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File: elo1PWy.jpg (35 KB, 600x462) TRIPPED AND FELL TODAY Anonymous 09/08/22(Thu)18:43:35 No.70141314 ► >be myself >in uni lecture like 200 people >for some reason think of pic related >chuckle to myself >"man, that image is funny" >begin to actually laugh >people notice BUT I'M OK >seeing them look at me makes it worse, begin to laugh even harder >leave campus and walk home I have to go back next Tuesday. >eventually im laughing uncontrollably to the point the professor stops lecturing and looks at me >extremely embarrassed so i get up to leave, still laughing >in the middle of the row so i have to climb over like 20 people to get out >tears are rolling down my cheeks, not sure if from embarrassment or laughter >a fart i was holding in escapes on my way out, ass was inches next to some poor guy

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>his waifu doesn't have access to a fleet of private satellites so that she can track a singular person anywhere on the planet and then call in her private B-52 to firebomb half of Afghanistan

Anonymous Failed shopping attempt 105 KB JPG 03/29/25(Sat) 07:38:26 No.80793301 They should stop hiring attractive women as sales associates in men's clothing shops. >be me >trying to buy shoes in a sneakers shop >needed to ask one of their workers to bring out a pair in my size >all the workers, besides one older dude, are attractive girls of my age >feel uncomfortable, but wait till that guy isn't busy and ask him >try the shoes on, it's not a great fit, want to ask for a different size >the guy is now nowhere to be seen >assemble all my courage and ask one of the female workers >8/10 beaty >"yeah, sure..." a bit of annoyance can be heard in her voice and the look of disgust isn't fully hidden on her face >"actually nevermind" >leave the shop F--- I HATE BEING LOOKED AT WITH DISGUST. Most likely would have bought something, if they hadn't decided to hire those Stacies View Thread

Anonymous 03/11/24(Mon) 18:13:14 No. 197128712 file.png 476 KB PNG >over the top, but fun action slop >good cinematography >pacing on point >good acting >certified kino >somehow flops this is why we can't have good things

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Anon buys a birthday gift | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 129 KB JPG 08/22/22(Mon)02:09:51 No.27306366 >Every time a homie's birthday rolls around I ask them for their measurements >Buy them a cosplay of their waifu or shimakaze >As a joke of course >They will laugh at it while thanking me >They will get curious and put it on in private >I will jokingly ask them for pics >They will jokingly send them to me I am grooming the homies

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Anon tries to curve a weirdo | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 5 hours ago >Be me >Work at grocery >Unattractive regular customer is into me, I'm not interested >Constantly coming in and pestering me >Get fed up and tell her I don't date because I'm a registered sex offender to get her to go away 70134406 >She gets even more turned on >Keeps begging me for details, what I did to my victim, did I hit her, did she c--, etc. What the f--- is wrong with women? 1 REPLY

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Anon doesn’t like water | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous KILL 96 KB JPG 09/08/22(Thu)23:58:37 No.70134053 >and I spy with my little eye... >a n---- over in the food court drinking WATER >n---- you drinking WATER??? >waterbubble.wav >that's disgusting >n---- you drinking water you might as well be drinking c-- >that s--- gay my dude >I ain't never drink water, strictly soda

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Anon is a master of social interaction | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: CLIU7duL) 07/31/17(Mon)03:51:01 No.135616282 File: meme arrow irl.jpg (16 KB, 272x267) le anyone else greentext irl like pic related? for example my friend said trump would be bad for the world and then i go >implying and then do the meme arrow hand pose Anonymous (ID: CLIU7duL) 07/31/17(Mon)03:51:37 No.135616320 File: ourguy.jpg (24 KB, 378x326) A so that would be hand pose hand pose hand/head tilt also when i like someone i hold my hands ether side of my head and then tilt to one side like pic and say "our guy" for example: >is he >dare i say it /ourguy/?

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anon has taste | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 09/08/22(Thu)14:35:17 No.885299649 Anya-Taylor1614759253-0.jpg 235 KB JPG >Hurr durr her eyes are too far apart! More space for my c-- you f------ f-----.

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Anon dislikes Apple | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 9:41 It looks like you've been in a crash. iPhone will trigger Emergency SOS if you don't respond. SOS Emergency Cal X Cancel 09/08/22(Thu)01:54:31 No.88494162 Crash Detection calls for help when you can't. iPhone 14 Pro can detect a severe car crash, then call 911 and notify your emergency contacts. 1637877089124.png 301 KB PNG How do they do it? 09/08/22(Thu)02:34:55 No.88494581 : Anonymous >>88494162 (OP) # >Imagine a 16 car pile up caused by an out of control electric semi on malfunctioning autopilot >16 Cars and one electric semi that is now on fire try to call 911. >dozens of apple watches and dozens of iphones all try to contact emergency services. >Emergency service's underfunded call server crashes >ultimately no one is dispatched >the electric semi sets all the electric cars on fire >no one can escape because the regular door handle requires power to work and the emergency door handle is in a separate hidden spot that no one knows about This is the future Apple envisions. >>88494871 # >>88495633 # >>88500254 # >>88500342 #

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Anon drew babana in 1th grade | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 13 KB JPG 80081E5 : Anonymous >1th /SCI/ - SCIENCE & MATH View Announcement 12/17/17(Sun)21:56:15 No.754124819 > Back in 1th grade > Teacher ask to write my name > Draw a banana > Gets a F and public exposure I hate my life 12/17/17(Sun)21:58:23 No.754125046 You deserve what you got op

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Anon is about 7 years too early | /r/Greentext

File: queen-elizabeth-ii-jewell(...).jpg (112 KB, 433x531) GOLGO O Anonymous 06/04/15(Thu)00:35:52 No.619538345 [Reply] ► Elizabeth II is kill, is that true? Anonymous 06/04/15(Thu)00:37:06 No.619538460 Who cares fallout 4 is announced

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Not a green text but /b at its finest | /r/Greentext

CASPER ASPIRITED BEGINNING # 63.jpg 425 KB JPG 24 TM The cover of this movie always made me laugh when I was a kid because I imagined chris was about to be r---- by the ghostly trio while casper just kinda stood there and smiled.

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anon uses the bathroom | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Y the 211 KB JPG 08/16/16(Tue)12:24:09 No.699763279 >be fat >go to /fit/ and find a solution >main problem is i eat like a dumpster >apparently things with loads of fiber is going to save my filthy soul >"Fiber is digested slowly, leaving you feeling full longer, and helps with digestion" >go out and buy two boxes of fiber-heavy breakfast bars >the first day i have fiber bars for breakfast, lunch and a lot of snacks >i dont s--- that day >next day i fiber myself up even more >i dont s--- that day either >fiber jesus is surely working his magic in my colon >can feel the pounds dropping off because im not very hungry anymore >i dont s--- the third day >i dont s--- the fourth day >thefinaldaydawns.mp3 >i have my morning coffee and feel my insides rumble in that familiar way >the second i hit the toilet the weirdest fart in the world exits me >it's whistling >just a thin, continuous airstream of fart that smells like grandpapas coffin >no sound other than the whistling hiss >suddenly stops >the hole is plugged >SOS >this s--- is so solid it feels like i'm giving a--- birth to Dwayne "The rock" Johnson >hang on to the shower curtain and pray >the rock is shot out of my a------ at mach speed >my entire ass is covered in toilet water >now the fun begins >a fart that could do more damage to the ozone layer than aerosol ever did is shooting s--- bullets out of me >solid and prefectly round nuggets >the smell is killing me >blacking out >the thuds of nuggets shooting around the bowl propelled by my insane fiber flatulence is giving me war flashbacks >iwasntevenin'nam.jpeg >my guts are yelling in german >sounds like a moose in heat lives in my belly >most of the s--- isn't even digested at this point >just forced out by all the gas that had been building up to my throat >after an hour it finally seems to be over >im shivering and crying >both legs collapse as i try to stand up >my stomach hitting the bathroom tiles forces one last trumpet >gondorcallsforaid.rar >shakily wipe my ass >completely clean

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Anon hears the news | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 65 8 KB JPG 09/08/22(Thu)22:40:57 No.885299877 >Lived just long enough to not have Boris Johnson speak at her funeral Unfathomably based

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Nordic gods help anon | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Different gods answer 573 KB PNG 09/05/22(Mon)20:29:00 No.32804290 >Be me >Be catholic my entire life >Night before uni finals prayed to Odin for wisdom since I was f----- for the test and had never had God help me immediately >Get to test >Pass it easily >Try again asking for strength, knowledge and fertility from various Norse Gods and Goddesses >They deliver What the f--- do I do? Why does God never answer yet Odin unironically does. I don't want to stem from my faith and shouldn't ask things of other gods but they seem more than happy to help me when God remains silent. 27 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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Greentext Stories - Anon laughs | /r/Greentext

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File: elo1PWy.jpg (35 KB, 600x462) TRIPPED AND FELL TODAY Anonymous 09/08/22(Thu)18:43:35 No.70141314 ► >be myself >in uni lecture like 200 people >for some reason think of pic related >chuckle to myself >"man, that image is funny" >begin to actually laugh >people notice BUT I'M OK >seeing them look at me makes it worse, begin to laugh even harder >leave campus and walk home I have to go back next Tuesday. >eventually im laughing uncontrollably to the point the professor stops lecturing and looks at me >extremely embarrassed so i get up to leave, still laughing >in the middle of the row so i have to climb over like 20 people to get out >tears are rolling down my cheeks, not sure if from embarrassment or laughter >a fart i was holding in escapes on my way out, ass was inches next to some poor guy

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