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Greentext Stories

174 Views • Created 2 years ago By Reddit Moments • Updated 2 years ago

Created By Reddit Moments • Updated 2 years ago

Anon jerks off | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 03/14/21(Sun)16:43:53 No.62751684 >>62751748 >>62751768 >>62751775 >>62751786 >>62751788 >>62751791 >>62751801 >>62751820 >>62751831 >be me 27 khhv >5/10 chubby girl comes into gas station every night >works at the weed store in the next town over and always stops for snacks/gas when she gets off work >finally decide to shoot my shot >"no thanks I don't really date guys who work at gas stations" >hit cancel payment on my screen >"looks like your card was declined" >she tries again >cancel payment again >"sorry if you can't pay you're going to have to leave" >"bbut.. im almost out of gas and there's nothing else around" >tell her that sucks but she has to leave >watch her walk to her car in a practical blizzard >go home >fall asleep peacefully after furiously jacking it to the idea of her freezing to death in her car
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    Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)09:12:05 No.200386470 sws.jpg 10 KB JPG >watching GOT pilot with sister >jamie cersei i----- scene starts >"don't get any funny ideas anon" this happened 5 mins ago what do I say????
    Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)09:12:05 No.200386470 sws.jpg 10 KB JPG >watching GOT pilot with sister >jamie cersei i----- scene starts >"don't get any funny ideas anon" this happened 5 mins ago what do I say????
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    Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous RLINES ARCLAYS EMIER LEAGUE BARCL PREMIER LE Settings Mobile Home 06/26/24(Wed)10:55:03 No.77960245 all ARCLAYS @ dafabet ARCLAYS viago Thank Yo #YouAreFootba prefer not to speak. If I speak, I am in big trouble. B PR BA 410 KB PNG What is the most shocking practice that happened at your work once? III start >Be me, I started at company that public services all over the country >I will not specify anything about the company other than it is in the UK and typically likes to boast about diversity >Many such cases >Nice fat salaries too >Started a few weeks ago >Training is in groups of 3 - 4 and my trainer was a working class city dad >I live in a commuter town about 30 miles away >During my assessment while the rest of the group observed with the trainer >I overheard one convo lead to another until my trainer, being a liberal gen Xer the conversation lead to tolerance and diversity in the workplace >They always need to specify that they're not racist. Otherwise people would think they're racist obviously >Im sure you know what I mean >He referred to a previous training group with a Turkish Muslim who was really liberal, an open homosexual, and a Somalian Muslim who openly hated homosexuals >DiversityIsOurStrenth.PPT >Such behaviour should not be tolerated >You would think that Mr Somalian should've superimposed work ahead of his personal views. Given that his job literally requires interacting and servicing with the public But no, this really f------ shocked me btw >My trainer, a liberal genX guy, forced himself to book separate individual training sessions with the Somalian as to not discriminate his religion >No joke, he dead ass told us that he caved into the guys personal views (That would get a wyte guy fired) to train him for the job, instead of telling him to seethe This also begs the question, why would a visceral homophobe immigrate to the UK (on a s----- raft probably), and then apply for a job that requires interacting with members of the public that he openly admits to the company that he does not want to deal with them, because he hates them Thats like a f------ neo Nazi moving to Israel, and then the Israeli government setting up separate areas for neo nazis!
    Board /r9k/ - ROBOT9001 Anonymous RLINES ARCLAYS EMIER LEAGUE BARCL PREMIER LE Settings Mobile Home 06/26/24(Wed)10:55:03 No.77960245 all ARCLAYS @ dafabet ARCLAYS viago Thank Yo #YouAreFootba prefer not to speak. If I speak, I am in big trouble. B PR BA 410 KB PNG What is the most shocking practice that happened at your work once? III start >Be me, I started at company that public services all over the country >I will not specify anything about the company other than it is in the UK and typically likes to boast about diversity >Many such cases >Nice fat salaries too >Started a few weeks ago >Training is in groups of 3 - 4 and my trainer was a working class city dad >I live in a commuter town about 30 miles away >During my assessment while the rest of the group observed with the trainer >I overheard one convo lead to another until my trainer, being a liberal gen Xer the conversation lead to tolerance and diversity in the workplace >They always need to specify that they're not racist. Otherwise people would think they're racist obviously >Im sure you know what I mean >He referred to a previous training group with a Turkish Muslim who was really liberal, an open homosexual, and a Somalian Muslim who openly hated homosexuals >DiversityIsOurStrenth.PPT >Such behaviour should not be tolerated >You would think that Mr Somalian should've superimposed work ahead of his personal views. Given that his job literally requires interacting and servicing with the public But no, this really f------ shocked me btw >My trainer, a liberal genX guy, forced himself to book separate individual training sessions with the Somalian as to not discriminate his religion >No joke, he dead ass told us that he caved into the guys personal views (That would get a wyte guy fired) to train him for the job, instead of telling him to seethe This also begs the question, why would a visceral homophobe immigrate to the UK (on a s----- raft probably), and then apply for a job that requires interacting with members of the public that he openly admits to the company that he does not want to deal with them, because he hates them Thats like a f------ neo Nazi moving to Israel, and then the Israeli government setting up separate areas for neo nazis!
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    Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed) 06:59:40 No.200504119 kate-mara-a-teacher-2tfvyq3q7x.jpg 59 KB JPG >You're going to f--- me or else I am going to fail you
    Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed) 06:59:40 No.200504119 kate-mara-a-teacher-2tfvyq3q7x.jpg 59 KB JPG >You're going to f--- me or else I am going to fail you
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    Anonymous 11/21/23(Tue)04:51:48 No.75491042 17 KB JPG people there >be me a week ago >high as f------ balls at 1 in the morning downtown >find a random chinese food place >munchies.jpg >go inside >place is greasy as all hell, 2 other >only staff I see is one guy at the counter >order food and sit >reeks like cigs >eat >best f------ food Ive ever eaten, the sheer flavor in each bite is like a thousand exploding stars on my tongue >leave feeling the best Ive felt in years >go home and sleep it off >today >search the entirety of downtown > chinese place is gone without a trace what the f---
    Anonymous 11/21/23(Tue)04:51:48 No.75491042 17 KB JPG people there >be me a week ago >high as f------ balls at 1 in the morning downtown >find a random chinese food place >munchies.jpg >go inside >place is greasy as all hell, 2 other >only staff I see is one guy at the counter >order food and sit >reeks like cigs >eat >best f------ food Ive ever eaten, the sheer flavor in each bite is like a thousand exploding stars on my tongue >leave feeling the best Ive felt in years >go home and sleep it off >today >search the entirety of downtown > chinese place is gone without a trace what the f---
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    Anonymous 7 KB JPG 06/26/24(Wed)22:02:58 No.77959008 >be me >straight 21 year old slavic man living in western country >6'3, fit (visible abs everything) >study finance and work part time >relatively good looking >can't pull girls at all, no matter what I do >not a virgin but not in a relationship either >start getting recommended trans p--- >exclusively only watch trans p--- now as straight p--- just isn't exciting/interesting since discovering this genre >met trans woman on dating app >took her out for few dates >actually loves me as opposed to other girls >we have sex >best sex ever >now together for months, both love eachother greatly, and she's so nerdy like me well, I still think I'm straight because she's a girl but the sex is much better than any other girl i've been with
    Anonymous 7 KB JPG 06/26/24(Wed)22:02:58 No.77959008 >be me >straight 21 year old slavic man living in western country >6'3, fit (visible abs everything) >study finance and work part time >relatively good looking >can't pull girls at all, no matter what I do >not a virgin but not in a relationship either >start getting recommended trans p--- >exclusively only watch trans p--- now as straight p--- just isn't exciting/interesting since discovering this genre >met trans woman on dating app >took her out for few dates >actually loves me as opposed to other girls >we have sex >best sex ever >now together for months, both love eachother greatly, and she's so nerdy like me well, I still think I'm straight because she's a girl but the sex is much better than any other girl i've been with
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    Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)09:29:08 No.200321832 La Sp Up Sp Sp sage-boys.jpg 119 KB JPG >I'm gonna let you a------ me Bros...is a--- really that good?? Anonymous >que in rap music >>200327994 # Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)09:30:00 No.200321842 06/21/24(Fri)09:30:30 No.200321853 Well if the most Jewish show on TV is promoting it, it must be good.
    Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)09:29:08 No.200321832 La Sp Up Sp Sp sage-boys.jpg 119 KB JPG >I'm gonna let you a------ me Bros...is a--- really that good?? Anonymous >que in rap music >>200327994 # Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)09:30:00 No.200321842 06/21/24(Fri)09:30:30 No.200321853 Well if the most Jewish show on TV is promoting it, it must be good.
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    Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)05:13:09 No.680377434 fallout-4-header-credit-bethesda-3588x2018-407b681f211e.jpg 1.41 MB JPG >able to build power sources and lights that last for 200+ years with no maintenance >unable to build new houses without gaps in the walls/roofs >unable to make a bed without big stains on it >everything new create from metal is pre-rusted the "humans" in the fallout universe feel more like retarded aliens than actual people
    Anonymous 06/21/24(Fri)05:13:09 No.680377434 fallout-4-header-credit-bethesda-3588x2018-407b681f211e.jpg 1.41 MB JPG >able to build power sources and lights that last for 200+ years with no maintenance >unable to build new houses without gaps in the walls/roofs >unable to make a bed without big stains on it >everything new create from metal is pre-rusted the "humans" in the fallout universe feel more like retarded aliens than actual people
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    /11\ 77] TE Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed)02:19:18 No.77957361 ► >be vidya attic >love games that give me new ways of dismembering humans and destroying environments >be chad >dont play videogames cuz im not 12 >love capeshit movies like deadpool and boyz where f------ get anihilated >be tender female >don't like gory violence yuck >love movies like 2012 and DEEP impact tho cuz wow so crazy guys it's almost like ppl like watching ppl die
    /11\ 77] TE Anonymous 06/26/24(Wed)02:19:18 No.77957361 ► >be vidya attic >love games that give me new ways of dismembering humans and destroying environments >be chad >dont play videogames cuz im not 12 >love capeshit movies like deadpool and boyz where f------ get anihilated >be tender female >don't like gory violence yuck >love movies like 2012 and DEEP impact tho cuz wow so crazy guys it's almost like ppl like watching ppl die
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    Anonymous (ID: 2xRqgabD) 08/29/23(Tue)03:59:10 No.439602796 >be me >0 success with women >be kind of a shy beta >decide to improve >start working out 24 KB JPG >get a better job >improve social skills >engage in hobbies >dress better >better hygiene >become more confident And now, 2 years into this self-improvement and conditioning to become a better man than I was before I can happily report to you that I still have 0 success. >>439602883 # >>439602957 # >>439603096 # >>439603199 # >>439603350 # >>439603386 # >>439603844 # >>439604142 # >>439604191 #
    Anonymous (ID: 2xRqgabD) 08/29/23(Tue)03:59:10 No.439602796 >be me >0 success with women >be kind of a shy beta >decide to improve >start working out 24 KB JPG >get a better job >improve social skills >engage in hobbies >dress better >better hygiene >become more confident And now, 2 years into this self-improvement and conditioning to become a better man than I was before I can happily report to you that I still have 0 success. >>439602883 # >>439602957 # >>439603096 # >>439603199 # >>439603350 # >>439603386 # >>439603844 # >>439604142 # >>439604191 #
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    2d (06/23/24 13:16) 27435270 >>27435218 I'm neither you, nor some other schmuck. I can get p---- and enjoy the freedom of speech 4chan allows me. Tried reddit, but I'm banned from just about everywhere so ... hello 4chan.
    2d (06/23/24 13:16) 27435270 >>27435218 I'm neither you, nor some other schmuck. I can get p---- and enjoy the freedom of speech 4chan allows me. Tried reddit, but I'm banned from just about everywhere so ... hello 4chan.
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    File: 1692896373357758.jpg (93 KB, 1417x797) Anonymous 06/24/24(Mon)22:44:16 No.200456128 ► >>200456153 >>200456307 >>200456977 >>200458529 >>200458820 Did Gandalf have a job or did he rely on the kindness of others for food and water and shelter for his entire existence?
    File: 1692896373357758.jpg (93 KB, 1417x797) Anonymous 06/24/24(Mon)22:44:16 No.200456128 ► >>200456153 >>200456307 >>200456977 >>200458529 >>200458820 Did Gandalf have a job or did he rely on the kindness of others for food and water and shelter for his entire existence?
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    am i gay??? #1, No. 77954038 4 hours ago IMG_8791 JPG 150x150 3.9 KB >be me, 19yo collegefag >straight as an arrow, been dating the same girl since 7th grade >legitimately truly never ever been attracted to or aroused by men >be in computer lab at college, studying for exam >guy comes in and sits across from me, also studying >glance at him >literally the most beautiful person i've ever seen >not sexy, not cute, BEAUTIFUL >petite, east asian frame, wavy hair down to his shoulders >clear skin, glowing, just the slightest bit tanned >immaculately groomed and dressed >undeniably male but just graceful and delicate >i'm literally struck dumb >nod hi to him and he says hi back >his voice is like f------ honey >again, undeniably male, but jesus christ >even his f------ hands are attractive, long fingers and smooth arms >can't get any studying done for the life of me (obviously) >haven't been able to meet my girlfriend's eyes since >failed my exam too >can't stop thinking about him i know this sounds like a psyop, post the f------ cat picture if you want, make jokes about robots being secretly gay, whatever. i'm actually freaking the f--- out. am i gay? do i look for him? it's a smallish college so i'd probably be able to find him. 15 replies
    am i gay??? #1, No. 77954038 4 hours ago IMG_8791 JPG 150x150 3.9 KB >be me, 19yo collegefag >straight as an arrow, been dating the same girl since 7th grade >legitimately truly never ever been attracted to or aroused by men >be in computer lab at college, studying for exam >guy comes in and sits across from me, also studying >glance at him >literally the most beautiful person i've ever seen >not sexy, not cute, BEAUTIFUL >petite, east asian frame, wavy hair down to his shoulders >clear skin, glowing, just the slightest bit tanned >immaculately groomed and dressed >undeniably male but just graceful and delicate >i'm literally struck dumb >nod hi to him and he says hi back >his voice is like f------ honey >again, undeniably male, but jesus christ >even his f------ hands are attractive, long fingers and smooth arms >can't get any studying done for the life of me (obviously) >haven't been able to meet my girlfriend's eyes since >failed my exam too >can't stop thinking about him i know this sounds like a psyop, post the f------ cat picture if you want, make jokes about robots being secretly gay, whatever. i'm actually freaking the f--- out. am i gay? do i look for him? it's a smallish college so i'd probably be able to find him. 15 replies
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    Anonymous 26 KB PNG 08/22/23(Tue)21:19:00 No.189055363 >the AT fields are standard sci-fi force fields >actually the AT fields are some kind of metaphor for isolation >actually the AT fields are some kind of universal force that keeps humans bodies from turning into liquid >>189055553 # >>189055554 # >>189056176 #
    Anonymous 26 KB PNG 08/22/23(Tue)21:19:00 No.189055363 >the AT fields are standard sci-fi force fields >actually the AT fields are some kind of metaphor for isolation >actually the AT fields are some kind of universal force that keeps humans bodies from turning into liquid >>189055553 # >>189055554 # >>189056176 #
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    : Anonymous 139 KB PNG 09/17/22(Sat)03:37:36 No.70243683 >someone stole my sandwich for one week straight >ask HR for camera recording >it's Ahmed the Islam enjoyer >trap card: activated >make the pork as tendie as possible so it feels like chicken (40gr) >spread bacon grease on the both bread slice (7g) >2 drops of white wine alcohol >feed him for 8 months, he even brags about some infidels always prepare lunch for him so far he has consumed 7.680 kg (16.93 lbs) pork, 1.344 kg (2.96 lbs) of bacon grease and 1/9 of vinegar bottle. any Islamic scholars here know how deep in hell he is now? : Anonymous 09/17/22(Sat)03:46:07 No.70243717 >Feeds a thief so the spirit world will take vengeance on him as a ghost You really showed that guy. 70 KB JPG
    : Anonymous 139 KB PNG 09/17/22(Sat)03:37:36 No.70243683 >someone stole my sandwich for one week straight >ask HR for camera recording >it's Ahmed the Islam enjoyer >trap card: activated >make the pork as tendie as possible so it feels like chicken (40gr) >spread bacon grease on the both bread slice (7g) >2 drops of white wine alcohol >feed him for 8 months, he even brags about some infidels always prepare lunch for him so far he has consumed 7.680 kg (16.93 lbs) pork, 1.344 kg (2.96 lbs) of bacon grease and 1/9 of vinegar bottle. any Islamic scholars here know how deep in hell he is now? : Anonymous 09/17/22(Sat)03:46:07 No.70243717 >Feeds a thief so the spirit world will take vengeance on him as a ghost You really showed that guy. 70 KB JPG
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    File: funny frog meme.png (217 KB, 399x385) Anonymous (ID: Km+0lHfD | 06/25/24(Tue)15:36:16 No.472180205 I just had the funniest realization ever >pre-Obama >conservative Christians try to get gays to like p---- and lesbians to like d--- >progressives: W-- YOU BIGOTS THEY WERE BORN THAT WAY >post Obama >progressives try to force gays to like p---- (transmen) and lesbians to like d---- (transwomen) >progressives: YOU WILL SUCK THE LADY D--- YOU TERF BITCH OR YOU'LL BE CANCELLED! Horse shoe theory is f------ hilarious.
    File: funny frog meme.png (217 KB, 399x385) Anonymous (ID: Km+0lHfD | 06/25/24(Tue)15:36:16 No.472180205 I just had the funniest realization ever >pre-Obama >conservative Christians try to get gays to like p---- and lesbians to like d--- >progressives: W-- YOU BIGOTS THEY WERE BORN THAT WAY >post Obama >progressives try to force gays to like p---- (transmen) and lesbians to like d---- (transwomen) >progressives: YOU WILL SUCK THE LADY D--- YOU TERF BITCH OR YOU'LL BE CANCELLED! Horse shoe theory is f------ hilarious.
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    Anonymous am i gay??? 4 KB JPG me, also studying >glance at him 06/25/24(Tue)18:32:01 No.77954038 >be me, 19yo collegefag >straight as an arrow, been dating the same girl since 7th grade >legitimately truly never ever been attracted to or aroused by men >be in computer lab at college, studying for exam >guy comes in and sits across from >literally the most beautiful person i've ever seen >not sexy, not cute, BEAUTIFUL >petite, east asian frame, wavy hair down to his shoulders >clear skin, glowing, just the slightest bit tanned >immaculately groomed and dressed >undeniably male but just graceful and delicate >i'm literally struck dumb >nod hi to him and he says hi back >his voice is like f------ honey >again, undeniably male, but jesus christ >even his f------ hands are attractive, long fingers and smooth arms >can't get any studying done for the life of me (obviously) >haven't been able to meet my girlfriend's eyes since >failed my exam too >can't stop thinking about him i know this sounds like a psyop, post the f------ cat picture if you want, make jokes about robots being secretly gay, whatever. i'm actually freaking the f--- out. am i gay? do i look for him? it's a smallish college so i'd probably be able to find him.
    Anonymous am i gay??? 4 KB JPG me, also studying >glance at him 06/25/24(Tue)18:32:01 No.77954038 >be me, 19yo collegefag >straight as an arrow, been dating the same girl since 7th grade >legitimately truly never ever been attracted to or aroused by men >be in computer lab at college, studying for exam >guy comes in and sits across from >literally the most beautiful person i've ever seen >not sexy, not cute, BEAUTIFUL >petite, east asian frame, wavy hair down to his shoulders >clear skin, glowing, just the slightest bit tanned >immaculately groomed and dressed >undeniably male but just graceful and delicate >i'm literally struck dumb >nod hi to him and he says hi back >his voice is like f------ honey >again, undeniably male, but jesus christ >even his f------ hands are attractive, long fingers and smooth arms >can't get any studying done for the life of me (obviously) >haven't been able to meet my girlfriend's eyes since >failed my exam too >can't stop thinking about him i know this sounds like a psyop, post the f------ cat picture if you want, make jokes about robots being secretly gay, whatever. i'm actually freaking the f--- out. am i gay? do i look for him? it's a smallish college so i'd probably be able to find him.
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    Anonymous (ID: QT6bXbrc E 06/25/24(Tue)19:40:03 No.472184700 105 88 KB JPG Why did he do it bros? >7ft tall chad >built like a gorilla >Wife and kid >Rich and famous Some things are never enough...
    Anonymous (ID: QT6bXbrc E 06/25/24(Tue)19:40:03 No.472184700 105 88 KB JPG Why did he do it bros? >7ft tall chad >built like a gorilla >Wife and kid >Rich and famous Some things are never enough...
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    Anonymous (ID: a0J4u0tP Boomers 807 KB PNG 06/19/24(Wed)19:23:46 No.471603477 >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 10/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained on company dime >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps
    Anonymous (ID: a0J4u0tP Boomers 807 KB PNG 06/19/24(Wed)19:23:46 No.471603477 >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 10/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained on company dime >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps
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    Anonymous 05/17/24(Fri)21:53:59 No.676770594 >get a rock cpu-564771_1920 Cropped.jpg 77 KB JPG >melt rock >turn rock into powder >turn rock into a crystal >turn it back into a rock >inscribe ancient runes with powerful magic onto rock >trick rock into thinking >can now use this evolved rock to play skyrim with the most degenerate p--- mods imaginable how the F--- did they figure all this s--- out?
    Anonymous 05/17/24(Fri)21:53:59 No.676770594 >get a rock cpu-564771_1920 Cropped.jpg 77 KB JPG >melt rock >turn rock into powder >turn rock into a crystal >turn it back into a rock >inscribe ancient runes with powerful magic onto rock >trick rock into thinking >can now use this evolved rock to play skyrim with the most degenerate p--- mods imaginable how the F--- did they figure all this s--- out?
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    Anonymous 38 KB JPG 06/21/24(Fri)11:21:06 No.23512498 Went full Nietzsche schizo on my girlfriend and now she's a depressed atheist women are not cut for hard truths they need cuddling physically and spiritually
    Anonymous 38 KB JPG 06/21/24(Fri)11:21:06 No.23512498 Went full Nietzsche schizo on my girlfriend and now she's a depressed atheist women are not cut for hard truths they need cuddling physically and spiritually
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