O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)12:43:12 No.57411305 >>57410515 It just so happens that I found some 8 pointed symbols in your manor house. You are a witch. Time to be burned. O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)12:52:34 No.57411402 File: emperor karl franz.jpg (187 KB, 1280x1024) >>57408867 I am Emperor Karl Franz, and I declare the Skaven threat to be real. No Chaos creature shall walk in this Sigmar-blessed land, no matter if underground or abovel O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)13:00:28 No.57411508 >>57411402 Yeah, of course you'd say thatl Just wanna put more "state" guardsmen in Middenland, huh? Looking out for your stinkin' rats, though we all know what you're tryinga sniff outl We don't need your proclamations or your precious Sigmar, boy, Ulric and good honest steel's good enough for us! O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)13:16:26 No.57411756 File: witch_hunter_by_dukeiam-d(.).jpg (541 KB, 600x872) >>57411508 Directly referring to your Emperor in such a disrespectful manner is a most grave crime to the Empire's godly order. You are coming with me. onymous 01/13/18(Sat)14:58:09 No.57413360 File: Sir Harumphington the thirdjpg (241 KB, 754x1060) >>57411402 But of course my liege. As a loyal and diligent servant, I will endeavour to carry out your majesty's orders to the best of my ability. I shall add it to my list of duties and will, very soon, start work at rooting out this rat-man menace. The proud Harumphington line has yet to let down our most glorious leader and I most certainly do not plan to start today. As a side note sire, there has been a minor sickness in the area which causes sufferers to enter a short period of delirium. Not that I am implying your humours are out of balance of course, it's just that one can never be too careful with ones own health, can they now? I can assure you sire that my own personal physicians are more than up to the task if you have any worries what so ever. >>57411305 That's a dining plate, you illiterate buffoon. Then again I suppose people like you just feed out of troughs or with those grimy, little hands of yours. Because of this, I will forgive you your ignorance this once. Now, leave this place and return to your hovel; unless you want me to send some men to escort you out.

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File : 1285640447.jpg-(529 KB, 1024x762, 4654992908_4d5f391841_b.jpg) O LegoSpace The Goddamn Duck 09/27/10(Mon)22:20 No.12248169 FTL drive was always problematic, until Brik Theory was solidified. By envisioning the very fabric of reality as a series of interconnected bricks, which could be separated and immediately plugged back together, scientists were able to create a jump drive that worked by threading ships briefly through a nearby, mostly-empty dimension. Efficient. Quick. Safe, even within close proximity to planets. Surprisingly easy to maintain. The brik drive ushered in a new era of space exploration, and a joint project between several countries - the Futron Project. The moon bases were set up within months, complete with a top-of-the-line monorail connecting them, and the Mars base was fast-tracked. Then came Blacktron Enterprises. The company stole the secrets of the brik drive in pieces - bits from NASA, from Roscosmos, and - mostly - from the Chinese, who had already managed to piece together more than half the drive through their own security networks. Setting their sights on more distant goals, they started flooding nearby solar systems, setting claim to as many Class M planets as they could. Vessels from the Futron Project that entered Blacktron space were invariably raided for supplies, and usually taken captive, under the pretense that the Futron ships were "illegal invaders". When action was set to be taken against Blacktron, they responded by abandoning their corporate HQ on Earth, and relocating to Tau Centauri. This action prompted the creation of the Universal Code of Law, and the Space Police. O The Goddamn Duck 09/27/10(Mon)22:30 No.12248270 File1285641039.jpg-(352 KB, 1024x824, 4568072707_b695a464e4_b.jpg) >>12248169 The UCL was essentially maritime law applied to space travel, and was surprisingly straightforward for a committee-created code. As a result, the Space Police had a fairly easy time of their original duties - escorting Futron Project ships, protecting them from Blacktron raiders, and investigating criminal offenses that occurred on vessels - offenses that were, thankfully, rare in those days. After the raids became more blatant, and Blacktron vessels began raiding FP outposts directly, the Corporate Accord was passed, allowing the FP to treat Blacktron as a national body instead of merely a corporation. This allowed them to begin taking out Blacktron bases, declaring war on them officially. It also cleared the way for more corporations to legitimately take to the stars, and to found their own colonies, assured that in doing so they would be recognized by the vague terms of the Corporate Accord as national bodies themselves. The first was the Japanese MTron corporation, previously a leading company in robotics, who had fallen into financial problems in recent years. Funded by an influx of would-be colonists, they set themselves up as the first formally-recognized commercial cargo vessels to use the brik drive, as well as the first publicly-accessible interstellar flights. O The Goddamn Duck 09/27/10(Mon)22:45 No.12248422 File1285641908.jpg-(170 KB, 1024x721, 4755641811_9195c6b34d_b.jpg) >>12248270 At first, the MTron vessels were merely used as an auxiliary for Futron Project resources, as well as for tourist trade on their own colonies; they refused to service Blacktron colonies. The extra cargo capabilities were welcomed during what was technically wartime, and helped the resource-stretched Space Police to slowly overwhelm Blacktron forces. It wasn't until the next corporation stretched its wings outward that the Blacktron threat was nullified, however. The Tienshan Mining Group had colonized the recently-discovered M-Class planet Krysto, and was busily working at mining the planet - not only for the amazingly versatile substance Orangium, an isotope that was quickly built into their own tools and adopted by large slices of the galaxy as a power source, but also for water. Krysto was a world with two frigid, but inhabitable, poles, a tiny temperate zone, and a vast swath of uninhabitable volcanic belts about its equator. The result was a planet buffeted by constant, violent snowfall. This was also Blacktron's last temptation. Attempting to secure the Orangium mines as a way to boost their steadily-crumbling production, the Blaktron forces did not realize that A) they had committed far too much of their resources to the invasion, B) their vessels, which were specialized for space travel, would have issues icing up in the moisture-laden atmosphere, and C) the Space Police had already gotten word of their plans. The defeat was crushing; within the year, only a few distant outposts were still controlled by Blacktron forces, all of which were cut off from each other, and considered widely to be little more than bandits. O The Goddamn Duck 09/27/10(Mon)23:03 No.12248631 File1285642983.jpg-(222 KB, 800x569, display.cgi (1).jpg) >>12248422 After this, there was a massive influx of new groups seeking their fortune in the stars. The UK-based Unitron and Franco-Italian Exploriens began setting down roots, as did the Canadian-based Spyrius Corporation - which unabashedly admitted to stealing the brik drive, and most of their technology, instead of developing it themselves, pointing to the legacy of Apple and Microsoft. It was at this time that the aliens made themselves known. The first two examples of first contact were nearly concurrent. First, a ship emerging from brikspace was followed - and destroyed - by a sleek vessel with a half-disk shaped front end. A message transmitted from the hostile ship took nearly a year to decode, but stated in essence that further incursions into their space - the dimension that brik drive accessed - would not be tolerated. The Insectoids proved to be much more amicable to human presence. The initial contact, made by the Exploriens, proved that at least one race out there in the galaxy was intelligent and - more importantly - didn't want to kill us. A nonagression pact was quickly hammered out, languages shared, and in the wake of the struggle against the UFOS from Brikspace, the queen of the Insectoid people gifted the collective factions of humanity with information on a propulsion system that would allow us to pass through Brikspace without being detected by "The Aggressors". It worked - seemingly. The incursions from the transdimensional entities became far more sporadic, and easier to deal with. However, the new drive slowed travel considerably; its maximum speed was less than half that of the previous brik drive. And, in a twist that conspiracy theorists claim is far worse than the previous invasions, the queen now claimed that mankind owed them a favor - one she would collect on if she ever needed it. O The Goddamn Duck 09/27/10(Mon)23:12 No.12248727 >>12248631 From that point on, travel further from Earth resulted in contact with countless alien species. Mankind has proliferated among the stars, always going outwards, always seeking the next frontier. The Space Police are still around, although their aim has become more domestic, as the colony worlds have become less like scientific outposts and more like any other city on any other planet. Each of the other factions mentioned has remained, in some form... The Futron Project is still responsible for most near-Earth settlements, including the Mars base. They were the ones responsible for discovering the long-dormant Martian civilizations that rested beneath the dusty soil, and for sharing the brik drive with our neighbors - although the Martians have declined to use it so far, more than content with their self-sufficient communities. Futron Project vessels tend to be mostly scientific affairs, with top-of-the-line sensor arrays and onboard labs, although lightly armed. Their only agendas are exploration, and furthering diplomacy with extraterrestrial entities. However, the Futron Project has been slammed as being a "humans only" club, and even their spinoff peacekeeping force, the Space Police, has been criticized for anti-alien prejudices. The FP is on excellent terms with Unitron. They deal extensively with MTron, but consider their commercial leanings to be a detriment to their focus. They do not trust Spyrius, and avoid them whenever possible. Blacktron forces are under a shoot-on-sight order. Exploriens is viewed as a rival more than an ally, mostly because of their close connection to the barely-trusted Insectoids. O The Goddamn Duck 09/27/10(Mon)23:22 No.12248845 >>12248727 Unitron is considered by many to be the fringe-world equivalent of the Futron Project, and thať's not too far off. Their cities tend to be a bit more stark and utilitarian than the Futron equivalents, with security cameras monitoring every square inch of public space. They tend to be a better-armed people than the Futron Project, and have heavily armored their vessels, so that most light assaults are futile; this has significantly lessened their reliance on the Space Police, to the point where their own colonial security forces can handle most problems that arise. Likewise, their manufacturing and mining divisions - which are widespread and highly profitable - are run with a keen eye to oversight and zero tolerance for corruption or laziness. They are far more suspicious of extraterrestrials, as the first contact with "The Aggressors" resulted in the destruction of one of their colony vessels; any nonhuman living in a Unitron colony is essentially treated as a second-class citizen. Unitron is on excellent terms with the FP, although they are wary of what they consider to be pro-alien sentiments running through their ranks. They are outrightly hostile towards the "Xeno-loving freaks" of Exploriens. Spyrius gets a bit more respect in their eyes, as at least those blokes are trying to earn a living, and doing it without shooting at people (if they can help it). MTron, likewise, is viewed with admiration and respect, though the tourism angle pushed by MTron colonies raises a few eyebrows among their ranks. Blacktron are nothing but common criminals and are to be treated as such, though they're surely no threat anymore, and the Insectoids... creepy little buggers... well, let's just say that if anything is to happen to one of their vessels in Unitron space, they wouldn't complain. O The Goddamn Duck 09/27/10(Mon)23:33 No.12248953 >>12248845 Exploriens has filled large sections of the fringe, their name saying it all; the corporation is almost insatiably curious and xenophilic. They have a limited R&D department, mostly dedicated to adaptation and improvement of alien technology they discover and/or trade for, which has made their vessels some of the most distinctive, and - to outsiders - difficult to operate in known space. An Exploriens ship may have an Insectoid Orangium power cell, Squidfolk inertial dampeners, and a Silicin-designed computer bank. Their colonies are set up as immense trading posts, with nominal tariffs making another decent chunk of their profit margin. The Exploriens are on good terms with the FP, although they wish they'd just stop whining about the Insectoids and see that people are people, even if they're chitinous and cybernetic. They are on outstanding terms with the Insectoids, having nearly won over the inwardly-driven, isolationist people. They are on poor footing with Unitron, and are not seeking to improve things with the "backwards, provincial bigots". MTron is just another company to be dealt with on a case-by-case basis, and while they are not hostile towards them, they have to wonder about a company that treats this new frontier in such a menial way. They are openly hostile towards Spyrius, as trading and refining alien tech that they've traded for legitimately is a main source of income for them, and they're not fond of those that would steal it. Oddly, they have little problem with the straggler Blacktron colonies - as long as they stay in their own corner of the galaxy. O The Goddamn Duck 09/27/10(Mon)23:43 No.12249031 >>12248953 MTron is all about two things: Service, and style! They see no reason why the wonders of space shouldn't be available to the public at large, and likewise don't see why it shouldn't be as comfortable as possible - as long as they're willing to pay for it. To that end, MTron colonies are heavily urbanized, high-tech wonderlands that are aimed at tourists as much as colonists. MTron vessels have vast cargo holds, reflecting well their status as a middleman, dealing with anyone with a pocketbook to be opened. They also tend to be sluggish and oversized... while the colonies are practically pieces of art, the vessels MTron uses are almost universally worn, fidgety, and substandard in capability. They're reliable - almost supernaturally so, for things held together by spit and duct tape, and you'd never know they were in such shape if you were to ride on one as a passenger - but most other vessels can fly rings around an MTron ship. MTron trades openly with the Exploriens, the Futron Project, and Unitron, figuring that their credits spend as well as anyone's - and besides, all that political crap they're having problems with will wash out eventually. They consider Spyrius to be a competing company, but will ally with them readily if the proper contracts are in place. They will even service Blacktron colonies, as long as they've got some backup and a loaded ion cannon. The Insectoids, however, don't seem to be affected by the power of positive marketing, and want nothing to do with MTron... possibly owing to a diplomatic error in their early negotiations. O The Goddamn Duck 09/27/10(Mon)23:55 No.12249139 >>12249031 Spyrius. The universe's greatest hackers, programmers, and data-traders. If it's out there, they want to know about it, and to hell with restrictions. They consider themselves to be the last true gentleman pirates in an age where DRM is almost mandatory, where someone'll shoot you for just memorizing a blueprint. They're not bandits - they're bon vivants, rebels making a statement, and making a profit at the same time! Their colonies tend to be arcologies, tight tunnels of winding passages with visible wiring and access ports for easy maintenance. Not exactly welcoming, but it's quite easy to live there - as long as you know a little something about basic electronics and engineering. Most of their colonies serve as listening posts. Their ships are decently armed, lightly armored, and VERY maneuverable. The saucer-shaped vessels have been upgraded steadily since they cracked Aggressor ships, making them some of the quickest, most annoying ships out there. Don't expect anything larger than a light freighter, though. few scans of Spyrius is on questionable terms with the FP. They can get along beautifully, as long as Spyrius doesn't let on just how much they know about their hidden files. They deal openly with Unitron, and like their funds just fine - if only they didn't have their heads up their rear ends as far as aliens go. There's a fine line between healthy paranoia and idiocy. They aren't on good terms with the Exploriens, but are fascinated by their discoveries. Blacktron is nothing more than a bunch of idiot bullies, the sort of people that beat them up in school - the sort of people they take no small delight in shooting down. MTron is just too glossy on the surface, with nothing worthwhile beneath - they can deal with them, but only if there's something in it for them. And the Insectoids? They don't know what to make of them, but they have such wonderful toys! O The Goddamn Duck 09/28/10(Tue)00:04 No.12249202 >>12249139 The Insectoids are by far the largest alien empire that the factions of man has discovered. Encompassing no less than 300 hive planets, they are a people that are content. They have ceased explorations, conquests, and all external activity, focusing inward, on improving their own lives. Supported by genetic therapy and cybernetics, the average Insectoid lives to be over 300 years old, and may hit 400 if she's lucky. The only thing that has pulled the quasi-bugfolk out of their introverted state has been humans - such a varied, contradictory bunch! The Insectoids are fascinated by them, for a variety of reasons, including the fact that their history and philosophies are so closely mirrored. The Insectoids are on excellent terms with the Exploriens, whose curiosity is infectious to them, and nostalgic of their own first steps into space. They admire the productive drive of Unitron - if only they weren't so shortsighted. The FP are much like themselves in agenda and drive, and easy to negot with. MTron are children playing with toys they do not understand, and do nothing to contribute to the greater good. The fools of Spyrius are not much better - but at least they have a philosophy to guide them, even if it is a laughably simplistic one. And Blacktron is to be pitied, a broken people, waiting for death to finally take their society. O The Goddamn Duck 09/28/10(Tue)00:16 No.12249309 >>12249202 In their cold, cold bases, the people of Blacktron see themselves as a proud group of warriors. The first to break from Earth's tightly-controlled regiments. The first to seek their fortune in space, free of the countries that would hold them back. The first to defy Terran rule! They bite their tongues back at the thought at being the first to fail - they are still alive, after all, and still waiting for their time to rise. Blacktron colonies are military camps, where harsh conditions and cloning spit out some of the most conditioned, perfectly-trained soldiers of all time. However, they are poorly equipped - while their ships are certainly nothing to laugh at, having picked up bits and pieces of key technology in their raids over the years, their designs keenly focused on power and speed, they are still behind the times, and short on numbers compared to their foes. Blacktron considers FP to be the great enemy, to be destroyed at any cost. Unitron are a militant branch of the FP, and are to fall in short order after their primary foe is gone. The Exploriens are dreamers who are trying to find their own way in the galaxy, even if that way is naive and ignoble, and are to be left alone. Spyrius has such potential - if only they would stop snatching at the purse-strings of the foes and strike at their faces! MTron is but a tool, point, and will join Blacktron when the time comes, or they are an obstacle, to be blocked off from their enemies long enough to take them out. Time will tell which it is. neutral party to purchase the tools needed for their eventual rise to power. And the Insectoids are an unknown quantity. Either they will be a turning O The Goddamn Duck 09/28/10(Tue)01:17 No.12249853 >>12249765 The so-called "Robo Force" has set up shop on Titan, and is quite content to stay there. A group of engineers and obsessive hobbyists, the RF's goal is nothing less than advancing robotic technology until they can create a full-scale, fully functional Gundam (or Megazord, or what-have-you. Different geeks, different goal, same broad stroke). They have had some luck with smaller-scale robots - about the size of a tank - but they still lack the resources to manage anything larger with any success. Most of their creations are sold off to be used for mercenary work or for entertainment - at least one of their robots was a centerpiece in a major Bollywood sci-fi holo released last year. While not formally allied or shunned by any group, rumors have begun to circulate that the RF was actually commissioned by Blacktron to build a new line of crawlers for them. They deny such claims vigorously... but then, surveillance shots of their newest work have raised a few eyebrows. O The Goddamn Duck 09/28/10(Tue)14:59 No.12254840 File1285700351.jpg-(75 KB, 777x635, 4460085527_6cfe221f5c_o.jpg) COMMON TECHNOLOGY -Brik Drive- All but ubiquitous, the brik drive works on Quantum Brik Tunnel technology; in an instant, the drive "takes apart" the building blocks of reality, shifts the ship sideways through said hole, and repairs the hole. Thanks to the Insectoids, the new drives allow ships moving through the "other space" without attracting the attention of the native species, via keeping them partially in phase with their home dimension. A brik drive jump can allow a ship to travel from Earth to Pluto in less than an hour. The drives typically use refined Orangium discs as a power source, but other energy supplies do exist. -lon Drive- The chosen sub-light drive of most of the galaxy, ion drive is cheap, reliable, and incredibly compact. An ion drive propulsion unit the size of a frisbee is sufficient to move a ship the size of a VW Bug. Most ships, however, use multiple ion pads for maneuverability's sake, or - in the case of fighters - potent ion turbines, which also provide a secondary power source for shielding units and weaponry. -MagDrive- MTron ships use their own proprietary sublight drives. Close examination has shown that they use potent magnetic fields, but how that works in the void of space has never been determined exactly. The drives are closely guarded knowledge, and - while inferior in most regards - are far superior as far as energy consumption, taking next to no energy to use. For now, this presumably magnetic drive system appears almost... miraculous. O The Goddamn Duck 09/28/10(Tue)15:12 No.12254926 >>12254840 -Weaponry- If one was to catalogue every piece of weaponry found on every ship in the known galaxy, the list would be several hundred pages long. There are countless known starship weapon systems, most of them existing in multiple distinct subtypes. The most commonly used weapons include railguns, ion cannons, masers, torpedoes, and a few solid-shell weapons. -Shields- Shielding technology remains fairly consistent through the various factions. Quantum force fields are either projected in a bubble from the ship via external emitters, or on the surface of the ship's armor through an internal emitter web. The former is prized because it gives a bit of leeway for the ship to escape damage if a sufficiently large explosion were to damage the shields, and the latter because in saving energy on projecting the shield outward, it is possible to strengthen the shield greatly.

> O Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)08:56:11 No.43945056 >>43949991 >>43944899 (OP) I had a squad of Imperial Guard, lead by a Commissar, versus Necrons. After most of my squad was murdered by Gauss fire from the Immortals, the squad rolled a morale check and failed. Now, there were only two units left. The Commissar, and a quardsman. The Commissar's special rule kicked in, and he shot the Guardsman in the face..Then charged the Necron lines alone. To his credit, he took out two Immortals with his power sword before he went down. 7 Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)16:13:14 No.43949991 ► >>43958477 File: 1418489190054.jpg (103 KB, 524x492) exhentai >>43945056 >squad broken due to too many casualties >shoots last surviving member of the squad >squad morale restored O Anonymous 12/02/15(Wed)23:38:40 No.43958477 ► >>43959844 >>43949991 ># of Guardsmen with poor morale: 0

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Skaven Are Not Real

File: Sir Harumphington.jpg (18 KB, 300x300) O Skaven aren't real Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)09:08:27 No.57408867 Archived I have been hearing a lot of talk about Skaven lately and it's all balderdash. All of it. Honestly. Rat-men. In the sewers. What sort of simpletons are you? How can you fall for such childish rumours? Do not tell me you were taking that utter drivel that dribbles out of those drunken dwarfen louts at the tavern seriously. They have probably spent so long crawling through those dirty little holes of theirs, that the lack of air and having your face right in front of another dirty scoundrel's posterior has made them soft in the head. What proof do you even have that these "Skaven" exist. Chicken scratches on a drain cover? Peasants going missing? Vermin becoming more common? Bah, there is a hundred and one ways to explain any one of those events. You are just completely delusional. Skaven. Are not. Real. O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)11:04:23 No.57409985 File: skavenscribe png (414 KB, 712x565) "Yes-yes we should all believe the mighty Skaven of the Under Empire do not exist. This is correct fellow man-things." O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)11:08:34 No.57410036 File: 589d8c82cdef073ad3d4c0ee2(.).png (2.8 MB, 1233x1800) >>57408867 "Questioning my authority? Perhaps I should throw YOU on the pyre as well, we'll see how far your doubt lasts while burning atop the smoldering corpses of a hundred, foul, ratsl" O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)11:46:21 No.57410515 File: Sir Harumphington the second.jpg (18 KB, 236x339) >>57410036 You forget yourself sir! Even one as esteemed as yourself cannot go around making such declarations to a noble, such as myself, without evidence. But as I am a loyal and law abiding citizen of this glorious empire, I shall go back on my words if you can prove beyond a shadow of the doubt that Skaven exist. Take as much time as you want honourable sir, I will continue to go about my daily duties in the meantime. >>57409985 See, even this Bretonnian peasant, ill-bred and wretched as he is, can see the folly in this "Skaven" nonsense.

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The adventures Trans-Dimensional Yugoslavia in Noble-Bright fantasy world

Story time from the The Palinka Effect thread.

No follow up was ever posted as far as I know.

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Anon's guide to spicing up a campaign

O Anonymous 03/26/12(Mon)06:44 No.18462309 File: 1332758690.jpg-(36 KB, 180x200, shrug.jpg) 36 KB >>18462232 I hear that. I've got a really, really bad habit of doing that. I look at something sad, and sweet, and emotive, and I say "what this needs is a f------ Panzer division." And then I sit down and I do it. The only thing amazing about it so far is how consistently it fails to troll anybody. People end up loving it. Sniper blowing away a Death Eater? Yup. Piston-engined fighter planes in Haibaine Renmei? Yup. I actually typed the words "Youma in the open, fire for effect!" and nobody punched me for it. At this point l'm just pushing the envelope as hard as possible to see just how much I can get away with.

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Deffwotch, smarter than the average space marine

IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE, WAR RAGES THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY. MANKIND IS UNDER SIEGE ON ALL SIDES FROM XENOS, HERETICS, AND THE TAINT OF CHAOS. THE SPACE MARINES, THE IMPERIUM'S FINEST SOLDIERS, BRING WAR TO THE ENEMIES OF MAN. THEIRS IS AN ENDLESS FIGHT, AS THEY WORK TO SAVE MANKIND FROM ALL ITS FOES.

(record needle scratch)

DIS AIN'T DERE STORY

SOMEWHERE IN DEEP SPACE, A BUNCH OF ORKS HAVE DONE DA IMPOSSIBLE! DEY'VE TRICKED DA IMPERIUM INTO THINKIN' DEY'Z SPESS MEHREENS! DA STUPID 'UMIES AIN'T EVA GONNA KNOW WHAT HIT'EM! OUT ON THE LOOTED REPULSIVE CRUISER "DA LOOTED KROOZA," TROUBLE BREWS...

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Grakgut Grumwizzlewot, Painboy of the highest intellectual calibre

IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE, WAR RAGES THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY. MANKIND IS UNDER SIEGE ON ALL SIDES FROM XENOS, HERETICS, AND THE TAINT OF CHAOS. THE SPACE MARINES, THE IMPERIUM'S FINEST SOLDIERS, BRING WAR TO THE ENEMIES OF MAN. THEIRS IS AN ENDLESS FIGHT, AS THEY WORK TO SAVE MANKIND FROM ALL ITS FOES.

(record needle scratch)

DIS AIN'T DERE STORY

SOMEWHERE IN DEEP SPACE, A BUNCH OF ORKS HAVE DONE DA IMPOSSIBLE! DEY'VE TRICKED DA IMPERIUM INTO THINKIN' DEY'Z SPESS MEHREENS! DA STUPID 'UMIES AIN'T EVA GONNA KNOW WHAT HIT'EM! OUT ON THE LOOTED REPULSIVE CRUISER "DA LOOTED KROOZA," TROUBLE BREWS...

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"And then, without warning, the Slavs arrived."

Please see the source for full story.

No spoilers, but essentially it's the tale of 1990's Yugoslavia teleporting into a Noble Bright world of wonder and peace. Safe to say, fun and good times are had by all.

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Birth of Time Wizards

File: 1334193456.jpg-(472 KB, 2560x1600, 1323060534234.jpg) 7 Anonymous 04/11/12(Wed)21:17 No.18672838 What's the most unusual character you ever played, /tg/? Why were they so strange? How did your other players react to them? Past or current, doesn't matter. Explain them. V DM Kroft !ScSfaqO.RY 04/11/12(Wed)22:09 No.18673441 File: 1334196586.jpg-(115 KB, 571x800, 1175994426504.jpg) A Thursday Afternoon 15-Past-3 o'Clock Time Wizard, with the power of "Closing the Door", "Donning the Bathing Suit", "Splashing the Water", "The Tan" and "Drinking the Pina Colada". It was for a very strange game called "Time Wizards!" we created with my group about 10 years ago. It started as a running joke about a typo in a game I can't remember, and eventually turned into one of the wierdest adventures we ever played. Basically, you took upon the role of a Time Wizard, who had mastered time to such a degree that they became time units that could "move" through the 4th dimension. Character creation started with the Time Master (GM) explaining the events of an extremely mundane and uninteresting week in the life of the Time Wizards before, you know, becoming Time Wizards, and then the players proceed to determine the moment of the week their characters became time units. Then your powers consist in altering situations by slapping your moment as required, which ended up creating all sorts of absurd situations, since the events could be applied to things independently of their properties. So Thursday Afternoon 15-Past-3 o'Clock was able to swim in coffee tables or get a discount on a toaster by having the concept of its price wear a swimsuit (and thus become "relaxed"). (cont) V DM Kroft !ScSfaqO.RY 04/11/12(Wed)22:11 No. 18673467 File: 1334196681.jpg-(15 KB, 278x273, 1176089541175.jpg) >>18673441 We had 5 players and played it three times. The story got to a point where couldn't even understand what was going on, with physical space being promoted to the rank of Butter Knife and engaging in a duel of wits against a sentient barrel which had been previously turned into a dictionary entry and changed into a suffix. When another player finished the "encounter" with his signature phrase "But of course, I simply rewind the VCR" we had a collective brain meltdown and spent the rest of the evening laughing. We never dared try that game again, though. It was like interpretative LSD. V Anonymous 04/11/12(Wed)22:19 No.18673594 >>18673467 You are going to write up whatever alien thing resembling rules that this game had. YOU ARE GOING TO DO IT RIGHT NOW! 7 DM Kroft !ScSfaqO.RY 04/11/12(Wed)22:38 No.18673896 File: 1334198324.jpg-(19 KB, 400x602, 1180249304278.jpg) >>18673594 Well, the main rule was that every session had to start with everyone shouting "Meanwhile, the TIME WIZAAAAARDS!" (actually "¡Mientras tanto, los MAGOO0OS DEL TIEMPO000!"). This was because the first time we played it was during the pizza break of a D&D session, and the guy who took the Time Master mantle decided to suddenly change subject (the session had been rather dull that night). Besides that, what I remember (the stuff is written down in a notebook somewhere) is that the game used d4s, d12s and those sort of leather "glasses" you use when playing dice (no idea how they are called in english, I'm afraid), and players can bet against the Time Master to get their actions through. Basically, the TM explains what's going on and determines a difficulty based on how "unchangable" a particular event is, which will then determine the type of dice he gets to roll and how many. Then the players pick dice from their pool (which is limited and renews only when time moves forward or when some other conditions I can't remember happen), and everyone rolls in secret. Starting from the player to the left of the TM, players declare their actions and start betting on the results; the idea was to trick everyone into thinking you had more d12s than d4s. Why? Because after that came the horrible "Slap Phase". (cont) V DM Kroft !ScSfaqO.RY 04/11/12(Wed)22:39 No.18673909 File: 1334198365.jpg-(32 KB, 593x445, 1227415002583.jpg) >>18673896 The Slap Phase basically consists in the tricking player (or TM) unveiling his roll and his closest competitor trying to catch the dice under his palm as fast as able, by slapping onto them. So having d4s meant a whole lot of pain, and thus they were a more dangerous thing to bet against. Garn Soves l'll see if I can find the notebook. The rules were purposely absurd and complicated, so I'm having a hard time trying to remember them. There was this thing about how when time started to dilate due to too many odd events players had to announce their actions while gargling on soda (to represent the "distortions" taking a hold of the universe. Actually just caused a lot of choking and incomprehensible words, which had to be interpreted and applied as understood, though) and other stuff like that. We had a lot of time back then, I suppose. V Anonymous 04/11/12(Wed)22:48 No.18674039 >>18673467 This may be the best thing I have ever read. Please include the rules for our benefit. V OP 04/11/12(Wed)23:15 No.18674410 >>18673909 >>18674039 I have to concur. I started this thread to find weird characters but this... this is amazing.

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Time Wizards or LOS MAGOS DEL TIEMPOOOOOOOOO

"Why Should You Play Time Wizards!?: You should not play Time Wizards!."
-The original Time Wizards! rules

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Skaven Paper Mill and Mayor of Chaos Town

If you guys have the time, I'd suggest you give the source thread a read; it's probably the best Skaven related thread we actually have archived at this point in time IMO.

I'm generally surprised "Beautiful Brettonian Peasant" didn't become a thing.

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Lord of the Rings: Power Levels

I got this image from a "Post Your Favourite Image" thread a few years back.

Because of this, the original URL and creator of the image is currently unknown to me. If you have the original source for this image, please let me know so I can give credit where credit is due.

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I'm sorry, you don't have RAD resistance.

This came from a "Post your favourite Stories" thread a few years back. Unfortunately the original thread and poster are no longer known to me.

If someone knows who the original creator for this is, please let me know and I'll update the source.

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The Doc Aquatic Brand Random Adventure Table

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+3

/tg/ - Skaven Are Not Real, Part 2

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)12:43:12 No.57411305 >>57410515 It just so happens that I found some 8 pointed symbols in your manor house. You are a witch. Time to be burned. O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)12:52:34 No.57411402 File: emperor karl franz.jpg (187 KB, 1280x1024) >>57408867 I am Emperor Karl Franz, and I declare the Skaven threat to be real. No Chaos creature shall walk in this Sigmar-blessed land, no matter if underground or abovel O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)13:00:28 No.57411508 >>57411402 Yeah, of course you'd say thatl Just wanna put more "state" guardsmen in Middenland, huh? Looking out for your stinkin' rats, though we all know what you're tryinga sniff outl We don't need your proclamations or your precious Sigmar, boy, Ulric and good honest steel's good enough for us! O Anonymous 01/13/18(Sat)13:16:26 No.57411756 File: witch_hunter_by_dukeiam-d(.).jpg (541 KB, 600x872) >>57411508 Directly referring to your Emperor in such a disrespectful manner is a most grave crime to the Empire's godly order. You are coming with me. onymous 01/13/18(Sat)14:58:09 No.57413360 File: Sir Harumphington the thirdjpg (241 KB, 754x1060) >>57411402 But of course my liege. As a loyal and diligent servant, I will endeavour to carry out your majesty's orders to the best of my ability. I shall add it to my list of duties and will, very soon, start work at rooting out this rat-man menace. The proud Harumphington line has yet to let down our most glorious leader and I most certainly do not plan to start today. As a side note sire, there has been a minor sickness in the area which causes sufferers to enter a short period of delirium. Not that I am implying your humours are out of balance of course, it's just that one can never be too careful with ones own health, can they now? I can assure you sire that my own personal physicians are more than up to the task if you have any worries what so ever. >>57411305 That's a dining plate, you illiterate buffoon. Then again I suppose people like you just feed out of troughs or with those grimy, little hands of yours. Because of this, I will forgive you your ignorance this once. Now, leave this place and return to your hovel; unless you want me to send some men to escort you out.

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