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: Anonymous 08/11/17(Fri)08:28:00 No.38998496 >ended up getting an autismal gf >she barely ever says anything >i gotta be the one starting up a chat with her every single time >she cant keep to a conversation topic for more than 10mins before she loses her words and has no 33 КВ ЈPG idea what to say anymore >i dont know what to say to her anymore at times and just staying silent together for hours without doing much feels awkward as f---, as if i'm giving her the impression i dislike her or ignore her you f------ lied to me you f------, there's nothing fun about having a dumb socially inept girlfriend. this feels like hell : Anonymous 08/11/17(Fri)08:29:40 No.38998513 >>38998496 (OP) # >unsociable girls This rumored rare breed of girls actually exist? >>38998568 # >>38998573 #

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Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous >Check the news Settings Mobile Home 02/11/25(Tue)19:11:15 No.80329324 image_2025-02-11-191058874.png 379 KB PNG >The news makes me wanna kill myself

: Anonymous 11/06/18(Tue)22:08:34 No.784190163 >>784189907 >be me >also from Cuba >decide to swim to America >jump into ocean >pringles in my pocket in case I get hungry >doinwell.jpg >get hungry after about a half hour >pull out pringles >cap flies off >pringles everywhere >f---.exe >see a shark fin >them n----- like pringles >shark n---- eats all my pringles >starts to come after me >swim the f--- away >shark catches up >bites my leg right the f--- off >about to go for my arm when I see a US coast guard boat >they carry me aboard >pass out >come to a couple hours later in back of grimy American boat >"hey, you're finally awake" >look at the officers nametag >"Todd Howard" not again >>784190258 #

Anonymous 182 KB JPG 02/11/25(Tue)21:45:58 No.702710239 >written to be empowered "anti- male gaze" lesbian protagonists by neil cuckmann >i still want to gaze at them

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Anon improved himself | /r/Greentext

Board /fit/ - Fitness Settings Mobile Home :Anonymous 05/24/21(Mon)15:32:48 No.61674368 Finally my time has come. >Be me walking to store >see cutie I used to have a huge crush on in highschool >Tried asking her out once and she laughed and told me she doesn't date 417 KB PNG ugly guys >f------ destroys me.jpg >This is the motivation I've been looking for >Start lifting, dieting, learning how to dress like a person and not a r9k shitshow >2 years later >Girls been miring so I get used to it >Not obsessed with every 5 anymore >Make eye contact with cutie from highschool >She's gained a bit of weight not alot, but not the 8 she was anymore. >l walk into store >She walks in behind me >I'm doing my shopping (gotta get those protein sausages ya know?) >notice she's been staring at me >miring hard.mp4 >Get in line to purchase my sausages >She gets in line behind me >Guy infront of me is some hamplanet who would fall into his own orbit if he tripped >taking forever >"hey anon how have you been" >turn around and smile >"pretty good how about you" >her face lights up >"starts telling me about her life >recently broke up with her boyfriend cause he was cheating on her >God has blessed me today.wav >start chatting up something small, fat f--- ahead of me is fumbling his EBT for twinkies >"Well I can see you've been working out you look really good anon!" >thank her and get my wallet out as it's my turn in line "Hey we should get together later and hangout >Tell her l'll be a bit too busy today to do that >gotta get home and shitpost on /fit/ >she tries to give me her number >Politely decline >she's blown back probably the first time she's been turned down >she asks why >"you're just not really my type" >"oh.. well what is your type?" >this is it boys the time has come >"I'm into pretty girls" >Her face drops >see all visible will to live drain from her face >basedboy cashiers gasps and calls me an a------ >suck it onions >pay for my s--- >can see her fighting back tears >leave store and return home to enjoy my protein Women deserve to feel pain, every single one of them >>61674565 # >>61674778 # >»61675056 # >>61675292 # >>61675317 # >>61675514 #

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Anon prepares for hurricane with Dad | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 02/10/19(Sun)23:17:39 No.792339734 Greentext thread. tell some stories anons ill start four hundred thousand keks >be me >12 7 KB JPG >going to the store with my dad >just before big hurricane >takes last bread loaf >some lady snatches it from his cart >he tears it back >"buht, whee need it more!" >it was in my cart, just go to a different store or f----- deal >"noe!!! >she takes it, starts running >my 12 year old ass thinks it would be funny if i threw a can of beans at her >hits her head >shes out cold >dad looks at me >I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDNT MEAN TO KNOCK HER OUT >he laughs and picks up the loaf >we leave >made a sandwitch with that bread >f----- lol short story, but ive got others if anyones interested, really long ones tho

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Anon dad walks in | /r/Greentext

>Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD" >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room

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Anon is a Cop! | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: Oi/IMEH0 ) 04/26/14(Sat)01:38:43 No.543898176 >Вe a cop >Patrolling, doing cop things >See a guy driving like 15 miles below the speed limit >Swerving around like a m----------- 36 KВ JPG >Can see lots of smoke coming out of his windows >Assume he's blazing it, pull him over >Walk up to his window and he rolls it down >He's got a f------ hot plate plugged into his c-------- lighter >M----------- is making pancakes while driving and burned them

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Canadanon laments his misfortune (x-post from r/4chan) | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous I•1 10/25/17(Wed)18:23:22 No.81016259 1507072835073.png 559 KB PNG >There are infinite universes where I have a gf >This isn't one of them

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Anon losses virginity | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/14/18(Wed)11:41:29 No.43843728 >be me >In class >Have math and sit behind 7/10 qt >Ass big af >Get boner Funnyam.coml 5 KB JPG >She drops her pen under my table >Fuckity she noticed boner >Look at me >Smiles Later virgins

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Anon's dad is weird | /r/Greentext

>See's my sister getting ready >"going out?" >"Yeah, the Bae is coming to get me" (she f------ used Bae.) >"Oh i'd love to meet him, have him come in!" >sister brings bf in our house >my dad pretended he was in the bathroom. >he was in fact, slipping into something more comfortable >he walks out with my mom's bathrobe (giant fluffy white collar, about 3 feet to short for him.) >his speedo on. The speedo he never wore because it was way to tight, yet he saved it, just for this moment. >walks out >"OH YOU MUST BE JUSTIN" >reaches out for a handshake >kid grabs his hand >dad yanks him over and bear hugs him >"Ohhhh your hair smells nice, what is that? O'ley?" >kid is horrified >"uhhh..no.uhhh.c-can we go babe? we might be late" >they leave >my dad just looks over and says "Do you think that was legal? My balls are hanging out." %3D Best dad ever.

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Anon makes a thread | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/24/21 (Mon)08:53:40 No.63814410 >make a thread >a schizo who hasn't taken their meds starts posting in it >multiple times 17 KB JPG

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Anon tries to play warzone | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 03/23/21(Tue)17:28:15 No.850292647 > be me > download warzone > 194gb > f--- me > 125mb left PEPE OF DUTY > game tiem > 172gb update 56 KB JPG > what the f---

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Anon is looking for a gym | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 12/01/20(Tue)07:20:53 No.58663104 > looking for a new gym > ask the gym receptionist if their gym is based or cringe > she doesn't understand > pull out illustrated diagram explaining what is based and what is cringe > she laughs and says "it's a good gym 23 KB JPG sir" > buy a membership > its cringe

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Anon lives American dream | /r/Greentext

Life of the American male Anonymous (ID: ZANCZB4G E 12/30/16(Fri)12:48:56 No. 104915815 [Reply] >>104915909 >>104915961 >>104916124 >>104916937 >>104918894 >>104919185 >>104919345 >>104919399 >>104919453 >>104919598 >>104919609 >>104919749 >104919761 >>104919812 >>104920154 >>104920295 >>104920357 >be born >get the most sensitive part of your penis sliced off >get put on adderall at 13 >parents divorce >get put on anti depressants at 16 because stimulants have turned you into a zombie >apply for job >get passed over for women, and minorities >turn 30, kidneys break down from the years of anti depressants and stimulants >can't afford the cost of kidney treatment >die

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Anon gets a notification | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/24/21(Mon)09:06:47 No.63813861 turn-off-low-battery-warning-sound-notification-android-9-0- pie.1280x600.jpg 86 KB JPG >o boy a notification! >open phone >oh Settings Battery is low 1% remaining Turn on Battery Saver

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Greentext Stories - believe in their existence is like believing in bigfoot. | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous 08/11/17(Fri)08:28:00 No.38998496 >ended up getting an autismal gf >she barely ever says anything >i gotta be the one starting up a chat with her every single time >she cant keep to a conversation topic for more than 10mins before she loses her words and has no 33 КВ ЈPG idea what to say anymore >i dont know what to say to her anymore at times and just staying silent together for hours without doing much feels awkward as f---, as if i'm giving her the impression i dislike her or ignore her you f------ lied to me you f------, there's nothing fun about having a dumb socially inept girlfriend. this feels like hell : Anonymous 08/11/17(Fri)08:29:40 No.38998513 >>38998496 (OP) # >unsociable girls This rumored rare breed of girls actually exist? >>38998568 # >>38998573 #

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