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File 135778258628.jpg - (6.12KB, 220x338, 220px-Shrekcharacter.jpg) chich 13/01/09(Wed)17:49 No. 13674 >working at McDonald's >customer asks for big mac >says to hold the onions >put onions in it anyway >spit in it for disrespecting shrek >customer sees me spit in his burger >complains to manager >get fired on the spot >go home >pray to shrek >tell him what happened at work >hear a whisper >"dont worry, your problems will be ogre soon" >wake up next day >turn on the news >story on a double homicide >my ex manager and the customer were the victims >anchorman says both were beaten to death with an onion >hear another faint whisper >"they should've checked themselves before they shrek'd themselves"

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reddit greentext greentext memes 4chan 4chan memes /r/greentext terrestrial plant

Origin Entry: Greentext Stories

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HOW IS YOUR NIGHT GOING /v/? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:34 No.39833040 Mine is doing good, I just sat down and cracked open a bear and about to play some TF2. Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:35 No.39833090 You cracked open a bear? Anonymous 10/11/09(Sun)18:36 No.39833114 >Cracked open a bear Oh god what OP TF2 IS FOR CASUALS Crro Lack

Anonymous (ID: 31kpyf2g) I f------ hate these people 07/11/21(Sun)21:52:59 No.329597517 1d Amen. As a Democract, I worry about us allowing our cities to become wastelands of homeless drug addicts. I am excited to move out to the suburbs because at least life will be pleasant out there, even if I have to live amongst the Republicans. I want to be able to go for a walk without fear of attack. Do Democrats only care about the rights of antisocial drug addicted transients? I will never vote Republican, but I hate how us Dems don't have the courage to let the ends justify the means. 1625859701519m.jpg 110 KB JPG there is no political solution Anonymous (ID: ricZnDZD) >>329597517 (OP) # 07/11/21(Sun)21:55:23 No.329597743 >I recognize that my party doesn't have my best interests in mind >in fact, I can see that my party favors literal criminals over law abiding citizens >I have to literally pack my s--- up and move because my party ruined my home >I wont ever change the way I vote though Imao Democracy was a mistake >>329599805 # >>329600177 # >>329601081 #

34 KB JPG >Be born in 1949 >Don't have to fight in a war >Be 20 years old in time for the summer of '69 >Pick up some ridiculous 11/10 who's hitchhiking to Woodstock in my Plymouth Roadrunner I bought after working a summer job for a month >She's immediately into me because she's from a small town and I'm the only man in her life who's not her father or brother >Bring her home and marry her >Go to get a job, hired off the street with no experience and get trained >Buy 10 acres of land for less than what I make in a year >rent out my land for decades >retire and sit around house all day looking at my collection of boats and cars I never use Kids today just don't understand hard work and pulling themselves up by their bootstraps

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I admire Anon's commitment to making literally every other man in the world seem a little bit more chadlike. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 227 KB JPG 11/10/21 (Wed)04:30:35 No.66100083 >in vc with egirl in a discord server >everyone left, its just us >i ask her to add me on steam >"no" >???? >"why?" >"i just wanted to add you?" >she goes quiet for a second >"beg." >"what" >"if you really want me to add you then beg me for it" >IMMEDIATE BONER guys i think there's something wrong with me

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Anon is coachpilled | /r/Greentext

53 KB JPG >be me at 9 years old >Baseball game >I'm up to bat, bases loaded, our team is down 3-0 >I swing as hard as I can and the ball goes flying >My coach starts yelling at me to run >I am so excited about my hit that I throw my bat >It hits him right in the thigh, connecting with his left ball >He ends up on the ground screaming >Fast forward 14 years >I'm working at a sit down pizza restaurant/bar >I see my old baseball coach at the bar and I go up to him excited >He sees me and laughs >Tells all his friends while laughing "this is the kid that hit my nuts with a baseball bat by accident" >His friends laugh, I laugh I hope your balls are doing well coach, if you ever need someone to empty them I'm right here

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anon plays it cool | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 10/25/19(Fri)11:52:52 No.52918475 >>52918093 (OP) # Not sure if this is funny or cringe, but here it goes >Do my squats >Make an audible fart 210 KB PNG >A trio of young girls behind me are giggling >Try to play it cool >"Hey, at least I got this entire area to myself" I shout at them while smiling >They look at me with confusion and one of them goes "what?" >"Well now it smells bad here so nobody will disturb me" >"Um what are you talking about?" >"You know, the fart that I just made smells pretty bad" >"...okay" >Realize they were laughing at something else >Mfw I can never return to that gym

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Anon thinks he's special | /r/Greentext

Anonymous | 69872280 99.4 kB PNG >do cardio every day to prepare for an Ironman >lift every single day 3.0 MB WEBM >am now extremely self-disciplined in every other aspect of my life (except 4chan) >hate almost everyone in my life now due to no longer respecting their pathetic lifestyle of constantly eating s--- and boozing up 6 REPLIES 2 IMAGES 49 min ago ... I'm not sure how I feel about this. Do I just need to find higher level people to be around or am I just destined to feel this way towards out-of-shape normies? Anonymous | 69872447 3 REPLIES REPLY 33 min ago .. >>69872280 (OP) cool now work on gaining an ounce of emotional maturity. you arent nearly as hot s--- as you seem to think you are. pretty much peak dunning kreuger f--

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Is there a discord server for this subreddit? | /r/Greentext

Stopped getting bullied stories >be me >constantly picked on because of my size >kids kick me and taunt me and s--- >one day in class chad tells me to kill myself 25 KB JPG >"oh I guarentee im gonna kill myself pretty soon I mostly just wonder how many of you I'll take with me" >class goes silent >mfw never got bullied again

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Anon orders a burrito | /r/Greentext

File: 1672530105030529.gif (593 KB, 370x335) Anonymous 02/06/23(Mon)21:43:47 No.72122976 >Order takeout from burrito place >Somehow end up with a second burrito in my bag, only ordered one >Already home when I notice it so might as well just eat it >It's f------ disgusting, like 50% queso, no meat, no vegetables Even when I get lucky, I get unlucky.

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Anons a cop | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: OI/IMEHO) 36 KB JPG 04/26/14(Sat)01:38:43 No.543898176- >Be a cop >Patrolling, doing cop things >See a guy driving like 15 miles below the speed limit >Swerving around like a m----------- >Can see lots of smoke coming out of his windows >Assume he's blazing it, pull him over >Walk up to his window and he rolls it down >He's got a f------ hot plate plugged into his c-------- lighter >M----------- is making pancakes while driving and burned them IMG_340826712317830.jpg 39 KB JPG

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Anon longs for the good old days | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous SURMIE 113 KB JPG 02/06/23(Mon)15:36:18 No.72123587 >used to always make stealth futa/ trap threads >Can't anymore without right wing snowflakes crying about trannies Sigh the term trap was literally invented by 4chan bros. Been jacking off to trannies since Like 2010 but now I can't anymore where do I go? This was our site trap/femboy/futa bros. Moot was right /pol/ killed the site.

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Anon makes a discovery | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 86 KB JPG 12/13/18( To(Thu)13.28:1b Nô.7872881US >don't like eye contact >pick up random things they find >make random noises Are endermen autistic?

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Anon gets baited | /r/Greentext

File: OIP (1).jpg (31 KB, 474x432) AFRICA MOUNTAINS Anonymous 02/06/23 (Mon)18:38:32 No.893946278 >>893946344 KENYA SUCK THESE F------ NUTS Isn't it crazy to think about how no countries in Africa start with the letter K O Anonymous 02/06/23 (Mon)18:40:08 No.893946344 ► >>893946414 >>893946416 Kenya O Anonymous 02/06/23 (Mon)18:41:29 No.893946414 ► File: 29d09b463db7ef73c8d636abe(...).png (244 KB, 1036x1154)

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Anon's Grandma | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: r1zbgn+d) 02/06/23(Mon)19:59:55 No.415058314 >>415058599 >>415061235 1620778163733.jpg (561 KB, 3072x2304) google yandex iqdb wait I see nothing wrong with it. It's not like he's r----- them, they know they're being lured in with money and it's a transaction they've accepted. □ Anonymous (ID: 2j7gB7jA) 02/06/23 (Mon)20:03:46 No.415058599 >>415058682 >>415058314 what the hell man thats a spooky pic □ Anonymous (ID: r1zbgn+d) 02/06/23 (Mon)20:05:05 No.415058682 >>415061638 >>415063896 >>415058599 My Grandma took it on the iPad in 2015, she's dead now. I post it sometimes when I see it in my meme folder. Anonymous (ID: ml4h|C4H) 02/06/23 (Mon)21:23:28 No.415063896 ✓ >>415058682 >when I see it in my meme folder. Kek 2

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Arthur speaks his thoughts | /r/Greentext

59KiB, 1080x589, 16487E8E-7F8D-4EEB-BAA0- Anonymous Fri 05 Mar 2021 00:04:13 No.546844303 View Original Report Quoted By: >>546845808 >>546846352 >>546847082 587470CD9528.jpg View Same Google ImgOps SauceNAO >Abortion? Well, that's a rough one. Bit of a tough pill to swaller. At first, I didn't rightly take kindly to the idea of killin' babies, but Dutch gave me this ole thick science book and I pretty much surmised that well, that thing is about as human as Micah here, which is lackin' to say the least, heh. Hell, I'd say a gal has the right to choose. >A gal? As president? Well, what I can tell ya is its been nothin' but fellers since this whole thing here started up and what have we got? A bunch of other dead fellers. What have we got ta lose? I reckon' tryin' a gal's touch wouldn't do anyone no harm. If weakness is a concern of yours, I promise you some of the ladies runnin' in my gang would probably make Old Hickory look like a nancy in comparison. Hell, I'd reckon its her turn. >Lettin' a black feller do yer wife? Well, if the old lady's havin' fun, who am I to deny her that? I reckon that feller's got a bigger one than me anyway. Besides, we gotta pay some back for that whole slavery bid'ness we did to them. Dutch raised me and I ain't his real son, so I'll raise my wife's son, whether he's black or white. >Marriage? A sacred institution? Heh, it's anything but in my experience, brother, I can tell you that. If two fellers wanna tie the knot, who am I ta say no? If the Lord ain't judged our gang, I'd say he's been takin' some time off the job, yer probably safe. Heh heh. Have at it, I say. [12/2/?] >Cuttin' off yer willie sure sound silly, but I reckon a feller might as well chop it off he ain't goin use it. And i suppose a wig can't do harm neither, heck men use to wear em all the time back in oldin' days. Anonymous Fri 05 Mar 2021 00:08:37 No.546844792 Report

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Greentext Stories - Get ShReKd BItchEs | /r/Greentext

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File 135778258628.jpg - (6.12KB, 220x338, 220px-Shrekcharacter.jpg) chich 13/01/09(Wed)17:49 No. 13674 >working at McDonald's >customer asks for big mac >says to hold the onions >put onions in it anyway >spit in it for disrespecting shrek >customer sees me spit in his burger >complains to manager >get fired on the spot >go home >pray to shrek >tell him what happened at work >hear a whisper >"dont worry, your problems will be ogre soon" >wake up next day >turn on the news >story on a double homicide >my ex manager and the customer were the victims >anchorman says both were beaten to death with an onion >hear another faint whisper >"they should've checked themselves before they shrek'd themselves"

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