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This thread is now about Touhou.

Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

getting raped

Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other "You drive, I'll man the guns!"

I used to steal cooking utensils but I had to stop.

…..I was taking too many whisks.

How many members of U2 does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one – Bono holds the bulb and the world revolves round him

athanku athanku very much

Why did the Spy cross the Road?

He never really was on your side.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?
7 8 9!!!!!!!

^

Two neutrons walk into a bar. They inquire of the barman "How much for 2 pints of your best bitter?" "For you guys, no charge!"

Tommy the atom was walking down the street, when he met hsi friend Jimmy the atom sitting crying by the roadside. "What's wrong Jimmy?" he asked, concerned. "I think I've lost an electron" Jimmy replied. "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"

Im quite proud that I understand those two.

one penguin asks the other penguin, "What time is it?"

The other penguin answers, "What do i look like? A rock!?"

My personal Favorite.

I rarely ever find puns funny. :(

My girlfreind came home crying the other day,she asked me to console her. So I smashed over the head with my xbox.

What's Irish and sits on the lawn all summer?
Paddy O'Furniture

Why did the police officer smell?
He was on duty!

What's the fastest animal in the world?
The Ethiopian chicken.

Here are the top 10 jokes from last year's Edinburgh Fringe.

• 1) Dan Antopolski – "Hedgehogs – why can't they just share the hedge?"

• 2) Paddy Lennox – "I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."

• 3) Sarah Millican – "I had my boobs measured and bought a new bra. Now I call them Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes because they're up where they belong."

• 4) Zoe Lyons – "I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West."

• 5) Jack Whitehall – "I'm sure wherever my dad is; he's looking down on us. He's not dead, just very condescending."

• 6) Adam Hills – "Going to Starbucks for coffee is like going to prison for sex. You know you're going to get it, but it's going to be rough."

• 7) Marcus Brigstocke – "To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!"

• 8) Rhod Gilbert – "A spa hotel? It's like a normal hotel, only in reception there's a picture of a pebble."

• 9) Dan Antopolski – "I've been reading the news about there being a civil war in Madagascar. Well, I've seen it six times and there isn't."

• 10) Simon Brodkin (as Lee Nelson) – "I started so many fights at my school – I had that attention-deficit disorder. So I didn't finish a lot of them."

Two pigs walk into a bar. They get drunk. They ask the bartender where the bathroom is, and upon being pointed in the right direction, they stagger off.

Two more pigs walk in. They get even drunker than the first two. They ask for directions to the bathroom and barely manage to stay upright as they stagger through the bathroom door.

One more pig comes in and manages to drink more than the other four pigs combined. He falls off of his bar stool, and lurching wildly, he heads for the exit.

The bartender yells after him, "Hey pig! Don't you want to use the bathroom?"

The pig shakes his head as he exits the bar, declaring, "I just go wee-wee-wee all the way home."

https://knowyourmeme.com/forums/just-for-fun/topics/3818-calling-out-the-captain

A man goes up to his doctor and says "OK, doc, i know i'm dying. How long do i
have to live?"
The doctor replies: "10"
The man says "10 days? 10 weeks?"
The doctor looks down at his watch:
"9….8….7…."

Not a joke but… It is your favorite show.

I didn't want to be the one to use it, but seeing how no one else has………..
This thread is a joke.

^Badum tisk

A girl went home crying and said "Mommy Mommy!" So the mom asked what was wrong and the girl responded that she was getting a F in sex on her report card.

Funny Jokes from Twitter:

"I got a new deodorant today. The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but when I fart the room smells awesome" -@AVBenedetto

"I wonder how the whole "top 8" thing works on MySpace now that there are only 7 people left on the site."
-@madinthemoon

"I like losing on Beatles Rock Band so I can hear the crowd boo & get chatty, like they're bored with seeing THE BEATLES live." -@Apey

Studies show that 1 out of 7 dwarves are grumpy.

A little boy comes home from school, and walking past the door to his (single) mother's room, he sees her lying on her bed, naked. She's rubbing her chest, and moaning, "Oh God, I need a man, I need a man!" The boy thinks, gee, grownups sure are strange, and goes into his room to play with his toys.

The next day, he comes home from school, walks past his mother's room, and there she is again, "Oh God, I need a man, I need a man!" He shrugs, and goes to his room again.

This goes on all week, but on Friday, he walks into the house, and he hears something strange. He peeks into his mother's room, and she's naked again, but this time, there's a man on top of her, and she's shouting, "Oh, God, yes! Yes!" The boy is amazed. He goes into his room, rips off all of his clothes, throws himself on the bed and starts rubbing his chest, moaning, "Oh God, I need a bike, I need a bike!"