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Anonymous Don't Be Me 08/03/21(Tue)08:16:18 No.64817540 >In 4th grade was put into a group for kids with musical talent. Sat next to a girl because it was the only seat left >Call her Jane; was was smart as f---, very kinds, and gorgeous. Incredibly talented musician. We somehow become friends >We do music together all the time. By 6th grade we're part of a youth orchestra and 715 KB GIF even play for money as part of a band that did weddings. She is super-smart and we study together all the time. I was totally in love. >But she is already easily the valedictorian; her family has a ton of money; she is gorgeous and getting more so al the time. >Meanwhile I am skinny, short, poor, and not that smart >But we stay friends. The band hosts dances so we go together to host, but we never dance >By sophomore year she is easily the prettiest girl I know personally and everyone was just stunned by her. Grown men routinely hit on her. But she was a devout Catholic and wouldn't even date until she was ready to marry. >l ended up 5'5", ugly, and balding at 17 >Senior year she was early admittance to an Ivy, I was going to state. I finally worked up the courage to ask he to a dance, we went. It was great, like a dream. I decided I was going to make myself into something, prove I was good enough, so I buckled down and did well in uni, deciding l'd get a PhD and then tell her how I feel >Her sophomore year she met a guy, dropped out of uni, and got married at 20. NGL, I cried for 3 hours >The next Christmas I visited - she had her baby with her. Met her husband, he was as perfect as she. >I had a few minutes alone with her and for some stupid reason confessed I had always loved her. She was FURIOUS! >"I always loved YOU but you never said or did anything! I used to cry myself to sleep because I wasn't pretty enough or special enough for you to notice me! I turned down everyone else because I loved YOU and you went off to university without a word! Now, NOW, you say something?! Too late! I married an actual MAN!" Don't be me, telIl her

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon needs to use the bathroom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/08/18(Mon)15:18:31 No.781833365 >be me, 17 >khv, ugly face >have brother, 1 year BRING IT ON younger >brothers gf is 7/10 qt3.14 >sometimes gives me weird eyes, but I don't think 35 KB JPG too much about it >come home one day and find her in my room's toilet, door locked >w--.dll >wanted to take a soak before going out for the evening >brother taking a shower in his own, so she had to use mine >say I need to pee, ask her to open it >she opens it in a towel >she looks perfect in it, body makes her a 10/10 >she catches me looking at her and smiles >"why don't you get in the tub with me, anon" >holyshitthisisit.mpeg >take off my clothes, get in the bathtub >"close your eyes" >close my eyes for a millisecond >the entire building jerks >nononotnow.pdf >feel the floor give way >hear her screaming fading into the distance >open my eyes >feel cold icy winds rushing past my ear >the bathtub has 4 wheels and is being drawn by a horse through a forest >"Hey you, you were trying to cross the border right" >Too late, I turn around >Elder Scrolls V:Skyrim >Todd Howard you camelfucking son of a bitch, you've done it again

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Anons frightening poop experience | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)22:52:54 No.860294687 >be me >be taking a s--- at work before the shift starts >guy enters the stall next to me >hear a couple healthy sounding bloops >mystery guy proceeds to get up without wiping 14 KB JPG >w-- >wonder if this dude is about to just leave without wiping >no >instead this guy shuffles from the stall on my left over to the one on my right >he continues taking his deuce >be absolutely baffled as I finish up my own s--- routine >get up and check the stall to my left >there's still plenty of toilet paper >decide to stop asking questions and just leave It's been bothering me all day. What the hell happened this morning? Why would anyone do such a thing?

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Anon is quarantining | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous jesus f--- 01/23/21(Sat)17:36:44 No.62000148 >be me >quarantining >continue my fallout addiction >bank over 1000 hours >get burnt out >i get back into skyrim >only have about 50 hours 121 KB JPG >h-------- theres a lot i missed >cant stop playing >my new addiction >i play constantly >ffw to today >redecorating my room irl >finish >im so exhausted >damn that was a lot of work i better quicksave >what >mfw

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Anon talks to a girl | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/04/21(Wed)00:11:28 No.64827515 >be me >uni >spot a super cute girl working the salad bar in the commons >drop dead gorgeous, deep brown eyes and soft, silky black hair >even with COVID masks I could tell she 553 KB PNG was beautiful >chat her up >she had a brace around her index finger, I find out she got mauled by a squirrell trying to feed it >Imao'd with her >shuffle away with my tray of salad like a p---- >decide to approach her at the end of her shift >phone number on a paper, I approach her and shoot my shot >bf, to no one's surprise >I thank her and tell her to have a good day >feel like a retard for a moment, it really seemed she was interested >I see her from time to time working there throughout the year >l always chat up workers there, sometimes I wouldn't immediately recognize her with masks >she clearly felt bad about rejecting me, nice girl >l never felt any regrets Shoot your shot anons, the worst that happens is that they say no. If they're a bitch about it, they're not good people anyways.

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Anons best friend | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 01/18/19(Fri)18:09:08 No.790342553 > be me, male anon > roommate yelling at dog > Apparently dog chewed her dirty panties and tore them >mfw dogo didnt chew anything >mfw dogo takes blame for me 7 KB JPG

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Trump card | /r/Greentext

File: 1407119379594.png (129 KB, 724x611) IT Master Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)11:37:15 No.64819340 [Reply] >Be me, IT guy for medium sized company >Almost no supervision >Get bored, start looking at the door access software >realize I can change the sensitivity on the RFID reader >Current setting is max, which will read your ID from like 6+ inches away, good enough for purses, wallets, etc >devilish_plan.png >change the sensitivity to bare minimum >Basically have to hold the card on the reader for a good second >Next morning, everyone in the office is visibly upset >Nobody knows who to check with, some people blaming the janitor thinking he controls the cards >Everyone has to take their cards out of their purses/wallets to scan in >It's too petty of an issue for people to seriously inquire about >It's enough to ruin some peoples good spirits It's called I do a little trolling

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Anon is bisexual | /r/Greentext

>be me >bisexual retard >chad always bullies me for being retarded >doesn't know I'm bisexual >chad also said I look like a girl >he said if I had longer hair he'd probably 45 KB JPG f--- me >evilplanhatching.jpeg >buy some hair extensions >make a fake Instagram post pictures of me in bikinis and s--- like that >chad obviously follows the account >start texting with him >eventually it leads to sexting >a few weeks pass > he wants to meet up and f--- >go to place he wants to meet up but before I go I tape c--- and balls to my stomach >when he gets there I say I just wanna do a--- because I don't want to get pregnant >f----- reluctantly agrees >pull my pants down and make sure he only sees my back >gives me the f------ of my life >he and I both c-- buckets >after we finish I reveal myself to him >laugh and call him f----- >f----- doesn't believe what he sees >completely frozen with look of defeat on his face >steal his wallet and car keys >go on a joy ride with his car >crash into pole >leave his wallet but take the cash Feel like I finally beat him. Did I do good /b/ros?

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Anon have a fetish | /r/Greentext

when did you realize you were and autist? No.469326487 44 minutes ago 6ba53ad689dc981b356bf760beae30bb.png PNG 727.6 KiB 1721x859 >have huge foot fetish >mod Skyrim with foot fetish mod for years and use it to j------- >pic related >never even beaten the game >buy VR recently >Skyrim VR feels super immersive >lightbulb ding.jpg >mfw the feet mod works with Skyrim VR >add it >go to j------- to female feet >l can't >l feel too embarrassed >l'm physically crouching to get close to the feet, which the game interprets as sneaking >hear NPC who detects me say something like WHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING? >rip off my headset >sad nap for 6 hours >write this mfw I will never be able to get a GF

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Anon Almost Makes It | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 07/15/21(Thu)18:38:42 No.64585241 just bake me into a f------ pie already IcOkymu1pnc31.png 351 KB PNG >she asked about my hobbies Oh no...

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Anon’s call-to-action | /r/Greentext

>me >boomer grandpa watching news >story about random normie dying from covid >"family in shock" >"he was young and healthy, in the prime of his life" 382 KB JPG >jump cut to >jabbathehutt.jpg >"big" is literally used in front of his first name >normie found out he got covid after going to the ER for a sunburn >normie goes home >pneumoniawheez.mp4 >normie goes to the ICU >dies >my boomer grandpa "no s--- what do you think happens when a fat f--- gets covid" Anons, even my boomer grandpa isn't full retard, go get the vaccine

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Anon listens to Joe Rogan | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 08/03/21(Tue)13:32:23 No.860270115 > leans in closer to mic > "Hey man, I was doing some Bolivian marching powder enemas in my ice bath while researching Ron Reagan recently, and I think I figured out the reason why he was such a f------ prick as governor of Califomia and President. Jamie, pull up the pictures" > "He was just an actor before, right?" > "He was, but the turning point was in 1951 with a role in 'Bedtime for Bonzo' where he acted with a chimp. Look at his pants before 1951, and after 1951." > "I'm not seeing it Joe" > "Dude how can you not. His package is f------ gone. That chimp totally ripped off his d---."

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2018 Greentext Projecting on 2019... Glad Anon Wasn't Right... or... Was He? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous (ID: WW503DHF ) * 02/21/18(Wed)21:07:20 No.16142413C >be American high school student >2019 >multiple school shootings a day >every teacher is now armed >veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built in mini-guns >in Algebra 2 >teacher is handing out the quiz, her full body armor jostling around >reach into my backpack to take out my calculator >her M16 is already trained on me >"ANON DON'T F------ MOVE" >"I-I need my calculator" >"THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ WHAT THE F--- ARE YOU REACHING FOR" >"I-I thought we could use calculators" >"YOU THOUGHT WRONG" >tense pause >she lowers her weapon >school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the class >her blood and brains splatters all over my face >second school shooter wheels around in the front with a shotgun, takes aim at the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines >try to run for the door >veteran mobility scooter unit flies in and tears me to shreds firing 6k rounds a minute >die happy knowing that l'm still freer than Europoors >family gets charged 10 mil for my medical expenses (plus tip)

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Greentext Stories - Anon fucked up. | /r/Greentext

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Anonymous Don't Be Me 08/03/21(Tue)08:16:18 No.64817540 >In 4th grade was put into a group for kids with musical talent. Sat next to a girl because it was the only seat left >Call her Jane; was was smart as f---, very kinds, and gorgeous. Incredibly talented musician. We somehow become friends >We do music together all the time. By 6th grade we're part of a youth orchestra and 715 KB GIF even play for money as part of a band that did weddings. She is super-smart and we study together all the time. I was totally in love. >But she is already easily the valedictorian; her family has a ton of money; she is gorgeous and getting more so al the time. >Meanwhile I am skinny, short, poor, and not that smart >But we stay friends. The band hosts dances so we go together to host, but we never dance >By sophomore year she is easily the prettiest girl I know personally and everyone was just stunned by her. Grown men routinely hit on her. But she was a devout Catholic and wouldn't even date until she was ready to marry. >l ended up 5'5", ugly, and balding at 17 >Senior year she was early admittance to an Ivy, I was going to state. I finally worked up the courage to ask he to a dance, we went. It was great, like a dream. I decided I was going to make myself into something, prove I was good enough, so I buckled down and did well in uni, deciding l'd get a PhD and then tell her how I feel >Her sophomore year she met a guy, dropped out of uni, and got married at 20. NGL, I cried for 3 hours >The next Christmas I visited - she had her baby with her. Met her husband, he was as perfect as she. >I had a few minutes alone with her and for some stupid reason confessed I had always loved her. She was FURIOUS! >"I always loved YOU but you never said or did anything! I used to cry myself to sleep because I wasn't pretty enough or special enough for you to notice me! I turned down everyone else because I loved YOU and you went off to university without a word! Now, NOW, you say something?! Too late! I married an actual MAN!" Don't be me, telIl her

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