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![26KB, 400x400, Thinking ape.jpg View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Trace Enough is Enough: A Thinking Ape's Critique of Trans-Simianism Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 11:22:29 No.12135728 View Reply Original Report Quoted By: >>12135748 The following was taken from a cave wall painting in southern Tunisia more than 300,000 years ago. Fossil evidence suggests that the author was of the species H--- erectus. To further expound upon the topic of last week's installment, I will address the more specific claims of Dr. Klomp and his radical theory that has been gaining wider acceptance throughout the community. Once again I would like to thank our readers for sending in your fish bones and boar hides in support of this journalist's campaign to expose Dr. Klomp's trans-simianist prattle for what it is: a collection of wishful thoughts out of keeping with any factual evidence. View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Trace vert_homo erectus1.jpg, 15KiB, 220x242 Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 11:23:29 No.12135742 Quoted By: >>12135788 Klomp's primary argument rests on what he calls the 'Quickening,' an imagined point somewhere in the future when the advancement of 'culture' occurs so rapidly that its pace will far exceed that of biological evolution. In his own words, The term 'trans-simian' comes from the shortening of 'transitional simian,' a concept Dr. Klomp has developed to describe an individual who is in an evolutionary transition from simian to post-simian, though Klomp himself admits that he is not entirely clear what a true post-simian would be. Characteristics exhibited by a trans-simian include augmentation of one's natural abilities with 'tools,' as well as one's mental capacities with what has been dubbed 'culture.' Pardon this author for not holding his breath. View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Trace HomoErectus.jpg, 26KiB, 300x275 "There will come a time when within a single generation we will develop one or possibly even two new ideas... Current advancements in the 'bow' and 'arrow' industries suggest an exponential trend in the expansion of our technological capacities. We are able to perform hunts in a fraction of the time it took our ancestors, thus freeing up valuable time to think of new ideas. In the post-simian world, we may develop into a species that is not only intellectually superior to our current state, but capable of feats beyond the comprehension of a contemporary simian." Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 11:26:29 No.12135758 Report Quoted By: >>12135788 >>12135814 Notice that Klomp cherry-picks discoveries to better support his argument of an exponential growth. It took more than a million years to develop fire and the hand-ax, and yet Klomp believes simply because took only 2,000 years to develop bows and arrows that new inventions will spring up in even shorter timeframes. This theory is an expansion of 'Morg's Law,' which states that since a sharpened rock can in turn become a chisel to make an even sharper rock, that the sharpness of hand-axes will increase exponentially over the span of tens of thousands of years. While Morg's Law has so far proven accurate, Klomp can't escape the reality that there is an upper limit, namely that a rock can only become so sharp. We have already noticed a slight decline in the growth of hand-ax sharpness, but Klomp insists that when the potential of stone axes becomes exhausted, new materials will be discovered to replace the rocks and continue the exponential trend of sharpness. As of the time of this article, however, he has provided no evidence of what these miracle rocks are. Klomp also argues that there will come a time when we will use tools to create other tools, though naturally this is a laughable fiction since there has never been any recorded evidence of a tool making another tool, or even any records for that matter. View Same Google iqdb -Thog Report SauceNAO Trace H----Erectus.jpg, 25KiB, 400x268 Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 11:27:29 No.12135769 Report Another factor in Klomp's post-simian world is the development of "abstract thought" that will be aided by "the ability to store memories and thoughts outside our brains onto physical media, perhaps on flattened tree bark. To achieve this we will have to overcome the problem of turning words, which are sounds, into things we can see, but given current trends this is an engineering issue that will ultimately be resolved. This will be the real catalyst for the Quickening, when the memories of one generation will literally become immortal and then build upon the memories of the next, creating a sort of mass mind that experts in my field are calling "history." In the post-simian world our era might even be referred to as pre-history." Here we see Klomp's predictions descend from unsupported speculation to sheer fantasy. His recent cave painting, The Quickening is Near, explains in great detail different methods we may employ to transform words into some kind of visible format, but all are incomplete. The simple fact remains that words are sounds, not pictures, and no amount of wishing will change that. Even if such a thing were possible, it is doubtful that many would wish to store their memories externally. This author, for one, would prefer it if his memories stayed in his head and not on some cold, lifeless bark. View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Trace HomoErectu2s.jpg, 12KiB, 425x312 Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 11:30:29 No.12135784 Report Quoted By: >>12135790 The most shocking of Klomp's predictions, however, is that we apes will have little or no place in the post-simian world. "As technological progress outpaces biology, new selective pressures will arise that will force our species to evolve mentally and physically beyond what we are now. This is the same trend that gave rise to our own intelligent species, but it will only accelerate in the coming generations. Our new environment increasingly favors higher dexterity and intelligence, and so the true post-simian will not be an ape at all. It will share some similarities with the modern ape, but at the same time possess capacities far beyond our comprehension. The thought capacity of a single post-simian could be greater than the combined brains of every ape in the world." More intelligent than an ape? Klomp fails to explain just what a post-ape can think of that we mere mortals cannot. The capacity of the simian mind is already far beyond any animal in the world: We are capable of using speech to let others know where we are, where to sleep and eat, and where to find shelter when it rains. Exactly how fast do we need our brains to be to figure these things out? When will we decide that enough is enough? Let us assume, for the sake of argument, that such a post-simian future is possible or even probable. Is it really a world we should want to strive for, where our very ape nature is stripped away in the name of efficiency? Technologies such as the bow and arrow already desimianize the act of hunting. While our ancestors were able to experience the pure ape feeling of clubbing an animal to death with a rock, we are left with the cold, sterilized bow that kills cleanly and quickly from a safe distance. This separation from basic daily activities is a slippery slope. View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Trace h--- erectus.jpg, 14KiB, 191x400 Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 11:31:29 No.12135790 Report Quoted By: >>12135795 >>12135784 What would happen if we no longer had to gather fruits and nuts, and they simply grew wherever we wanted them, or had drinking water flow right to our feet instead of wandering in search of streams for days? These seeming conveniences would rob us of what it means to be an ape. View Same Google iqdb SauceNAO Trace H--- erectus (rs) copy.jpg, 11KiB, 362x253 Klomp predicts that through a technology called 'hygiene' we could extend the simian lifespan well into the late 20s or possibly 30s. What exactly will the post-simian do with all that time? Do we really want to live in a society populated by geriatric 27-year-olds? In living so long and spending so much time 'thinking,' do we not also run the risk of becoming a cold, passionless race incapable of experiencing our two emotions (fear and not fear)? How much of our simianity are we willing to sacrifice for this notion of progress? Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 11:32:29 No.12135795 Report >>12135790 Rest assured that while Klomp may have accru ed a recent following, there is no reality to his fantastic claims. What is concerning is the increasing number of young apes spending less time clubbing animals and more time 'inventing,' 'thinking' and 'creating,' none of which contribute to the preservation of the simian way of life. These sorts of fads come and go, however, and this author is confident that in a short while everyone will have forgotten about Klomp and the notion of being anything more than an ape." Professor of Finding an Animal and then Killing It, The University of the Woods Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 16:29:29 No.12138459 Report While I disagree with Klomp's conclusions, I can't help but find the fanciful ideas titillating. Imagine the possibilities - blades that could be longer than a forefinger, simians that could count their lifespans with two sets of hands and feet, even devices that could somehow move objects from one place to another without hurting knees and backs! Perhaps methods could be found that preserve language and transfer ideas from one location to another. The myriad concepts are beyond imagination - and yet they will not likely be reality. I don't see Klomp's ideas coming to fruition any more than I could see this "walking" fad lasting more than a few years. Still, Klomp would make a great legend-talker. I'd love to hear what stories he could conjure from the cave fires. Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 16:33:29 No.12138506 Report Grog, the Associate Professor of Helping To Kill An Animal After Professor Finds It: "Yes, Mr Thog, and I must admit another trans-simianistic threat - the bloody desacration of Holy Water by swimming and attempts to settle on the Other Side! Imagine, they say apes will soon learn to swim as only fish can! What a blasphemy. It is obvious than swimming badly deformates our sceleton, unnaturally spoils our body and mind and those who swam are cursed for disturbing One Who Lives On The Other Side! And those crazy swimmers - imagine - try to eat fish!" Thog: "FISH? What a hell! It is well known that eating cold-blooded creatures makes our blood cold and makes us half ape, half fish! Hasn't Mr Papa declared Seven New Taboos including fishing and eating fish! This is worse that eating other apes! Beat them all!" Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 16:34:29 No.12138518 Report Quoted By: >>12138534 [48/9] Naturally, Professor Thog continues to extol the acts of killing animals by rock in hand instead of using the arrow. Thog, as all tenured professors seem to be going back into the mists of what the older people remember and tell me happened, wishes for nothing more than for before-now to replace now, and refuses to accept the very existence of 'soon.' As with all things, truth can be found not in Thog's worship of what was and Klomp's wild fantasies of what he thinks will be, but in the practical study of what is,* right now. Our flintknapping techniques make our clubs into axes, our rocks into knives. We use our knives to make our sticks pointed sticks. We use our pointed sticks and more flintknapping to make spears. This is not some bizarre "post-simian" evolution -- this is simply what *is.* Could we make better spears, arrows, axes and knives? Perhaps, if we should come across harder rocks. We have done some interesting things with the red rocks from the valley-where-Tog-once-bit-that-Lynx-Man-you-should-have-seen-it-it-was-hysterical. But this is no 'evolution,' even if Klomp claims it would be. This is simply finding harder rocks. The harder rocks were there. We already know how to flintknap. Klomp mistakes engineering for philosophy. Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 16:35:29 No.12138534 Report >>12138518 But as mist-eyed as Klomp is, I would take it over Thog. Thog, who 'teaches' others to find animals and then kill them, but who hasn't himself found an animal and killed it since he was thirteen. Tenure, thy name is laziness. Of course Thog teaches the old ways. He does not have to use them. And yet, his students still come and ask for spears and bows. The women still learn to bang the rocks into each other to flake off the sharp bits, and the men learn it too when they do not have a woman to do it. If Thog is concerned with his inner Simian nature, let him pour water over his fire, throw his spear and bow out, stop making students bring him part of their kill as 'tuition,' and see how long he lasts killing animals with unknapped stone. Frankly, I doubt it would be overly long before a bear eats him. A *bear,* who we have long since made our meals rather than the other way around. In the end, by focusing on the *now* instead of the then* or the *soon, we shall persevere. Let us not become Beavers, spending all our time stacking ridiculous wood and blocking the water. Nothing productive ever came from planning. --Hork, Professor of Banging Rocks into other Rocks To Make Sharp Rocks The University of the Woods at the Caves By The Woods Anonymous Sat 18 Sep 2010 16:41:29 No.12138607 Report You know I must say I was with Klomp's theories until he began to talk of domesticating animals. He theorizes that by training and selectively breeding wolves, they may become more intelligent than they are now. *More* intelligent wolves! Surely they would rise up and destroy our way of life; it is impossible for ape and wolf to coexist peacefully, and anyone who says otherwise is an evil spirit and must, as you know, be sacrificed to Oh-my-god-that-mountain-is-on-fire Mountain.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/002/489/659/32b.png "Enough is Enough: A Thinking Ape’s Critique of Trans-Simianism")
![[-] Jenkin 54 points 2 years ago This is all I think about anymore. I think that in the next 50-odd years the long-term survival of humanity will be determined, in that we either get the technological singularity that solves all our problems or global warming and resource depletion reaches a point where we can never again regain the prosperity of the late 20th century Then again, progress and s--- doesn't make me happy. I'm totally down with just hunter-gathering and/or subsistence farming. I don't mean to seem like I care about material things like a social status. I just want four walls and adobe slabs for my girls permalink ↑ [-] Clelland 19 points 2 years ago Unsurprising that a singularist would also like Animal Collective permalink parent](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/masonry/000/260/980/bcd.png "bcd.png")
