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SCHOOL SHOOTER ANGRY ENGINEER SPITEFUL 5'2" MAN PERFECTIONIST LADDER CLIMBER| GATEKEEPER When he didn't get his way he Became starting goaltender as a freshman punched walls, muttered under his breath, and said cryptic Despite being 5'5" he worked his way into becoming one of the best rowers the team had ever seen Thought that anyone who didn't work as hard as him was a coward and a loser things like "I'll kill you" Insisted on consulting with the coach about making the ideal team although he had no authority ANGRY TRANS MAN ADJUNCT COACH ANGRY IRISHWOMAN SUPREME GIRLBOSS QUIET CHRISTIAN President of the team for two years One of the Taking tons of hormones to aid transition Tried desperately to be team captain but nobody would dare give him power OBESE GIRLBOSS Was terrible at rowing but somehow Openly hated men and would became a coach assign us push- ups for no reason at all Constantly furious, screamed at people FAR-LEFT TURK Turkish girl who campaigned for socialist candidates at practice Dated several guys on the team Once had a breakdown in the middle of practice and it was uncomfortable CHARM CITY NEADWORKS Furious about Erdogan Tried to inform us about current events but almost nobody cared Moved to SF after college CAT LADY Unfortunately this often led to mildly drunk freshmen getting 911 called on them In senior year had a revelation and devoted her life to saving cats Now runs a shelter and owns a dozen felines This was during #MeToo so everyone instantly believed her ALT CALIFORNIAN FANTASY WRITER Saw herself as the mom of the team, was always checking on everyone No girl came within six feet of me for the remainder of the year and many guys treated me callously She got fat so I guess that's my revenge ASSAULT Came from a rough background, was poor I said something mean to him and he tackled me and relentlessly punched me in the face Was elected as the first female equipment chair in team history I kinda deserved it ESCAPED PRISONER Kid in our grade to juvie for unknown reasons Realized very soon and then left suddenly that he had escaped He slept at the boathouse and couchsurfed until he got caught again He served two years and now he's traumatized and on opioids Immediately hired an all-woman team and frequently railed against men Rowed with us then became a coach the following year Cried often to emotionally manipulate people SNAKE Changed his personality constantly depending on who he was talking to Wore Renaissance costumes to practice Tried to treat us with absolute equity but the head coach was a nepotistic d--- One minute happy and sociable, the next serious and angry VIRGINIAN From Virginia, had an accent, everyone made slavery jokes, but he was actually fairly liberal It was like a light switch year but was very modest about it Got married to a black woman at age 21 Wrote romantic fantasy novels as a hobby Is trying to make it as a writer but it's not working Spent his weekends hiking and mountain biking in the woods Thought of us as too urban, quit the team and moved to Idaho and took artsy film pictures of us Was a third- generation Italian and everyone called him "the Italian" which annoyed me because I'm first- gen RUMOR MILL HAPPY PHOTOGRAPHER OBNOXIOUS GAY GUY Had an old camera Started a rumor that I tried to roofie her at a party (I didn't) Extremely fit, made varsity freshman STONER GANGBANGER Showed up high and reeking of weed to every practice Got kicked off the team for trying to sell Felt bad for him because he was short, hairy, and had a squeaky voice Is now in prison THIEF Joined the team, got caught stealing everyone's phones the very next day, had the police called on him But he acted like a total prick, hated the world and constantly insulted everyone Reinforced stereotypes for many of the more affluent rowers Held a minor board position but let it go to her head Nagged me constantly OUTDOORSMAN RUSSIAN PHILOSOPHER Philosophy major, one of the smartest people I've ever met Edited my novel in extreme detail, I'm grateful more than he knows about doing what she wanted JUNIOR YEAR CAPTAIN Genuinely friendly guy who tried to treat us all fairly Again, got screwed over by the a------ coach Was an RA and f----- his residents You're surprised to find me in authleft, right? ME It's because. despite being a libright generally, I was never good at sports although I loved playing them and I constantly complained of nepotism and unfairness TURK'S BF Came to college pretty moderate, but when he got a girlfriend he became her yes man Echoed everything she said and by his senior year he was working for a progressive campaign Was really bad at rowing and used the team as an excuse to party Quit junior year and took six people with him RAP JESUS Quiet artistic type, didn't really have the heart for competitive Was really sports interested in Judaism for some reason Moved out to LA and works in film now ALCOHOL POISONING After being on the team for a month he drank too much at a party and passed out Constantly worked on how he looked and judged how others performed In one of the most memorable nights of my life, Boy Scout and I carried him home at 2 AM Did a really good job actually But was auth about us meeting practice quotas, etc. Really nervous all the time Was hooking up with 2A behind her boyfriend's back NEUROTIC SHY KID UKRAINIAN Often got anxious and left practice Only Ukrainian I knew in the United States Quit the team quietly When I first started playing lacrosse he gave me plenty of advice and helped me practice French-Canadian, constantly talked about how excited he was to uphold his ancestors' traditions CLOSET GAY FRIEND Deep in the closet We had a brief thing sophomore, came but then I made the out to me mistake of telling the school bully, who outed him privately I feel so terrible about it that he's included in my will even though I I haven't seen him in eight years FUCCBOI Very attractive, took advantage of it Perpetually surrounded by female groupies KRIK HELPFUL FRIEND NORDIC KENNEDY Drove me to practice every morning at 5:45 AM Came out as gay in his mid-20s, I wish I could but he never liked me CRUSH Catholic school girl who had a huge crush on me Didn't Wrealize it until college Really chill, friends with everyone Couldn't walk at graduation because he f----- his gf at prom Was team captain by the end of sophomore year Inserted himself into every event and conversation in an attempt to brownnose the coaches, with great success CLUELESS Possibly actually mentally disabled quietest people I've ever met Immediately forgot every instruction he was given He was cute and girls kept inviting him upstairs but he was meek and refused Was kicked off the team for incompetence Was friends with the gatekeeper and perfectionist but was secretly empathetic Went to bat for me during the Ukraine War and when I tried to thank him he scowled and didn't respond Very laidback personality, friends with everyone Was one of my best friends in college but he moved away and we haven't seen each other since 2019 REDEMPTIVE FAT KID Joined the team as a fat, slow kid, who nobody liked CROATIAN SENSATION ASPIRING MODEL Croatian guy, into MMA, frequently shouted explosives in Hrvatska Was not that attractive but invested every dime he had into trying to be a model Last I checked he moved out to LA, went to acting school, and is now a barista Worked out hard and 4 grew inches Ended up rowing for the US National Team and is definitely the most improved athlete I've ever seen PREPUBESCENT PREPPY Was part of the popular clique although he was 17 and his voice hadn't dropped yet Didn't start puberty until college Hooked up with half the team and smoked up the other half HUBCAPS Autistic boy who was obsessed with collecting hubcaps from the street Glued them to a wall and had a decent collection by the end of the year Gave out an engraved plaque to his favorite teammate every year WEHRABOO Spoke German with me at practice Kept inviting me to play War Thunder with him but I played once and he took it too seriously Was extremely fit and healthy As team captain he didn't really enforce authority, but he gave plenty of helpful exercise Ladvice F----- every female member of the board PRODIGY As a freshman was extremely good at lacrosse and started every game But remained modest and chill. about it and didn't let it go to his head I had the biggest crush on him and still consider him one of the most attractive humans alive SCHOOL NEWS Popular kid, ran an independent talk show on the school news Perpetually happy, was considered the class clown AEPI BRO Frat boy, slowly stopped rowing and started partying caught him smoking weed once FRAT GENTLEMAN Was a frat boy but very responsible, checked on everyone and stayed sober at parties Quit the team because it was too degenerate for him BITTERNESS EMBODIED Had been playing lacrosse for 7 years and was moderately good but never made varsity because the coach NUTRITIONIST COAST GUARD RUSSIAN STUDY ABROAD 16 AND PREGNANT I knew him as a 14- year-old hypebeast Super suave and attractive rower who came over from another team Known for excessively socializing with everyone No surprise, became a teen mom, got super Christian and Republican, and now lives in the woods Justifiably p----- about it Came from a wealthy family but was kinda stupid YEEZYS Lost his virginity to a senior when he was 14, it was the talk of the school His only passion in life was reselling collectible shows SWEATY NOODLE Had a sweating problem, smelled awful all the time Had behavioral issues and frequently got suspended PSYCHOPATH Frequently resorted to physical violence to solve his problems I did his homework for free for three years Used his stick to kill small birds VARSITY FRESHMAN Made varsity Started modestly, freshman but let it get to year his head Ne isso Laughed when others were in pain Started bossing around juniors and seniors within months Really into sailing and water sports in general Is now 21 and in the coast guard His family was loaded and he often bought us food Could've gone to Yale if he wanted but went to a small liberal arts school instead T Loves skateboarding Sailor, perpetually wore vineyard vines and played lacrosse for the aesthetic YALE LEGACY | BOY SCOUT Eagle Scout, teetotaler, asexual Knew he was peaking in high school and was terrified of graduation I wrote a book about him BENEFACTOR Popular rich kid who kinda made fun of me in high school Worst rower on the team, but didn't really care that much He got better than me really fast and we stopped talking after junior year I think he felt bad about it because he bought me a video camera to use in Ukraine 6'7" stringbean from Florida ROMANIAN I used the wrong wojak, he hated gypsies Girls loved him exclusively because he was tall He was on the team for three months, gave several girls STIs, the quit WEED PLUG I competed with him to sell alcohol to freshmen but he covered the weed market PROUD BOΥ Railed against them and lowkey advocated for genocide Blond haired blue eyed German Chad, but was definitely at least a little bit sympathetic to Nazis Really good at chess HIGH SCHOOL BFF MASSIVE EGO We started playing lacrosse at the same time and were lineys for two years Considered him my prodigy but he quit "What separates men from beasts? The Mediterranean." DEPRESSED SAILOR BUSINESS OWNER ZIONIST LIBERTARIAN From an affluent suburb of my city Only other Jewish person on the high school rowing team, we were friends on those grounds 17 years old and ran a clothing line Used the n word frequently DE After high school he moved to Russia to attend university for a couple years Kinda siding with Russia in the war He's currently my third best friend Had no ambition and was failing in school Freshman who was moderately good but thought he deserved to be on varsity BEACHCOMBER HOPELESS PARTIER 17-year-old alcoholic BACKWOODSMAN Was our From a rural area, often went hunting and ATV driving sophomore team when he was off practice captain, I revered and idolized him Was wealthy, thought he could buy influence with the coaches Failed DRAWL From Philadelphia, had a super cool accent Joined a frat and quit the team His mom paid me exorbitant sums to do his homework CATHOLIC MANIPULATOR And came Very pious and went to church home with another every week church girl every week He was the most popular kid in our grade but has done absolutely nothing since graduation SCHOOL BULLY Known for beating up smaller kids, but abstained from touching his teammates Started a secret fight club that met after practice Perpetually happy, really the sunshine of the team Later hiked the Appalachian Trail solo, he's my hero USA I don't think he even believed in God From backwoods Maryland Got suspended for stuffing a disabled kid in a locker Now lives in the woods and works as a paramedic Extremely jacked, could've been team captain by didn't try that hard Jewish Zionist, loved Netanyahu FED But was a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party 2A Exclusively went after girls who were in relationships Tough as nails and 6'6", once got hit by a car and all but walked it off G-23 VENGEFUL GAY MAN Person who convinced me to start rowing Stockpiled guns Had my first gay experience with him when I was 16 Called him a "h---" in public (I was still in the closet) and he never forgot, treated me like s--- Got an Ivy League scholarship because he was gay CHEATER Caused breakups many Saw no issue with it AT ALCOHOLIC CHILD CORRUPTER Party animal, I very rarely saw him sober even during practice Saw himself as hot s--- Guy who had graduated two years earlier, but on the sheer force of popularity kept coming to parties Gave out tons of alcohol to freshmen He's nearly 30 now but I think he still goes to rowing parties

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Authoritarian The immortal science of materialist Christianity made the master race dialectics is the only permitted world view. weak. Islam in particular must be destroyed. Economic- Left Imagine caring about anything. Economic- Right Sorry, but religion is, like, the patriarchy, sweetie. Slaves of the Archons Wanna buy a brain chip? Or at least a bottle of corn syrup? Libertarian Servants of the Aeons I hate the antichrist!
How is order maintained and the issue of economic scarcity dealt with? Authoritarian Government & Government Property Rights Economic- Left Economic- Right IDK (It's going to be a government) Property Rights Libertarian
LIBERTE EGALITE FRATERNITE FRATERNITE EGALITE LIBERTE
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