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4chan PI: Part 2

Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:11:27 No.36571466Ξ>-36571640 >>36571661 >>36571701 OK The anon who used to work retrieving the whorish daughters and wives of the absurdly rich here. one more tale. Other adventures if you want to read up I shall μst take a moment to collect my thoughts then dive nght in Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:18:50 No.36571701 Ξ>-36571854 >>36571878 >>36571886 This particular story involves a very fat young woman, a fat suit and an unfortunate rather smal thai ladyboy One day at the office, those rare days I'm there actually. Sat around talking s--- with everyone playing retarded office games. Boss comes in with new job Usual story, rich guys daughter has gone off on a party train and he's sick of paying for it. Wants her brought back It is actually the most mundane and normal of jobs. Normaly these girls go off with daddy's credit card and hit a string of bars and clubs with it and anyone willing to pretend to be their friend. This goes on until daddy cuts off the card then they find other ways to pay and fall in with a different crowd. We find her easily enough. Dumb bitch keeps trying to use her cards. >The flight doesn't take long and she is still trying to use them. I mean my god how f------ dense can you be? Locate her in a bland as f--- theme nightclub. Ice everywhere, place is f------ cold, drinks come in ice. F------ whack s--- yo. >She's easy to spot. The landwhale hammering the card reader shouting abuse at the staff. Wonder why nobody has thrown her out yet. We come up behind her and tell the barman well cover the tab, inform her that her father sent us. Normally this is enough to make the young girls become quiet and She pushes us aside and starts running Despite her size bitch can run and we lose her in the crowd on the streets Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:17:39 No 36571661 Ξ>-36571886>-36572101 how would just a regular military f-- get in to a PMC or a group like yours? Ive got 6 years in, no combat but I'm in a combat arms trade, engineer. Would a group even be interested in me or do they only take high speed low drag guys? Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:25:33 No.36571886 Ξ >>36571944 >>36572077 >>36572135 ve got s--- GCSEs and an SIA license. Boss only started throwing me at this due to me having a high tolerance for s--- and unusual skills like martial arts and ng. >The whale vanishes beneath the waves and by waves I mean crowd >We shrug and try to figure out her next port of call. ensues >Younger guy points out that she probably weighs as much as two of us put together >Argument continues until we get another hit on the cards. She's in a restaurant this time >We get there and jesus f------ christ she's sat at this huge table covered in empty plates, the staff reveal she ate it all. y the tab, try to grab her >Better luck is had this time with all four of us grabbing her and trying to pull her out of the restaurant with her screaming and shouting all the while >Some idiots call the cops and with sirens in the distance we gotta bail. She does too fortunately. Good thing as we are not f------ with the Thai police. >Argument changes to discussion of how the f--- do we ensnare the beast? >Call home for advice and info. >Guy back at home suggests a fishing net or something (doho) and reveals a few of her tastes. Namely large quantties of cheap tacky cocktails, fast food and fat guys. >Fishnet does get approval from the group mind you so we procure a net from a nearby theme restaurant >The hunt for the whale resumes. ● Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:34:14 No 36572135 >>36572506 >Bingo. Another card hit >Hit the club and find her arguing with the barman screaming that she needs money for the stripper > Barman is clearly terrified >She's laid on the bar grabbing hold of the barman while a bouncer tries to pul her off >We help and throw the net over her >Critical success. She falls over flat on her face and starts crying Sufficiently restrained >She's left a sort of greasy stain on the countertop and the whole thing seems to have buckled under the strain. Pay for damages >Start dragging her fat ass out of the place >As we leave, notice the stripclub is full of fat women staring at us disapprovingly. Realise we better hurry the f--- up >As we're leaving a fat guy barges through the door past us too. >Wonder for a moment what the f--- is going on then notice the strippers are f------ gigantic >Confused as f---. Noticing the phones, we panic, drag her fat ass into the car and speed away quickly. >One of us fishes the targets phone out of her purse and starts going through it. >After a good twenty minutes of this fat slob sobbing in the car between bouts of screaming at us we hear a loud "ohhhh that explains it from our partner in crime with >Turns out the landwhale had helped finance a "positive body image stripper night" at the club with a bunch of other fatties. Why in Thailand? f--- if I know will be calling the cops >Call the boss and ask for a way out >He says lay low and he'll work on it. Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:45:26 No 36572506 Ξ >>36572751 >>36572755 >>36572828 >We f--- off to a warehouse that had been pegged as our falback location >Some of our mates working another gig are there. >They help us with the landwhale while their target is tied to a chair gagged >Unfortunately she's starting to get a lot more rowdy and fights back. Takes all eight of us to tie her up >lt works for a while and were just relaxing as we hear a loud snap as he she breaks the cuffs and ropes. >What follows is a good hour of chasing this landwhale around the warehouse trying to subdue her >Eventually manage to lock her in a toilet with a load of stuff braced against the door. Windows too tiny for her to escape from >She keeps hammering at the door for the next few hours and we realise we gotta do something >Our man with the phone has been sat there reading for a while now. Being generally useless. >Turns out he was trained as a forensic psychologist or some such s--- and he was just figuring her out >Explains how she wound up here in Thailand. Nothing special just a bunch of her fatty SJW friends wanted to go on a sexual vacation like other women and made sure to tailor it to their tastes. With the rich fatty bankrolling the whole thing. >Thats real fascinating mate but useless to us. > Tels us that all we need to do to keep her under control is to give her the fantasy she wants >Well mate sounds like you just volunteered since she ain't gotten a good look at you yet >oh hell naw he >He points out lack of fatness and we realise this is a problem. Call boss and tell him we need a fatsuit Boss says can do goes. But the IS >Gotta love him sometimes. He just makes s--- happen Realise that someone is gonna have to pork her and it can't be the one in the suit due to his penis not being like a foot long >Cut up the fatsuit and make a cavity someone can hide in. Realise it has to be a small someone ● Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:55:12 No.36572828->>36572972 >>36573264 >>36573508 Lot of the time we charter a small plane or go by boaticar Many times we get private jets courtesy of the client IS on >Consensus achieved. We need a tiny guy with a big d---. >Four of us pile into the car and set off to find such a man. >Eventually after half hour of searching we stop to ask these ladyboys if they know anyone like that >This tiny ladyboy who would be short for a woman who is wearing an oddly long skirt for a ladyboy, lifts it halfway revealing the tip of a substantial c--- >He piles into the car and we try to explain the situation but he just seems confused by it all >After a further ten minutes of explanation get tired of it and stuff the ladyboy in the fatsuit IS >The barricade is removed and our failed psychiatrist or whatever he was pretends he has rescued the fatty from the evil cis scum and come to whisk her away on a romantic adventure or some such s---. We do our best to act defeated >Fatty is whisked away to the airport where the client of our other team has sent a plane to pick them up. We figure lets be green and all go on it >Fatsuit guy takes fatty into the back of the plane claiming its his where there's a rather nice bedroom and spends the flight having the ladyboy pork her while everyone else sits up front and pretends they can't hear her moans and screams ● Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:59:17 No.36572972 >>36573127 >>36573141 >>36573236 >>36573264 >>36573350 >>36573505 We arrange a limo to pick her up and fatsuit guy goes with Ladyboy porks her some more in the limo we are later told Poor ladyboy and fatsuit guy only got a brief break while she was sleeping. Her snoring seeming to shake the plane Fatty is dropped off at her fathers. He shakes fatsuit guys hand but once the daughter starts talking about what happened he becomes concerned and fatsuit guy assures him the penis was not real as he is wearing a fatsuit Fattys father is pleased Fatsuit guy takes off fatsuit to prove point. Fattys father inspects it saying it is very lifelike Fatsuit guy makes up excuses and quickly bails relating all this to us later Poor thai ladyboy is released for good Poor bastard spends the next hour drinking everything in the minibar as the plane continues to the next drop off We wind up paying the ladyboy a full share of the pay and pay for his trip back home dont think he had ever seen so much money in one place. Seemed pretty dam pleased. END There you have it. The story of the fatsuit and ladyboy. Abridged heavily as I am cooking food
Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:11:27 No.36571466Ξ>-36571640 >>36571661 >>36571701 OK The anon who used to work retrieving the whorish daughters and wives of the absurdly rich here. one more tale. Other adventures if you want to read up I shall μst take a moment to collect my thoughts then dive nght in Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:18:50 No.36571701 Ξ>-36571854 >>36571878 >>36571886 This particular story involves a very fat young woman, a fat suit and an unfortunate rather smal thai ladyboy One day at the office, those rare days I'm there actually. Sat around talking s--- with everyone playing retarded office games. Boss comes in with new job Usual story, rich guys daughter has gone off on a party train and he's sick of paying for it. Wants her brought back It is actually the most mundane and normal of jobs. Normaly these girls go off with daddy's credit card and hit a string of bars and clubs with it and anyone willing to pretend to be their friend. This goes on until daddy cuts off the card then they find other ways to pay and fall in with a different crowd. We find her easily enough. Dumb bitch keeps trying to use her cards. >The flight doesn't take long and she is still trying to use them. I mean my god how f------ dense can you be? Locate her in a bland as f--- theme nightclub. Ice everywhere, place is f------ cold, drinks come in ice. F------ whack s--- yo. >She's easy to spot. The landwhale hammering the card reader shouting abuse at the staff. Wonder why nobody has thrown her out yet. We come up behind her and tell the barman well cover the tab, inform her that her father sent us. Normally this is enough to make the young girls become quiet and She pushes us aside and starts running Despite her size bitch can run and we lose her in the crowd on the streets Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:17:39 No 36571661 Ξ>-36571886>-36572101 how would just a regular military f-- get in to a PMC or a group like yours? Ive got 6 years in, no combat but I'm in a combat arms trade, engineer. Would a group even be interested in me or do they only take high speed low drag guys? Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:25:33 No.36571886 Ξ >>36571944 >>36572077 >>36572135 ve got s--- GCSEs and an SIA license. Boss only started throwing me at this due to me having a high tolerance for s--- and unusual skills like martial arts and ng. >The whale vanishes beneath the waves and by waves I mean crowd >We shrug and try to figure out her next port of call. ensues >Younger guy points out that she probably weighs as much as two of us put together >Argument continues until we get another hit on the cards. She's in a restaurant this time >We get there and jesus f------ christ she's sat at this huge table covered in empty plates, the staff reveal she ate it all. y the tab, try to grab her >Better luck is had this time with all four of us grabbing her and trying to pull her out of the restaurant with her screaming and shouting all the while >Some idiots call the cops and with sirens in the distance we gotta bail. She does too fortunately. Good thing as we are not f------ with the Thai police. >Argument changes to discussion of how the f--- do we ensnare the beast? >Call home for advice and info. >Guy back at home suggests a fishing net or something (doho) and reveals a few of her tastes. Namely large quantties of cheap tacky cocktails, fast food and fat guys. >Fishnet does get approval from the group mind you so we procure a net from a nearby theme restaurant >The hunt for the whale resumes. ● Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:34:14 No 36572135 >>36572506 >Bingo. Another card hit >Hit the club and find her arguing with the barman screaming that she needs money for the stripper > Barman is clearly terrified >She's laid on the bar grabbing hold of the barman while a bouncer tries to pul her off >We help and throw the net over her >Critical success. She falls over flat on her face and starts crying Sufficiently restrained >She's left a sort of greasy stain on the countertop and the whole thing seems to have buckled under the strain. Pay for damages >Start dragging her fat ass out of the place >As we leave, notice the stripclub is full of fat women staring at us disapprovingly. Realise we better hurry the f--- up >As we're leaving a fat guy barges through the door past us too. >Wonder for a moment what the f--- is going on then notice the strippers are f------ gigantic >Confused as f---. Noticing the phones, we panic, drag her fat ass into the car and speed away quickly. >One of us fishes the targets phone out of her purse and starts going through it. >After a good twenty minutes of this fat slob sobbing in the car between bouts of screaming at us we hear a loud "ohhhh that explains it from our partner in crime with >Turns out the landwhale had helped finance a "positive body image stripper night" at the club with a bunch of other fatties. Why in Thailand? f--- if I know will be calling the cops >Call the boss and ask for a way out >He says lay low and he'll work on it. Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:45:26 No 36572506 Ξ >>36572751 >>36572755 >>36572828 >We f--- off to a warehouse that had been pegged as our falback location >Some of our mates working another gig are there. >They help us with the landwhale while their target is tied to a chair gagged >Unfortunately she's starting to get a lot more rowdy and fights back. Takes all eight of us to tie her up >lt works for a while and were just relaxing as we hear a loud snap as he she breaks the cuffs and ropes. >What follows is a good hour of chasing this landwhale around the warehouse trying to subdue her >Eventually manage to lock her in a toilet with a load of stuff braced against the door. Windows too tiny for her to escape from >She keeps hammering at the door for the next few hours and we realise we gotta do something >Our man with the phone has been sat there reading for a while now. Being generally useless. >Turns out he was trained as a forensic psychologist or some such s--- and he was just figuring her out >Explains how she wound up here in Thailand. Nothing special just a bunch of her fatty SJW friends wanted to go on a sexual vacation like other women and made sure to tailor it to their tastes. With the rich fatty bankrolling the whole thing. >Thats real fascinating mate but useless to us. > Tels us that all we need to do to keep her under control is to give her the fantasy she wants >Well mate sounds like you just volunteered since she ain't gotten a good look at you yet >oh hell naw he >He points out lack of fatness and we realise this is a problem. Call boss and tell him we need a fatsuit Boss says can do goes. But the IS >Gotta love him sometimes. He just makes s--- happen Realise that someone is gonna have to pork her and it can't be the one in the suit due to his penis not being like a foot long >Cut up the fatsuit and make a cavity someone can hide in. Realise it has to be a small someone ● Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:55:12 No.36572828->>36572972 >>36573264 >>36573508 Lot of the time we charter a small plane or go by boaticar Many times we get private jets courtesy of the client IS on >Consensus achieved. We need a tiny guy with a big d---. >Four of us pile into the car and set off to find such a man. >Eventually after half hour of searching we stop to ask these ladyboys if they know anyone like that >This tiny ladyboy who would be short for a woman who is wearing an oddly long skirt for a ladyboy, lifts it halfway revealing the tip of a substantial c--- >He piles into the car and we try to explain the situation but he just seems confused by it all >After a further ten minutes of explanation get tired of it and stuff the ladyboy in the fatsuit IS >The barricade is removed and our failed psychiatrist or whatever he was pretends he has rescued the fatty from the evil cis scum and come to whisk her away on a romantic adventure or some such s---. We do our best to act defeated >Fatty is whisked away to the airport where the client of our other team has sent a plane to pick them up. We figure lets be green and all go on it >Fatsuit guy takes fatty into the back of the plane claiming its his where there's a rather nice bedroom and spends the flight having the ladyboy pork her while everyone else sits up front and pretends they can't hear her moans and screams ● Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:59:17 No.36572972 >>36573127 >>36573141 >>36573236 >>36573264 >>36573350 >>36573505 We arrange a limo to pick her up and fatsuit guy goes with Ladyboy porks her some more in the limo we are later told Poor ladyboy and fatsuit guy only got a brief break while she was sleeping. Her snoring seeming to shake the plane Fatty is dropped off at her fathers. He shakes fatsuit guys hand but once the daughter starts talking about what happened he becomes concerned and fatsuit guy assures him the penis was not real as he is wearing a fatsuit Fattys father is pleased Fatsuit guy takes off fatsuit to prove point. Fattys father inspects it saying it is very lifelike Fatsuit guy makes up excuses and quickly bails relating all this to us later Poor thai ladyboy is released for good Poor bastard spends the next hour drinking everything in the minibar as the plane continues to the next drop off We wind up paying the ladyboy a full share of the pay and pay for his trip back home dont think he had ever seen so much money in one place. Seemed pretty dam pleased. END There you have it. The story of the fatsuit and ladyboy. Abridged heavily as I am cooking food

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4chan pi private investigator mercenary landwhale

4chan PI: Part 1

Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:14:48 No. 36569901 >>36570002 >>36570053 Wife/daughter it is I warn you now. This story does not have anything remotely resembling a happy ending. It is without any doubt one of the more depressing tales due to what this woman did to her only daughter >Get a call from the boss >He wants his best people at his office now for a job >Four of us are there and he runs down the situation for us. it's rare and urgent as it involves a minor. >Rich guys wife has run off with a small fortune AND their only child. A daughter age 13 >Doesn't give a f--- about the money or the wife. Wants his daughter back. >Boss wants us to get all 3 due to possibility of delicious bonu mething we should do o the child. While we've seen young girls go rew strangers with their moth er than We shrug and go over the note Wife is a repeat offender. Seven times to be exact e this and we've brought her back. Not us specifically but the company we work for. Never t the with her. Many of the note t the f----- off Wife has typically either gone full party train or tried to establish a new life in some s------- each time but surfaced when money runs out due to not having access to the lifestyle she is acustomed to >We fear she's gone new life again. Which means she'll be tough to find even if we find out what country she's in >Quickly realise the child has no passport so she can't have taken a commercial flight >She wouldn't charter anything less than a private jet. No luck on that front >Keep digging into possible routes away from the continent (never tried to set up a new life on the continent) >lt goes on like this for months >Longest case on record at eight months >By this point we were all pretty much exhausted. No leads, no clues, we'd tapped every contact we could think of. She had to be somewhere in Europe >Get a lead. A f------ lead at long last! >A man was caught trying to sell her rolex. The jewellers had been suspicious and checked its number against the books. He was promptly arrested and our client had arranged for us to talk to him first >We get there after a brief plane trip and find an honest to f------ god catholic priest >A f------ priest had been trying to sell her watch. ldiot don't speak no english so only one of us can actually talk to him making the questioning rather long and drawn out >To say he was uncooperate would be putting it lightly but his story was that this woman came to him to get her and her daughter away from her abusive husband. This woman was obviously wealthy as she had paid him a lot to arrange it 冰was then that it clicked. The reason we'd not been able to find her was not because she hadn't taken a plane where she was going. It was because they had traveled using documents issued by the f------ Vatican and nobody f------ checks them. >With s--- figured out all we needed was a destination. A few details he let slip came together. Turned out mother dear had decided to become a nun and take her daughter with her on missionary work. ing Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:31:55 No.36570335 >Client pulls strin et is located Gets more iled info out of the Vatican Yougottabeshittingme m------------ sub saharan africa? Boss is hesitant to send us in but after discussion with the client more money is probably offered and boss loses his mind We get sent to Africa e guys. Alone in enough it We arrive at the airport expecting it to be a total s Turns out the airport is controlled by a western PMC who work in the area and they have been hired as guides and protective detail verything turned out better than expected >Until they s >Four poor white guys completely out of their depth in the middle of what is probably a warzone >Fortunately though they have a decent idea of where the target is as they noticed a small church had been built there recently. Its been torn down since though mercen ta ing random potshots at the wildlife >One of our group is pretty much having a panic attack by this point but h ept sufficiently calm through the proper application of f Eventually land near a really really s----- looking village. It is the stereotypical african s-------. Mu Then you notice things that look a bit out of place. Like the expensive (for the are d land rover, the new clothes on some of the people, the fact that everyone looks well fed despite nothing growingh >PMC goons fan out and do their thing and s kicking down doors. The few shots fired but one would not l ge ng We're out of our depth >Eventually a white women, a white girl and four african men are dragged out of the village by the PMC goons and dropped at our feet. All alive fortunately even if one of the black guys has clearly got a broken nose, arm and probably a couple of ri judging by the bruising thats beginning to show The two whit eed who we're looking for. They dont >One of our unfortunate ta momen xplanation from the PMC goons regarding the men reveals that the one who got beat almost eath was f------ the daughter and the other three were plowing the wife who was clearly enjoying it Wife gets all up in our face almost immediately. All on about how we have no right t >Fortunately the PMC goon pistol whips her quiet after l point out that really we only need the daughter. her how to live her life, blah, blah, blah, her husband point the dau o clue whats going on any in tears more eems The wife gets gagged and tied up then thrown in the choppa and we f mething for the little one to wear for th e back. Spends the whole trip wearing one of the PMC goons jackets ally say anything but fills in the remaining holes in the story for us n but later on decided to marry the local chieftan and showered the place with all the money she'd brought. Then the chie ed for h on to marry th hter. His son who by the looks of him was in Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:45:43 No.36570744 >Nobody really feels happy about this s--- >She's too far into it for an abortion to really be feasible >We arrange for a pickup from the boss and awkwardness ensues. The client f------ shows up in a private jet >His half naked pregnant 13 year old daughter, his almost completely naked pregant wife and four worn out,tired and scrufy looking white guys await him as he comes running down the steps from his plane >For a second we thought he was going to do a 180 without stopping and fly away >But to his credit he did seem genuinely happy to see his daughter was safe. Blamed the wife for everything. Had us take the daughter aboard who by this point was in full PTSD mode tayed outside with the PMC with his wife for a what seemed like forever tead she got regagged and brought into the plane and locked into one of the toilets for the entire trip trussed u >On arriving back home the client gave us his personal thanks and a bonus to ensure proper discretion >Found out the wife died the next day in a car accident >F--- knows what happened to the daughter but she's alive probably. N----- was probably put up for adoption somewhere far far away And that children is probably the most depressing of the stories I have No happy ending for anyone
Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:14:48 No. 36569901 >>36570002 >>36570053 Wife/daughter it is I warn you now. This story does not have anything remotely resembling a happy ending. It is without any doubt one of the more depressing tales due to what this woman did to her only daughter >Get a call from the boss >He wants his best people at his office now for a job >Four of us are there and he runs down the situation for us. it's rare and urgent as it involves a minor. >Rich guys wife has run off with a small fortune AND their only child. A daughter age 13 >Doesn't give a f--- about the money or the wife. Wants his daughter back. >Boss wants us to get all 3 due to possibility of delicious bonu mething we should do o the child. While we've seen young girls go rew strangers with their moth er than We shrug and go over the note Wife is a repeat offender. Seven times to be exact e this and we've brought her back. Not us specifically but the company we work for. Never t the with her. Many of the note t the f----- off Wife has typically either gone full party train or tried to establish a new life in some s------- each time but surfaced when money runs out due to not having access to the lifestyle she is acustomed to >We fear she's gone new life again. Which means she'll be tough to find even if we find out what country she's in >Quickly realise the child has no passport so she can't have taken a commercial flight >She wouldn't charter anything less than a private jet. No luck on that front >Keep digging into possible routes away from the continent (never tried to set up a new life on the continent) >lt goes on like this for months >Longest case on record at eight months >By this point we were all pretty much exhausted. No leads, no clues, we'd tapped every contact we could think of. She had to be somewhere in Europe >Get a lead. A f------ lead at long last! >A man was caught trying to sell her rolex. The jewellers had been suspicious and checked its number against the books. He was promptly arrested and our client had arranged for us to talk to him first >We get there after a brief plane trip and find an honest to f------ god catholic priest >A f------ priest had been trying to sell her watch. ldiot don't speak no english so only one of us can actually talk to him making the questioning rather long and drawn out >To say he was uncooperate would be putting it lightly but his story was that this woman came to him to get her and her daughter away from her abusive husband. This woman was obviously wealthy as she had paid him a lot to arrange it 冰was then that it clicked. The reason we'd not been able to find her was not because she hadn't taken a plane where she was going. It was because they had traveled using documents issued by the f------ Vatican and nobody f------ checks them. >With s--- figured out all we needed was a destination. A few details he let slip came together. Turned out mother dear had decided to become a nun and take her daughter with her on missionary work. ing Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:31:55 No.36570335 >Client pulls strin et is located Gets more iled info out of the Vatican Yougottabeshittingme m------------ sub saharan africa? Boss is hesitant to send us in but after discussion with the client more money is probably offered and boss loses his mind We get sent to Africa e guys. Alone in enough it We arrive at the airport expecting it to be a total s Turns out the airport is controlled by a western PMC who work in the area and they have been hired as guides and protective detail verything turned out better than expected >Until they s >Four poor white guys completely out of their depth in the middle of what is probably a warzone >Fortunately though they have a decent idea of where the target is as they noticed a small church had been built there recently. Its been torn down since though mercen ta ing random potshots at the wildlife >One of our group is pretty much having a panic attack by this point but h ept sufficiently calm through the proper application of f Eventually land near a really really s----- looking village. It is the stereotypical african s-------. Mu Then you notice things that look a bit out of place. Like the expensive (for the are d land rover, the new clothes on some of the people, the fact that everyone looks well fed despite nothing growingh >PMC goons fan out and do their thing and s kicking down doors. The few shots fired but one would not l ge ng We're out of our depth >Eventually a white women, a white girl and four african men are dragged out of the village by the PMC goons and dropped at our feet. All alive fortunately even if one of the black guys has clearly got a broken nose, arm and probably a couple of ri judging by the bruising thats beginning to show The two whit eed who we're looking for. They dont >One of our unfortunate ta momen xplanation from the PMC goons regarding the men reveals that the one who got beat almost eath was f------ the daughter and the other three were plowing the wife who was clearly enjoying it Wife gets all up in our face almost immediately. All on about how we have no right t >Fortunately the PMC goon pistol whips her quiet after l point out that really we only need the daughter. her how to live her life, blah, blah, blah, her husband point the dau o clue whats going on any in tears more eems The wife gets gagged and tied up then thrown in the choppa and we f mething for the little one to wear for th e back. Spends the whole trip wearing one of the PMC goons jackets ally say anything but fills in the remaining holes in the story for us n but later on decided to marry the local chieftan and showered the place with all the money she'd brought. Then the chie ed for h on to marry th hter. His son who by the looks of him was in Anonymous 09/30/14(Tue)08:45:43 No.36570744 >Nobody really feels happy about this s--- >She's too far into it for an abortion to really be feasible >We arrange for a pickup from the boss and awkwardness ensues. The client f------ shows up in a private jet >His half naked pregnant 13 year old daughter, his almost completely naked pregant wife and four worn out,tired and scrufy looking white guys await him as he comes running down the steps from his plane >For a second we thought he was going to do a 180 without stopping and fly away >But to his credit he did seem genuinely happy to see his daughter was safe. Blamed the wife for everything. Had us take the daughter aboard who by this point was in full PTSD mode tayed outside with the PMC with his wife for a what seemed like forever tead she got regagged and brought into the plane and locked into one of the toilets for the entire trip trussed u >On arriving back home the client gave us his personal thanks and a bonus to ensure proper discretion >Found out the wife died the next day in a car accident >F--- knows what happened to the daughter but she's alive probably. N----- was probably put up for adoption somewhere far far away And that children is probably the most depressing of the stories I have No happy ending for anyone

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anon goes clubbing

Anonymous 01/19/15(Mon)20:30:21 No.30522404 >2305250162230531188 >>30532087 >>30533081 >>30534190>>30536021 >>30536034>>30537174 File: 1421425423642.png (511 KB, 642x479) >finally get /fit/ after a few years >get coerced into going out clubbing with mates >they're all dancing and force me onto the floor >girl takes interest in me and wants to dance >don't know how to dance so I just bob my knees while doing the reload animations for different guns from various games
Anonymous 01/19/15(Mon)20:30:21 No.30522404 >2305250162230531188 >>30532087 >>30533081 >>30534190>>30536021 >>30536034>>30537174 File: 1421425423642.png (511 KB, 642x479) >finally get /fit/ after a few years >get coerced into going out clubbing with mates >they're all dancing and force me onto the floor >girl takes interest in me and wants to dance >don't know how to dance so I just bob my knees while doing the reload animations for different guns from various games

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If only...

Anonymous r2// 4( l ue)23.2U. N0.30 UZ File: enhanced-11401-1400710355-1 ipg (51 KB, 625x417) >General elections 2015 >Time to count up the votes >Expected to be a labour landslide victory after a vicious wave of hardcore shilling from all media outlets Ed Miliband is standing on the podium in Mark Duggan square >He opens his mouth to speak A RAGING FEL >Sky turns purple >Begins raining beer and pound coins >Nigel Farage Crashes a plane into the podium >"Looks like you're leaking Red, Ed" says Farage >Seats are announced > 100% of the vote went to UKIP >Stepping over the mangled corpse of Shilliband, Farage prepares to make a victory speech >Suddenly it happens >The collective a--- clench of all the Pro-EU hippies causes a black hole to open up in Brussels >It's sucking everything into it. >Farage turns to look at it, then turns back >His true form is revealed >He is half Jesus, half King Arthur >He takes a drag of his cigar, a swig of real ale "Britain is in danger, and I must do my duty to the people" starts playing really loudly, spliced between clips of XTC's "Making Plans for Nigel" >He steps onto the Thames >Walks over to the black hole Turns back, gives a wink and makes the classic Farage laugh face >Steps into the hole It is closed, Belgium is gone and in its place is a crater, carved into the Visage of Farage >The Empire is revived >God Save the Queen becomes the world anthem >Space empire is founded in 2015 >Our new motto >Non minoris molimenti ea claustra ad Farage
Anonymous r2// 4( l ue)23.2U. N0.30 UZ File: enhanced-11401-1400710355-1 ipg (51 KB, 625x417) >General elections 2015 >Time to count up the votes >Expected to be a labour landslide victory after a vicious wave of hardcore shilling from all media outlets Ed Miliband is standing on the podium in Mark Duggan square >He opens his mouth to speak A RAGING FEL >Sky turns purple >Begins raining beer and pound coins >Nigel Farage Crashes a plane into the podium >"Looks like you're leaking Red, Ed" says Farage >Seats are announced > 100% of the vote went to UKIP >Stepping over the mangled corpse of Shilliband, Farage prepares to make a victory speech >Suddenly it happens >The collective a--- clench of all the Pro-EU hippies causes a black hole to open up in Brussels >It's sucking everything into it. >Farage turns to look at it, then turns back >His true form is revealed >He is half Jesus, half King Arthur >He takes a drag of his cigar, a swig of real ale "Britain is in danger, and I must do my duty to the people" starts playing really loudly, spliced between clips of XTC's "Making Plans for Nigel" >He steps onto the Thames >Walks over to the black hole Turns back, gives a wink and makes the classic Farage laugh face >Steps into the hole It is closed, Belgium is gone and in its place is a crater, carved into the Visage of Farage >The Empire is revived >God Save the Queen becomes the world anthem >Space empire is founded in 2015 >Our new motto >Non minoris molimenti ea claustra ad Farage

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TDY= Temporary duty assignment. Usually two days to 179 days in length.
TDY= Temporary duty assignment. Usually two days to 179 days in length.

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Anonymous 01/20/16(Wed)20:21:49 No.286238253286239342228624131 2328624272 File: C9.ipg (272 KB, 1024x768) 28612009 (OP) l use them to have hidden in every room of my house, so I'm not caught off guard One hidden in the living room One hidden in the bathroom (in easy reach from both the shower AND toilet) One hidden in the garage One hidden in the kitchen The other two main rooms have the bulk of my other guns It's easy, you just save 35 bucks from each paycheck, and 4 paychecks later, you have 140 dollars, more than enough to buy a used HP C9 at your local monthly gun show, plus some 9mm Never get caught off guard again! I figure I won't need an extra mag for each pistol, because the goal is to fight my way to either my room or the computer room, where the rest of my more powerful guns are Anonymous 01/20/16(Wed)20:53:35 No.28624272 28624328 28624382 >28623825 >middle of the night >boom, boom, crash! >anon was in the garage working on some project >picks up his trusty C9 near him, sees the perps, and begins firing >perps are not deterred and begin to fire back from near the front of the house >anon mov >"click*, picks up new C9 in a flash and keeps firing >perps are becoming shaken by now, how the f--- does he keep firing? >anon leaps from the kitchen to the back of his couch in the living room >click, the >picking up his new C9 from behind the couch, anon lays a few rounds in the advancing perp >with his dying thoughts, he believes anon's humble hi-point c9 was a font of infinite bullets >other perp is beginning to lose his composure, but is still firing >anon moves towards his room and disappears behind the wall es towards the kitchen from the garage, still firing perps hear, and one breaks from cover to rush anon nce, figures the final perp, he's backed into a c >anon bursts from his room, dual C9's blazing, with dozens more tucked into his waistband and various holsters strapped to his body like some sort of new age pirate, he fires round after round, dropping guns as they empty and replacing them with fresh hi point power >final perp has s--- and p----- himself at this point as he becomes riddled by a wave of rounds fired by low cost high reliability all American weaponry
Anonymous 01/20/16(Wed)20:21:49 No.286238253286239342228624131 2328624272 File: C9.ipg (272 KB, 1024x768) 28612009 (OP) l use them to have hidden in every room of my house, so I'm not caught off guard One hidden in the living room One hidden in the bathroom (in easy reach from both the shower AND toilet) One hidden in the garage One hidden in the kitchen The other two main rooms have the bulk of my other guns It's easy, you just save 35 bucks from each paycheck, and 4 paychecks later, you have 140 dollars, more than enough to buy a used HP C9 at your local monthly gun show, plus some 9mm Never get caught off guard again! I figure I won't need an extra mag for each pistol, because the goal is to fight my way to either my room or the computer room, where the rest of my more powerful guns are Anonymous 01/20/16(Wed)20:53:35 No.28624272 28624328 28624382 >28623825 >middle of the night >boom, boom, crash! >anon was in the garage working on some project >picks up his trusty C9 near him, sees the perps, and begins firing >perps are not deterred and begin to fire back from near the front of the house >anon mov >"click*, picks up new C9 in a flash and keeps firing >perps are becoming shaken by now, how the f--- does he keep firing? >anon leaps from the kitchen to the back of his couch in the living room >click, the >picking up his new C9 from behind the couch, anon lays a few rounds in the advancing perp >with his dying thoughts, he believes anon's humble hi-point c9 was a font of infinite bullets >other perp is beginning to lose his composure, but is still firing >anon moves towards his room and disappears behind the wall es towards the kitchen from the garage, still firing perps hear, and one breaks from cover to rush anon nce, figures the final perp, he's backed into a c >anon bursts from his room, dual C9's blazing, with dozens more tucked into his waistband and various holsters strapped to his body like some sort of new age pirate, he fires round after round, dropping guns as they empty and replacing them with fresh hi point power >final perp has s--- and p----- himself at this point as he becomes riddled by a wave of rounds fired by low cost high reliability all American weaponry

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to go through nych evs hat hough puahing frough to be buying de of highwy and ACHO ady sough o theae someting lx them a ion for the eel low days nge stat comes in and sans yeling at he
to go through nych evs hat hough puahing frough to be buying de of highwy and ACHO ady sough o theae someting lx them a ion for the eel low days nge stat comes in and sans yeling at he

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Anonymous 11/14/14(Fri)22:48:07 No.2360188823501933 23301938 2350194 23502000 Ok, moar Hummel >still basic training >kid gets chosen to read The Soldier's Creed in front of the entire company >kid can barely remember how to wipe his ass, much less recite a paragraph >he approaches the front of the formation, nervous and visibly sweating >i am pretty sure spaghetti began to manifest in his cargo pockets >he takes his position in front of the formation, everyone is standing tight at attention >he clears his throat, takes a deep breath THE ARMY CREED! >somehow manages to f--- it up by the second word >1SG is visibly upset, entire formation begins to smirk and chortle >he attempts it again THE SOLDIERS CREED! >he proceeds to the second line, and falters yet again >this repeats for a solid 15 minutes >eventually one of the drill sergeants presents him with a handy notepad, with the creed written on it >f---- it up again, while reading it >eventually approaches the "I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the united states" part >says "T WILL EMPLOY THE ENEMIES OF THE UNITED STATES realizes his mistake, says "F---" out loud, then starts over reaches the same point WILL DESTROY THE UNITED STATES" >everyone is dying at this point >drill sergeant has dropped his military bearings and tripped on them s--- turns to chaos >eventually gets it right, after a good hour or two >1SG makes him the Company Guide for having the balls to destroy the USA O Anonymous 11/14/14 (Fri)22:49:49 No.23601914 goddamn l'd recommend Hummel for OCS if it wouldn't be such a waste of a damn-fine enlisted man Anonymous 11/14/14 (Fri)22:51:35 No.2360193323801974 File: 1413368873966.ipg (116 KB, 673x1005) 23601888 SG makes him the Company Guide for having the balls to destroy the USA swear to god, we'll be reading about Hummel the supersoldier 10 years from now Anonymous 11/14/14(Fri)22:51:49 No.23601936 File: 3797567 ipa (33 KB, 623x556) 2223801974 >"I WILL DESTROY THE UNITED STATES I'm drunk and this s--- i hilarious more pls Anonymous 11/14/14(Fri)22:52:26 No.23601946 2223801974 23601888 >says "T WILL EMPLOY THE ENEMIES OF THE UNITED STATES realizes his mistake, says "F---" out loud, then starts over And this is the moment were my side dies
Anonymous 11/14/14(Fri)22:48:07 No.2360188823501933 23301938 2350194 23502000 Ok, moar Hummel >still basic training >kid gets chosen to read The Soldier's Creed in front of the entire company >kid can barely remember how to wipe his ass, much less recite a paragraph >he approaches the front of the formation, nervous and visibly sweating >i am pretty sure spaghetti began to manifest in his cargo pockets >he takes his position in front of the formation, everyone is standing tight at attention >he clears his throat, takes a deep breath THE ARMY CREED! >somehow manages to f--- it up by the second word >1SG is visibly upset, entire formation begins to smirk and chortle >he attempts it again THE SOLDIERS CREED! >he proceeds to the second line, and falters yet again >this repeats for a solid 15 minutes >eventually one of the drill sergeants presents him with a handy notepad, with the creed written on it >f---- it up again, while reading it >eventually approaches the "I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the united states" part >says "T WILL EMPLOY THE ENEMIES OF THE UNITED STATES realizes his mistake, says "F---" out loud, then starts over reaches the same point WILL DESTROY THE UNITED STATES" >everyone is dying at this point >drill sergeant has dropped his military bearings and tripped on them s--- turns to chaos >eventually gets it right, after a good hour or two >1SG makes him the Company Guide for having the balls to destroy the USA O Anonymous 11/14/14 (Fri)22:49:49 No.23601914 goddamn l'd recommend Hummel for OCS if it wouldn't be such a waste of a damn-fine enlisted man Anonymous 11/14/14 (Fri)22:51:35 No.2360193323801974 File: 1413368873966.ipg (116 KB, 673x1005) 23601888 SG makes him the Company Guide for having the balls to destroy the USA swear to god, we'll be reading about Hummel the supersoldier 10 years from now Anonymous 11/14/14(Fri)22:51:49 No.23601936 File: 3797567 ipa (33 KB, 623x556) 2223801974 >"I WILL DESTROY THE UNITED STATES I'm drunk and this s--- i hilarious more pls Anonymous 11/14/14(Fri)22:52:26 No.23601946 2223801974 23601888 >says "T WILL EMPLOY THE ENEMIES OF THE UNITED STATES realizes his mistake, says "F---" out loud, then starts over And this is the moment were my side dies

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Anonymous 10/12/12(Fri)02:28 No.13009880 Replies: 22 13010945 221301102922 13011167 22 13013831 File: 135 34130.ipg-(87 KB, 500x400, 1315038093815.jpg) > Be swedish soldier >Company is in the field, education check > Making sure we can do our jobs with lack of sleep, almost no food, constant physical strain, no idea what's going on etc. Hard as f---. > On last day, they bring us back to base, clean and put away weapons, then gather for formation in a clearing. s Company Commander holds this little speech, ending it with "and the last thing you need to do is run across this clearing to that table over there, stacked with food, coke, candy etc. Go eat!" YOU SON DEA BITCR > Fuckyear.jpg all around > When suddenly a wild spiderman appears! > It is really one of the officers, in a spiderman bodysuit > Jumps around in front of us, screaming "Don't take ma' food, don't take ma' food!" > Does his "I shoot web" pose towards our food-laden table, which promptly explodes. > Machineguns firing errywhere, they tell us to flee! >Spend the rest of the night dodging foot patrols, cars and (or so they told us) dogs. > Rain the whole time To this day, this is mfw spiderman
Anonymous 10/12/12(Fri)02:28 No.13009880 Replies: 22 13010945 221301102922 13011167 22 13013831 File: 135 34130.ipg-(87 KB, 500x400, 1315038093815.jpg) > Be swedish soldier >Company is in the field, education check > Making sure we can do our jobs with lack of sleep, almost no food, constant physical strain, no idea what's going on etc. Hard as f---. > On last day, they bring us back to base, clean and put away weapons, then gather for formation in a clearing. s Company Commander holds this little speech, ending it with "and the last thing you need to do is run across this clearing to that table over there, stacked with food, coke, candy etc. Go eat!" YOU SON DEA BITCR > Fuckyear.jpg all around > When suddenly a wild spiderman appears! > It is really one of the officers, in a spiderman bodysuit > Jumps around in front of us, screaming "Don't take ma' food, don't take ma' food!" > Does his "I shoot web" pose towards our food-laden table, which promptly explodes. > Machineguns firing errywhere, they tell us to flee! >Spend the rest of the night dodging foot patrols, cars and (or so they told us) dogs. > Rain the whole time To this day, this is mfw spiderman

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The tragedy of Anita Sarkeesian

>> O Anonymous 01/01/16(Fri)12:22:46 No.64327482 >>64329434竺643308342264334000 File: anakin-palpatine.ipg (10 KB, 500x211) have you ever heard the tragedy of Anita Sarkeesian? no. l thought not, it's not a pasta the janitors would let you see. It's a feminist legend... Anita Sarkeesian was a youtube eceleb so powerful, and so manipulative, she could use feminism to influence the millenials to create... Social justice. She had such a knowledge of feminism, she could even have people give her hundreds of thousands of dollars and press attention... for doing nothing she could actually... get money, for free? identity politics are a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural >what happened to her she became so powerful, the only thing she was afraid of was... losing her power- which eventually of course, she did. Unfortunately, she taught her followers everything she knew, then her followers made their own twitters and youtube channels and leeched her subscriber base away. Ironic. She could save feminism from irrelevancy... but not herself. is it possible to lean this power? >Not from anon.
>> O Anonymous 01/01/16(Fri)12:22:46 No.64327482 >>64329434竺643308342264334000 File: anakin-palpatine.ipg (10 KB, 500x211) have you ever heard the tragedy of Anita Sarkeesian? no. l thought not, it's not a pasta the janitors would let you see. It's a feminist legend... Anita Sarkeesian was a youtube eceleb so powerful, and so manipulative, she could use feminism to influence the millenials to create... Social justice. She had such a knowledge of feminism, she could even have people give her hundreds of thousands of dollars and press attention... for doing nothing she could actually... get money, for free? identity politics are a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural >what happened to her she became so powerful, the only thing she was afraid of was... losing her power- which eventually of course, she did. Unfortunately, she taught her followers everything she knew, then her followers made their own twitters and youtube channels and leeched her subscriber base away. Ironic. She could save feminism from irrelevancy... but not herself. is it possible to lean this power? >Not from anon.

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300x400, dwgdawq jP9) 88 □ Anonymous (ID: WuGlpM) 09/18/12(Tue)22 49 04 No 425967258 Reples:-259 be 16 > exchange student from Japan joins classroom > fall in love immediately > she was the cutest girl ive ever seen s we exchange a few words but she know little english s she moves to another classroom and we never see each other anymore > be 4 months later at a house party s sees her from across the room approach her and ask how she was doing she said she was fine and we sat down to talk y she tells me she has been doing great in america and that she is on a english for forei s we talk some more > i ask if she was on a relationship > she said no say "me neither" and smiled s we keep talking > she starts rubbing my leg with her hand s HOOOOLY F--- my heart starts racing s my alpha instincts activate and i whisper on her ear 3 i hear there is a room empty upstairs care to join me? s she agrees and we go > we enter the room and i approach to kiss her > she is a little shy and all that but we make out an all that s we lay on the bed and she takes her clothes off > "anon, take my bra off feels like a rubiks cube but i am able to do it s she has small but cool t--- i was about to take her pants off when i hear a siff > "hey, what's wrong? 9 she is crying > "anon, i have to tell you something s we both sit down on the bed > "i never told this to anyone what is ? > "It's that >"what > "You're what? It's ok, im your friend. You're" Im the scatman" ifunny.ce
300x400, dwgdawq jP9) 88 □ Anonymous (ID: WuGlpM) 09/18/12(Tue)22 49 04 No 425967258 Reples:-259 be 16 > exchange student from Japan joins classroom > fall in love immediately > she was the cutest girl ive ever seen s we exchange a few words but she know little english s she moves to another classroom and we never see each other anymore > be 4 months later at a house party s sees her from across the room approach her and ask how she was doing she said she was fine and we sat down to talk y she tells me she has been doing great in america and that she is on a english for forei s we talk some more > i ask if she was on a relationship > she said no say "me neither" and smiled s we keep talking > she starts rubbing my leg with her hand s HOOOOLY F--- my heart starts racing s my alpha instincts activate and i whisper on her ear 3 i hear there is a room empty upstairs care to join me? s she agrees and we go > we enter the room and i approach to kiss her > she is a little shy and all that but we make out an all that s we lay on the bed and she takes her clothes off > "anon, take my bra off feels like a rubiks cube but i am able to do it s she has small but cool t--- i was about to take her pants off when i hear a siff > "hey, what's wrong? 9 she is crying > "anon, i have to tell you something s we both sit down on the bed > "i never told this to anyone what is ? > "It's that >"what > "You're what? It's ok, im your friend. You're" Im the scatman" ifunny.ce

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