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Cezary Ja... @ostrichson.bsky.social Following I'm playing two chess grandmasters by mail. One as white, the other as black. I just send them each other's moves. They both think I'm a genius. Both invite me to their homes to make love to their wives as they watch from the closet. That's when I secretly charge all my electronics. Free electricity January 4, 2025 at 10:57 PM
Cezary Ja... @ostrichson.bsky.social Following I'm playing two chess grandmasters by mail. One as white, the other as black. I just send them each other's moves. They both think I'm a genius. Both invite me to their homes to make love to their wives as they watch from the closet. That's when I secretly charge all my electronics. Free electricity January 4, 2025 at 10:57 PM

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Way to be

Will Manidis @WillManidis Follow discovered a buddy from college gaslit himself into loving running by applying a nicotine patch everytime he ran, and only when he ran on his fifth marathon 7:36 pm 26 Nov 2023 7.6M Views 9
Will Manidis @WillManidis Follow discovered a buddy from college gaslit himself into loving running by applying a nicotine patch everytime he ran, and only when he ran on his fifth marathon 7:36 pm 26 Nov 2023 7.6M Views 9

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That is evil

Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix When a coworker is leaving the company and the goodbye card gets passed around I always sign it, "I am so sad to see you go. I've always had a huge crush on you" but without signing a name.
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix When a coworker is leaving the company and the goodbye card gets passed around I always sign it, "I am so sad to see you go. I've always had a huge crush on you" but without signing a name.

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Not a now problem

Pop Ting3 3 Pop Tingz @ThePopTingz. 2d NASA warns about an asteroid that may collide with Earth in 2032. Bodog Casino @BodogCasino_ Sounds like a 2032 problem 9:37 PM - 02/02/25
Pop Ting3 3 Pop Tingz @ThePopTingz. 2d NASA warns about an asteroid that may collide with Earth in 2032. Bodog Casino @BodogCasino_ Sounds like a 2032 problem 9:37 PM - 02/02/25

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This koi pond

Phillip Thurgood @barbourlover - 22h ✓ Chinese buffet koi pond is one of the more ridiculous things I've ever seen.
Phillip Thurgood @barbourlover - 22h ✓ Chinese buffet koi pond is one of the more ridiculous things I've ever seen.

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Just accept it

Matt Margolis @ItsMatts Law Follow Aliens (completely bewildered) so the groundhog Me: is clairvoyant, yes
Matt Margolis @ItsMatts Law Follow Aliens (completely bewildered) so the groundhog Me: is clairvoyant, yes

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I feel attacked

Abbie @AbbieEvansXO [buying something online that in the pre-internet era I would've had to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and leave the house to do] Website: you have to go get your wallet now Me: this is bull
Abbie @AbbieEvansXO [buying something online that in the pre-internet era I would've had to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and leave the house to do] Website: you have to go get your wallet now Me: this is bull

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This language is not real

rudy betrayed @rudy_betrayed Follow There's no f------ way that "we're having a serious problem" in Dutch is just: "we hebben een serieus probleem" Geert Wilders @geertwilderspvv • Jan 17 We hebben een serieus probleem met de politieke ontwikkelingen mbt de dwangwet en ik hoop dat dat de komende dagen kan worden opgelost. 8:55 PM Jan 18, 2024 869.2K Views . •
rudy betrayed @rudy_betrayed Follow There's no f------ way that "we're having a serious problem" in Dutch is just: "we hebben een serieus probleem" Geert Wilders @geertwilderspvv • Jan 17 We hebben een serieus probleem met de politieke ontwikkelingen mbt de dwangwet en ik hoop dat dat de komende dagen kan worden opgelost. 8:55 PM Jan 18, 2024 869.2K Views . •

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That's my love language

Lily Sullivan @LilyYily my love language is cooking elaborate meals screaming at everyone to get out of the kitchen then loudly announcing the food was NOT MY BEST and waiting for compliments 7:00 PM - 2022-03-20 Twitter for iPhone • 77 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 1,213 Likes
Lily Sullivan @LilyYily my love language is cooking elaborate meals screaming at everyone to get out of the kitchen then loudly announcing the food was NOT MY BEST and waiting for compliments 7:00 PM - 2022-03-20 Twitter for iPhone • 77 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 1,213 Likes

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It's all about balance

Adam Hess @adamhess1 Took 28 years to realise that no matter what the meeting is about, if you randomly chime in with 'it's just about finding that balance' people will always agree.
Adam Hess @adamhess1 Took 28 years to realise that no matter what the meeting is about, if you randomly chime in with 'it's just about finding that balance' people will always agree.

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Regret forever

Amanda Bates @Batemeddy What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child? young gunner @machinegunkelly Naptime was a punishment.
Amanda Bates @Batemeddy What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child? young gunner @machinegunkelly Naptime was a punishment.

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How awful

Jesse Case @jessecase I'm a PROUD bidet user, but it didn't occur to me how losing power in 0° weather would affect the water temp. I think I just had what could be called a religious experience with that bidet. Like, I saw things.
Jesse Case @jessecase I'm a PROUD bidet user, but it didn't occur to me how losing power in 0° weather would affect the water temp. I think I just had what could be called a religious experience with that bidet. Like, I saw things.

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That's the nice part

Ginny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan_ If you work from home, you might go multiple days without speaking to another human being, but there are downsides too
Ginny Hogan_ @ginnyhogan_ If you work from home, you might go multiple days without speaking to another human being, but there are downsides too

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Here kitty kitty

Slippy @damnslippy.slippy.me Sincerely delighted to discover, 45 minutes into this nearly-wordless three-hour documentary about French monks who take vows of silence, that among the reasons they *can* talk is "to make sure the monastery cats know when it's mealtime by making little kitty-calling noises at them."
Slippy @damnslippy.slippy.me Sincerely delighted to discover, 45 minutes into this nearly-wordless three-hour documentary about French monks who take vows of silence, that among the reasons they *can* talk is "to make sure the monastery cats know when it's mealtime by making little kitty-calling noises at them."

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It's true

CANADA @kingtorc If you're over 35, hire movers Your friends don't want to slip a disc for pizza and 2 bud lights.
CANADA @kingtorc If you're over 35, hire movers Your friends don't want to slip a disc for pizza and 2 bud lights.

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I get it

Colleen @Coll3enG my mom and I were driving and I decided to call my grandma and my grandma was like "hey sweetie I can't talk right now, your mom's at my door" and i was like "grandma I'm driving with my mom right now" and my grandma just said "oh darn you caught me, I just don't want to talk"
Colleen @Coll3enG my mom and I were driving and I decided to call my grandma and my grandma was like "hey sweetie I can't talk right now, your mom's at my door" and i was like "grandma I'm driving with my mom right now" and my grandma just said "oh darn you caught me, I just don't want to talk"

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