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Greentext Stories

95 Views • Created about a year ago By Reddit Moments • Updated about a year ago

Created By Reddit Moments • Updated about a year ago

Problem Officer? | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 08/09/21(Mon)01:54:08 No.149805166 A cop pulls over a car with two Bulgarians. The cop makes his way up to the window and says, "We're looking for two child molesters." 102 KB JPG The Bulgarians look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop. "We'll do it." >>149810182 # >>149812455 #
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    Anonymous short kings unite..? 131 KB PNG 06/27/24(Thu)07:46:31 No.77970128 >be me, married >wife's entire family is short, her dad is the tallest at around 5'6" >her dad is also the tallest of his siblings/parents >she has a 11 year old brother that we babysit occasionally >kid is really short, even for his age >3'10" last we measured >kid talks CONSTANTLY about how he can't wait to get taller, asks me how to get taller, how to tell when his growth spurt happens >once directly asked me if my wife likes me because i'm tall >obviously tell him that how a guy acts/who he is is more important than what he looks like >don't have the heart to tell him that most girls do prefer tall guys >don't have the heart to tell him that he'll likely never be taller than 5'6" no matter what he does i feel like i'm watching him develop a complex in real time. take care of him once he ends up here venting about women please
    Anonymous short kings unite..? 131 KB PNG 06/27/24(Thu)07:46:31 No.77970128 >be me, married >wife's entire family is short, her dad is the tallest at around 5'6" >her dad is also the tallest of his siblings/parents >she has a 11 year old brother that we babysit occasionally >kid is really short, even for his age >3'10" last we measured >kid talks CONSTANTLY about how he can't wait to get taller, asks me how to get taller, how to tell when his growth spurt happens >once directly asked me if my wife likes me because i'm tall >obviously tell him that how a guy acts/who he is is more important than what he looks like >don't have the heart to tell him that most girls do prefer tall guys >don't have the heart to tell him that he'll likely never be taller than 5'6" no matter what he does i feel like i'm watching him develop a complex in real time. take care of him once he ends up here venting about women please
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    File: Sauron-Ring-Lord-of-the-Rings.jpg (195 KB, 1200x676) Anonymous 10/28/23(Sat)22:44:56 No.191495492 >>191495647 >>191495764 >>191495822 >>191495879 >>191495896 >>191495973 >>191496533 >>191497122 >>191497963 >>191497969 >>191498250 >>191498402 >>191499029 >>191499177 >>191499481 >>191500904 >>191501875 >>191504061 >starts out with the ring >gets beaten ezpz >5000+ years later >"If he gets the ring he'll be unstoppable" ???
    File: Sauron-Ring-Lord-of-the-Rings.jpg (195 KB, 1200x676) Anonymous 10/28/23(Sat)22:44:56 No.191495492 >>191495647 >>191495764 >>191495822 >>191495879 >>191495896 >>191495973 >>191496533 >>191497122 >>191497963 >>191497969 >>191498250 >>191498402 >>191499029 >>191499177 >>191499481 >>191500904 >>191501875 >>191504061 >starts out with the ring >gets beaten ezpz >5000+ years later >"If he gets the ring he'll be unstoppable" ???
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    : Anonymous 6 KB JPG 04/24/21(Sat)05:13:32 No.63357780 Forgive me father for i have sinned >Be me, femanon 18 >4Chan degenerate but still manage to keep friends and social life afloat >Humor pretty much broken at this point, only random garbage and 4chan ylyl are funny now Enter young cousin, let's call him A >A finally gets a computer at 12 years old >Parents make me add him on discord Whatever.png >This can't be that bad right? >He adds me to his cringey discord server with his adolescent friends >Mfw they literally post facebook minion memes and advice animal memes >Not even the stacie's i hang out with are this bad >Decide i should darken/spice up his humor if he's to survive here >Add him to a server that posts some pretty good shitposts >Some of the memes are pretty racist but i don't think much of it Covid happens, don't talk to him much ffw to beginning of April >My cousin turned into a complete incel Whathaveidone.png >Turned into a complete trumpie at age 12 >Try playing games with him for once, complete degeneracy >Sexist comments towards me, racist s---, the works >Remember my mom told him that his mom voted for Biden >Ask him about that, A goes on a rant about how his mom is a w---- and doesn't deserve to live Thisisbad.png >Mfw my cousin and his friends will probably get worse from now on >Mfw i realized i turned a normal kid into a discord loser >Mfw i realized if he finds /pol/ this degeneracy is going to increase even more I don't know if I should try to fix this or just call it a lost cause and see what happens
    : Anonymous 6 KB JPG 04/24/21(Sat)05:13:32 No.63357780 Forgive me father for i have sinned >Be me, femanon 18 >4Chan degenerate but still manage to keep friends and social life afloat >Humor pretty much broken at this point, only random garbage and 4chan ylyl are funny now Enter young cousin, let's call him A >A finally gets a computer at 12 years old >Parents make me add him on discord Whatever.png >This can't be that bad right? >He adds me to his cringey discord server with his adolescent friends >Mfw they literally post facebook minion memes and advice animal memes >Not even the stacie's i hang out with are this bad >Decide i should darken/spice up his humor if he's to survive here >Add him to a server that posts some pretty good shitposts >Some of the memes are pretty racist but i don't think much of it Covid happens, don't talk to him much ffw to beginning of April >My cousin turned into a complete incel Whathaveidone.png >Turned into a complete trumpie at age 12 >Try playing games with him for once, complete degeneracy >Sexist comments towards me, racist s---, the works >Remember my mom told him that his mom voted for Biden >Ask him about that, A goes on a rant about how his mom is a w---- and doesn't deserve to live Thisisbad.png >Mfw my cousin and his friends will probably get worse from now on >Mfw i realized i turned a normal kid into a discord loser >Mfw i realized if he finds /pol/ this degeneracy is going to increase even more I don't know if I should try to fix this or just call it a lost cause and see what happens
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    File: Ahegao 1280x720.jpg (204 KB, 1280×720) >ahegao video shows up Sister thinks doing the ahegao face is just funny A cutie 06/26/24(Wed)08:53:24 No.920439052 >>920439160 >>920439183 >>920439258 >>920439290 >>920439308 >>920440186 >>920440480 >>920440794 >>920441099 >>920445229 >>920445802 >>920448389 >>920451726 >>920459509 >>920466115 >>920486714 >>920487193 >be me >watching reels with sister >"lol I don't understand why you guys like this face so much" >sister does the face >"Eww don't!" > act disgusted and annoyed >It's funny >We laugh >Oh no >Tomfoolery enters sisters mushy brain >Does the face again the next day to tease me >Turns into a recurrent joke >Oh no >She "pranks" me sending me stuff like 'look at this new mirror I bought!' >Video ends with her doing the face in the mirror >Drooling and everything, she's commited to the bit >Be me, no female contact, otaku >Be my sister, super cute goth-ish tiktok teen >Sister doesn't know i'm kind of a gooner >Still not as easy to see your sister in a sexy way as it seems in p--- >Still kinda hot >Still kinda sad this is the hottest thing that has happened to me
    File: Ahegao 1280x720.jpg (204 KB, 1280×720) >ahegao video shows up Sister thinks doing the ahegao face is just funny A cutie 06/26/24(Wed)08:53:24 No.920439052 >>920439160 >>920439183 >>920439258 >>920439290 >>920439308 >>920440186 >>920440480 >>920440794 >>920441099 >>920445229 >>920445802 >>920448389 >>920451726 >>920459509 >>920466115 >>920486714 >>920487193 >be me >watching reels with sister >"lol I don't understand why you guys like this face so much" >sister does the face >"Eww don't!" > act disgusted and annoyed >It's funny >We laugh >Oh no >Tomfoolery enters sisters mushy brain >Does the face again the next day to tease me >Turns into a recurrent joke >Oh no >She "pranks" me sending me stuff like 'look at this new mirror I bought!' >Video ends with her doing the face in the mirror >Drooling and everything, she's commited to the bit >Be me, no female contact, otaku >Be my sister, super cute goth-ish tiktok teen >Sister doesn't know i'm kind of a gooner >Still not as easy to see your sister in a sexy way as it seems in p--- >Still kinda hot >Still kinda sad this is the hottest thing that has happened to me
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    : Anonymous 06/11/24(Tue) 07:53:29 No.679315376 HARD CHOICES IN GAMING Bacon omelette. Belgian waffle. IMG_3873.png 703 KB PNG >game sells itself as having "choices that matter and affect the storyline" >the only choice that matters is the final one >game only has two possible endings I hate this s---
    : Anonymous 06/11/24(Tue) 07:53:29 No.679315376 HARD CHOICES IN GAMING Bacon omelette. Belgian waffle. IMG_3873.png 703 KB PNG >game sells itself as having "choices that matter and affect the storyline" >the only choice that matters is the final one >game only has two possible endings I hate this s---
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    JIM CAVIEZEL SOUND OF FREEDOM JULY 4 Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)15:05:33 No.200392684 >>200394255 >>200394281 >>200394317 >>200394389 >>200394525 >drug dealing and drug trafficking gets millions of movies and tv shows >human and child trafficking and organ dealing gets 1 movie, barely known why is this Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)15:06:21 No.200392696 >>200392684 (OP). jews Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)15:06:46 No.200392709 >>200392684 (OP) >>200392696 >>200392709 >>200392717 >>200392723 >>2003927 >>200394171 >>200394255 >>200394526 Remember when leftoids boycotted this movie hard and acted like it was a personal attack against them? I wonder why.
    JIM CAVIEZEL SOUND OF FREEDOM JULY 4 Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)15:05:33 No.200392684 >>200394255 >>200394281 >>200394317 >>200394389 >>200394525 >drug dealing and drug trafficking gets millions of movies and tv shows >human and child trafficking and organ dealing gets 1 movie, barely known why is this Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)15:06:21 No.200392696 >>200392684 (OP). jews Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)15:06:46 No.200392709 >>200392684 (OP) >>200392696 >>200392709 >>200392717 >>200392723 >>2003927 >>200394171 >>200394255 >>200394526 Remember when leftoids boycotted this movie hard and acted like it was a personal attack against them? I wonder why.
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    >Still using horses as main energy source | /r/Greentext

    ⠀ Anonymous 03/21/23(Tue)06:52:09 No.250341473 >fantasy setting has magic and flying creatures >still using horses as main transportation 86 KB PNG ⠀ Anonymous >>250341473 (OP) # 03/21/23(Tue)06:56:27 No.250341651 >setting has nuclear energy >still using coal as main energy source >>250341784 # >>250343657 # >>250344673 # >>250346290 #
    ⠀ Anonymous 03/21/23(Tue)06:52:09 No.250341473 >fantasy setting has magic and flying creatures >still using horses as main transportation 86 KB PNG ⠀ Anonymous >>250341473 (OP) # 03/21/23(Tue)06:56:27 No.250341651 >setting has nuclear energy >still using coal as main energy source >>250341784 # >>250343657 # >>250344673 # >>250346290 #
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    Anonymous (ID: WHUEFS/6) 06/21/24(Fri)14:52:37 No.471768635 Subscribe Dexerto⭑ @Dexerto Streamer Dantes leaves girlfriend to focus on League of Legends five months after she got his name tattooed on her chest Dantes Or9184b4lv7d1.jpg 76 KB JPG >get girlfriend >she tattoos your name on her body >leave to play LoL >refuse to elaborate
    Anonymous (ID: WHUEFS/6) 06/21/24(Fri)14:52:37 No.471768635 Subscribe Dexerto⭑ @Dexerto Streamer Dantes leaves girlfriend to focus on League of Legends five months after she got his name tattooed on her chest Dantes Or9184b4lv7d1.jpg 76 KB JPG >get girlfriend >she tattoos your name on her body >leave to play LoL >refuse to elaborate
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    Anonymous 138 KB PNG the house How the f--- are you guys still virgins, legit once you know the steps and stick to it it's easy. >Start working out >Groom self, nice haircut, well trimmed beard. >Start a hobby which gets you out >Talk to women outside your family >Make actual female friends >Take pride in achievements and self image >Start going out to bars >Talk to strangers >Get drunk and hire an escort It's literally that easy
    Anonymous 138 KB PNG the house How the f--- are you guys still virgins, legit once you know the steps and stick to it it's easy. >Start working out >Groom self, nice haircut, well trimmed beard. >Start a hobby which gets you out >Talk to women outside your family >Make actual female friends >Take pride in achievements and self image >Start going out to bars >Talk to strangers >Get drunk and hire an escort It's literally that easy
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    >install Grindr >see dad >uninstall Grindr
    >install Grindr >see dad >uninstall Grindr
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    • 2h (06/26/24 16:02) 77964632 6 Re 2 Img . JPG 39KB (500x500) IMG_1878.jpg 2 Replies >baked potatoes with cheese melted on top Cheap and simple, just how i like it >coat potatoes in olive oil >sprinkle some salt on them >bake them >cut in half horizontally when done >put cheese on open faces >voila What are my fellow robots eating tonight?
    • 2h (06/26/24 16:02) 77964632 6 Re 2 Img . JPG 39KB (500x500) IMG_1878.jpg 2 Replies >baked potatoes with cheese melted on top Cheap and simple, just how i like it >coat potatoes in olive oil >sprinkle some salt on them >bake them >cut in half horizontally when done >put cheese on open faces >voila What are my fellow robots eating tonight?
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    Anon may have heard the voice of God | /r/Greentext

    File: IMG_0050.jpg (24 KB, 612x405) Did I hear the voice of god or was it the induced psychosis? Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)06:35:12 No.31493541 >>31493568 >>31493861 >>31494250 >>31494322 >>31495015 >>31496789 >>31498524 >>31498560 >>31498629 >>31498730 >>31499519 >>31503278 >>31504286 >>31507163 >>31508773 >Be Agnostic raised Christian >abstain from weed for 2 months >Sis asks if I want a hit; cave in >Lay on the couch feel high stronger than ever, later learn I was "greened out" >Feel unbearable sense of dread and anxiety like I am being judged >Hear 'I am jehova' in a sort of Michael bay bumblebee-like way, a mixture of different voices speaking words to make one continuous sentence >Realize how my family has become godless over the years >Go to my parents room as anxiety gets worse >Feels like my consciousness is being r---- and I only feel the words 'god is real' >Greenout peaks and every time my mind thinks "what if this is fake", my mind is slapped and shouts "this is real" >Exit peak and suddenly feel peace and I am in the post-rapture and that my dad was my god in the room >Tear up and hug him to say I am sorry for the way I lived my life. Dad is nervous >Realize that my dad isn't god and start feeling like we are about to die in a nuclear fire within minutes >Get an unescapable feeling that I have to physically touch everyone else in the house or they are all going to die and go to hell >Dad holds me down when I try to force my way to my showering mom to get her to touch my hand >Mind permeates 'you will never know if this was real or not' >Mind is fuzzy and go to bed Anyone have similar experiences? Does this sound like a usual message from god? Could it be demonic? I didn't know how to process that experience but it's been months and I don't want to try getting it again, but at the same time I don't want to let it haunt me, unsure if it was real, a drug-induced experienxe, or demonic. Why would a demon want to convince me that god is real and warn me about hell? But then again, why would I see my dad as god and feel the need to touch everyone?
    File: IMG_0050.jpg (24 KB, 612x405) Did I hear the voice of god or was it the induced psychosis? Anonymous 06/23/24(Sun)06:35:12 No.31493541 >>31493568 >>31493861 >>31494250 >>31494322 >>31495015 >>31496789 >>31498524 >>31498560 >>31498629 >>31498730 >>31499519 >>31503278 >>31504286 >>31507163 >>31508773 >Be Agnostic raised Christian >abstain from weed for 2 months >Sis asks if I want a hit; cave in >Lay on the couch feel high stronger than ever, later learn I was "greened out" >Feel unbearable sense of dread and anxiety like I am being judged >Hear 'I am jehova' in a sort of Michael bay bumblebee-like way, a mixture of different voices speaking words to make one continuous sentence >Realize how my family has become godless over the years >Go to my parents room as anxiety gets worse >Feels like my consciousness is being r---- and I only feel the words 'god is real' >Greenout peaks and every time my mind thinks "what if this is fake", my mind is slapped and shouts "this is real" >Exit peak and suddenly feel peace and I am in the post-rapture and that my dad was my god in the room >Tear up and hug him to say I am sorry for the way I lived my life. Dad is nervous >Realize that my dad isn't god and start feeling like we are about to die in a nuclear fire within minutes >Get an unescapable feeling that I have to physically touch everyone else in the house or they are all going to die and go to hell >Dad holds me down when I try to force my way to my showering mom to get her to touch my hand >Mind permeates 'you will never know if this was real or not' >Mind is fuzzy and go to bed Anyone have similar experiences? Does this sound like a usual message from god? Could it be demonic? I didn't know how to process that experience but it's been months and I don't want to try getting it again, but at the same time I don't want to let it haunt me, unsure if it was real, a drug-induced experienxe, or demonic. Why would a demon want to convince me that god is real and warn me about hell? But then again, why would I see my dad as god and feel the need to touch everyone?
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