this is my first time translating, so if there are any grammar mistake please tell me.
( I'm not an English speaker )

Textbook editor and former English teacher here. Your translation is quite good. It can be understood with little effort, and that's the goal. However, if you want feedback so you can improve your English language skills, I'd be happy to oblige.
Moving right to left:
Panel 1 Speech Bubble 1: "Burn these photos." Should be plural.
P5 SB2: Remove question mark after "moment." Replace with comma.
P5 SB6, probably best to use another question mark after "kay."
Ellipses (. . .) are overused throughout, but that seems to be a common thing for manga. It's probably acceptable to keep for stylistic purposes.
Also, in P5 SB4, I'd say use the contraction "We'll" instead of "We will." It's not wrong as it is, but I feel like "We'll" is more fitting for Cheap Trick's speech patterns.