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180 Views • Created 3 years ago By Soup King • Updated 3 years ago

Created By Soup King • Updated 3 years ago

Whimsical Warfare: The Battle of Karánsebes

I Anonymous 07/23/17(Sun)08:34:12 No.54478410 >>54478535 File: Beer run gone wild.jpg (26 KB, 400x300) Source: >>54477742 Now as you all know, a beer-run is a highly organised and complicated operation. You need to make sure you have the exact amount of money you need, so the least amount of time is spent fumbling for wallets and drinking said beer. Everyone's order must be written down. Drinking the wrong beer is only slightly better than drinking no beer. You might even have to drink lager, yuck. Always have a safe form of transport available for the beer run. If you take risks, you could hurt yourself; but worst of all you might hurt the beer. The best example of what not to do can be found in the sorry tale of Karansebes. Back before the invention of top hats and stiff-upper lips, the Austrians had come to the terrible realisation that, mid-way through the party, all they had left was yucky lager. Bleuch! Sensing the terrible urgency of the situation, the King Swinger, Joseph 2 the boogaloo, sent out his most experienced bros, the hussars, to fetch more quality beer. Knowing that beer was cheaper over the border in Turkey, 100'000 slightly tipsy hussars thundered off into the distance. After only losing their way twice, the hussars and assorted bros found the Off-license they were searching for. After all 100'000 bros showed their driving licenses to the clerk, they found out they did not bring enough change. A foolish mistake. Whilst they were mucking about with ATM machines, the party was beginning to slow. The communal Pimms punch could only last for so long after all. Being exposed to the notoriously chilly Turkish night air had only exasperated the drunken state of our poor heroes. To be cont... I Anonymous 07/23/17(Sun)08:48:36 No.54478535 ► >>54478410 It was decided to grab anything that looked beerish and retum as fast as they could before they all succumbed to the effects of hard partying. Unfortunately whilst they were racing back home, some fell off of their horses or became lost in the dark. This just goes to show that just because the horse is sober, it does not mean that it is safe to drink and ride. But do not worry, they were all safely collected by the Turkish Black Maltildas and delivered back home once they sobered up. After only losing only the small amount of 10% of their entire beer-carying strength, they returned to the party victorious. However, whilst parading their spoils, it was discovered that in their haste all they had brought was more lager. Despite happening over 200 years ago, this is still the worse recorded beer run in history. So just remember this and take heart in the next time you fail a beer run. Musical Re-telling: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbbHXz1pDls [Embed]
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Whimsical Warfare came about from a discussion on /tg/ on taking well known events in military history and subjecting them to disneyfication in order to make them as innocuous and cuddly as possible. Due to the more general nature of the content, and the lack of a /his/ entry, I felt they belonged here instead of being in the /tg/ entry.

So, yeah, this battle. There's nothing I can write here that won't make it sound like complete bullshit, it's just that stupid. However, to summarise, during the Anglo-Turkish War of 1787-1791, a bunch of Austrian scouts brought some booze off some gypsies, got drunk, fired upon their own troops when someone tried to take it off them which then caused the panicked troops to fire back, causing further chaos that led to the entire army of 100'000 men to attack themselves.

The following battle then claimed the lives of ten thousand men and allowed the Turkish forces to capture the city of Karánsebes with ease; as the defending force had managed to route itself.

For further reading, please see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Kar%C3%A1nsebes

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