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r/SS13 · Posted by u/Moros3 15 hours ago 22 Bingo the Bananamancer Honks the Station TeguStation A while back, I had a round as Clown where I was given Clown Ruin items by a Shaft Miner in order to prank what few people there were in the shift (it was very lowpop). After that, I had an idea, and talked about it on the server Discord for a 'Bananamancer' mid-round admin-spawned event. Clown Ruin items, wizard robe, the only objective is to cause as much chaos (with minimal harm) as possible; after all, they're a Clown, a prankster, not a murderer. It got talked about a bit, we all moved on, and I forgot about it. Until today, on MetaStation. I was a Chemist. About ten minutes into the shift, I looked over and found the Clown dead on one of the Pharmacy counters; a suicide apparently. I reported it to the CMO, they hauled him off to the Morgue, and I went back to filling out orders for the CMO. Some time later, I heard an odd sound coming from deeper in Medbay. It was like a quick series of impacts, and distant honks. I went over, didn't find anything odd, and didn't recognize it at first. Everything came back to me when I saw Bingo the Clown walk down the hall past the Medbay Lobby. Dressed in a yellow robe, a clown mask, clown shoes, and holding a Staff of the Honkmother, then I remembered. He had a recharging pie cannon, the banana peel-synthesizing shoes, and a few mobility and escape-focused spells--in addition to the staff. The Space Wizard Federation had sent a Bananamancer to cause problems for the crew. For those who don't know: the Staff of the Honkmother has a quickly recharging capacity of four magical bananas that may be fired in quick succession, pierce everything, and immediately slip any entity they pass through. They will go through walls, they will go through crowds, and they will keep going. The only safety is to rest and be slow, or to be very far away. The pie cannon is self-explanatory. The shoes may be used to lay long strings of peels and make any area unsafe to walk. Thrown in by the admeme was, of course, a few spells; the only one I noticed was ethereal jaunt. During this, comms had been temporarily down by happenstance. I ran over to the Pharmacy intercom to warn the crew. Everyone was a bit confused over me shouting about a Bananamancer; the CE and CMO went to investigate. Soon after, comms returned. I wasn't there to witness the first bits, I was busy being a Chemist. What ensued was a half- hour-long chase with the CE, CMO, and Captain who had arrived shortly after it began, just as confused as everyone else had originally been. They all learned quick. They couldn't catch him, he was too slippery, and I think he had a recall ability on his staff as well. Because he could jaunt, the AI couldn't slow or trap him either. At one point, the Clown was taunting the Heads from within the vault, playing with a basketball. The CE opened it up, but just before it opened the Clown was gone, with just the ball left. He was all over the place, and nobody could do anything; the staff was supposedly seized by the CE and dusted in the SM but the Bananamancer was just given a new one. At this point the shift was at least an hour in. A greytiding Assistant tried to get into the mix and kill the Captain in the hall outside of Medbay. During the aftermath of this, someone new arrived and entered the scuffle, along with a borg. They pulled out the absent HoS's laser gun and shot down the Captain. The (what I assumed to be) AI shell just watched it happen. They dropped the gun to go rifling through the Captain's backpack, I quickly ran outside to go and help the Captain, grabbing the gun and shooting them up a few times. I got stunned and beaten down, they finished killing the Captain, and they took his bag off to search it. I crawled to Medbay to get away, the borg followed me, hit me a few more times and revealed itself to actually be a Syndicate Infiltration Borg. It was a Lone Operative and their borg. I was able to report it over the radio (as they decided not to finish me off or at least crit me), and everyone came running to help. The operative and borg went off to the vault. I don't know what happened, but they were slightly delayed; maybe the CE slowed them down enough. I went to the fridge and used two libital pills to slightly heal myself. Over the radio, I begged the Clown to help: please put your differences with the Captain aside; they were the hero the station needs, but not the one we deserved, they were our only hope, and we needed a hero. The station was going to be destroyed if they did not act. Only they were strong enough. I didn't know if they would be willing to help, so once I was able to run again, I made a bee- line for the vault. Along the way I grabbed a stray floor tile and a toolbox. I didn't have any weapons, we were absolutely screwed, but it'd have to do. I arrived at the vault, and found the Clown fighting the operative, with no borg in sight. I charged in, and threw the floor tile at them, before I began to beat them with the toolbox. They stunned me again, but the Clown fired the staff at them, slipping them. At this point, they gave up and stayed down, trying desperately to arm the self-destruct. I stayed down too, grabbed the toolbox, and began to beat them with it. I could hear the desperate beeping as I kept hitting them. Eventually, it was enough, and they crumpled into crit. I don't know what happened to the borg, but I later saw a burnt-out flash dropped in the halls; it must have been taken down while I was healing myself. We'd won, we'd beaten them. I checked the self-destruct, and it had three of five digits entered. I didn't mess with the device to try and disarm it as I didn't know how it worked. The CE had gone down in the fighting as well, as they had been beaten down just before I arrived. I pulled them from the vault, and we announced our victory. The other crewmembers hauled the operative out, past Cargo (this was Metastation), and began to pull their gear off. I dragged the CE all the way to Medbay, only slipping on one synthesized banana peel, and got them into a sleeper for the Doctor. Then the station was rocked by a huge explosion. Maybe someone got a bit harm-happy, maybe they suffocated to death, maybe they succombed and blew themselves up rather than be taken prisoner. They'd blown up. I hoped nobody died in it, but wouldn't learn until later that there had been a casualty. Bingo the Bananamancer. We'd won, but our hero was dead. We didn't appreciate him until he was gone. He may have led the Heads on a long and slippery chase, he might have been ballin' in the vault stealing our money, but he was still a hero and now he was dead. Everyone was.. kinda sad. He just wanted to prank the crew. He'd stepped up the plate when the crew needed him most, acted where no one else could, and saved the station. The Captain, his mortal enemy, swore off violence and made a vow of pacifism; he'd been the most vocal behind lynching Bingo, but he the most out of everyone knew just what a hero he was. He'd saved his station. Even the AI, who was given a law informing it that the Clown was evil and must be killed, was straining at it. The Clown was evil, but he was also a hero. The Captain was discharged from Medbay, the CE was healed, and it was revealed that someone had pulled something from the crater spanning from the Library and the HoP's Office to Cargo and the Tools Storage: Bingo's head. The Doctor got to work reviving him, turning a monkey into a human and transplanting the brain; remarkably, it was done so fast the brain barely needed any repairs... or, as was the implication from the Doctor, there wasn't much to repair. The Scientist provided cybernetics and rewarded Bingo with many toys (the specifics of which I didn't find out about), the Captain hauled him off for a medal in his office, the crew clapped for him, and all was at peace. Then he started the chase right back up until the shuttle arrived, the station far too damaged to remain. The HoP arrived soon after the bombing to find the crater and their dead dog, the late- arrival HoS was mainly p----- about the missing gun. We all made for the shuttle, got Beepsky Smash vape-bombed by the Bartender, couldn't walk anywhere on the shuttle without slipping due to the peels, and I did at least 150u of meth of the 1500u I brought to the shuttle. The HoS and the Clown brawled in the Shuttle Bridge. And we all lived happily ever after. Except the operative, f---'em. Only person of the shift to stay dead and not escape, beyond the original Clown. I found out after the round that the round-start Clown was offered to become the Bananamancer, hence the suicide.

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Ballard of Bingo the Bananamancer


Uploaded by Soup King Jan 30, 2021 at 01:27PM EST

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Origin Entry: Space Station 13

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I LOVE VIOLENCE & FUN) (LITERALLY THE SAME SPESSMANS) HARM + TALKING (I LOVE VIOLENCE & FUN HARM +*flip*spin they f------ suck actually they f------ suck actually MRP LRP *Cat points at Tider violence is fun every spessm *Tider points at Cat ATIDER
KILL MIMES 75 HONK BOUAD BORN TO PIE 200 JESUS ESS THIS MESS
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Uploaded Jan 30, 2021 at 01:27PM EST

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Space Station 13

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R/SS13: story by u/Moros3

Tags

ss13, clown, honk, wizard, magic, traitor, syndicate, syndie, borg, cyborg, hos, captain, ce, chief engineer, self-destruct, banana, honkmother, hero

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