The guy who stole my diary died yesterday. My thoughts are with his family.

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Kieran Healy @kjhealy@mastodon.social A late dinner-prepared on time but neglected in favor of a computer game-led my son to be victimized by the remark "Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it". Honestly I'm surprised he hasn't simply smothered me in my sleep by now. Mar 05, 2024, 04:35 - Ivory for iOS 8 - ★ 19

DocAtCDI @DocAtCDI@mastodon.social It's inappropriate to make a dad joke if you're not a dad. It's a faux pa. Jan 15, 2024, 06:32 - DocAtCDI 85-★ 167

Pun Hub There's only one thing that scares me about Halloween. IG: @PunHubOnline Exactly. Which is? ●00

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Croissant

What is the opposite of a croissant? A happy uncle.

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Hank Hill

Doctor to patient do you smoke? Patient: yes. Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes? Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.

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Bald

A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can't part with it.

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Finger

Broke ny finger today On the other hand i am ok

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Haircuts

What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue

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Faults

My wife tells me I have 2 major faults, I don't listen - and something else.

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Weightlifter

My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough. He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.

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Swords

Why won't swords go obsolete? They are cutting edge technology.

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Bros

The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week Well it's not a law it's a mandate

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Ladyfingers

Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is? Mentos.

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Check In

I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Window or aisle?" I laughed in her face and replied, "Window or you'll what?"

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Cows

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?" I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

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Dad Jokes - Diary

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The guy who stole my diary died yesterday. My thoughts are with his family.

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Uploaded Dec 14, 2020 at 12:05PM EST

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