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: Anonymous 141 KB PNG 05/15/22(Sun)19:12:24 No.878231975 >be me >Kidnapped >Taken to weird facility >I get placed on an automatic rolling factory line, not sure what it's for >Mechanism pulls my pants off, start to worry >Next mechanism forces me to have an erection, I'm confused >There's a lot of tubes, one of them latches onto my penis >Needle comes out and pokes my d--- to numb it for some reason >Tube gets blades, quickly slices my d--- off entirely, for some reason I'm so stunned my reaction is minimal >Guy at the end of the line let's me go >Walking down street and I meet someone who just came out of the same facility >"Are you missing your c--- too" yeah I said >Start getting depressed as I realize I'll never be sexually satisfied again for the rest of my life, start crying >Wake up, it was all just a bad dream >So grateful that it wasn't real that I almost start crying >So grateful I decide to beat off again Why am I like this?

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Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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Anon doesn't receive an acceptable amount of nuggets | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 6 KB JPG 1 Reply 01/05/23(Thu)15:32:42 No.71701092 >Go to McDonalds >Ask for 10 Mcnuggets >Pay for 10 McNuggets >Receive box of nuggets >Does not contain at least 11 nuggets View Thread : Anonymous next time get two boxes and pretend 01/05/23(Thu)16:07:34 No.71701452

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anon rips off onlysimps | /r/Greentext

File: attention.png (10 KB, 225x225) Anonymous 09/19/20 (Sat)09:16:40 No.60108393 [Reply] >>60108483 >>60108567 >>60108633 >Friends with an Onlyfans thot >she gives me 15% of her monthly earnings for logging in and interreacting with her simps while pretending to be her >mfw I just talk about guy s--- like video games and they're all super into it Anonymous 09/19/20(Sat)09:17:48 No.60108400 Pretty based desu I have deep respect for people who separate retards from their money

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Anon learns about orks | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 33 KB PNG 01/05/23(Thu)14:25:56 No.892091025 >be me >learn that orks from the warhammer series think that the color blue is lucky >decide to wear blue the next day >while walking down the street, found a 100 dollar bill on the sidewalk I guess the orks were right /b

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Anon is cock blocked by the Power Rangers. | /r/Greentext

□ Anonymous (ID: 7GmqJnrv) 05/18/14(Sun)17:30:37 No.546957436 ► File: But why.png (124 KB, 339x323) >>546957307 >I don't have any condoms.. f---. >"it's ok anon, i don't even f------ care" >I was 16, whatever, let's do this To this day. I do not understand why I did what I did next. >I took my shorts off and she just lifted her skirt and removed her panties >I wanted to think of something cool to say >I remember a guy from Power Rangers that always says "oo ah oo, ima wrek you" >It's always oo ah oo then a rhyme >Try to think of something >"I'm ready anon" >00 AH OO, I'MA F--- YOU IN THE VAGOO >I literally yelled that >yelled >her face when >She looks at me, "what the f--- was that?" >I say I don't know, I just wanted to say something funny >Looks at me as if I'm a complete retard >"umm, I'm gonna go anon, this is weird now. wow" >mfw power rangers c--- blocked me >oh ah oo, i'ma f--- you in the vagoo >mfw

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Anon discovers the truth | /r/Greentext

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Anon likes to do WHAT?! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 86 KB JPG 01/05/23(Thu)15:54:48 Anyone got any weird habits? I'll start No.892082833 >Basically I like to pull dingleberries out of my ass. If you didn't know, a dingleberry is dried fecal matter or toilet paper clinging to your ass hairs >I like them so much I deliberately don't wipe my ass too well and use cheap TP that is slightly wet so that I get them more often. Sometimes I get a lingering s--- smell but it's worth it >It's like a little surprise, y'know. I'm scrubbing my ass and then I get to basically do a puzzle while bathing >My favorite part is trying to get the dingleberries off without pulling my ass hairs out (I need them to get the dingleberries in the first place kek)

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There's something about anon that is hard to explain | /r/Greentext

Anonymous You are a real human bean >Watch Drive for the first time >Want to be like driver 06/16/22(Thu)16:28:57 No.880269542 And a real hero 23 KB JPG >Buy scorpion jacket off Amazon >It arrives and is party city level garbage but f--- it >Go into subway >See 8.5/10 at counter >She asks what type of bread I'd like >Wait 3 seconds >"Italian" >Continue to pause between each thing I'd want on my sandwich >She becomes visibly uncomfortable >Panic >"I drive" >She looks up and doesn't say a word >She gives me my total >Forgot to bring cash >ohfuck.png >Walk out of store without saying a word Real human being

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anon dates a cougar | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Need Advice 01/06/23(Fri)01:40:55 No.892098373 53 KB JPG >be me >be 25 >be secretly dating cougar twice my age >sex is phenomenal >she's really fun to be with too, we get along great and do cute s--- together >enjoying dating more than I ever have >family asks if I'm seeing anyone at dinner one day >casually mention her like it's no big deal >get really judging looks and remarks from the fam >tell me she's "too old" I don't think it's that's weird. My family aren't exactly the most puritanical people anyway, and they've never really cared about my romantic life before. I don't understand why this is suddenly something to be giving me side eyes over. How should I handle this?

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Hot sauce enthusiasts | /r/Greentext

No.16591893 8 hours ago PicsArt_09-03-10.49.01.jpg JPG 104.4 KiB 388x388 >excuse, my dear waitress, but might I perchance take a gander at your hot sauce menu? >...yes, "hot sauce menu." That is what I inquired about. >You... don't... have one? Well, while that is truly disappointing for an establishment as esteemed as this, thankfully I always carry a choice selection of my rather vast collection with me at all times. *loud SCRRRTCCHHing of velcro as a fanny pack is opened* >Hmmm yes, let's see... Perhaps some "Napalm Diarrhea" for this meal? No, I think the garlicy twinge of "Captain McGoober's Ass-Ripping Lava Farter Sauce" would pair quite well with my entree. Or is it finally the day that "5 Alarm Anus Melting Hot Sauce" will make it's debut...? >Ah, the dilemmas of a connoisseur! Be that as it may; what are your IPA offerings, my sweet? 2 replies

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Anon faces a hard decision | /r/Greentext

If Satan offered you 100 years on Earth with extreme power and wealth hvalan Unititu you iuu yta... 01/05/23(Thu)18:44:21 No.410961901 AB591D6F-72A8-4F14-9E43-5677BF51C0CF.jpg 364 KB JPG In exchange for 20 years in Hell after, would you take the deal?

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Anon needs some luck | /r/Greentext

DC8744CE-8D71-478B-8ECD-28667ABC6618.jpg 96 KB JPG I'm gonna walk into McDonald's with this hat on and convince some workers that the holocaust didn't happen. Wish me luck

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Anon gets TOPPED | /r/Greentext

Anonymous Are ya winning son? 93 KB JPG No.67705799 >be me playing intense 1v1 online game (chess) >im actually pretty good despite being a complete irl >dominate every player >get really high rank >stumble upon this obscure player 03/09/22(Wed)00:47:05 >he's the first who manages to beat me >rematch >loseagain.jpg >repeat x30 >he sends a link to his discord in chat >add him >he's pretty wholesome & chill >we start to play random games togheter and just hang out on discord >ffw 4 weeks >he sends a pic of him crossdressing with the caption "if you want to see the rest beat me at chess" >his thighs and his skinny tummy are exposed >my meat is literally trembling >challenge him >lose again Anyway after that we started seeing eachother (he likes to top)

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Greentext Stories - Anok had a dream | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

: Anonymous 141 KB PNG 05/15/22(Sun)19:12:24 No.878231975 >be me >Kidnapped >Taken to weird facility >I get placed on an automatic rolling factory line, not sure what it's for >Mechanism pulls my pants off, start to worry >Next mechanism forces me to have an erection, I'm confused >There's a lot of tubes, one of them latches onto my penis >Needle comes out and pokes my d--- to numb it for some reason >Tube gets blades, quickly slices my d--- off entirely, for some reason I'm so stunned my reaction is minimal >Guy at the end of the line let's me go >Walking down street and I meet someone who just came out of the same facility >"Are you missing your c--- too" yeah I said >Start getting depressed as I realize I'll never be sexually satisfied again for the rest of my life, start crying >Wake up, it was all just a bad dream >So grateful that it wasn't real that I almost start crying >So grateful I decide to beat off again Why am I like this?

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