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: Anonymous 03/26/16(Sat)08:43:49 No.676006002 >be swiping right on tinder >find semi attractive albeit slightly overweight match > give no f---, I'm on a dry spell >decide to meet at local eatery and bar >"I'll meet you at 630 anon" >see massive land whale walk by through window >ohjesusfuckitsher.jpeg >frantically think about running out the back in a blur of half drunken fury >decide to man the harpoon instead >"barkeep, 4 shots of tequila stat!" >get this look like "ok, you filthy drunk. It's 635, calm down" >immediately slam 4 shots right before seapig sits down >bartender realizes why I just did what I did >starts laughing uncontrollably and excuses himself to the back >take fatty mcthunderthighs back to her place for protected drunken sex >leave her place covered in shame glaze >return to local eatery next day where same bartender is working >favorite beer shoved in my face even before asking for it >bartender is laughing, knucks given and says "fat girls need love too, right?" dude ended up becoming one of my best friends. Went to fight in Afghanistan for the army. Killed by ied. I miss that f-----.

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Anonymous 152 KB PNG 04/26/25(Sat)18:05:01 No.80995962 >Be me, unemployed >Looking for a new job >Find an opening at the local zoo >Get to interview >They tell me my job is to dress up as a chimp and pretend to be a chimp in the chimp enclosure, as they don't have any chimps at the moment. >"No thanks, I don't want to do suck humiliating work" >They offer me $400 a day >"Ok I'll take the job" >But there is a catch, the moment I break character, I get fired. >Seems simple enough >Swing around on the bars >Eat banana >Throw s--- at the glass >FFW to swinging >Swing way too f------ hard >So hard that the bar snaps and I fly over the wall into the Lion enclosure >OhShit.jpeg >Literally s------- my chimp suit >Start screaming for help >Running around >Life flashed before my eyes as the lion backs me into the corner >He says "Shut the f--- up or we'll both get fired"

HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

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Anon is in a loving relationship | /r/Greentext

>be me >find trap p--- because of this dumb site >download a gay hookup app to find one and get the urge off me >match with a short femme nerd >doesn't crossdress but girly as all hell 21 KB JPG >closeenough.jpeg >hookup two separate times >starts coming over for tv and games sometimes without sex >randomly brings food over from his s----- wageslave gig >asks to be my roommate so he can finally move out of his parents' house >we've become great buds and regularly have sex >mfw i'm in a loving gay relationship

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Say it ain’t so Anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/20/21(Sat)13:05:37 No.850050574 >recruited priests and monks to be combat medics (sanitater) in ww2 >didn't recruit rabbis I don't want to cross conspiracy theory territory, but was it possible that Hitler was an anti-semite?

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Anon tries to be social | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)07:25:38 No.62990986 >NEET loser >need to get over my hesitation and fear of talking to women if i want to make it in life >go on /soc/ >add girls on there and ask them if we can voice chat so i can practice 510 KB PNG normal social interaction since i don't ever do it >most of them call me a creep/weirdo/sus for asking such a thing >the rest block me after i ask or ignore me this did not go as planned 23 Replies / 1 Image View Thread

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Anon loses his virginity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous yellow pill win 04/01/21(Thu)01:56:52 No.62999771 >be me >order chinese food >qt 3.14 works there dark brown hair b------- petite build great ass >go to pick up food >she rings up my order and hands it to me 17 KB JPG >wishlcouldfuckyourbrainsout.mov >say thank you and leave >get home and start eating food >notice long ass dark brown hair in food >eat the hair anyways >basically had a girl inside me >later virgins

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Anon doesn’t care about your feelings | /r/Greentext

03/31/21(Wed)12:48:20 No.62997710 >lets say hypothetically, I downloaded the application known as "Grindr" and found a suitable male partner to 'top' me >lets also assume, for the sake of argument, that the 64 KB JPG experience was a success and I became his obedient 'boi p----' >how would that then help my current situation of not being able to find a female reproductive partner ? >the truth is, it wont. nor will it aid any other heterosexual ambitions I might have. >facts dont care about your feelings f----- View Thread

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Anon peeks into the mind of an anti vaxxer | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)07:31:16 No.850964849 >>850966780 >>850970523 >>850964624 # >Be me >Want to be scientist >Study >Become one >Realise everything the public was told about vaccines by the hundreds of thousands of scientists was a lie. >Decide to tell everyone the truth about it >Get stopped by big pharma >They threaten to kill me and everyone I love if I tell anyone >l stay quiet Is this what they think happens...

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anon did not get mired | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/04/18(Tue)10:18:35 No.49657430 BORN FEEL >buying cigarettes at the usual gas station >girl behind counter "you look so young, why are you ruining your good looks with cigarettes?" >ask her if she really meant i look good 24 KB JPG >"nah just kidding haha smoke away buddy" 4 Replies View Thread

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Anon went for a piss | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/20/20(Sun)16:10:02 No.842743549 Life Playing Half Life reminded me of past event. True story. >be me >in bar with few friends >go for a piss >standing at urinal >4 guys barge in swearing at each 9 KB JPG other, threatening violence >i look over my shoulder, all look about 5'7 and like i could break them in half >they're all squaring up to eachother but i guess don't want a witness >all looking at me now in silence >i finish pissing >turn around with my d--- still out >zip up >go to wash hands >take an age, really getting soap under the nails and into my palms >walk over the blowdryer >one of those that takes like a minute to get hot >a minute of me drying my hands passes and dudes still standing there in silence looking angry as f--- >i walk to the mirror to check my shirt is tucked in nicely, hair looking sharp >spray some deodorant from one of those mini bottles >walk out, tells friends we need to gtfo >next day read in the paper that 1 guy got stabbed inside the bar and 2 people arrested

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Anon achieved his mile stone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)19:12:32 No.62994770 >be me >virgin and no girl wants to f--- me >desperately need to achieve this adulthood milestone to have a successful healthy life >get stimmy and spend more than half on it on renting a hotel room 8 KB JPG and a h----- >it's a good investment since once this is done I can finally move on >bitch doesn't let me kiss her but okay >removed condom without her noticing cause I heard it feels better and i need to make my money's worth >finally c-- in her, roll over and start crying over finally having sex >h----- thinks it's unsettling and creepy >doesn't understand the milestone I just achieved Like bitch you are a literal prostitute, you deal with actual creeps daily but a man crying of happiness is weird to you?

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Anon gets invited to a party | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)20:04:05 No.850968175 A few years ago, I was at a party. I met this cool guy named Jake who invited me to a party at his apartment. I arrived, and I was cursed at what I saw. >Some naked, short Chinese man running around >Some black DJ who looked like 16 KB JPG Dr Dre playing "I'm Blue." >Jake half asleep, being f----- by some black man >A life sized figure of Jesus smiling >A half naked man asleep with a s----ton of sharpie tattoos I left right away. What the f---? 4 Replies View Thread : Anonymous 03/31/21(Wed)20:13:59 No.850968639 My d--- is out, I'm touching... Continue >>850969654 #

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anon bonds wth his father | /r/Greentext

Board /b/ - Random • Settings Home >>557554150 # Anonymous (ID: qis8wdt2 07/20/14(Sun)00:27:43 No.557553041 >557551179 (OP) # >walk by the den one day >computer is within view of the door 55 KB JPG >dad is on the computer, doesnt hear mewalk by >viewing some creepshots of milfy news anchors thighs on google images >can see his has 3 other pages pushed to the side from other p--- sites. He's viewing them all at once in a frenzy >chuckle, and walk away >week later I come in late at night, stoned like a cheating muslim women >dad is standing in the kitchen with a baggie from my stash >"anon, just what the hell is this?" >".well, I can tell you what its not.. a google search of your favorite news anchors thighs" >dead silence hangs in the air, he gives me a nod and leaves the room >mfw >never speak about ethier incident again probably the closest father and son moment we've ever had

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Zorba found happiness | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous /Med/ pill 09/14/20(Mon)19:34:07 No.57439572 >read the Iliad and the odyssey >decide to try living like the ancient Greeks Greeks were polytheistic and believed that the gods were immortal, but also that they had human qualities; religion became the basis for Greek mythology t the Athei Goddess of wisdom Atente Gadufunima >start eating lots of lamb, vegetables, olive oil, garlic, fish >ready only Ancient Gnof ww Hetes God of underword Go uf fany tess 158 KB JPG Greek/Roman/Mediterranean literature and philosophy >sun my balls every day >start training more compounds, especially Olympic lifts >start growing a beard >listen to meditterranean music >drink only cheap red wine >refer to myself in the 3rd person as "zorba" >lifts skyrocket >interest from women skyrockets H-------- guys why didn't you tell me this was the key to happiness

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Greentext Stories - Anon makes a friend | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous 03/26/16(Sat)08:43:49 No.676006002 >be swiping right on tinder >find semi attractive albeit slightly overweight match > give no f---, I'm on a dry spell >decide to meet at local eatery and bar >"I'll meet you at 630 anon" >see massive land whale walk by through window >ohjesusfuckitsher.jpeg >frantically think about running out the back in a blur of half drunken fury >decide to man the harpoon instead >"barkeep, 4 shots of tequila stat!" >get this look like "ok, you filthy drunk. It's 635, calm down" >immediately slam 4 shots right before seapig sits down >bartender realizes why I just did what I did >starts laughing uncontrollably and excuses himself to the back >take fatty mcthunderthighs back to her place for protected drunken sex >leave her place covered in shame glaze >return to local eatery next day where same bartender is working >favorite beer shoved in my face even before asking for it >bartender is laughing, knucks given and says "fat girls need love too, right?" dude ended up becoming one of my best friends. Went to fight in Afghanistan for the army. Killed by ied. I miss that f-----.

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