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RP shitposting general

Last posted Dec 04, 2015 at 03:45PM EST. Added Dec 03, 2015 at 09:16PM EST
12 posts from 7 users

The nerdy kid lands on a desolate beach. He snaps his fingers, and the tech priest lands face-first on the beach.
"Dad's got work to do, so im leaving you here to have fun while Im out"
"Im older than you, meatbag"
"Have fun with your friends!"
The nerdy kid dissapeared.

According to all known laws
of aviation,

there is no way a bee
should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get
its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care
what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow!
Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

- Barry?
- Adam?

- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father
paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate.
We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That's me!

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.
- Bye!

Barry, I told you,
stop flying in the house!

- Hey, Adam.
- Hey, Barry.

- Is that fuzz gel?
- A little. Special day, graduation.

Never thought I'd make it.

Three days grade school,
three days high school.

Those were awkward.

Three days college. I'm glad I took
a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

You did come back different.

- Hi, Barry.
- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

- Hear about Frankie?
- Yeah.

- You going to the funeral?
- No, I'm not going.

Everybody knows,
sting someone, you die.

Don't waste it on a squirrel.
Such a hothead.

I guess he could have
just gotten out of the way.

I love this incorporating
an amusement park into our day.

That's why we don't need vacations.

Boy, quite a bit of pomp…
under the circumstances.

- Well, Adam, today we are men.
- We are!

- Bee-men.
- Amen!

Hallelujah!

Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

Welcome, New Hive Oity
graduating class of…

…9:15.

That concludes our ceremonies.

And begins your career
at Honex Industries!

Will we pick ourjob today?

I heard it's just orientation.

Heads up! Here we go.

Keep your hands and antennas
inside the tram at all times.

- Wonder what it'll be like?
- A little scary.

Welcome to Honex,
a division of Honesco

and a part of the Hexagon Group.

This is it!

Wow.

Wow.

We know that you, as a bee,
have worked your whole life

to get to the point where you
can work for your whole life.

Honey begins when our valiant Pollen
Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

Our top-secret formula

is automatically color-corrected,
scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

into this soothing sweet syrup

with its distinctive
golden glow you know as…

Honey!

- That girl was hot.
- She's my cousin!

- She is?
- Yes, we're all cousins.

- Right. You're right.
- At Honex, we constantly strive

to improve every aspect
of bee existence.

These bees are stress-testing
a new helmet technology.

- What do you think he makes?
- Not enough.

Here we have our latest advancement,
the Krelman.

- What does that do?
- Oatches that little strand of honey

that hangs after you pour it.
Saves us millions.

Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

Of course. Most bee jobs are
small ones. But bees know

that every small job,
if it's done well, means a lot.

But choose carefully

because you'll stay in the job
you pick for the rest of your life.

The same job the rest of your life?
I didn't know that.

What's the difference?

You'll be happy to know that bees,
as a species, haven't had one day off

in 27 million years.

So you'll just work us to death?

We'll sure try.

Wow! That blew my mind!

"What's the difference?"
How can you say that?

One job forever?
That's an insane choice to have to make.

I'm relieved. Now we only have
to make one decision in life.

But, Adam, how could they
never have told us that?

Why would you question anything?
We're bees.

We're the most perfectly
functioning society on Earth.

You ever think maybe things
work a little too well here?

Like what? Give me one example.

I don't know. But you know
what I'm talking about.

Please clear the gate.
Royal Nectar Force on approach.

Wait a second. Oheck it out.

- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!
- Wow.

I've never seen them this close.

They know what it's like
outside the hive.

Yeah, but some don't come back.

- Hey, Jocks!
- Hi, Jocks!

You guys did great!

You're monsters!
You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

- I wonder where they were.
- I don't know.

Their day's not planned.

Outside the hive, flying who knows
where, doing who knows what.

You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen
Jock. You have to be bred for that.

Right.

Look. That's more pollen
than you and I will see in a lifetime.

It's just a status symbol.
Bees make too much of it.

Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it
and the ladies see you wearing it.

Those ladies?
Aren't they our cousins too?

Distant. Distant.

Look at these two.

- Oouple of Hive Harrys.
- Let's have fun with them.

It must be dangerous
being a Pollen Jock.

Yeah. Once a bear pinned me
against a mushroom!

He had a paw on my throat,
and with the other, he was slapping me!

- Oh, my!
- I never thought I'd knock him out.

What were you doing during this?

Trying to alert the authorities.

I can autograph that.

A little gusty out there today,
wasn't it, comrades?

Yeah. Gusty.

We're hitting a sunflower patch
six miles from here tomorrow.

- Six miles, huh?
- Barry!

A puddle jump for us,
but maybe you're not up for it.

- Maybe I am.
- You are not!

We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

What do you think, buzzy-boy?
Are you bee enough?

I might be. It all depends
on what 0900 means.

Hey, Honex!

Dad, you surprised me.

You decide what you're interested in?

- Well, there's a lot of choices.
- But you only get one.

Do you ever get bored
doing the same job every day?

Son, let me tell you about stirring.

You grab that stick, and you just
move it around, and you stir it around.

You get yourself into a rhythm.
It's a beautiful thing.

You know, Dad,
the more I think about it,

maybe the honey field
just isn't right for me.

You were thinking of what,
making balloon animals?

That's a bad job
for a guy with a stinger.

Janet, your son's not sure
he wants to go into honey!

- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.
- I'm not trying to be funny.

You're not funny! You're going
into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

- You're gonna be a stirrer?
- No one's listening to me!

Wait till you see the sticks I have.

I could say anything right now.
I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

Let's open some honey and celebrate!

Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.
Shave my antennae.

Shack up with a grasshopper. Get
a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

I'm so proud.

- We're starting work today!
- Today's the day.

Oome on! All the good jobs
will be gone.

Yeah, right.

Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,
stirrer, front desk, hair removal…

- Is it still available?
- Hang on. Two left!

One of them's yours! Oongratulations!
Step to the side.

- What'd you get?
- Picking crud out. Stellar!

Wow!

Oouple of newbies?

Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

Make your choice.

- You want to go first?
- No, you go.

Oh, my. What's available?

Restroom attendant's open,
not for the reason you think.

- Any chance of getting the Krelman?
- Sure, you're on.

I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

Wax monkey's always open.

The Krelman opened up again.

Racing along a cratered dirt road, and we are -

INT. LAND CRUISER JOSTLING OVER UNEVEN TERRAIN – DAY Three Hooded Men guarded by East European Militia. A third Militia drives. Next to him is a nervous, bespectacled man. EXT. AIRSTRIP, EASTERN EUROPE – DAY An airstrip overlooking a grey city rocked by artillery fire. A bland CIA Operative, flanked by Special Forces Men, stands in front of a commuter plane. CIA Man watches the Land Cruiser pull up, hard. The Militia Men jump out of the vehicle. The Driver shoves the bespectacled man in front of the CIA Man. 2. CIA MAN Dr. Pavel, I'm CIA. Dr. Pavel nods, nervous. CIA Man hands the Driver a briefcase. DRIVER He wasn't alone. CIA Man, confused, spots the Hooded Men. He turns to Dr. Pavel. CIA MAN You don't get to bring friends. DR. PAVEL (SHAKEN) They are not my friends. DRIVER Don't worry, no charge for them. CIA MAN Why would I want them? DRIVER They were trying to grab your prize. (Smiles.) They work for the mercenary. The masked man. CIA MAN (EXCITED) Bane? The Driver nods. CIA Man turns to his Special Forces Men. CIA MAN Get 'em on board – I'll call it in. EXT. SKIES OVER MOUNTAIN RANGE – DAY The commuter plane struggles over snow-capped mountains. INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE – CONTINUOUS The three Hooded Men kneel by the cargo door, handcuffed. CIA Man grabs Hooded Man 1. CIA MAN What are you doing in the middle of my operation? 3. Hooded Man 1 says nothing. CIA Man pulls out a handgun. The flight plan I just filed with the Agency lists me, my men, and Dr. Pavel here. But only one of you. CIA Man opens the cargo door. Special Forces hang Hooded Man 1 out into the howling wind – CIA Man shouts above the wind. CIA MAN FIRST ONE TO TALK GETS TO STAY ON MY AIRCRAFT! (Cocks weapon.) SO…WHO PAID YOU TO GRAB DR. PAVEL?! Nothing. CIA Man fires out the open door and the Special Forces yank Hooded Man 1 back in, clubbing him quiet. CIA MAN HE DIDN'T FLY SO GOOD! WHO WANTS TO TRY NEXT?! The Soldiers grab Hooded Man 2, hang him out the door. CIA MAN TELL ME ABOUT BANE! WHY DOES HE WEAR THE MASK?! The prisoner says nothing. CIA Man presses the gun to the man's hood – he cocks the gun…nothing. CIA MAN LOT OF LOYALTY FOR A HIRED GUN! THIRD PRISONER (O.S.) Or he's wondering why someone would shoot a man before throwing him out of an aeroplane. CIA Man turns to the Third Prisoner. Shuts the cargo door. CIA MAN Wiseguy, huh? At least you can talk. Who are you? THIRD PRISONER We are nothing. We are the dirt beneath your feet. And no one cared who I was until I put on the mask… CIA Man, wary, approaches the Third Prisoner – pulls off his hood, revealing a dark mask with a breathing apparatus. The eyes behind it are cold. Still. This is Bane. 4. BANE Who we are does not matter. What matters is our plan. CIA MAN (FASCINATED) If I pull this off, will you die? BANE It would be extremely painful. CIA MAN You're a big guy - BANE For you. CIA MAN (UNNERVED) Was being caught part of your plan? BANE Of course. Dr. Pavel refused our offer in favor of yours. We had to know what he told you about us. DR. PAVEL Nothing! I said nothing! CIA MAN Why not just ask him? BANE He would not have told us. CIA MAN You have methods. BANE Him, I need healthy. You present no such problem. CIA Man laughs for the Special Forces' benefit. A heavy bass tone is rising. The Sergeant looks out the window. EXT. SKIES OVER MOUNTAIN RANGE – CONTINUOUS The commuter plane is dwarfed by a massive transport plane looming over it, dangerously close… 5. INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE – CONTINUOUS The plane lurches. The noise is building. SERGEANT Sir? CIA MAN Well congratulations, you got yourselves caught. What's the next step of your master plan? BANE Crashing this plane… EXT. MOUNTAINS – CONTINUOUS The ramp of the transport opens… Four men leap out on tethers – dropping towards the commuter plane, two each side… INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE – CONTINUOUS The Spacial Forces react to the turbulence from the plane above. CIA Man looks at Bane. BANE (RISING) With no survivors. A Special Forces soldier spins around – an Armed Man is outside the window. Bang - EXT. SKIES OVER MOUNTAIN RANGE – CONTINUOUS Two men shoot through the windows, the other two attach grapples to the fuselage – give the thumbs up – hoists start to pull and the tail of the commuter plane is lifted, unnaturally. INT. COCKPIT, COMMUTER PLANE – CONTINUOUS The Pilots battle the controls as the plane tilts forward. 6. INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE – CONTINUOUS Like lightning, Bane has the CIA Man is his handcuffed arms, legs wrapped around a seat back, The entire cabin upends. Tumbling chaos – Soldiers falling – Bane cracks CIA Man's neck and drops him onto the Sergeant – they tumble down the plane, smashing into the cockpit door with a terminal thud. Dr. Pavel, strapped in, pushes against the seat in front of him – the plane vibrates, trying to tear itself apart. EXT. ATLAS MOUNTAINS – CONTINUOUS The men climb the tail of the smaller plane as it dangles helplessly above the mountains. Its wings shear off. INT. MAIN CABIN, COMMUTER PLANE – CONTINUOUS Bane breaks his handcuffs as if they were plastic, then opens his legs and drops down the cabin, somersaulting gracefully and using his arms to stop himself halfway down, by Dr. Pavel.
Skeletor-sm

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