an0ther FL@SHBACK
It //A5 JUST AFTER THE KARAOKE! THEY had 5TEPPED 0F the ST@GE to loud APPL@USE ND WERE now l00k1ng @t eachother "HI" OnRvenz 5@1D, MEEKLY "H@Y" The Telep@th SAID, l5o MEEKLY. THEIR confidence FR0M moments AGO hd EV@POR@TED L1KE alcohol "D0 you WANT t0o!!. "M@YBE.!"
"OK then. S0 they //ALKED to THE cl0akroom IT W@SN'T long BEFORE THE1R lips were T0GETHER. ONRAVENZ couldn't remember WHO MADE THE FIRST MOVE! He did REMEMBER THE TA5TE though! The t@ste 0f The TELEPATH!
JE@N GREY T@5TED LIKE CURR@NT 0n @ SUMMER N0ON REFRESH1NG AND 5@lty BUT ALSO A BIT SOUR What had THEY BEEN e@t1ng? OnRavenz tr1ed TO //ORK OUT IT. It took MUCH tung //ORK!
AFTER @ FEW m1nutes MOUTH t0 mouth pot HOL1NG, Redhe@d GUES5ED WH@T ONR@VENZ //S DOING. "I HAD STRE//BURY f0r lunch! "OH" "YOU d0nt hve to ST0P though "0H. GOOD!" OnRavenz 5@id, //ith great relief THEY FINALLY drew @W@Y AFTER WHAT SEEMED a WH0LE FR1DAY BUT //as ONLY MERE MINUTES. The taste 0F Grey's lips still LINGERED IN ONRAVENZ'5 m0uth as THEY FINALLY L0OKED UP0N each 0ther WITH NE// eyes RELIEVED 5IGH5 CAME from both of them S b0th embrced, JEAN GREY 5NUGGLING GA1NST OnRavenz's neck a5 he 5NUGGLED UPT0 REDHEAD'5 TOR5O! MARVEL G1rl went FURTHER by CLUTCHING ONRAVENZ with HIS fingers, PULLING at the FBR1C of HIS 5LACK5 TO feel WH@T was underne@th
ONR@VENZ l1ked th1s @ L0T ND STARTED mking @ LOT 0f n015e! THE TELEPATH j0ined IN! "O////W//!..AHHH!..MAHAHHHEEKKK..!AAKK"
IT GOT PRETTY NO1SY from THAT point on! BOTH 0F THEM HAD A LOT of fun and made a l0t OF NOISE!. ONRAVENZ S0UNDED l1ke Mini G0ING wrong! JEAN S0UNDED like @ HEARD of TIGERS in he@t. They had a LOT 0f.!."fun"
M@RVEL G1RL f1nally head BUTTED OnR@venz T0 get H1M to 5top!
"Sorry ABOUT th@t, I got @ little CARR1ED aw@y" SA1D ONRAVENZ "That5 OK I!..!.enjoyed IT!" s@id Redhead blu5hing IN the way THEY ALWAYS d1d "Tomorrow?"
"Yes" SA1D REDHEAD "I'LL BRING SOME OF MY toys NEXT TIME for US T0 play WITH" 5AID ONRAVENZ
And //ITH th@t THEY left the CLOAKROOM nd RETURNED T0 THE PRTY. The M0NTHS that FOLLO//ED WERE fun BUT THEY eventually DRIFTED @part - John Egbert followed THE SCRE@M1NG till HE reached H1S br0ther, //HO WA5 BEING T0RTURED! THERE //as BLOOD ALL 0VER THE floor.Some on the CIEL1NG too, s IF really BAD v10lence hd been happening.It W@5 H0R1F1C "JOHN EGBERT! OVER HERE! QUICK! help ME! IT HURTS" Then J0hn EGBERT 5@w THE FIN@L BOS5, WHO HAD been TORTURING hi5 BROTHER. J0HN Egbert shot bullets FR0M H15 PULSE PI5TOL RE@LLY F@ST nd THE BULLET5 WENT WAM! AND h1t LORD Engli5h IN THE eyes and then 5he C0ULDNT see(becau5e BLOOD WA5 p0oring out) J0HN Egbert SA1D "EAT TH15!" and PUNCHED LORD ENGL1SH in the EYE AND the L0rd ENGLISH //ENT TO his knees AND his blood DOTH STIN THE FLOOR ON //HICH they WALKED J0HN Egbert SAID "HE 15 DEAD no//, YOU IS S@FE"
"TH@NK Y0U!" "GLADE I could HELP, brother" "But YOU SH0ULD C0ME e@rlier next t1me!" @ND THEY LAUGHED.

Authors Note;

I am writing this novel because I am a fan of . However its become clear to me that the creators of it have got some things wrong and clearly don't care about making it good. I am talking mostly of "the problem" with HamBone and Victoria.Also a lot of the sex is censored with many of the intercourse's that happened edited out completely.(ie, You and Nathan having the horizontal greased-weasel tango, that time with Marissa doing it with Victoria and Gurdy watching, etc.)
This fic is my attempt to correct that.
By supporting this fic I hope to get a group of elite writers working with this new canon and to establish this as the truth of what actually happened. Hopefully the original creators will see the demand and make this official. Perhaps even pay us because we are fixing their mistakes.
If you wish to join my new canon, feel free to write your own story but you must submit it to me for approval. You can use my email ;
theRealwriter@gattormail.com
You can also send constructive reviews there, but no petty criticisms. If I get motivations muddled,its because my cat distracted me.
Also, if you don't like my story you don't have to have read it.

Anyway, and now on with my superior story of how things actually happened;
-
Later, once they were alone and away from the others, You met with Victoria in a nearby condo
They had been meeting like this awhile now, often in the evenings or at night.
A deep friendship had struck up after their previous adventures, but they kept it hidden as they didn't know what the others would think.
They often did some talking, some vidya, maybe a few board games.
They were quite close friends by now.

This particular night they were shearing secrets with eachother. Telling eachother things neither had told anyone else before. Things that not a single soul knew.

"Then there was that time I…Destroyed Nathans desk!"
"oh, You! thats positively evil! and I should know!"
They both laughed. The night had been full of stories like this. The time Victoria blackmailed a a Biologist. Or the time You fooled a Solicitor into thinking it was the end of the world.. Endless stories shared just between them and no one else.
It was making them closer.
Closer then You had ever thought possible.
As You was telling another story, He thought He saw Victoria examining Him. Looking with..was that longing?
nah…couldn't be.
The moment was over and they departed eachothers company.
You felt something had changed that night, but wasn't sure what.
-
A long long time ago, far far away,in a magical land, the legendary Memes was forged….

Interlude:
You at that moment felt in his pocket. Thats strange there was a note.
It said He should rendezvous at the demolished beach at sunset…and he should bring You Jr.

You kept this secret as it was clearly just for Him.
-
You were rescuing some bunch of flowers.
Suddenly he bumped into HamBone.
"Whoa I didn't expect to see you here at your house."
"Yes I come here every wednesday."
Suddenly, there was a slow creepy, scary noise.He put his Sex in her Sex and they had Sex!
They stared deeply and lovingly at eachover .
But they bumped into a deep dark scary hole.
"oh no I have have been damaged " you said.
"I believe Victoria is behind this!"
"I deduced as much myself did I"
"He is behind an mega evil scheme to dominate ourtown."
"How"?
By finding a powerfull brief history of time by steven hawking of doom and fireing it at us.
"can we stop him?"
Yes, by finding the teddy bear of satan.
"where?"
In the magical island , hidden in the mountings of bunny rabbits , opposite the phaser of hell.
…….. There lies a signpost…it will tell you where to go.
"Who are you?"
"…"
With that the myseterious invisible voice vanished in a puff of smoke.
"Come now, Hero, we must find and seak our quest to do!"
"Indeed thee must hasten to hawk yonder!"
And with that they left
And they journeyed long and far too reach their destined encounter with fate which was foresaw by a soothsayer with the ability to predict the future that hasn't happened yet!!….
.
"We must journey now to yonder to defeat thee the evil emperor of evil and to defeat thee and return spread our magic to this realm of Europe!"
"Yes, Letus the final battle commencement start!"
It must be here somewhere, but I have no idea where it could be", wondered you
At that moment, Nathan fell down some steps near a cave.
At the bottom was Victoria`s new mansion!
As they entered, it was strangely and creepily abandoned.
A cold wind past, filling them with dread
"I am scared" said HamBone.
"Come on" you said
"Right behind you" said Gurdy bravely steping forward

"Quick! Lets steal some guards uniforms, so we do not arouse suspension." So they knocked some guards out that were near the tree. Our hero punched them a few more times to make sure they would stay down. As Marissa was changing into her guards uniform, she rubbed her breasts slowly. (so the others could watch, as she was an exhibitionist at heart) Gurdy was shy, so didnt stay naked for as long. But everyone knew who was hotter.
"Lets take the ventalation shaft!"
"Thats a good plan, so we can sneak to the roof undetected"
So they got into the ventilation shaft.
Gurdy needed to remove some cloths in order to fit.So did Marissa, who stripped to her flower paturned bra. Nathan joined in by removing his pants (even though he didnt need to because he was skinny and would fit in fine anyway without the need to remove his pants).
You just took all the clothes off, it was easier.His manhold swung beneath him as he crawled into the passpage.
Gurdy noticed your erection, but didnt say anythingThe passage was narrow, so they bleed a bit to squeeze past. They traveled upto the roof, ver the ducks, thus avoiding the security systems because they are smart.
We are here, you said crawling out the duck, and putting his shirt on.
-
"Why are you looking at me like that? Its almost like your want me badly. Ha Ha!" You chuckled.

"You're my one true friend, You, probably the best one I've had in a long time. I like talking to you, hanging out with you, and I even love listening to you sing.
…And now that you've pointed it out, I think I might like trying sex with you."

"You're touching me. That's not considered appropriate behavior," You whispered, His bottom lip trembling while His limbs felt frozen.

"Maybe not. But I don't think you're going to stop me." Victoria stroked Her hand up Your hip, and pulled His shirt from his trousers. Your eyes fluttered shut when He felt Victoria's fingers touch the skin of His lower back. But He forced them open again and stared into Victoria's pretty eyes.

"I should stop you." You knew He should. This was Victoria. Victoria! Could He dare wreck their close friendship? And what about their destiny? But that didn't bother You nearly as much.

"Stop me," Victoria said, and made it sound like a dare.

You was all set to give Victoria a glare, but it faded away when He got his first real look at Victoria.I mean sure, You had seen Victoria before, but not REALLY seen them. Not with these new eyes which You now had. His eyes had been opened.Like He was seeing for the first time.Like the wool was no longer over His eyes.
Victoria's soft legs.
Her nice Buds.
Her very agreeable pony tail.
Her….Bush.

In point of fact, Your mouth went a little slack and there may have been some drool.
Other parts of Him might have been wet too.
It dripped on Victoria.
Victoria didn't seem to mind Your fluids though. Any kinda of fluid dropping on Her was fine it seemed. "ewww" She said but half way it turned to a "owwwwwww".
"owwwwwww"!
It was a "owwwwwww" of pleasure.
It was the first of many sounds to come
Victoria opened her mouth wider for stuff to drip into.

They kissed eachother softly. You whispering sweat nothings into Victorias ear.
Victoria and Your bodies entangled becoming one ball of body parts.
It felt like there was Vaginas everywhere…even when there wasn't!

They then practiced lots and lots of sex
Once they had finished practicing, they were experts!

After they had finished – with big grins on their faces and embarrassed, they decided to go home and never speak of this again
--
"So you have come" said a voice booming from the sky
A hangglider appeared above them.
Victoria laughed at them from it.
"Ha Ha Ha Ha"
"I could gun you all down from here with my howdah pistol, but I would rather do this…personal style."
she leaped down and landed at the far side of the rooftop
"Ready?" she said, still laughing.

You removed his shirt and flexed his abs.
"Yes. I am ready. I was born ready."
With that they leaped at eachother, metaphorical guns blazzing (which were littoral oziss).
"I kill you dead"
Victoria head butted you in the chest
Blood splashed onto the floor.
You fell backwards in pain punching a few times before crashing to the ground.
"Ha Ha Ha Ha" laughed Victoria
"You could never have defeated me, so why did you even try?"
"I had too, for all that is good and just in the world."
"Well now you will die. Goodbye."
Victoria leaned over you holding his penis.

"Quick you use this!" said Gurdy ,chucking a nearby teddy Bear towards you.
You grabbed it and chucked it towards Victoria hard, knocking her backwards….off the edge of the tall condo they were on!
"Goodbye, Victoria have a nice fall!"
"ARrrrrgggg"
SPLAT!
Some blood sprayed up and splashed on them.
"We are safe now, she fell to certain doom."
Nathan and HamBone got out from the cornor where they were cuddleing. "Thank you, you saved us all"
"Dont mention it."
But then! Victoria appeared! She had landed in her bi-plane that was nearby!
"I will get you next time! I will kill you all!"