Scott Adams, creator of long-running sensible chuckle comic Dilbert and outspoken conservative Twitter personality, spent the weekend bewildering Twitter by posting a lengthy thread in which he mostly listed all the bad things that have happened to him.

Number of times a real gun has been pointed at my head: 5

— Scott Adams (@ScottAdamsSays) April 17, 2022

Over the course of a dozen-ish of tweets, Adams went down a lengthy list enumerating the various events in his life, such as "Number of major auto accidents I have been in: 3" and "Number of times my car stereo has been stolen: 4." Adams also bragged about some events in his life in a couple of unintentionally hilarious tweets, such as the one about the number of fights he had been in, claiming he "attacked two bullies" as a teenager but that it didn't count as a fight because "they surrendered without countering."

Number of “fights” I have ever been in: zero. I attacked two bullies in my teen years but they surrendered without countering.

— Scott Adams (@ScottAdamsSays) April 17, 2022

Number of incurable health issues I cured in myself: 3

— Scott Adams (@ScottAdamsSays) April 17, 2022

There are several other gems in Adams' thread that beg for more context, such as "Number of times someone stole more than $50,000 from me: 5-7 times" and "Number of times I was disciplined by parents or teachers during childhood: zero," which struck many as highly improbable.

It's unclear why Adams went on this thread, considering the statistics Adams runs down seem to have little relation to each other. Whatever the reason, Twitter users were left to simply applaud the masterfully inane bit of posting and fired off jokes at Adams' expense.

DANNY OCEAN: Alright guys here’s the score. There’s $50,000 in unmarked bills at scott adams house. you know the drill we’ve already done this like 5-7 times

— aLec robBins (@alecrobbins) April 18, 2022

“You can’t shoot me in the head! I created Dilbert!” – Scott Adams on five separate occasions in his life

— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) April 18, 2022

Number of times I have been strangled between an assassin’s thighs: 6-8

Number of times I’ve been targeted by jewel thieves: 14

Number of times I’ve been decapitated: 5

— MKupperman (@MKupperman) April 18, 2022

Imagining Scott Adams getting robbed for >$50k for the 7th time and, w/ great weariness, updating his spreadsheet labeled “crimes” https://t.co/lrpFzFcdxc

— Erin Somers (@SomersErin) April 18, 2022

If it were me, I would be asking myself why I am constantly being put in these absolutely insane situations. https://t.co/dYuNdfRqhc

— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) April 18, 2022

We can never know if Scott Adams is telling the truth about his allegedly action-packed life, but even if the whole thing turns out to be an elaborate, inexplicable lie, one thing is certain for many of his followers: The thread was funnier than Dilbert.

This thread is approximately 100,000 times funnier than all the Dilbert strips combined. Adams has truly found his comedic voice. https://t.co/g1QyTVOaiO

— Jeet Heer (@HeerJeet) April 18, 2022