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Anon has a rape fetish | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)22:56:11 No.860641099 >be me >r--- fetish >go to bad part of town >out of public view >perfect spot to be r---- >get mugged >mfw 111 KB JPG
: Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)22:56:11 No.860641099 >be me >r--- fetish >go to bad part of town >out of public view >perfect spot to be r---- >get mugged >mfw 111 KB JPG

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Anon downloads an app | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/18/20(Sun)03:05:11 No.60518609 hey god.me again >be me, 12 >download a sleep recorder app cuz I want to find out if I talk during my sleep >wake up next morning excited cuz of different recordings the app 34 KB JPG made >turns out they were all just my parents screaming at eachother >delete app >parents divorce 2 years later
: Anonymous 10/18/20(Sun)03:05:11 No.60518609 hey god.me again >be me, 12 >download a sleep recorder app cuz I want to find out if I talk during my sleep >wake up next morning excited cuz of different recordings the app 34 KB JPG made >turns out they were all just my parents screaming at eachother >delete app >parents divorce 2 years later

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Anon has no family | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/13/17(Thu)23:08:41 No.738807804 >be me >riding my motorcycle >get hit by a car >damn it hurts but I walk it off >the girl that hit me is hammered >call 911 because she has a 60 KB JPG massive gash on her head >she's off to the ambulance >after the crash we get to know each other >she's tall, blonde and cute >we begin to date after 6 months of talking >3 years later >got married and my wife just got pregnant. We have a house on the bottom of a beautiful hill >reminds me of Bliss >kek >1 year later >my 3 month old son is growing so fast. >drive him to the doctor's office for a checkup >turn left >a car heading towards me >l swerve out of the way holding my son >l wake up in a hospital >I had gotten into a motorcycle crash 3 weeks ago >but wasn't In a car? >been in a coma the whole time >l ask what happened to the driver >she died I want my family back.
: Anonymous 07/13/17(Thu)23:08:41 No.738807804 >be me >riding my motorcycle >get hit by a car >damn it hurts but I walk it off >the girl that hit me is hammered >call 911 because she has a 60 KB JPG massive gash on her head >she's off to the ambulance >after the crash we get to know each other >she's tall, blonde and cute >we begin to date after 6 months of talking >3 years later >got married and my wife just got pregnant. We have a house on the bottom of a beautiful hill >reminds me of Bliss >kek >1 year later >my 3 month old son is growing so fast. >drive him to the doctor's office for a checkup >turn left >a car heading towards me >l swerve out of the way holding my son >l wake up in a hospital >I had gotten into a motorcycle crash 3 weeks ago >but wasn't In a car? >been in a coma the whole time >l ask what happened to the driver >she died I want my family back.

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Anon doesn't have a girlfriend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)07:59:13 No.50581767 >Be me >3 years old >at the playground > girl asks me to play with her >sure, why not? >mom calls me to go home >grin on her face 62 KB JPG >"hey anon who's your girlfriend" >embarrassed for some reason >mom continues to bother me >whenever she sees me with any girl she would pull this s--- >dad does this too >this goes on for the next couple years >7th grade >avoid girls completely to not be bothered at home > do this till the end of high school > Now in college > mfw I have no clue how to interact with girls, I just avoid them > mfw I visit home and my mom asks me why I don't have a girlfriend
: Anonymous 01/23/19(Wed)07:59:13 No.50581767 >Be me >3 years old >at the playground > girl asks me to play with her >sure, why not? >mom calls me to go home >grin on her face 62 KB JPG >"hey anon who's your girlfriend" >embarrassed for some reason >mom continues to bother me >whenever she sees me with any girl she would pull this s--- >dad does this too >this goes on for the next couple years >7th grade >avoid girls completely to not be bothered at home > do this till the end of high school > Now in college > mfw I have no clue how to interact with girls, I just avoid them > mfw I visit home and my mom asks me why I don't have a girlfriend

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Anon atleast tried | /r/Greentext

>be 19 >mom is 35 and hot >she comes to my room one night, wearing a babydoll >"Son, your dad is sleeping, he doesn't wanna play with me and I'm bored." >"What?" >"I wanna play with you. Stay here, l'l lok for something so get ready." >confused as f--- >take my clothes off, sit on the bed >she comes back with Monopoly >she sees me >I see her >uncomfortable silence >she leaves >hear her laughing before she closes the door >next morning at breakfast, dad asks me; >"You tried to f--- your mother?" >they start laughing >get up and leave
>be 19 >mom is 35 and hot >she comes to my room one night, wearing a babydoll >"Son, your dad is sleeping, he doesn't wanna play with me and I'm bored." >"What?" >"I wanna play with you. Stay here, l'l lok for something so get ready." >confused as f--- >take my clothes off, sit on the bed >she comes back with Monopoly >she sees me >I see her >uncomfortable silence >she leaves >hear her laughing before she closes the door >next morning at breakfast, dad asks me; >"You tried to f--- your mother?" >they start laughing >get up and leave

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There's always Antarctica left | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)08:34:00 No.36887885 >be american BORN TO >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is 100 000$ FEEL 14 KB JPG >be european >get beheaded by isis >be asian >suicide because of stress and no gf >be african >be african >be australian >get killed by venomous animal and lose war against emu I guess no place on earth is good after all
: Anonymous 05/09/17(Tue)08:34:00 No.36887885 >be american BORN TO >get fat, get shot, become poor because surgery is 100 000$ FEEL 14 KB JPG >be european >get beheaded by isis >be asian >suicide because of stress and no gf >be african >be african >be australian >get killed by venomous animal and lose war against emu I guess no place on earth is good after all

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Anon beats the game | /r/Greentext

7 Anonymous 05/11/19(Sat)06:13:52 No.461756570 >play chess with someone online >load up chess on my computer and set the opponent to Master difficulty while l'm playing them >they move >I simulate their move on my 91 KB JPG computer >copy what the Master difficulty bot does >repeat >ez victory heh... nothin personnel kid
7 Anonymous 05/11/19(Sat)06:13:52 No.461756570 >play chess with someone online >load up chess on my computer and set the opponent to Master difficulty while l'm playing them >they move >I simulate their move on my 91 KB JPG computer >copy what the Master difficulty bot does >repeat >ez victory heh... nothin personnel kid

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Anon is successful on YouTube | /r/Greentext

File: bandb.jpg (10 KB, 300x168) Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)16:50:39 No.860600568 [Reply] >>860601946 >>860604005 >go to middle of piss nowhere >bumble around all day talking complete bollocks to gopniks and drunks >stay in revolting old hotel >10 thousand billion views on youtube this is how it should be donw, f--- all the worthless self-obsessed "influencers"
File: bandb.jpg (10 KB, 300x168) Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)16:50:39 No.860600568 [Reply] >>860601946 >>860604005 >go to middle of piss nowhere >bumble around all day talking complete bollocks to gopniks and drunks >stay in revolting old hotel >10 thousand billion views on youtube this is how it should be donw, f--- all the worthless self-obsessed "influencers"

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anon takes a shit | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 11/19/15(Thu)14:54:31 No.50979876 >Be at Swedish ship cruise >haven't defecated in a week week >s--- at least three giant python in the toilet >try to flush >not working jpg >panic > try to flush again but s--- doesn't flush 55 KB JPG >look for a cleaner lady in the hallway >Swedish is really bad so grab the hand of cleaner, and take her to the bathroom >try to flush and say "titta" (watch in english) while push flush button >s--- goes quite normally away to sewer
Anonymous 11/19/15(Thu)14:54:31 No.50979876 >Be at Swedish ship cruise >haven't defecated in a week week >s--- at least three giant python in the toilet >try to flush >not working jpg >panic > try to flush again but s--- doesn't flush 55 KB JPG >look for a cleaner lady in the hallway >Swedish is really bad so grab the hand of cleaner, and take her to the bathroom >try to flush and say "titta" (watch in english) while push flush button >s--- goes quite normally away to sewer

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Anon is chaotic good | /r/Greentext

>Be me >Working at Burger King >l add an extra chicken nuggets to bags when they're for a kid's meal >Imagine the kid feeling so lucky he got an extra nugget >He wasn't actually lucky though, 12 KB JPG as I did that deliberately My devilish nature cannot be contained
>Be me >Working at Burger King >l add an extra chicken nuggets to bags when they're for a kid's meal >Imagine the kid feeling so lucky he got an extra nugget >He wasn't actually lucky though, 12 KB JPG as I did that deliberately My devilish nature cannot be contained

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Anon deadlifts | /r/Greentext

File: 1490051089593.jpg (130 KB, 616x572) >>43455447 (OP) >be in gym > do deadlift > see girl mirin > oh i'm bout to alpha this s--- >take off head phones > "do you like what you see?" NEW PERK MISERY LOVESCOMPANY >she noded yes > oh f--- what now? >put head phones back in >deadlift to failure >leave
File: 1490051089593.jpg (130 KB, 616x572) >>43455447 (OP) >be in gym > do deadlift > see girl mirin > oh i'm bout to alpha this s--- >take off head phones > "do you like what you see?" NEW PERK MISERY LOVESCOMPANY >she noded yes > oh f--- what now? >put head phones back in >deadlift to failure >leave

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Anon cooks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/11/20(Sun)00:34:02 No.60414539 >3pm >making food >"WOW ANON, WHY ARE YOU MAKING FOOD? IT'S ALMOST DINNER TIME" >I haven't ate since 10am. I'm hungry 308 KB JPG >"DONT COOK OR ELSE, IM TIRED OF WASTING FOOD" >dinner doesn't get cooked until 7-8pm 20 Replies / 7 Images View Thread
: Anonymous 10/11/20(Sun)00:34:02 No.60414539 >3pm >making food >"WOW ANON, WHY ARE YOU MAKING FOOD? IT'S ALMOST DINNER TIME" >I haven't ate since 10am. I'm hungry 308 KB JPG >"DONT COOK OR ELSE, IM TIRED OF WASTING FOOD" >dinner doesn't get cooked until 7-8pm 20 Replies / 7 Images View Thread

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Anon finds biblically accurate angels in spongebob | /r/Greentext


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America vs Russia | /r/Greentext

10/29/18(Mon)14:53:59 No.6782068 >be American >get shot >someone tries to call a f------ ambulance >"No. No. Please. Don't. Don't you dare.. F--- you! Stop. I'll be fine, I have a first- aid kit in the trunk, that'll do just fine! STOP! I'M FINE! DON'T CALL THEM! DON'T YOU 25 KB JPG F------ DARE CALL 911" : Anonymous (ID: (cK8uCb3 10/29/18(Mon)14:56:34 No.6782079 >be russian >die of alcoholism in the womb 110 KB JPG
10/29/18(Mon)14:53:59 No.6782068 >be American >get shot >someone tries to call a f------ ambulance >"No. No. Please. Don't. Don't you dare.. F--- you! Stop. I'll be fine, I have a first- aid kit in the trunk, that'll do just fine! STOP! I'M FINE! DON'T CALL THEM! DON'T YOU 25 KB JPG F------ DARE CALL 911" : Anonymous (ID: (cK8uCb3 10/29/18(Mon)14:56:34 No.6782079 >be russian >die of alcoholism in the womb 110 KB JPG

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Anon needs a ride home. | /r/Greentext

69 76° 4:33 Board /b/ - Random Settings Home >be me, drunk and need taxi home >taxis at station waiting in line >feel like messing with dem >ask first in line to drive me to 19 KB JPG other side of denmark for a b------ >he tell me no >ask next one same question >gets mad and tell me to leave before he calls cops >lolokay.jpg >2 more cabs in line >ask one more the golden question >he lols and says no >ask 4th driver to take me home, other 3 drivers said no because its not that long a trip, he agreed, and wonders why first 3 didnt want the trip >2 of the other cabs honk the horn as we pass by >hes coworkers will now think he said yes to a b------ from a guy >?? >profit >mfw 14 posts omitted (3 have images) Hide View Thread
69 76° 4:33 Board /b/ - Random Settings Home >be me, drunk and need taxi home >taxis at station waiting in line >feel like messing with dem >ask first in line to drive me to 19 KB JPG other side of denmark for a b------ >he tell me no >ask next one same question >gets mad and tell me to leave before he calls cops >lolokay.jpg >2 more cabs in line >ask one more the golden question >he lols and says no >ask 4th driver to take me home, other 3 drivers said no because its not that long a trip, he agreed, and wonders why first 3 didnt want the trip >2 of the other cabs honk the horn as we pass by >hes coworkers will now think he said yes to a b------ from a guy >?? >profit >mfw 14 posts omitted (3 have images) Hide View Thread

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Anon goes for a piss | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)12:37:25 No.860609857 >be me >around 2 years old >In the swimming pool with mom >"mom i need to pee" >"okay but you need to get out of the pool first" >gets out 78 KB JPG >pees in the pool from the outside
: Anonymous 08/08/21(Sun)12:37:25 No.860609857 >be me >around 2 years old >In the swimming pool with mom >"mom i need to pee" >"okay but you need to get out of the pool first" >gets out 78 KB JPG >pees in the pool from the outside

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Anons friend is retord | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 44437085 43 min. ago .. >be me >smoke a joint with an old friendi hadnt seen in years >after we finish he eats a roach w-- >he explains to me that it gets you 10x higher >mfw when i remember that 12 years ago i told him that fact as a joke >mfw he's been eating roaches for 12 12.3 kB JPG years 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY
Anonymous | 44437085 43 min. ago .. >be me >smoke a joint with an old friendi hadnt seen in years >after we finish he eats a roach w-- >he explains to me that it gets you 10x higher >mfw when i remember that 12 years ago i told him that fact as a joke >mfw he's been eating roaches for 12 12.3 kB JPG years 1 REPLY O IMAGES REPLY

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Anon cannot be fooled | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >l stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle
: Anonymous 09/23/15(Wed)22:56:01 No.642863132 >>642860186 (OP) # >work at liqour store >see obviously underage girls enter and rush to the back >hear them whispering and discussing what to get >they grab heaven hill vodka >they try and check out and I ask for l'd >they "lost" it but one says her dad says its ok she's 22 >laugh at them and tell them gtfo >same girl tells me her dad is rich blah blah >they leave and I start eating a pickle in a bag >drive thru bell rings >walk over and see its the same girls >they freak out one says that there should have been someone else >l stare at them eating my pickle >they speed off >good pickle

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Anon uses Psychological warfare | /r/Greentext

1371922563634.jpg-(769 KB, 2849x3474, Theodore_Roosevelt_laughing.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: Q6RIFYSI) 06/22/13(Sat)13:36:03 No.488565345 Replos: 248 >Be me >Be 16 >New school, introduced to class >Meet guy who is an a------, let's call him Shitgut >Shitgut tries to start bullying me >Be alpha and resist >Don't make many friends, don't need them >Notice Shitgut bullies other kids >Decide to f--- him up >Figure where his locker is >Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen >Mark down where he lives, GTFO >Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains >Spend six months practically stalking that f---, making sure I don't get caught >Map out where he is at any time, at all times >Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple >On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door >His parents aint home for hours, seen by nobody >He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares >Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room >People think he's making it up >Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes >Halway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple >His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple >He doesnt mention the pineapples to anyone anymore >Figure out where they keep his home's spare key >Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work >Leave a pineapple on his bed >Hear he's failing classes >His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that s--- >Send him a f------ pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address >He doesn't show up to school every day anymore >Dont even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for s---- and giggles now >Bombard that f--- with random pineapples every few weeks for two f------ years >School year ends, finish school >Go to college like a boss >Come back home for the holidays >Hear someone from my old school had had a panic attack at the grocery store >It's Shitgut. >Someone had left a f------ pineapple on the beer shelf
1371922563634.jpg-(769 KB, 2849x3474, Theodore_Roosevelt_laughing.jpg) O Anonymous (ID: Q6RIFYSI) 06/22/13(Sat)13:36:03 No.488565345 Replos: 248 >Be me >Be 16 >New school, introduced to class >Meet guy who is an a------, let's call him Shitgut >Shitgut tries to start bullying me >Be alpha and resist >Don't make many friends, don't need them >Notice Shitgut bullies other kids >Decide to f--- him up >Figure where his locker is >Wait until school is over, follow him home from a safe distance, unseen >Mark down where he lives, GTFO >Find out he does hockey, figure out where his ice rink is, and what time he trains >Spend six months practically stalking that f---, making sure I don't get caught >Map out where he is at any time, at all times >Then proceed to phase two, buy a pineapple >On a day I get off school earlier than he does, bike to his house and leave the pineapple at the door >His parents aint home for hours, seen by nobody >He tells people about the pineapple tomorrow, nobody cares >Two weeks later, sneak a pineapple at the ice rink, in the men's dressing room >People think he's making it up >Start buying a pineapple on a regular basis, always have it ready when opportunity strikes >Halway empty, pick his locker and leave a pineapple >His motorbike is unwatched, leave a pineapple >He doesnt mention the pineapples to anyone anymore >Figure out where they keep his home's spare key >Skip school, sneak into his home while his parents work >Leave a pineapple on his bed >Hear he's failing classes >His parents put up a security camera, I figure the blind spot and dodge that s--- >Send him a f------ pineapple for christmas through the mail from a fake address >He doesn't show up to school every day anymore >Dont even think about why I do it anymore, it's just for s---- and giggles now >Bombard that f--- with random pineapples every few weeks for two f------ years >School year ends, finish school >Go to college like a boss >Come back home for the holidays >Hear someone from my old school had had a panic attack at the grocery store >It's Shitgut. >Someone had left a f------ pineapple on the beer shelf

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Harry is redpilled and based | /r/Greentext

U Anonymous 09/16/20(Wed)23:11:57 No.17059503 >>17059546 >>17059609 >>17059665 File: 1587894210677.jpg (103 KB, 733x486) >I consider myself a patient man, Harry. I overlooked that time you kept sneaking trans students polyjuice potion containing their own hair, making them turn back into their normal selves, despite the suicides. >l was even willing to turn a blind eye to you casting memory charms on post op hufflepuffs, because the look on their faces when you showed them a mirror was frankly hilarious, but this fine you've gone too far. >you have to understand that sectumsempra is dangerous magic, Harry, and I can't just let you go round telling Hufflepuffs that it's an instant transition spell if they point it at their crotch. >l hope you understand the gravity of this situation, and see why I'm only awarding you 42 points
U Anonymous 09/16/20(Wed)23:11:57 No.17059503 >>17059546 >>17059609 >>17059665 File: 1587894210677.jpg (103 KB, 733x486) >I consider myself a patient man, Harry. I overlooked that time you kept sneaking trans students polyjuice potion containing their own hair, making them turn back into their normal selves, despite the suicides. >l was even willing to turn a blind eye to you casting memory charms on post op hufflepuffs, because the look on their faces when you showed them a mirror was frankly hilarious, but this fine you've gone too far. >you have to understand that sectumsempra is dangerous magic, Harry, and I can't just let you go round telling Hufflepuffs that it's an instant transition spell if they point it at their crotch. >l hope you understand the gravity of this situation, and see why I'm only awarding you 42 points

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