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HYPER-REALISTIC STALIN BETRAYED BEST FRIEND We were gonna live together but no longer Everyone was doodling on the floor At the end of freshman year I whiteboard freshman year, I decided betrayed my best to make my own contribution friend over an extremely petty squabble So I spent over an hour drawing a hyperrealistic Joseph Stalin STEPPED FORWARD At the beginning of freshman year as an icebreaker our RA had our floor go around and state our political beliefs I said "I'm a communist," mostly as a joke They took it seriously Everything else on the board were d----, this was considered strange SOCIALIST CLUB Entered college as a Democratic Socialist Bernie bro, signed up for the Socialist club my first week CRIED UNDER TRAILER After barely missing the podium at a rowing race junior year I crawled under the boat trailer and cried #ImWithHer Quit after my first meeting, they called each other "comrade" and were all fat and smelly L While I was down there I got an email that I'd gotten a D on a midterm exam Came mostly as a meme but thought the crowd made a good point Cried some more Started chanting with them even though I didn't believe in the chants D--------- BANANA At a rowing regatta in fall of my senior year there was a pile of bananas I gathered my teammates around and boasted that I could fit a whole banana down my throat without taking a bite Did it they weren't impressed but terrified RIOT In fall of my freshman year there was a pro-Bernie rally that turned into a small riot I rioted too, helped flip over a car and cheered when a rioter tackled a cop We had a four- person friend group and two of us went one way and two of us went the other The next morning I felt disgusting about myself, and that's the day I lost faith in socialism forever It was entirely my fault No surprise, nothing was wrong with me 2K AFFADAVIT For rowing we had to do frequent 2km erg tests I was worried nobody would believe me if I hit a sick PR so I had an affidavit notarized and had two witnesses sign that they watched me row it 1 got an unimpressive score MENTAL BREAKDOWN AT PARTY Fall semester senior year was rough for me and this party was the biggest rowing party of the year - a perfect storm AGGRESSIVE HYPOCHONDRIA BINOCULARS PHASE TURNED IN WEED First semester sophomore year I wasn't in any clubs and had too much time to think Came under the impression I had an autoimmune disorder and spent two months being a hypochondriac about it First week of college I found a bag of weed on the sidewalk and immediately went to the first cop I could find Even one month later I wouldn't have dreamed of being such a bitch but I was cOnScleNtluS then After an hour of relative success the team captain confiscated my drugs and I had a mental collapse Ended up in the backyard crying for two hours and trying to die of exposure C ANTI-TRUMP RALLY SHOWER CONJUGATIONS NAME CHANGE Second semester Attended an anti-Trump rally in April 2016 I love languages and to keep sharp, I sometimes conjugate verbs aloud in the shower This is all fine and dandy when living alone, but in a freshman. year shared bathroom it sounds very strange Didn't realize it was an issue until my RA scheduled a meeting with me because I was "disturbing the others by talking to myself" POOP; PUKE Second semester freshman year I did a--- for the first time with a junior girl at her place Suddenly I felt something slimy and I pulled out to see poop slathered on my d--- In an impulse of sheer terror I puked on her back, scrambled out of the bed, threw on my clothes, and sprinted out of the room YELLED AT FLOOR It was a 2 AM on a Monday night fall semester freshman year and I had an exam in the morning but everyone in the floor was screaming and being rowdy and drunk One night in sophomore year walking home from a party alone I really needed to poop and definitely wouldn't make it to a bathroom in time So I ducked into an alley and released in someone's trash can Ordered a pair of binoculars for $8 on Amazon my junior year I'm really ashamed of this one BLM The 2016 Election was really vitriolic and my opinions swung wildly Eventually I got so frustrated that I emerged from my room and shouted "JESUS F--- GO TO SLEEP" marred my reputation the rest of the year Used to sit in a tall building and watch traffic on the street below "HOOLIGANS" At one point I tweeted that BLM was a "cabal of hooligans" and went even further to call it "a terrorist organization" freshman year I was having an identity crisis and decided I would change my name Only stopped when campus police came up and said someone had reported a peeping tom Man I was stupid WORE TIE AT PARTY Spring semester senior year my Rabbi was hosting a Valentine's Day party at his house I showed up in a full suit and was the most overdressed one there by far Slunk away in defeat after 30 minutes Told everyone to call me the new name, changed my social media profiles, rolled it out in a grandiose fashion And only after all this did someone point out that it was an existing name of a TV character, and I didn't even know it Withdrew the campaign in shame BIRTHRIGHT PUKING Got a case of stomach flu as I left Spent the whole to go on Birthright flights over puking, in freshman year filled up several airsickness bags Made the rest of the trip kinda suck because I was sorta quarantined from the others and I felt sick LINGUISTIC GENOCIDE Fall semester senior year I was taking a "Politics of the English Language" class with a super lefty professor I greened out and got super paranoid and dizzy, and they decided to mess with me by telling me they were government psychologists I started running around screaming at the top of my lungs until I began to puke DEA ( DE Decided to troll her; wrote my final essay on how English needed to complete "linguistic genocide against the world's minor tongues to assert American dominance around the world PUBLIC SPEAKING FINAL Wanted to make a dramatic impression and be funny So I did Hitler's rant from "Downfall", in German, since the memes were big at the time Got a C- TOOK HIGH SCHOOLER TO FORMAL Every year my pre- law fraternity had a massive formal dance in April In my junior year a senior in high school messaged me on Facebook and asked to come since she was considering the school Class was horrified Had two roommates when I studied abroad in Prague after my junior year She was my date, she spent the evening on TikTok and convincing guys to buy her drinks First day of freshman year I was at a party and an obese sophomore asked if I wanted to come home with her She was 18 but we didn't do anything For rowing we sometimes had to submit remote 2k and 5k tests on the rowing machine Whenever I really didn't want to row the test I just photoshopped it CZECHXILE OPEN DEFECATION POT BROWNIE OD F----- THIGH Me and my roommates decided to split an edible but they chickened out at the last moment so I ate the whole thing In junior year I got caught and reprimanded for it Sexiled them so I could bang this beautiful girl As I walked her to a taxi they decided to sexile me back and they locked the door before I could return I spent the night sleeping in the hallway I was drunk out of my mind and couldn't find her vagina, so settled for f------ a fold in her thigh FLOWERS FOR COLUMBUS Columbus Day junior year some protester vandalized a Christopher Columbus statue nearby and I felt bad I think she felt bad for me. because she kept saying "oh yes, you're inside" when I knew damn well I wasn't So I went out and bought flowers and placed them at Columbus's feet What can I say? He's an Italian national hero I came in last place RAN FOR MAYOR OF HOMETOWN After freshman year I still wasn't disillusioned to politics and decided to run for mayor of my hometown, mostly as a publicity stunt RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES BISMARCK QUOTE When I campaigned for student government sophomore year I walked around with a portable speaker blasting "Ride of the Valkyries" Second semester freshman year I got inspired by an Otto von Bismarck quote and made it my bio on Twitter and Instagram In German Made a curious impression and i thought it made me look impressive Filed the paperwork but it got "lost" and I didn't really pursue the issue WEEABOO MOMENT At the beginning of sophomore year I matched with a Korean girl on tinder and we arranged a Netflix and chill date I wanted to impress her so put on a Miyazaki movie and prepared ramen and pocky sticks She appeared uncomfortable and left after 40 minutes PHOTOSHOP TEST SWALLOWED CHEW HUMANS VS. ZOMBIES Every year my college holds a large "humans vs. zombies" nerf war in October Senior year was at a bar with a friend and he convinced me to chew tobacco for the first time having sex with a tinder date I had no clue how to keep the pouch behind my lip and I accidentally swallowed it while taking a sip of beer Suddenly the room began to spin and I got mad vertigo and I stumbled outside and began to vomit profusely Couldn't keep food down for 24 hours afterward I didn't even finish but she insisted we go get plan B right away I didn't think it was necessary so I told her I forgot my wallet and she begrudgingly paid for it Trade skills 100 LATIN SPEECH First semester senior year I took a Medieval Law class The professor taught me Latin on the side SNOW D---- One day in freshman year it snowed heavily I went outside and spent nearly three hours building two snow penises, with balls and head and everything W Showed my accomplishment off to my freshman floor, they were weirded out MAKE AMERICA VOTED FOR TRUMP The decisive moment It was my first time in the 2016 Election ever voting had arrived treasurer of my pre-law fraternity To impress her I tried to do my final presentation in Latin but it ended up being 75% Italian Professor was impressed, class was confused MADE HER PAY ITALIAN "POETRY" My condom fell off while One of my peers asked if it was a Hitler quote smh TREASURY TROLL In junior year I was elected Treated the role like a kleptocracy for the boys and didn't cooperate with the Emilys on executive board This girl at a party was impressed that I could speak Italian and she asked me to tell her a poem ITALIA I thought Trump was a giant meme and had zero chance of winning so I voted for him Simultaneously a great and terrible Adecision One day an antisemitic mess shooting happened sorta nearby where I went to school My freshman year I was selected as a 'human' and I was pumped about it, painted my nerf gun black and posted a picture of it on the Facebook group Next thing I knew campus police were at my door because I had painted the nerf gun so well that it resembled a real gun I was banned from competition Got to the point where the fraternity president, who was one of the boys, told me I'd gone too far and he would remove me if I kept withholding funds from the diversity budget I thought for a moment then in the sweetest, most lyrical voice I could muster, I said in Italian, "I'm going to cut this girl and wear her skin as a jacket//I'm going to cook her flesh and f--- her empty skull//l will make this sacrifice to my Gods." She said "awwww" and we made out PROFITED OFF MASS SHOOTING Suddenly, my phone filled up with notifications with peers checking on me, my grandma sent me $200, people came out of the woodwork to give me things, I got invited to a ton of parties, and a girl had sex with me because I was Jewish It was perhaps the best week of my college life

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Cringe shit I did in college 7x6 wojak coompass | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes


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Authoritarian The immortal science of materialist Christianity made the master race dialectics is the only permitted world view. weak. Islam in particular must be destroyed. Economic- Left Imagine caring about anything. Economic- Right Sorry, but religion is, like, the patriarchy, sweetie. Slaves of the Archons Wanna buy a brain chip? Or at least a bottle of corn syrup? Libertarian Servants of the Aeons I hate the antichrist!
How is order maintained and the issue of economic scarcity dealt with? Authoritarian Government & Government Property Rights Economic- Left Economic- Right IDK (It's going to be a government) Property Rights Libertarian
LIBERTE EGALITE FRATERNITE FRATERNITE EGALITE LIBERTE
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Political Compass - Cringe shit I did in college 7x6 wojak coompass | /r/PoliticalCompassMemes

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HYPER-REALISTIC STALIN BETRAYED BEST FRIEND We were gonna live together but no longer Everyone was doodling on the floor At the end of freshman year I whiteboard freshman year, I decided betrayed my best to make my own contribution friend over an extremely petty squabble So I spent over an hour drawing a hyperrealistic Joseph Stalin STEPPED FORWARD At the beginning of freshman year as an icebreaker our RA had our floor go around and state our political beliefs I said "I'm a communist," mostly as a joke They took it seriously Everything else on the board were d----, this was considered strange SOCIALIST CLUB Entered college as a Democratic Socialist Bernie bro, signed up for the Socialist club my first week CRIED UNDER TRAILER After barely missing the podium at a rowing race junior year I crawled under the boat trailer and cried #ImWithHer Quit after my first meeting, they called each other "comrade" and were all fat and smelly L While I was down there I got an email that I'd gotten a D on a midterm exam Came mostly as a meme but thought the crowd made a good point Cried some more Started chanting with them even though I didn't believe in the chants D--------- BANANA At a rowing regatta in fall of my senior year there was a pile of bananas I gathered my teammates around and boasted that I could fit a whole banana down my throat without taking a bite Did it they weren't impressed but terrified RIOT In fall of my freshman year there was a pro-Bernie rally that turned into a small riot I rioted too, helped flip over a car and cheered when a rioter tackled a cop We had a four- person friend group and two of us went one way and two of us went the other The next morning I felt disgusting about myself, and that's the day I lost faith in socialism forever It was entirely my fault No surprise, nothing was wrong with me 2K AFFADAVIT For rowing we had to do frequent 2km erg tests I was worried nobody would believe me if I hit a sick PR so I had an affidavit notarized and had two witnesses sign that they watched me row it 1 got an unimpressive score MENTAL BREAKDOWN AT PARTY Fall semester senior year was rough for me and this party was the biggest rowing party of the year - a perfect storm AGGRESSIVE HYPOCHONDRIA BINOCULARS PHASE TURNED IN WEED First semester sophomore year I wasn't in any clubs and had too much time to think Came under the impression I had an autoimmune disorder and spent two months being a hypochondriac about it First week of college I found a bag of weed on the sidewalk and immediately went to the first cop I could find Even one month later I wouldn't have dreamed of being such a bitch but I was cOnScleNtluS then After an hour of relative success the team captain confiscated my drugs and I had a mental collapse Ended up in the backyard crying for two hours and trying to die of exposure C ANTI-TRUMP RALLY SHOWER CONJUGATIONS NAME CHANGE Second semester Attended an anti-Trump rally in April 2016 I love languages and to keep sharp, I sometimes conjugate verbs aloud in the shower This is all fine and dandy when living alone, but in a freshman. year shared bathroom it sounds very strange Didn't realize it was an issue until my RA scheduled a meeting with me because I was "disturbing the others by talking to myself" POOP; PUKE Second semester freshman year I did a--- for the first time with a junior girl at her place Suddenly I felt something slimy and I pulled out to see poop slathered on my d--- In an impulse of sheer terror I puked on her back, scrambled out of the bed, threw on my clothes, and sprinted out of the room YELLED AT FLOOR It was a 2 AM on a Monday night fall semester freshman year and I had an exam in the morning but everyone in the floor was screaming and being rowdy and drunk One night in sophomore year walking home from a party alone I really needed to poop and definitely wouldn't make it to a bathroom in time So I ducked into an alley and released in someone's trash can Ordered a pair of binoculars for $8 on Amazon my junior year I'm really ashamed of this one BLM The 2016 Election was really vitriolic and my opinions swung wildly Eventually I got so frustrated that I emerged from my room and shouted "JESUS F--- GO TO SLEEP" marred my reputation the rest of the year Used to sit in a tall building and watch traffic on the street below "HOOLIGANS" At one point I tweeted that BLM was a "cabal of hooligans" and went even further to call it "a terrorist organization" freshman year I was having an identity crisis and decided I would change my name Only stopped when campus police came up and said someone had reported a peeping tom Man I was stupid WORE TIE AT PARTY Spring semester senior year my Rabbi was hosting a Valentine's Day party at his house I showed up in a full suit and was the most overdressed one there by far Slunk away in defeat after 30 minutes Told everyone to call me the new name, changed my social media profiles, rolled it out in a grandiose fashion And only after all this did someone point out that it was an existing name of a TV character, and I didn't even know it Withdrew the campaign in shame BIRTHRIGHT PUKING Got a case of stomach flu as I left Spent the whole to go on Birthright flights over puking, in freshman year filled up several airsickness bags Made the rest of the trip kinda suck because I was sorta quarantined from the others and I felt sick LINGUISTIC GENOCIDE Fall semester senior year I was taking a "Politics of the English Language" class with a super lefty professor I greened out and got super paranoid and dizzy, and they decided to mess with me by telling me they were government psychologists I started running around screaming at the top of my lungs until I began to puke DEA ( DE Decided to troll her; wrote my final essay on how English needed to complete "linguistic genocide against the world's minor tongues to assert American dominance around the world PUBLIC SPEAKING FINAL Wanted to make a dramatic impression and be funny So I did Hitler's rant from "Downfall", in German, since the memes were big at the time Got a C- TOOK HIGH SCHOOLER TO FORMAL Every year my pre- law fraternity had a massive formal dance in April In my junior year a senior in high school messaged me on Facebook and asked to come since she was considering the school Class was horrified Had two roommates when I studied abroad in Prague after my junior year She was my date, she spent the evening on TikTok and convincing guys to buy her drinks First day of freshman year I was at a party and an obese sophomore asked if I wanted to come home with her She was 18 but we didn't do anything For rowing we sometimes had to submit remote 2k and 5k tests on the rowing machine Whenever I really didn't want to row the test I just photoshopped it CZECHXILE OPEN DEFECATION POT BROWNIE OD F----- THIGH Me and my roommates decided to split an edible but they chickened out at the last moment so I ate the whole thing In junior year I got caught and reprimanded for it Sexiled them so I could bang this beautiful girl As I walked her to a taxi they decided to sexile me back and they locked the door before I could return I spent the night sleeping in the hallway I was drunk out of my mind and couldn't find her vagina, so settled for f------ a fold in her thigh FLOWERS FOR COLUMBUS Columbus Day junior year some protester vandalized a Christopher Columbus statue nearby and I felt bad I think she felt bad for me. because she kept saying "oh yes, you're inside" when I knew damn well I wasn't So I went out and bought flowers and placed them at Columbus's feet What can I say? He's an Italian national hero I came in last place RAN FOR MAYOR OF HOMETOWN After freshman year I still wasn't disillusioned to politics and decided to run for mayor of my hometown, mostly as a publicity stunt RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES BISMARCK QUOTE When I campaigned for student government sophomore year I walked around with a portable speaker blasting "Ride of the Valkyries" Second semester freshman year I got inspired by an Otto von Bismarck quote and made it my bio on Twitter and Instagram In German Made a curious impression and i thought it made me look impressive Filed the paperwork but it got "lost" and I didn't really pursue the issue WEEABOO MOMENT At the beginning of sophomore year I matched with a Korean girl on tinder and we arranged a Netflix and chill date I wanted to impress her so put on a Miyazaki movie and prepared ramen and pocky sticks She appeared uncomfortable and left after 40 minutes PHOTOSHOP TEST SWALLOWED CHEW HUMANS VS. ZOMBIES Every year my college holds a large "humans vs. zombies" nerf war in October Senior year was at a bar with a friend and he convinced me to chew tobacco for the first time having sex with a tinder date I had no clue how to keep the pouch behind my lip and I accidentally swallowed it while taking a sip of beer Suddenly the room began to spin and I got mad vertigo and I stumbled outside and began to vomit profusely Couldn't keep food down for 24 hours afterward I didn't even finish but she insisted we go get plan B right away I didn't think it was necessary so I told her I forgot my wallet and she begrudgingly paid for it Trade skills 100 LATIN SPEECH First semester senior year I took a Medieval Law class The professor taught me Latin on the side SNOW D---- One day in freshman year it snowed heavily I went outside and spent nearly three hours building two snow penises, with balls and head and everything W Showed my accomplishment off to my freshman floor, they were weirded out MAKE AMERICA VOTED FOR TRUMP The decisive moment It was my first time in the 2016 Election ever voting had arrived treasurer of my pre-law fraternity To impress her I tried to do my final presentation in Latin but it ended up being 75% Italian Professor was impressed, class was confused MADE HER PAY ITALIAN "POETRY" My condom fell off while One of my peers asked if it was a Hitler quote smh TREASURY TROLL In junior year I was elected Treated the role like a kleptocracy for the boys and didn't cooperate with the Emilys on executive board This girl at a party was impressed that I could speak Italian and she asked me to tell her a poem ITALIA I thought Trump was a giant meme and had zero chance of winning so I voted for him Simultaneously a great and terrible Adecision One day an antisemitic mess shooting happened sorta nearby where I went to school My freshman year I was selected as a 'human' and I was pumped about it, painted my nerf gun black and posted a picture of it on the Facebook group Next thing I knew campus police were at my door because I had painted the nerf gun so well that it resembled a real gun I was banned from competition Got to the point where the fraternity president, who was one of the boys, told me I'd gone too far and he would remove me if I kept withholding funds from the diversity budget I thought for a moment then in the sweetest, most lyrical voice I could muster, I said in Italian, "I'm going to cut this girl and wear her skin as a jacket//I'm going to cook her flesh and f--- her empty skull//l will make this sacrifice to my Gods." She said "awwww" and we made out PROFITED OFF MASS SHOOTING Suddenly, my phone filled up with notifications with peers checking on me, my grandma sent me $200, people came out of the woodwork to give me things, I got invited to a ton of parties, and a girl had sex with me because I was Jewish It was perhaps the best week of my college life

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Uploaded Jan 31, 2023 at 11:22PM EST

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